After showering and throwing away the clothes I lie in bed, thinking of her. The second I’d fall asleep my dreams teased me with a beautiful, smiling girl. I tossed and turned until the morning came. Being in the space that I shared with her was hard. Every room shared some memory that I wanted to get as far away from as possible. I knew I’d have to move out of here soon, my sanity relied on it.
I made myself coffee and moved to the couch, my phone hanging from my fingers as I fought the urge to call her and beg her to see me. I couldn’t push her—and if anything I was in no state to do her any good. I settled for sending one “I’m sorry” text to the phone I gave her and put my phone down.
What was I going to do with myself? How did I get better after this? I thought back to my mother. She would always tell me that in times of crisis we had to be close to God, but I had forgotten how to do that. I briefly remembered praying in the twilight hours of my insanity but I couldn’t burden the Madonna, Jesus or the Lord himself with my complaints—I had only gotten what I deserved.
I fetched my laptop and opened it, knowing the first step was getting myself out of this apartment. When I opened my browser I cringed at the bookmarks Brie had left on there for me. They were all different restaurant buildings for sale. She had been so supportive of me. I missed her. It had been less than 24 hours and each thought I had was related to her. I couldn’t resist the urge to see what she was doing, and against my better judgment I decided to sign into her bank account. I had set everything up prior to this—not to snoop on her, but simply because it made it easier to send her money.
She had already bought a car it looks like, and I was familiar with the location of the dealer. She had a hotel room as well. Fuck, I was being such a lunatic. Leave her alone, you’ve done enough. But now that she had a car I did need to go get my SUV, right? That’s what she told me to do. I sighed and leaned back, rubbing at my eyes while I tried to gain some form of sense that would keep me from stalking her. It wasn’t working.
A few hours passed, and I would be lying if I said I hadn’t texted her more than a few times. She never answered—not that I really thought she would. Nothing held any interest. I didn’t want to eat, I was incapable of sleeping, and I was running out of ways to occupy my thoughts. I needed to get out of here.
I found myself dressed and driving around the city aimlessly in the dingy, rusty van I had used to pick up Gabriella in the beginning of all of this. My mind played the last few weeks over and over. I found myself recounting the things she said, the way she looked at me, the sound of her laughed—I didn’t know what I was experiencing. I didn’t know if this was infatuation or if I had somehow fallen in love with her in that short amount of time.
Could I love her? Was that why it was so hard to see her go? I thought of watching her in the kitchen, sleeping next to her, my fingers gliding over each inch of that skin I loved so much. How could I have not realized before what these feelings were? I really was a fucking idiot. I had to see her; I just needed one more chance to tell her how I felt.
It was only mid-day and I had no idea if she’d be at the hotel but I knew that’s where my SUV would be. I headed towards the hotel I saw on her bank statement and pulled into the lot, instantly spotting my SUV in the back. I parked the van next to it and shot off another text to her, though I had no idea why I was bothering. I made my way inside the hotel and up to the front desk, putting on my best smile before I approached the younger girl.
“Hey there, I booked a room for my sister Gabriella Cardosa earlier, but we really need two. Could you possibly see if you have a room available next to hers? The card we used for her room ends in 1988.” I said, trying not to think about how fucking weird I was for knowing that. I added a wink for good measure, and the girl melted.
“I’m sorry, I don’t have an adjoining room next to hers but I have one across the hall! Would that be okay?” She fluttered her eyelashes, but all I saw was Brie.
“Yeah, that’s perfect. Here put it on my card,” I said smoothly, handing it over. Within moments I had a room key for a room I didn’t need, but more importantly I knew where Brie’s room was.
I took the elevator to the sixth floor and headed to room 318. I let myself in and closed the door behind me. I spent the next hour standing in front of it watching the peephole waiting for housekeeping to come by and open Brie’s room. I had become a bonafide fuckin’ psycho but I didn’t care. When the housekeeper finally arrived I waited for her to enter the room. Once I heard the vacuum on I silently opened my door and slipped across the hall into Brie’s room.
“Oh! We told the front desk we didn’t want housekeeping today, miss! Can you just leave a set of fresh towels?” I asked politely, flashing the older woman my smile. She blinked a few times and then shut the vacuum off.
“What was that?”
“I was just saying we asked the front desk not to send a housekeeper today—could you just leave us some fresh towels?” Before she could answer I quickly pulled a $20 bill from my wallet and handed it over to her with another 100-watt smile.
“Not a problem, sir! Thank you.” She grinned and pulled a small tower of fresh linen from her cart. She left them in the bathroom then grabbed her things and left quickly. I smirked and headed to the TV; all I could do was wait.
seven
I had been flipping through channels for hours. I caught parts of movies, a little Jerry Springer, some music videos that seemed more like soft core porn and a little bit of a basketball game. It was getting dark out and I was growing antsy. As if the girl could read my mind the handle began to move. I turned the TV off and shot up, gripping my hands together as I waited for her to come in. Once she was inside I moved closer, my voice soft.
“Gabriella…” She spun around quickly at the sound of my voice, her eyes wide as she gripped at her chest.
“ARE YOU CRAZY? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” She was screaming and coming at me quick. She went to hit me but I grabbed her arms, staring down at her.
“Please just talk to me. If you never want to see me again afterwards, fine. But at least give me that, please.”
She rolled her eyes and pulled away but she didn’t try to hit me again. She moved over to the bed and took a seat, giving me the look she got when she was feeling skeptical.
“Go ahead.”
I pushed my fingers through my hair, trying to figure out how to word what I needed to say.
"Gabriella, what I did was completely out of line. I should've warned you—I shouldn't have deceived you like that. I just got so caught up in the fact that it was almost over, that things could go back to normal. I had no idea he would hurt you like that—I swear. I knew I was going to come get you that night, and I figured he would've left you there alone most of the day. I caused enough problems at various businesses of his that I figured it would keep him away from you ‘til night time. I came as soon as I knew he would be there. Brie, I never wanted you to get hurt that way. I know in the beginning—you didn't matter to me, you were just a way to make my plan work. But, you're so much more now. You helped me see light where there wasn't any. You showed me what my future could be. I'm so sorry I let you suffer; I'm so sorry you got so tangled into this.” I stared into her eyes, my heart pounding as the moment resonated around me. I knew there was more to say—I knew I could’ve told her I loved her… but I wasn’t ready to. I couldn’t say it and have her reject me.
“I don’t think we’ll ever be okay. I think you should go.” There it was, the same ugly truth. She didn’t care how I felt. The word pathetic didn’t accurately describe how I felt. I quickly and quietly left the room, making my way across the hall and into my own. I knew it was stupid to stay but I wanted to be closer to her for a little while longer. Just knowing she was across the hall felt better than driving back to that warehouse.
I slept that night—better than I had in days, and regardless of the fact that she was staying here I decided to check myself in for longer. I knew I had to get out o
f the warehouse but I didn’t want to take the first apartment I saw. I moved myself to a suite on a different floor, deciding that it was best I kept my distance from her. I wouldn’t blame her for calling the cops if she saw me floating around. I purposely kept my SUV out of the main parking lot, and always used the back exit when leaving. I had gone back to the warehouse once to grab the things I needed—clothes and my laptop, but other than that I had spent most of my time in the hotel doing research. I couldn’t wait around for her to change her mind—I needed to get back to a better place.
I still checked her bank account every now and then, more habit than anything else. I had seen a large payment going to DBT properties, a firm that owned a beautiful apartment building downtown. It was nice to know that she had found some place to call her own, and I was happy for her—no matter how much it hurt that she wouldn’t talk to me.
I began to look into opening a restaurant again. Brie had bookmarked a bunch of different properties that were for sale, so I started there. They were all nice, but I wanted more. I made calls to different real estate agents and finally found a guy that seemed to understand what I was looking for. He promised to call back in a few days with some options. The nice part about having money saved was I didn’t need to worry about a bank loan, so I started to make calls to different vendors and offices I’d need to work with. There were different licenses I’d need and my father had been the one to obtain them for our original place so I was utterly lost. After days of phone calls I was in a good place, with all of the information I needed. I was going to make this happen.
I left Brie alone, for the most part. I had checked her account a few times, and this morning was no exception. There was a deposit from a restaurant not far from here—she must have found a job. I kept the information in the back of my mind but continued to do as she asked. I started spending time in the fitness center of the hotel, anything that could keep me productive. I had gotten so familiar with the hotel staff that I was often greeted by first name. It felt good to communicate with people again—I had forgotten what it was like to be normal. I had spent so long in this dark place, mourning and plotting every second of every day. Had I just exposed myself to the real world again… maybe none of this would’ve happened.
Another week had passed, and my realtor had been in touch. He had a few places he wanted to show me. After a day of touring the city with him we came upon a beautiful brick building right against the water. High ceilings, a lot of land for additions, and everything in the kitchen was new. It was perfect. I told him to draw up a contact, and wrote him a check without hesitation. He stared at it a few minutes before he took it, as if he couldn’t believe I was paying for the whole building upfront—but that’s the best way to do it. No bullshit from the banks, as my dad always told me.
I was riding on a surreal high when I got back to the hotel. I felt like I was on the right track and soon enough I’d have my livelihood back. I knew I had a lot ahead of me between the remodeling, hiring, and getting the permits and licenses but I wasn’t worrying about that today. Instead there was a certain brunette that I wanted to see—whether she was up for it or not.
It was late in the evening by the time I got to the restaurant, but I figured she’d still be around. Places like this didn’t get busy until late in the afternoon so her shift must’ve been till close. When I opened the door I was rewarded with her scent instantly hitting me. It was still fresh in my mind. I could only see the top half of her over the podium she stood at but I could see the way her shirt hugged her body, the way her hair hung around her face—she was more beautiful than ever. She still hadn’t looked up and started to ask how many she was seating when she finally made eye contact with me. She dropped her pen, a frown taking over her features.
“Michael, why are you here?”
“You look good, cara mia. You’re a sight for sore eyes,” I sighed, moving close to her. I don’t know why I thought she’d be excited to see me but I guess I had gotten my hopes a little too high.
She grabbed a menu and ushered me towards the back, trying to dismiss me by telling me a server would be over.
“Actually, I’d like you to be my server,” I smirked, knowing she couldn’t say no. She wouldn’t let me mess with her job, and dealing with me was better than fucking with her new gig.
"What would you like to drink?"
"How have you been?"
"What. Would you like. To drink," she said again through clenched teeth. She was so fuckin’ cute.
"You're not being very friendly, Gabriella," I teased, hoping she’d lighten up.
"I'm fine. I'm also at work. Can we move on now?" I could hear her heel tapping against the floor, I was getting under her skin.
"How about a Yuengling?"
She disappeared and showed up a few moments after with a tall, filled glass. After placing it in front of me she suggested to signal her over when I knew what I wanted, but I wasn’t letting her off that easy.
"Actually I was hoping you could tell me what was good on the menu?" I said quietly, before continuing. ”Gabriella, I just want to know how you are. I think about you every day, I just want to talk to you.”
"I'm fine. Really. I have a beautiful place to live, I'm happy with my job, and things are going okay. Thank you for asking.” She spoke in a huffy tone but I knew what she was saying was genuine—I had already been aware of it all.
"Maybe we could get a drink sometime?" Fat chance, but what did I have to lose?
"Probably not. The specials tonight are a T-bone with roasted potatoes and garlic sautéed asparagus. Chicken parm. And the clubhouse burger.” She was careful to keep her eyes away from me, not wanting to see the look on my face.
"The burger is fine. Do you think you'll ever change your mind?"
"I don't see that happening. How do you want it?"
"Medium. And I've changed a lot, Brie. I just want to show you that.”
"I'm going to go put your order in.” She was gone quickly and I found myself smiling. I knew this wasn’t going great but I loved seeing her get that look in her eye when she was annoyed with me. I scanned the bar, taking in her new work surroundings. It was incredibly laid back; everyone was laughing and talking while music played quietly in the background. I watched her while she spoke to other guests, her smile lighting up the room. When she returned she mumbled that the plate was hot, but didn’t bother to make eye contact with me.
"Do you need anything else?"
"Some of your time?" I arched a brow, wondering how long I could keep a conversation going with her.
"Something I'm actually going to give you.”
“Another beer.” I settled for now, but I wasn’t going to give up that easy. Now that I had her talking to me, albeit she didn’t have a choice, I was getting greedy.
She brought the beer back but disappeared without a word, and within moments another waitress came over and let me know she was taking over my table. I knew it had gotten busier so I tried not to be too upset by it, but I was determined to talk to her a little more. I had finished a while ago and close to 30 minutes had passed but I stayed, watching her as she moved around the room. When she seemed to realize that I wasn’t going anywhere she came back, her lips pursued as she eyed me.
"Is there something else you need?"
"Why won't you give me another chance?" I sighed, eyeing her back. I knew it was a little too bold but I hated that she wouldn’t even try.
"Is that a rhetorical question?" There’s the fucking attitude, even when I’m just trying to have a normal conversation with her. I could feel my blood boiling, my patience wearing thin quickly. I knew I was out of line, she had every right to treat me the way she was but fuck, it hurt.
"No, Gabriella, it isn't. You can't tell me you never felt anything for me at all. I know I messed up but for fuck’s sake at least let me fix it!" My voice came out in a harsh whisper and I instantly regretted my own tone.
"I think it's time you go. You finished yo
ur food a while ago. Terry can get you change if you need it.” She was gone after that and I knew she wouldn’t be coming back over here. I sighed and tossed a few bills on the table, knowing that I left at least $100 more than I needed to. I exited quickly without looking at her again and made my way back to my apartment. I needed to get away from here—I needed to relax.
When I got back to the room I collapsed on the bed, eyeing the ceiling as I went over the whole scenario. Did she seem even remotely interested in anything I had to say? She didn’t poison my food so I supposed that was a good start. It was still early so I headed downstairs to the gym and spent the next hour running until my body was screaming louder than my head.
After a shower I fell asleep fast, my dreams giving me some recourse for once. To say I was surprised to wake up to my phone ringing was an understatement. But the second I saw Gabriella’s name flashing across my screen I was positive I was dreaming.
“Gabriella,” I answered, my voice hoarse from sleep.
"Michael—I need you to come over, it's important—” I didn’t need to hear any more, hearing her say she needed me was more than enough. I told her I’d be over in half an hour and hung up. I took another quick shower, just to make sure I was awake. After pulling on a t-shirt and a beat pair of jeans I checked my phone, laughing a little when I saw she texted me the address. If only she knew that I didn’t need it—but I’d be keeping that to myself.
I pulled up to the building and made my way inside, a little bothered by the fact that the guard didn’t even ask where I was going. I took the stairs up and knocked at her door, my feet tapping against the floor as I waited. When she opened it my eyes took her in slowly: each curve, each inch of skin, the clean fresh look of her skin when she didn’t wear make-up. Fuck I loved her. It wasn’t until I paid a little closer attention to her gaze that I suddenly realized she was doing the same, and I knew that expression. She was checking me out.
Russo: His Untold Story (Blacklisted Book 3) Page 6