by Sarah Price
What on earth was that woman doing sitting in her driveway?
Priscilla turned and retreated into the house. A thousands thoughts raced through her mind. The other rainy day, she prayed long and hard over what Stephen had told her. She hadn’t known what she was going to say to the bishop. Now, with Susie Byler sitting there, just feet away from the sanctity of her own home, Priscilla felt that old rage return. How dare that woman lie to save herself? After everything that she has done? After everything she continued to do?
When she heard the footsteps on the porch, Priscilla felt faint. She placed a hand on the counter and braced herself, hoping against hope that it was the bishop and Stephen, not that woman, who would walk through that door.
The door creaked and she heard the shuffling of feet in the washroom. And then they were standing there, the three of them, staring at her.
For a moment, Priscilla couldn’t believe her eyes. She had caught a glimpse of Susie outside of that gift store in town the other day but only a glimpse. Now that she was standing before her, in her own kitchen nonetheless, Priscilla was stunned with what she saw.
Gone was the pretty blond Amish woman who, a year ago, tried so hard to capture the attention of Stephen Esh. Instead, she was replaced by a woman who had been living a hard life for the past year. Her blonde hair, the texture of straw, looked unkept. Priscilla knew immediately that she must have used Englische coloring on it for it was dry and brittle, even from underneath the prayer kapp.
And she was puffy in the face, a look that Priscilla remembered all too well from Susie’s mamm: the look of a drinker with sunken eyes and swollen cheeks. She had also gained weight. A lot of weight Her midsection bulged and her upper arms lacked muscle. Priscilla wouldn’t have been surprised if the attractive young Susie Byler from yesteryear now weighed twice what she had weighed then. The woman’s appearance shocked Priscilla. She could scarce believe the change.
“Priscilla,”Stephen started slowly.“This is Bishop Miller and I’m sure you remember Susie Byler.”
Priscilla smiled at Bishop Miller, but she made no acknowledgement of Susie’s presence.
The bishop removed his hat and took a step forward. There was a strained look about him and Priscilla immediately realized that this situation was just as troublesome to others as it was to her.“Priscilla,”he started.“Stephen told me that he has informed you of the reason why I stand here before you with Susie Byler.”
Despite herself, Priscilla glanced at Susie when the bishop mentioned her name. Swallowing, Priscilla nodded.“Ja, he did that.”
The bishop took a deep breath.“Vell, as you know, baptism is a very serious matter and, when Susie came to me to attend the instructional, it was brought to my attention that there were some transgressions from her past that had hindered her baptism into her own church district.”
Priscilla caught a glowering look tossed her way from Susie’s direction. She ignored it, feeling a wave of anger washing over her. She did not want that woman in her house. She felt dirty and soiled just for having that horrid woman who had caused her and her friends so much trouble and pain standing in her kitchen. Yet, a quick look over at Stephen, she realized that she was not going through this alone. He was there to support her.
“Now,”the bishop continued.“I cannot grant any approval for baptism instructional until this matter is cleared up. I have spoken to some length to Susie regarding what transpired. I have also spoken to your bishop for his perspective on the matter. Now, I would like to hear from you, Priscilla.”
The color drained from Priscilla’s face and Stephen stepped forward, reaching out to hold her arm.“Easy,”he mumbled.“You want to sit down, then?”
She shook her head, refusing to appear weak at this moment.“Nee, I’m fine,”she whispered and lifted her chin.“What is it that you wish to know, Bishop?”
He cleared his throat.“It is important that I know if Susie has repented her sins against you,”he said, leveling a stern look at Priscilla.“Only a person with a pure heart can be saved.”
Stephen tightened his grip on Priscilla’s arm and she glanced at him. What was she supposed to say? But Stephen gave her no guidance. He merely raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sure I wouldn’t know whether she has a pure heart,”Priscilla said slowly.“That’s not something I’m capable of judging.”
The bishop lifted a finger in the air.“But if she has come to you and repented, asked for forgiveness for her sins, that is an indication of seeking God.”
“I see,”she replied.
There was an uncomfortable silence for a long moment, Priscilla waiting for someone to speak but everyone waiting for her next words. She had none. The clock ticked on the wall and, outside, a horse drawn buggy whizzed along the road.
“Priscilla?”Stephen finally said, nudging her gently.“You need to respond.”
“I…I don’t think I know what the question is,”she admitted truthfully. What was the bishop asking?
“Has Susie Byler come to you, confessing her sins and repenting? Has she sought your forgiveness?”the bishop asked, an edge to his voice.
It would have been too easy to admit the truth, to simply shake her head and say“nee.”It would have been too easy to let vengeance take over and watch Susie’s future be destroyed with that one simple word that negated Susie’s final lie.
Yet, there was pride in doing so. Priscilla immediately thought of the clothes line and the women who hung out their dirty clothing in order to appear the hardest working woman. Pride, she thought quickly. And she realized that she had a choice to make: tell the truth or stop the bullying for once and for all.
To admit the truth and to let the world see it, she pondered, was the same as airing dirty laundry in order to make one look better than the others. Yet, deep down, those women were nothing more than prideful women who were cutting corners rather than truly working hard and being the godly and hard working women that they professed to be.
There had to be another way.
If Priscilla said that one word,“nee”, Susie would never get to become a baptized member of the Amish church. She would never be able to marry that John Morgan; and, if that was something she truly wanted, Priscilla did not feel as though she had the right to deny Susie that potential gift of grace from God. Perhaps she had truly changed, Priscilla thought. Besides, wouldn’t she betray Sylvia’s wishes, no matter how strongly Priscilla disagreed with her friend’s position, if she were to mention these letters? No, she came to realize: It was not her place to make that decision. If it was God’s will, He and only He would let it be known.
Lifting her chin, Priscilla turned and stared at Susie, their eyes burning into each other’s. Stephen still stood by his wife’s side, giving Priscilla the strength to face this woman who had been a problem for so long, a woman who had tried so hard to ruin Priscilla’s reputation and then worked at destroying her relationship with Stephen, the very thing that Susie had wanted more than anything. When Susie failed, she finally attempted to discredit both of them in a very public manner. In the end, Susie’s bullying resulted in the loss of her own credibility among the community.
It was a miracle that any Amish man was willing to marry her, especially now that the new church district was aware of what she had done.
“Did Susie tell you that she repented to me?”Priscilla heard herself asking.
The bishop frowned.“That is why we are here,”he said, his impatience becoming evident.“To verify that she did.”
Priscilla held Susie’s gaze. She watched the reaction of the lost woman standing before her. Who am I, she thought, to steal her future?“Ja,”Priscilla said.“She repented.”
There was another moment of silence. Both Stephen and the bishop seemed surprised by Priscilla’s announcement. But it was Susie’s reaction that startled Priscilla. Her eyes narrowed and she glared at Priscilla. A slight motion caught Priscilla’s attention. It was Susie’s hand. She had tightened her fist as if angry and
wishing she could physically harm Priscilla.
Ignoring Susie, Priscilla turned to the bishop.“If she told you that she was aware of her actions and repentant of her past behavior, I believe her. And I believe that she means it. That is all of the confession and forgiveness seeking that I need.”
“But has she come to you?”
“She stands before me now,”Priscilla stated, gesturing toward the woman before her.“Is that not enough? Clearly she wishes to move on and to forget the past, to focus on the future. The fact that she stands here is enough for me and I extend my own hand in forgiveness to her.”With that, Priscilla held out her hand, waiting for Susie to take it.
There was a moment of hesitation, too long for Priscilla’s liking. But Susie finally reached out and took Priscilla’s hand, holding it limply in her own for a single, short shake.
“This ends it, then”Priscilla said firmly, staring directly into Susie’s face.“Ja?”
“It ended long ago,”Susie mumbled. Clearly, she had nothing further to say to Priscilla.
“For Sylvia’s sake, I sure hope so,”Priscilla whispered, her voice low so that the bishop wouldn’t hear, before quickly releasing Susie’s damp, clammy hand. In her mind, she heard Sylvia’s meek voice while ill, professing to take care of the situation when she was well. Now, if Priscilla’s acceptance of forgiveness were enough to get Susie back on track with the church and her courting friend, perhaps Susie would finally stop harassing Sylvia and focus on her own future.
The bishop seemed somewhat abated but there was a look in his eye when he turned his gaze from Priscilla to Susie.“Sisters in Christ love one another,”he said.“Pray for one another and be kind toward another.”Yet his eyes were staring directly at Susie.“Are these things that you can do, sister?”
Priscilla saw Susie swallow before she nodded her head, a forced nod that was stiff and unconvincing even to Priscilla.“Ja,”she said.“I will love my fellow sister and pray for her.”
Satisfied, the bishop nodded his head and turned back to Priscilla.“Danke, Priscilla.”He looked at Stephen and nodded.“Our business is over here so we shall not take any more of your time.”
Stephen and Priscilla stood in the middle of the kitchen, silent for several long minutes until they heard the horse and buggy rattle down their driveway. When it was apparent that it was gone, Stephen turned to look at his wife and nodded his head once.
“Well done, my Priscilla,”he said approvingly.“You have shown yourself as a true Christian and I feel humbled by the wisdom of your answer to the bishop”
There were tears in her eyes but she fought them back by blinking.“Oh Stephen,”she whispered.“I so want this to end, want her to stop. Do you think that she ever will?”
He placed his hands on her shoulders and smiled down into her face. With his thumb, he wiped at the tear that threatened to fall from her one eye.“I think you have done the best that you can do to be a strong woman. You have demonstrated your character over and over again, Priscilla. She should have no more quarrels with you, not if she wants to marry this John Morgan and live among our people.”
Priscilla nodded, hoping that her husband was correct.“And what of Sylvia?”
With a deep breath, Stephen nodded his head.“I do believe that this is something she must deal with. Although,”he paused.“I’d think Susie would be quite the fool to continue with her games at this point. You may have ended it for her, too.” He leaned down at planted a soft kiss on her forehead.“A clever and wise woman you are, Priscilla Esh.”
Yet, there was a foreboding feeling inside of Priscilla. Despite Stephen’s confidence in what she had said to the bishop, she wasn’t convinced that she had, indeed, seen the last of Susie Byler.
Chapter Eight
Priscilla sat on the porch chair, sipping at a glass of meadow tea while watching the sunset behind the barn. The clothes that she had washed earlier in the day hung from the clothes line. She knew that she needed to take it down but was enjoying just relaxing for a moment as the day wound down. Stephen sat next to her in his own chair, a rocking chair with weathered caning in the back and chipped paint on the arms. As he rocked back and forth, the wooden rockers creaked against the porch floorboards. His eyes scanned the horizon, watching the birds dip in the sky over the fields, their evening song welcoming the approaching nightfall.
She was crocheting placemats with a fine thread. It was too warm to crochet blankets, the yarn being too thick, and she could sell the placemats to the stores that tourists frequented. Since she loved crocheting, it was something she enjoyed doing, even if she did not make a much profit in doing so.
“Stephen, I wonder about Bishop Miller and what he decided to do,”she said, breaking the silence. It had been a week since the bishop had visited their farm and, despite the magnitude of the visit, they hadn’t spoken about it, each very reflective of their inner thoughts about the matter.“Have you heard, then?”
Stephen stopped rocking for a moment. The silence caught her attention and she looked up from her crocheting. He was staring off into the distance but it was clear that he was not watching anything in particular. She waited patiently for him to collect his thoughts before responding.
“Ja,”he finally said.“I have heard something that may be of interest to you.”
She set the half-finished placemat onto her lap and gave him her undivided attention.“Please tell me.”
A sparrow flew by the porch and landed on the branch of a tree. For a moment, it appeared that Stephen was watching it and Priscilla glanced in that direction. It chirped a few times before taking off into flight again, heading away from the house and toward the open hayloft in the barn.
“Seems to me that the wedding with John is postponed. The bishop wants more time for Susie to go through a proving,”Stephen started.“He was not impressed that she lied to him about asking for forgiveness from you. He is also questioning other things that she has said, such as denying those letters to Sylvia.”
He paused and Priscilla waited, sensing that there was more.“He was, however, impressed with your willingness to forgive. That is why he is giving her another chance. Because of you.”
“I see.”
Stephen turned to look at her.“You did a good thing, Priscilla Esh,”he said.“Forgiving that woman was a right gut thing and reminds me of what a gut woman you are. A gut fraa, for sure and certain, and a gut mamm.”
She laughed.“Gut fraa? Mayhaps, but mamm? One day, ja?”
Stephen raised an eyebrow and looked at her. There was a sparkle to his eye and he smiled.“One day soon, I reckon, ain’t so?”
For a moment, his words lingered before them. She frowned, not understanding what he was trying to say. And then it dawned on her. The feeling of being so tired. The way she felt in the mornings. The fact that she gained weight.
“Oh!”she whispered.
Now it was Stephen laughing. He reached out his hand to take hers. Then, gently, he pulled her out of her chair and onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist and smiled up at her.“How could you not know? I’ve known for a while and been waiting for you to tell me!”
The color had drained from her face and she felt overwhelmed at the realization that she was, indeed, pregnant.“I…I just didn’t think about it,”she whispered.“There have been so many changes that I thought I was tired from working so hard and gaining weight from my cooking!”
“And being sick in the morning?”
“I…”She was embarrassed to admit that she had thought very little about it beyond not feeling well.
He laughed again and hugged her tightly.“Oh Priscilla,”he said, a satisfied tone to his voice.“What a right gut fraayou are, indeed!”
Giving into her husband’s embrace, Priscilla closed her eyes for a few moments, her head resting gently on Stephen’s left shoulder. The light evening breeze was gently caressing her face and she felt blessed to have this wonderful man, her Stephen, for her lifetime husband and companion
.
She would give him many sons and daughters. He would raise their sons in the same righteous way he had himself been raised, teaching them how to respect and care for the land which, one day, would help provide for their own families. She would raise their daughters just the way she had been raised by her own mamm, teaching them to keep a gut home for the family and to respect their father for he was their provider and the person to lean on for comfort and moral support. They all would live happy lives within the g’may, guided by their faith in the Lord and the love He had bestowed to them.
This, Priscilla thought was their way; the way of the Amish.
At this precise moment, she was startled off her reverie by a sudden stir coming from the open window in the barn’s hayloft; turning her attention to it, she marveled at the two sparrows, flying side by side, each holding a blade of hay in their beak. Landing on a forked tree branch, before resuming their flight back to the barn, both birds gently dropped their building material at the center of something round and firm; something that, even from the distance, was starting to look like a nest.
Time to start feathering my own nest, Priscilla thought as she quietly got up and started toward the clothes line, careful not to wake up Stephen from the blissful nap he had fallen into as she pulled in the laundry, quietly folding each piece as she listened to the gentle sound of the birds chirping from the tree.
Song: Pretty Good At Lying
Written by Katie G., Anthony Vitale, and Zac Maloy
I can listen to all your stories
Sing them to me like a song
All the details
All the glory
I don’t care that they’re all wrong