by C. Penticoff
"Thanks."
"Of course. It's my job." I winked. "How was your first day?"
"Fine. Overwhelming. You know how it is when you first start a job."
"Yeah, it feels like you're never going to get the hang of it."
"Exactly. They put us on a register by ourselves on the first day, which was stressful, but I guess that's the only way you really learn."
"Was the trainer nice?"
"She was okay. She seemed to be a bit frustrated with my partner. But fine for the most part."
I stood up and tip toed toward the bedroom to lay the baby down. Desmond rushed in front of me and turned on a fan.
"White noise?"
He nodded.
I set the baby down as slow as I could. We're talking, paint dries faster than the speed at which I was setting down this ticking time bomb. I had the baby laying on the mattress, but I was now faced with the most difficult task of all… removing my hands from under his head and butt. There were two strategies: whip the hands out fast, like I was ripping a Band-Aid off, or removing them as slow as possible. I decided to go with the strategy that worked best with Coyote-- slow and steady.
I only had one hand four fingers left under his head when he started to move. He wriggled and jiggled, then let out the world's biggest fart. He smiled in his sleep and Desmond and I had to hold back our laughter. Finally, I slipped my hand out and we snuck out of the bedroom with the baby monitor in hand.
"Wanna smoke?"
"Sure."
When we got outside I deeply sighed from the relief of not having to rock the baby any longer. I felt bad and hoped he didn't think I was not cut out for the job. I was handling it fine, I just hadn't taken care of a baby in a few years. It would take some getting used to. I'm going to sleep great tonight.
"Hopefully he wasn't too much for you."
I knew he was going to think that. "Not at all. It's just been a couple years since I took care of a baby. I forget how much work they are." I yawned. "But honestly, I love it. I was truly made for taking care of children. I used to love my job at the daycare. The only reason I left it is because the owner was so horrible that she made the job an awful place to be at. I think a nanny is a perfect job for me."
"Ever thought of attending that Nanny college?"
"There's a Nanny college?"
"Yeah, dude. That's where all the rich people get their nannies from. I told my parents you went there. It's the only way they were willing to pay you. They're just snobby like that."
"Oh my God, are you serious?" My eyes were a little wide and I took a long drag of my cigarette.
"What? I knew you were good for this job. I got to see you with Linus. They're judgmental. They were going to judge you based on whether or not you went to a nanny school or not. They wouldn't have cared how many kids you've taken care of. So I told a little lie."
I was both appalled and grateful. "Well, I can't lie to them! If they ever ask me I'm going to tell them the truth."
"Hahaha." His laugh was dramatic and forced. "Believe me, you won't ever meet them. I can't remember the last time they ever came to me to visit. Actually, I don't know if they ever have come to me. They invite me over there, and I've always just had to come to them."
"Doesn't that bother you?"
"Not really. I accepted it a couple years ago. When I was younger, it bothered me quite a lot. But as I've gotten older, I've realized that there is nothing I can do to change them or to change the past. The only thing I can do is change my attitude about it. And if I sit there with resentment and anger in my heart, it only affects me and my son negatively. Sure, I wish they would have been better parents, and deep down I wish they'd have some type of miraculous come-to-Jesus and start to be amazing parents now. Or even good grandparents. It's just not who they are. They love me and Linus. They want the best for us. I just don't think they've ever seen the benefit in having a strong bond and connection with me or their grandkid. They’re just obsessed with each other, money, and their social life. It's always been that way. And I'm okay with that."
"You're so much more mature than I am." And he was. I wished I could have that perspective. I lived every single day with, as he put it, resentment and hatred in my heart. I couldn't even think of my mom without my blood starting to boil. I wondered what that must have been like to be able to let go of that. I wondered how much happier I might feel if I let go of that resentment. But can I ever let go of this resentment while taking care of children that are not my own? See, that's where my brain went every single time. Resentment. I didn't know if I was ever going to be able to drop it. I didn't know if I'd ever truly appreciate life. You know... just taste the peaches.
***
Three weeks later…
Today was the day Grayson would finally come home. I was excited for the most part, but I wasn't going to deny the fact that I wasn't looking forward to talking with him about the abortion. Why'd I have to blurt it out like that? I didn't mean to. It was like secret vomiting. Abortion was something I never wanted to do in my life, but what was I supposed to do? Look at the life position I was in already. Having a baby was already the worst idea in the world. Add a baby daddy who screwed my twin? Nope. It was all wrong. At least that's what I would tell myself to help me sleep at night. I'm grateful I got the decision to make that choice, but every day I ask myself if I made the wrong one. Was it possible I made that decision out of anger? Did I kill my baby because I was angry?
I couldn't think about that. I had to get the house ready for Kent and Grayson. Kent was going to briefly stop by on his way out of town. He'd been traveling for work the couple weeks prior, but we stayed in touch the entire time.
I straightened the blanket on Grayson's bed that Tyson literally threw in it when I asked him to make the bed, before bolting to his friend's house. Lucky for my twin brother, Tyson was too lazy to have ever moved Gray's bed from their room so we didn't have to worry about getting Gray a bed.
I walked out the room and down the hallway.
"When's Gray gonna be here?" Prissy grabbed a washrag and ran it under the sink. "I can't wait for him to be back here." She grinned as she rang the washrag out.
I sprayed the counter with bleach spray so she could wipe it. "Yeah, it's gonna be real nice."
"Do you think he's gonna stay... normal?"
I knew she meant sober.
"I think we just have to take this one day at a time, Pris."
I received a text from Kent letting me know he was five minutes away.
"Hey, sis. I'm having a friend come over for a little bit. Think you can stay put in your room?"
"Why? I want to clean."
"You need to do your homework anyway, so do that in your room while I visit."
"Why can't I meet him?"
"Because."
"I don't want to be stuck in my room, sissy."
"Priscilla, he's going to be here for like five minutes. You'll survive in your room that long."
The doorbell rang.
I gave Priscilla the look and nodded my head toward her room.
"Okay." She sighed and sauntered into her room.
"Hey, baby," Kent greeted me. He pulled my head in, stopping for a second to stare into my eyes before he kissed me.
When our long, yet soft kiss ended, I bit my bottom lip and chuckled. "Hey, sexy. Ya missed me, I see?"
"Almost as much as you missed me." He winked.
"Have a seat."
Kent and I chatted about his trip to Italy and I told him all about my new job, even though I'd given him a lot of the low-down over text while he was gone. I also asked him about why he’d been real distant with me while he was gone, despite getting upset with me for not responding to him while he was on his trip at one point. He just explained he was busy with work and family.
"Hey, can I use the bathroom before I leave?" Kent stood from the couch.
"It's right there." I pointed to the door and he wandered off.
Click
, click. The sound of the front door opening startled me. I figured it was Tyson, but I was surprised when I watched Grayson walk in. He grinned when he noticed me on the couch.
"Surprise!" He dramatically yelled in a silly voice.
"What are you doing here already? I thought you weren't getting out until five?"
"I got discharged from the center early and thought I'd surprise you."
We hugged and I took a seat on the couch.
"Where is everyone?" Gray tossed his bag on the ground and sat down near me.
"Oh, Tyson's at a friend's house, Coyote is sleeping, and Priscilla's in her room."
"Okay." He nodded and hand drummed on his knees. That was a nervous habit of his.
"I've also got a friend here, but he's leaving." I watched him continue to drum his knees. "You seem nervous," I told Grayson.
"I am."
"Why?"
"There's been something I've been meaning to talk to you about. Something I know you're not going to take well. And now after what you revealed in the meeting, I'm just so scared you're going to--"
"Going to what?"
"Kent?" Grayson said as Kent walked out of the bathroom. I watched Grayson's face stiffen and a quiet gasp left his mouth. Simultaneously, I heard a click behind me.
I turned my head to see Kent standing a few feet away from me with something pointed at me…
I dropped my phone when I realized I was staring down the barrel of a gun.
Chapter Fourteen
I’m going to die…
My life didn’t flash before my eyes, I couldn’t even scream. All I could think was, this is it, I’m going to die, while staring down the barrel of the gun pointed in my face-- and by Kent!
“Kent, what are you doing? How do you know Izzy?” Grayson had his arms up and I realized I had better do the same.
“You lied to me.” I glared as my bottom lip quivered. “You do know Grayson.” I resisted calling him a stupid piece of shit because, you know, he had a gun to my head.
“Both of you, get the fuck up and come with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Kent.”
“You’ve got a three year old shitbag in the room sleeping, right? Wouldn’t want to have her brains splattered on the wall, would you?”
What a sick fuck! Who was this man? “What the fuck?” I nearly screamed.
“Just get up, Izzy. You’re not touching Coyote. We’re coming with you.”
“Wait. You’ve got to let me tell Prissy that I’m leaving so she knows to take care of her sister.”
“Get the fuck up or I kill everyone in this house.”
I stood up, while Kent led Grayson and I out the door and down the stairs.
“My gun’s put away, but pull any funny shit and I’ll whip that fucker out and blow your brains in faster than you know it,” Kent whispered. “Hand me your phones.” We did as he asked. He shoved us into his car with both my brother and I in the back. We didn’t talk the entire car ride. We were too scared.
I couldn’t believe it. This whole time, I should have known something fishy was going on. But, what exactly did he want with me and Grayson? Was I going to be his sex slave? Was Grayson just there at the wrong place and wrong time?
What the fuck purpose is there in that when I’m willing! Well, I was willing.
How was Grayson involved? Was he just there at the wrong place and wrong time?
I tried thinking what I might have done to piss him off. I knew he got a bit irritated with me when he thought I was ignoring him for a couple days while he was gone, but it was only because the battery went out on my phone and I had no idea what his number was until I got it fixed. Sure, he was annoyed, but he wasn’t kidnap-my-girlfriend annoyed. Not that I was his girlfriend any longer. Oh no. I went from girlfriend to kidnap victim in the matter of time it took for him to take a piss.
Did Grayson steal from him like Tyson stole cocaine from that guy, and I’m just caught in the crossfire again? There’s no way he would’ve gone through a month of dating me just for that. I’ve now been kidnapped with both of my brothers in the same month. What the actual fuck was going on with my life? And what the hell did Kent want with us?
When we finally arrived at Kent's house, he drove his car into his garage. There was a third button on the side of his garage door opener that he pushed. I heard a sound that reminded me of a sound a printer makes, but I couldn’t see anything. With his gun in his hand, Kent told us to get out of the car and we followed orders without any resistance.
It’s a secret door in the ground. It was tucked in the corner where you’d never notice it unless you were looking for it.
“Before you take me down there, you’ve got to let me call my brother, Tyson, to have him come home,” I tried protesting.
“I don’t have to do anything.” He raised the gun.
“Listen, Kent. I know you’ve got something up your ass right now. You can kill me for all I care. I really, seriously don’t. You might be doing me a favor. But, please, just let me contact Tyson so I can make sure Prissy and Coyote get taken care of.” I felt a lump in my throat and a burning in my nose when tears suddenly welled up in my eyes. Damnit, don’t cry, Iz.
“Come on, Kent. Let us make sure our siblings are okay,” Grayson added softly. “They didn’t do anything to you.”
“You get thirty seconds,” Kent huffed.
I placed my hands in prayer position toward him. “Thank you.”
Kent pointed the gun at me. “And I’m sure I don’t have to remind you not to pull anything funny.”
Gray placed his pointer and middle finger up. “Scout’s honor.” I decided it was a bad time to tell him that scout’s honor was three fingers.
“We just want to make sure they’re taken care of.”
I dialed my brother’s phone number as fast as possible and prayed to God he would pick up. Please, please Tyson. For once in your life pick up. I got his voicemail and my heart sank. “He didn’t answer. Let me try one more time.”
“One more time. That’s it.”
Riiiiing.
Please pick up the phone, Tyson. I closed my eyes tightly while I hoped like Hell I’d get an answer.
“Hello?”
YES! “Tyson, I need you to get home and watch the girls, okay?”
“Izzy, I’m at Tyler’s house.”
“Tyson. I need you to get there and watch them. I’m not there. And I’m not going to be…. for a while.” I couldn’t tell him I might not be coming back at all. The thought of my siblings not having me anymore made me instantly sick.
“Why? Is everything okay?”
I swallowed and took a deep breath, making sure my voice wouldn’t shake. “I’m fine. I was just supposed to run to the store with Bailey, but our car broke down. It’s going to be a while, so you need to get home right now.”
He groaned. “Fine.”
“Tyson.”
“What?”
“I know I don’t tell you this enough, but I love you from the bottom of my heart. And I’m proud of you. Do you know that?”
“Uh, sure, Izzy. I know. I love you, too.”
I hung up the phone and asked Kent if he could send Prissy a text with my phone saying I’m sorry I had to leave and that Tyson would be there soon to which he agreed to do.
After he sent us the text from my phone for me, Kent led us downstairs that landed us into a dark tunnel. He used his cell phone to light up the hallway and all that was visible was cement and a white wooden door with fancy shapes carved into it, and it sat at the end of the tunnel. He’s so boujee, he even has a nice rape and murder door.
Kent led us into the room, tossed us a couple water bottles, and said he would be back down later.
“What’s this about?” I asked before he could leave.
“Ask your brother. I’m sure he can fill ya in.” The door slammed and the click of the lock reminded me that I was once again captive… Only this time I wasn’t getting saved by Kent.
“What’s going on Grayson?” my voice trembled.
“You’re gonna kill me, Izzy.”
“Just tell me.”
“Izzy, I had this entire speech planned out for how I was going to tell you about this...”
“Grayson Wayne Quinn, just spit it out!” I raised my voice.
“Okay. So, you know how I was on meth and it really fucked me up?” I nodded. “Well, when you first kicked me out--’member how you said all those really awful, nasty things to me?” I held a steady glare and he awkwardly laughed. “Well, one day when you weren’t home, I came to pick up my mail. Tyson must not have seen your name on one of the pieces of mail--it had both our names on it. Well to make a long story short, it was a letter from a lawyer. One of dad’s old lawyers. Dad had left us some money that we were entitled to.”
“Where’s the money, Grayson?” I felt my heart pumping rapidly when I asked this question because I already knew the answer.
He gulped.
“You spent it on dope, didn’t you?”
“I’m sorry, Izzy. I was fucked up on rocks, you hated me, and I thought not giving your portion to you was the way to get back to you.”
Pure and utter disappointment is what I felt. My father tried leaving my brother and I something that could have been a game changer. I didn’t know how much it was, but my dad was loaded, so I assumed it was a decent amount of money. “How the fuck did you get all the money without my consent?”
“I forged your signature," he admitted.
I shook my head. “Unbelievable. How much was it?” I immediately regretted asking.
“Twenty k.”
My dad tried leaving me ten thousand dollars and my twin brother spent it on drugs. My heart sunk. I slowly made my way over to him and stared at him dead in the eyes before slapping him right across his face. I didn’t even feel bad when I saw the red handprint on his cheek.
He winced and held his cheek. “I deserve that,” he muttered.
“Ten thousand dollars would have been really helpful, Grayson. Really helpful as I’m sitting here poor as fuck with my head barely above the surface.” I was raising my voice now.