“Can you remember what your surgeon told you?”
“He never spoke to me directly. All I can remember is waking up in hospital in agony and my mum telling me they’d stitched my insides back together and I’d never be able to have kids.”
“My God, did she say it as coldly as that?”
“Yes. She was a bitch of the first order.”
“Well, either your surgeon was wrong or your mother was. From what you’ve told me of her perhaps she was lying?”
Jules sat bolt upright in her seat. “Of course. She couldn’t have kids. I’m adopted,” she added when he frowned in confusion.
“Oh I see.”
“So she told me that just to make me feel even worse than I already did because, when I was unhappy, she was happy.” She got to her feet. “I’m going to have a word with her.”
“Wait,” he called when she marched to the door. “The baby?”
“Oh yes,” she said, retaking her seat. “So what’s the deal? Am I too old?”
“No. Things are different these days. Women have babies well into their forties and in some cases even older but the risks are higher with women having their first baby in their late thirties.”
“What risks? I want you to tell me straight doc, I need all the information I can get before I make a decision.”
“A decision, about whether or not to continue with the pregnancy?”
She nodded.
“Very well. The risks of miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal mortality are higher, especially if you smoke.”
“I’ve already quit.”
“Wonderful news. When?”
“Today.”
“Oh. There’s also maternal health issues such as raised blood pressure, delivery complications, congenital abnormalities. I take it this wasn’t a planned pregnancy?”
“No it was not.”
“As this is the first time you’ve been to see me I take it you’re in good health?”
“I am, I come from hardy stock,” she glowered at the floor.
“Well that’s a good sign and obviously conception wasn’t an issue for you, which is another. I’m going to assign you a midwife and I want to arrange a scan as soon as possible.”
Her head snapped up. “You think there might be something wrong?”
“There’s nothing to suggest that, other than your age but it’s best to err on the side of caution.” He began to type on his computer then hesitated. “Are you continuing with the pregnancy?”
She sighed, picking at her nails. “Yeah, I think so.”
“In that case I’d like to see you regularly so we can keep a close eye on your overall health.”
She smiled, which came as a surprise to him. “Thank you, you’ve been very kind.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, thinking she should smile more often.
Jules left the surgery and went straight to the nursing home that was caring for her so-called mother. Alice Parker had been put in the home over twenty years ago after Jules had set the family mansion on fire with her in it. Unfortunately the fire brigade had reacted quicker than she’d anticipated so Alice had survived, although she had no semblance of a life anymore. She’d suffered eighty percent burns, her good looks and prized long blond hair destroyed. Now she was just a shrivelled, ugly shell of a woman who merely existed, her hands so badly disfigured she struggled to do even the simplest tasks for herself. Not that she deserved any sympathy, she was an evil paedophile who, along with her husband Leighton, had systematically abused not only Jules but countless other girls. Leighton himself had managed to escape the fire and Jules and her knives too, only for her to recapture him and keep him hostage in his own cage in the cellar of the family home for two years. He was dead now at Mikey’s hands but Alice didn’t know that. She thought he was in hiding because the police suspected him of starting the fire and the only thing that kept her going was the prospect of him one day coming back for her.
Alice was sitting in the huge conservatory at the rear of the care home, slumped to one side in the wheelchair, gazing out at the gardens and koi pond. The home was the best money could buy, luxurious with an excellent treatment programme. Alice and Leighton Parker had been extremely wealthy, not just because they’d sold children to perverts but because they’d also sold drugs to high class clients. Jules now had control of that sizeable fortune plus all their properties. Not that Alice had any choice in the matter, Jules had threatened to tell the police all about her nasty little activities if she hadn’t given her full control. But Jules wasn’t stupid, all that money was still intact, sitting in different bank accounts quietly gaining interest.
Jules turned Alice’s wheelchair to face her then sat in a large, comfortable armchair. She stared into Alice’s discoloured, crinkled face, all traces of the beauty she’d once possessed burnt away by the fire, a few wisps of blond hair still clinging to the bald scalp. Her eyes were still a vibrant blue and they widened when they saw who her visitor was.
“I’ve got some news for you Mother,” began Jules, spitting out the last word sarcastically. Jules wasn’t squeamish, Alice’s appearance had never bothered her before but it did now, she surmised because of the morning sickness.
“Good news?” Alice said hopefully. As well as breaking her body Jules had broken her spirit too.
“I’m not sure yet. I’d call it more surprising news at the moment.”
“Leighton? You’ve found Leighton?”
The memory of Mikey smothering Leighton, a kindness after she’d tried to kill him by poisoning and fucked it up, leaving him in agony, jumped into her mind. “No.”
“Oh,” she said, disappointed.
Jules was content to let her continue in her delusion as it stopped her from completely losing her mind and blurting out who had really started that fire. “I’m pregnant.”
Alice’s blue eyes widened, creasing the burn scars, making Jules feel even sicker. “You can’t be.”
“Well obviously I can. I wasn’t even trying, it happened by accident. What I want to know is why you told me I couldn’t have children when I was lying in hospital after Leighton’s bastard friend nearly ripped my insides out.”
“The surgeon said you couldn’t.”
“You fucking liar,” she hissed.
Alice’s blue eyes slid to the floor, unable to look her in the face.
“I knew it,” added Jules.
“I was jealous.”
“Jealous?” Jules leaned forward in her seat, grey eyes narrowing. “I’d just been raped so badly I almost died. What could you possibly be jealous about?”
“It was Leighton, he was overcome with worry about you.”
Jules released a snort. “It was thanks to him I was put in that hospital, he was the one who sold my virginity.”
“You were always special to him Jules, he didn’t know his friend would go that far.”
“He stood there and watched and got a kick out of it.” Every time Jules thought of that moment tears threatened. Up until the age of thirteen, when he’d destroyed her youth, Leighton had been the centre of her universe, she’d loved him like a dad and he’d been nothing but kind to her, he’d spoilt her rotten. But when she became a teenager she’d stopped being a doting daughter and become a commodity instead. The heartbreak she’d felt when she’d been handcuffed to a bed and attacked by the highest bidder for her virginity on her birthday, wracked with pain and fear and screaming for her daddy to help, had never left her.
“He regretted allowing it to go so far,” said Alice. “He started questioning everything we were doing, he was going to bring the whole thing down.”
“Are you seriously expecting me to believe that Leighton felt remorse?”
“He did, when he saw you in your hospital bed recovering from surgery. In that moment he truly loved you, something he’d never really felt for me and I hated you for it. You loved children, you were so good with the others so I knew it would hurt you.”
The ‘others’ referr
ed to the younger children they’d brought in to be raised like commodities as Jules had been. Knowing what their fates were going to be she’d been kind to them, tried to protect them but it had all been in vain.
“It was just another way to hurt me?”
Alice nodded, a tear sliding down her cheek. She could only cry from one eye, the tear ducts of the other eye had been too damaged in the fire. Alice never used to cry, she’d been too cold and cruel but now that she was forced to rely on everyone else for her very survival - and on Jules’s mercy for her stay in this comfortable care home - she cried a lot. “Forgive me.”
“Forgive you?” Jules shook her head and laughed. “You should be asking for forgiveness for a lot more than that. Truth be told, even if you hadn’t told me that lie I still wouldn’t have had kids, not after you and Leighton fucked me up so badly. But now it’s been forced on me.”
“A child is a blessing, not a curse.”
Jules’s countenance turned dark. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
Alice looked away, unable to look at Jules when she was seriously angry. She scared her.
“Anyway, I’ve decided to keep it.”
Alice’s smile was more a rictus grimace. “I’m going to be a grandmother?”
“You’re nothing to this child. I won’t even tell them you exist.”
Her smile fell. “Please don’t take this away from me Jules, it’s all I have left.”
“And whose fault’s that? Do you actually think that after everything you did to countless children I’d let you anywhere near mine?”
“I’m not like that now Jules. Look at me, I can’t even move.”
“So you’re saying that if you were physically capable you would go back to your evil old ways?”
“No, I’m not saying that at all.”
“Yes you are. Evil bastards like you don’t change. You will have nothing to do with this child.”
“So you’re going to let Estelle be a grandmother then?” she scoffed.
“No way. Anyway, she’s far away from here now.”
“You mean…”
“No, she’s still alive, just not in the country. Neither of you poisonous bitches will have anything to do with my child,” she said, the force of the protectiveness she felt for this baby taking her by surprise. “They won’t have any grandparents because they’re all massively fucked up.”
“The father’s too?”
“His mum’s just as bad as you and Estelle.”
“Who is the father?”
“You really don’t want to know.”
“Then it’s not Jackson Driscoll?”
“No. Life would be much easier if it was.”
“Such a shame. I’ve watched his fights on the telly. He’s beautiful.”
“Yes he is, inside and out, which makes him far too good for me. The father of this baby is just as messed up as me, not that he’s ever going to find out. We’re better off without the lot of you.”
“Please Jules, just give me a chance. I will love this child like they’re my own.”
“You were supposed to do that for me and you never did,” said Jules, tears filling her eyes. Angrily she wiped them away. “Bloody hormones.”
“This is my redemption, my chance to prove I’ve changed. Please,” she pressed, reaching out for her hand.
Jules grimaced when her leathery skin touched her own. “Get off me,” she said, slapping her hand away. “You don’t ever touch me again. I thought we’d got that rule straight years ago.”
“Sorry, I’m just so happy for you. Please let me be a part of your life. I can help.”
“I don’t want your help. I don’t want your toxic paedo presence anywhere near me or my baby.”
“Then why tell me?” she exclaimed, tears flowing freely from her good eye.
“I just wanted to find out the truth about what you told me when I was in hospital,” she said, getting to her feet. “It only confirms what a demon you are.”
“Don’t go, please,” she wailed.
Jules stopped and sighed, realising a nurse across the room was watching them curiously. “I’ll think about it, alright?”
“Yes, thank you, that’s all I can ask,” replied Alice, thrilled. “You need to find Leighton, he’ll be delighted too with this news.”
“Leighton isn’t coming back.”
“Why, do you know something? What aren’t you telling me?” she shrieked.
“I don’t know anything. It’s just that if he was coming back he would have done it by now.”
“He won’t leave me. He will come back for me.”
Jules just shook her head. “See you later Alice,” she said before leaving.
She went straight home to mull over Alice’s words. She hadn’t been back ten minutes when her doorbell rang. Jules assumed it was Mikey returned to talk about the baby but it was Jackson instead.
“Go away Jax,” she called through the door. She didn’t want to be cruel but she loved this man. He was so good inside with a gentle heart, despite being a fearsome fighter in the cage. He wanted to be with her and she wanted to be with him but she was too afraid of dragging him down to ever commit to anything.
“No,” he retorted. “You were supposed to come to the fight last night and you didn’t. You’ve never missed one of my fights and I want to know what’s going on.”
“Nothing’s going on, I’m just tired.”
“Bollocks. Open the door.”
“No.”
“Open it or I’ll break it down.”
She couldn’t help but smile. He was worried about her. “Fine, I don’t want the hassle of having to buy another one,” she said, unlocking it.
Jackson Driscoll, champion cage fighter stood there looking heart-stoppingly stunning in a tight black t-shirt and blue denim jeans, dark hair a little mussed up. He had the habit of dragging his hands through it when worried. His hazel eyes brimmed over with concern. “You look pale.”
“I’ve had a hell of a day.” She pushed the door open wider. “Come on in.”
He entered then stood in the middle of the living room, waiting for her to begin. “Well?”
She couldn’t see the point in lying. He knew all the darkest secrets of her life and he still cared, so what was one more? “I’m pregnant.”
“You…you are?” he said, eyes lighting up.
“Oh God, I’m so stupid,” she said when she realised the implication of her words. “I’m sorry Jax, it’s not yours.”
His smile fell. “Oh. Then who?”
“I’m so sorry,” she went on. “I wish it was, it would be something to celebrate then.”
“Whose is it Jules?” he said in a tighter voice.
“Jared Slattery’s.”
“The man who kidnapped you and raped you?”
“He kidnapped me but he didn’t rape me, it was consensual.”
“It was forced consent.”
“In a way but he didn’t abuse me.” In truth she and Jared had been great together, physically speaking. The guy was a full blown lunatic who made her look like the essence of sanity.
“What are you going to do?”
She shrugged. “Keep it I suppose.”
“You are?”
“You sound surprised.”
“I thought you didn’t want children.” He frowned. “And I thought you couldn’t have any.” Her infertility was one reason why she’d always said they could never be together.
“I thought I couldn’t because Alice told me I couldn’t. Apparently it was just another of her twisted games.”
“Is there no end to that bitch’s evil?”
“I’ve just been to the care home to see her. She actually wants to be a grandmother to the baby.”
“I hope you told her where to go.”
“Course I did. So now you know what’s wrong.” She was embarrassed when she started to cry. “Sorry, hormones. I can’t help it,” she said before bursting into full blown tears.
“You’re going to be a mummy,” he said.
“Shut it you silly sod, you’ll make me cry more.”
“You’ll be great.”
She looked up at him hopefully. “You really think so?”
“Yes I do. This baby will finally settle you down.”
“Then why do I feel so scared?”
“Every new parent is afraid.”
“The doctor said things could go wrong because of my age. Apparently pregnancy’s much more dangerous if you’re over thirty five.”
“You’re fit and strong, there shouldn’t be any problems. As long as you quit smoking and drinking.”
“Already have.” She wrung her hands together. “I’m getting twitchy already. I’ve gone all day without a fag.”
“Wow, you must be really serious about this.”
“I think I am. I just don’t know how I’m going to cope. It’s not as if I even have the dad around to help out.”
“You’re not going to tell Jared then?”
“No I bloody well am not, he and his freaky mum would try to take the baby from me.”
“Your best bet is to find another father, so if Jared hears about the baby he won’t think it’s his.”
She sighed and nodded. “I don’t know who would be mad enough to do that though.”
“I would.”
“You what?”
“You said it yourself, life would be a lot easier if the baby was mine.”
“You’d actually be a dad to this baby, even though it’s not yours?”
All she could do was gape at him when he went down on one knee before her. “Marry me.”
“What?” she shrieked.
“I want to marry you Jules.”
“You can’t, I’d mess up your life.”
“Will you stop with that stupid argument? I love you, you’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted. Now we can have the complete package - a family, together.”
“But this baby isn’t yours.”
“It won’t matter, it’s still half you and I’ll love it like my own. It won’t make a difference and now we know you can have kids there’s nothing to stop us from having one of our own.”
Jules was sorely tempted, here was the answer to her prayers - a father for her baby, a man who would give them his name to protect them from the Slatterys. She wouldn’t have to do it alone. The best part was she could marry the man she loved. But could she drag him into her life? “I need to think about it.”
Duality Page 4