by C. Penticoff
"I already know."
"And don't make any plans tomorrow afternoon because if Coyote isn't back by morning, we're going out looking for her."
"What's with the trench coat?" Sarah asked me.
"It's all the rage," I lied. I was just trying to cover my skanky outfit.
On the way, I kept watching the gas gauge to make sure I wasn't going to run out of gas. It was just above E when I crossed the bridge that bordered Oregon and Washington, so I just needed the car to make it another fifteen minutes.
Luckily, I made it just fine. Before getting out of my car, I checked my purse for my bottle of mace. As usual, I kept my hand in my purse with my hand gripping the bottle of mace in case I needed to act quick. I wanted a smoke so bad, but the last thing I needed was fifty homeless drunks walking up to me asking to bum a cigarette, so I resisted the urge. I knew I could go to the back of the club and light up a quick smoke before going on stage.
As I neared closer to the club, I heard the wailing sounds of ambulances and the honking of a fire truck. It wasn't surprising for a Saturday night in downtown Portland. It was probably some junkie found under the bridge.
If I didn't know any better, I'd think those first responders were going to the strip club. An intense and smoky aroma came through as I was nearing the club. Once I turned the corner, I couldn't believe my eyes. Firemen were rolling the hose off the truck. The strip club was covered in flames.
As I watched red flames dancing on top of the building, all I could think about was…
How the hell am I going to make rent now?
Chapter Five
“Paul, what the fuck happened?” I asked him as I approached the front of the club.
He was glaring at the neighboring restaurant and rage-smoking a cigarette. You know when someone takes ridiculously big drags of their smoke and blows it out angrily? That's what he was doing as he paced back and forth. “The restaurant next door left their god damn forty year old, industrial oven on and the whole place went up in flames, fucking my club along with it.”
“Holy shit.”
The flames blazed on top of the building but started to die down once the fire fighters began spraying their water hoses at it.
I stared at the flames with big eyes. Even though it's a terrible thing to happen, I couldn't help but to bask in the beauty of the imagery. “No one was hurt, were they?”
“No, thank God. Last thing I need is a fuckin’ lawsuit.”
“Good luck, Paul. Sorry about your club.”
I wasn’t really sorry for him. He was a greedy, misogynistic pig and he kind of deserved it. What I was actually sorry about was being screwed out of the only way I had to make rent. But then something even more urgent occurred to me. How am I going to get home?
“Oh, fuck fuck fuck!” I yelled when I got into Bailey’s van. What was I going to do? I didn’t have a single dime on me. The way I was going to get gas before was with the money I made dancing. “Okay, you need to think, Izzy,” I told myself. Calling Tyson was pointless. He had no money. But maybe his girlfriend does.
I picked up my phone and sent Tyson a text. No response. I called him three times and he didn’t respond, which told me he must have been sleeping, or he had his head in his video game….or up Sarah's ass.
Hopefully my mom hasn’t tried calling him since he’s not answering.
I thought about calling Kent. I knew he’d come get me, or even wire me money. He'd bail me out at the drop of a hat. He can’t know that I was going to strip. I didn’t know if he’d care or judge me, but what a bad first impression. How could I convince him that I didn’t usually strip when I was trying to do it the first weekend I knew him? I thought that maybe I could lie to him, but how the hell could I explain a trench coat over lingerie? I could just tell him the truth. I wondered if I could just be honest--I couldn't make rent, so I was doing what I had to do. He’s rich though, and it wouldn’t shock me if he insisted on paying my rent for me. I couldn’t accept that.
“I’m not calling Kent,” I decided.
I made a few phone calls to some friends, but of course no one was home. If it was during the day, I would have just planted my ass outside on a corner and begged for money. In this outfit, it wouldn't take long to get twenty bucks, but I was in Portland in the middle of the night in fucking lingerie.
I realized there was one person I could call…
One person who’d definitely be up…
And that person would absolutely come to my rescue…
But he was the last person in this world I wanted to see…
My twin brother, Grayson.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I got to the G names. “Oh my God. Do I really call him?” I didn’t want to. “I’m going to wait ten more minutes to see if anyone calls me back.” If they didn’t call me back, I’d suck it the hell up and call Gray.
Twenty minutes passed and no one had called. I knew I had no choice but to call my brother. The last time I spoke to him I told him he was the scum of the earth and that if he ever even tried so much as to speak to me again that I would cut his head off. Of course he knew I’d never hurt him, but it must have been effective anyway because I hadn’t heard from him in over a year.
I scrolled back to Grayson’s number in my contact list and pressed call, but quickly pressed the red button. Just do it. I pressed call again. The phone rang and butterflies began forming in my gut. With each ring that passed, the butterfly wings flapped harder and harder. When he picked up the phone, the butterflies sank down into my groin along with my stomach.
“Hello,” he said. I got a new number less than a month prior, so he had no idea this was me. I can hang up now and he’d have no idea. I can still turn back.
“Grayson?” I said.
“Iz?”
Too late. “Yeah, it’s me.”
“Is everything okay?” His voice sounded urgent. He knew I wouldn't be calling unless I needed him.
“Honestly, not really.”
“What happened?”
I grabbed my hair and tucked it behind my ears. “I’m stuck in Portland with no gas. I was hoping you had ten bucks I could borrow.”
“I don’t have any money, but I have a car with a full tank of gas. I can pick you up.”
Leaving Bailey’s van in Portland was not what I wanted to do, but what other choice did I have? “That would be great.”
I told Grayson where I was and waited for him to show. The entire time my nerves were running a million miles per hour. I was nervous about how awkward it might be to see him after a year. I was also nervous to see how awful he looked, assuming he was still on meth.
Grayson finally pulled up in a nineteen ninety seven Honda Accord after thirty minutes of waiting, which felt like thirty hours with all the anticipation of seeing him.
"Where'd you get the car?" I asked as I slid into the front seat. I studied his face. He looked terrible. He had a sore by his nose and pock marks all over his face and arms. I wanted to cry. He didn't even look like my brother. He looked like one of the freaks that walked in and out of my neighbor's house all day.
"Borrowing it from a friend."
"Does that mean you stole it?"
"No. It doesn't mean I stole it. He's actually in jail, so I'm looking after it until he gets out."
"You're kidding me."
"No, I'm not."
"What a weird coincidence. That van I was in is Bailey's and she's in jail, too."
"Bailey's in jail?" His jaw dropped. "What the fuck did she do?"
"Skipping court, but she seemed to have no clue what was going on when she was arrested, so I don't know the details."
"You think she really doesn't know?"
"Bailey would have no reason not to tell me. Apparently she had a court date she wasn't aware of.
"Wild."
"Thanks a lot for getting me, Gray."
"You don't need to thank me. I know you'd do the same for me... even t
hough you hate me."
Oh God. I could feel the air churn around me the second he muttered those words. Grayson was extremely blunt and didn't beat around the bush, so I should've known he'd bring this up the second he got the chance. "I don't hate you, Grayson. You know that."
"The last time you saw me you told me you were gonna cut my head off and feed it to sharks."
"You have too good a memory." I awkwardly Iaughed, hoping to avoid the subject.
"Let's talk about it, Izzy."
He would do this. It was the perfect opportunity for him--when I was stuck in a goddamned car with him. He's got me cornered. "Grayson, please don't do this right now."
"We can't go on forever like this."
"Grayson, I'm stressed as fuck and now isn't a good time. I lost my job and didn't get my last paycheck. Rent is due in a few days and I have no money. The strip club I was going to dance at to make some of said money is probably a pile of ash and stripper poles as we speak. Mom took Coyote and was supposed to have her back tonight and I have no fucking clue where the bitch is."
"She's at Dillon's house."
"What!"
"She's been at Dillon's house." Dillon was my dad's old baseball friend, and the reason my parents got into drugs. I hated the bastard. And I should've known she was with him.
"I literally just saw them this morning," he said.
"Turn around and take me there now."
"Izzy, it's the middle of the night."
"Grayson, if you don't take me there now, I'll never speak to you again."
"I guess we're going to Dillon's." He dramatically rolled his eyes.
***
We sat in the car outside Dillon's house, hunched down so we were less visible.
"Okay, so are you calling her, are we going to the door or what?" Grayson picked a scab on his arm.
"No. We're sneaking in through the back. There's no way she'll agree to bring Coyote out. If I'm right in front of her, she'll back down."
"I'm not sneaking in anywhere."
"Fine." I got out of the car and shut the door softly.
When I got to the gate, I peeked in and noticed there was a wheelbarrow full of rocks blocking me from opening it. I looked around to see if I could boost myself up over the fence with anything. I tried standing on a bush, but my foot went right through it. "Damnit."
I waved until Grayson looked at me. He threw his hands up, which was his way of saying what? I pointed my thumb up toward the fence and then waved my hand, motioning that I needed his assistance. I saw him roll his eyes from the car and he came over, shifting his eyes back and forth the whole way. He was clearly paranoid and I didn't know if it was the drugs or the fact we were breaking and entering.
"What?"
"I need your help getting over the fence."
"You're gonna hurt yourself."
I placed my foot onto his palms and thrusted myself up into the top of the fence. Getting down quietly was a fail. I fell from almost the top of the fence and smacked my ass right on the ground.
"Fuuuuck," I moaned.
"Shit, are you okay, Iz?" whispered Grayson.
"I'm okay." I stopped to take a few slow, deep breaths.
"Open the gate."
"So, you're gonna come with me?" I asked.
"Well I don't want you to go alone, I guess."
I slowly moved the wheelbarrow, almost tipping it over, and opened up the gate for Grayson, but it made a loud ass noise, so we kept it open to avoid alerting them we were here. Gray said that Dillon's car wasn’t out front, so he knew Dillon probably wasn’t there, but wasn’t even sure if Mom was either. Nevertheless, I had to try.
Dillon lived in a tiny neighborhood in the country with no streetlights, so it was extremely dark in the backyard. We rounded the corner where the sliding glass door was in sight.
Klunk!
"Owwwww," I moaned and grabbed my shin. Another black wheelbarrow full of rocks blending in with the darkness was the source of my agony. FUUUUUUUCK! I screamed in my head, resisting the urge to belt it out.
Just then, a light flickered on downstairs and a figure stood at the backdoor squinting and trying to identify us.
It was my mother, and she had my sister on her hip, whose red puffy eyes could be seen even from the middle of the yard. When she noticed who I was, I could hear her say, "fuck," before she rushed down the hallway.
I ran to the door and was thrilled to discover an unlocked door. I ran down the hallway she ran down and spotted a staircase. I knew she probably ran upstairs and locked herself in a room, so I jogged up the stairs with Gray trailing right behind me. All the lights were off in the bedrooms, but there was only one with it's door shut and I knew that's where she was, so I knocked on it.
"Mom, open up." I was quiet for five seconds. "Mom, I'm not leaving here until you open this door." I waited again. "Open up the fucking door." I wanted to scream this and bang on the door, but I didn't want to startle Coyote. I could hear Coyote's favorite movie playing quietly in the room.
I pulled Gray closer to me to whisper in his ear. "Stay here. I saw a ladder in the backyard."
Grayson grabbed my shoulder. "Are you going to climb up to the fucking window?"
"Hell yeah I am. I saw that window open when we were in the backyard." Before I walked away, I knew I needed to make my mom think I was still outside the door. "I'm going to wait right outside this door until you open up."
I leaned over to Gray. "When I text you, start talking to her to distract her from the window," I whispered. "If she opens the door, get Coyote."
He nodded and I headed to the backyard.
I had to be so careful picking the ladder up because I didn't want her to know what I was up to. I thought about how I was going to do this quietly before just jumping right in. I texted Grayson to give him the go-ahead. Once I got a good grip of the ladder I walked it as slow as possible, tip-toeing to the house; then slowly, as if I was placing the wishbone in the Operation board game, I placed the ladder against the siding of the house.
Lightly, I placed my first foot on the ladder and grabbed the highest step I could. I waited a good five to ten seconds between each step until I finally reached the top of the ladder, which conveniently reached a perfect spot for me to climb right in. I peeked into the room to see my mom laying in bed with Coyote, biting her nails. I could hear Grayson talking outside the door, asking her nicely to open the door and let him in.
I have to jump in as quickly as possible so she doesn't have time to react.
So I counted inside my head.
One.
Two.
Three!
I grabbed the window seal and heaved my body upwards and into the room, landing face first on the floor.
"AHHHHHHHH!" my mom screeched.
I grabbed the side of my face that was hurting from the fall. Oh my God, I'm gonna be sore as fuck from this night.
"Sissy!" Coyote squealed. She tried running over to me, but my mom grabbed her.
"Why the hell haven't you been answering your phone?" I asked, still holding my face.
"Because I lost it."
"Bullshit. I don't believe you. Come on, Coyote."
"No. I'm not done visiting with her."
"She doesn't need to be around your bullshit, dangerous lifestyle."
"What's wrong with my lifestyle?"
"Really? You don't think I know what goes on at Dillon's house?"
"I wanna go wif sissy." Coyote cried.
My mom looked down to Coyote and grabbed her hand. "Dontcha like being with Mommy?"
"I want sissy," she cried again. Her little sniffles in between words broke my heart. I knew that's probably what she was crying about when I saw her through the window. I may not have been her mother, but I cared for her day in and day out. She had slept with me every night since she was a baby.
"Okay." My mom let her hand go and Coyote rushed over to me, hugging my legs. I lifted her up and her head fell to my shoulder.
/> I looked over at my mom who was standing next to the bed with her mouth turned down and glistening eyes that shone against the full moon's light peeking in. I knew she felt badly that Coyote would rather have me. The choking look on her face showed me she actually felt bad for not being there. For a moment, I felt empathy for her. I felt the need to go easy on my mom...but that was short lived when the next thing came out of her mouth.
Chapter Six
"You really are a controlling bitch, you know that?"
My eyes grew to the size of her stupid giant hoop earrings that hung down her neck.
I yanked the strap of Coyote's bag over my shoulder, but was stopped by my mother before walking out. "Go fuck yourself," I whispered, and walked out the door.
In the car, Coyote fell asleep the second we started driving.
"Well, that was fucking intense." Grayson sighed and rubbed his neck with his free hand, this was a habit he had picked up when he was high.
"Well maybe I got stranded for a reason. If it wasn't for me being stuck, I wouldn't have called you and got Coyote back."
"And you wouldn't have reconnected with your twin brother," Grayson added with a wink.
I smiled, but didn't verbally respond. Yes, I was happy to see him. I couldn't deny that. But, I also couldn't shake the nasty feeling I got when I thought about what he did. The ultimate betrayal.
"So, how's life been, Gray? I haven't really had the chance to ask."
"Eh."
"What's that mean?"
"Well...it's been rough. I haven't used since this morning and I'm starting to feel the withdrawals coming on."
"That's why you look so sick."
"Thanks, bitch," he joked. "And yes, that's why."
About forty minutes later we pulled up the parking lot of the apartment complex. Grayson carried the car seat and bag up the stairs while I carried Coyote. I laid her in her playpen carefully and walked out into my living room to see Grayson and Tyson talking at the door.
"Night, brother," Tyson said as him and Gray did their goofy handshake they'd always done. Tyson messed it up at the end, which reminded me how long it had been since they'd seen each other.