by Aria Declan
“Leanna?”
“Ah!” I screamed and clawed Christian’s right cheek with my nails. “OH MY GOSH!”
“Ouch!” he screamed as he ran to the bathroom sink to clean his face. “Why did you do that?”
“I'm so sorry! You scared me,” I cried. “I thought...I thought...”
“What the hell? You made my face bleed with those killer nails. It's official, all women are crazy!”
I tried grabbing him to comfort him, but he shoved me away as he rinsed his cheek. “Honey, I was just caught off guard. I would never hurt you.”
He rolled his eyes as he sprayed water on his face. “I'm fine.” He handed me some ointment to open up. I put a few drops on my fingers and gently rubbed it on his rosy cheek.
“Why do you have so much meat in the kitchen?” I asked, trying to ease the tension.
“Oh, um, my dad must have put it there.”
“It smells fresh, you said he was with his girlfriend in a different city,” I smirked.
“He must have been here earlier. And how can you smell the meat's freshness? What is with you today? First you scratch me, now you are asking me ninety-nine questions.”
“I just want to get to know you better.”
I went back over to the television and handed him the remote so he could find the station my mom would be on. It took him ten minutes to figure out how to work his own television. As he did that, I switched into my pajamas and then got comfortable on the couch again.
My eyes grew large as Mama appeared on screen. She looked beautiful as usual in all black with her hair pulled back like a professional lady. Her pink lips shivered as her name was about to be announced. I screamed in joy and nervousness as they introduced her;
My name is Rachel Cruz and I live in a small town called Riverbed, California. I’m here to show my talent and I need to win so I can support my two daughters and pay for their college education.
“And my car!” I yelled through the television. “She has to buy me a car.”
“You're spoiled,” Christian said from the kitchen.
“Excuse me?”
“I honestly did not mean to say that aloud, but it's true. You're spoiled. I did not have anyone to pay for my college or a car. I had to do everything for myself. With your intelligence, you could have gotten a scholarship but instead you go to bars with older men and use them.”
“How do I use men? If anything they use me!” I shouted. “And why are you so bitter all of a sudden?”
“You're using me, right now—for my TV. You use Tyler because he's someone you can chase. You use Derek so he can cook for you. You are just a user!”
“Oh my gosh, I cannot believe you are talking to me like this. I thought you liked me.”
“I do like you. You just need a reality check.”
“I'm as real as they come.”
“Sometimes I think otherwise, Leanna.”
I ignored Christian and went back to watching Mama on television. I got sidetracked as I could not believe Christian said all those hurtful things to me—even though they were true. It made sense in a way, since I grew up with no male figure and Mama had a new man in my life every two weeks.
I was only seventeen, but with my experience with life, I was at least forty. I had at least twenty boyfriends in the past, and some were even married. Maybe that was why women did not like a girl like me—a child like me. I was way past my age and at least I knew it.
Christian pulled out a cigarette in his home and handed me one. Instead, I pulled him to sit next to me, and he collapsed onto my lap. It was the first time I held him and it felt almost like heaven. He leaned in with his smokey breath and kissed my lips. I held his warm body close to mine for a long second and he ran his fingers through my loose wet hair.
We began to breathe heavy, thinking about every moment. His kisses got more intense and wilder as the seconds went on. I leaned back, gazing into his beautiful green eyes.
Then, I gasped as I thought I saw him—I saw God in his gorgeous eyes and I pushed him away from me.
I gathered my thoughts in confusion and covered my already nude body. I looked at the clock and it was already ten o'clock—but, that was impossible—a girl like me, would remember every moment.
“What happened?” I snapped, but no one was there. “Christian?” I called for him again as I put my clothes on in the dark room. “Christian? Where are you? I’m so confused.”
For once, I did not want God watching me.
Chapter 5
Kill, Kill
The only sound in the store were my heels tapping against the tile floor. I felt like an outcast, yet everyone was congratulating me about Mama's reality show. I was back to my old ways, in a tight sun dress and high heels, with my hair big and full of curls.
“I'm sorry if last night was awkward,” Christian said, as he appeared from nowhere.
I jumped in fear but this time my claws were not out, “You scared me again!”
“Why are you shaking so much?” he asked as he followed me throughout the gift shop. “Do you think I took advantage of you or something? I thought you were okay.”
I pulled Christian to the corner of the store and searched to see if anyone was around, “Honey, I don't even remember anything,” I whispered. “I just...this is going to sound crazy, but I blanked out.”
“For two hours? Was I that bad? We even had a conversation for thirty minutes.”
“I'm so confused. I’m also a little scared...” I shoved Christian aside as I saw Tyler walking inside. “Are you following me, Tyler?” I said as he approached me, showing off his new suit.
“Me?” Tyler said confused. “Why would I follow you? You're pretty but not that pretty, doll.” Tyler stared at Christian as if he would attack him. So, to make Christian jealous, Tyler wrapped his arm around me and walked me out the store. “Baby, I miss you so much. Please go out with me tonight. That man is nothing but tattoos and trash. I'll admit he could model but he's nothing but Barbie's douche boyfriend.”
I laughed, thinking how Christian called him Ken. “Tyler, I’m sick of the games. One minute you love me the next you cannot stand me.”
“Ha, Leanna I never loved you. So, let's take love out of this. I like you and I think you're smart, but I can never love such...trash,” he winked. “You understand, right?”
Out of anger, I clawed Tyler on his cheek. “Fuck you!”
He screamed and rubbed his bleeding scratches. “What the hell is your problem? You have no right to do that,” he paused and began to whisper, “I think you're going to regret doing that to me!”
He walked away in anger, and he brought back all my memories. Tyler and I had an unusual relationship. He always cared for me as if I were his first child, he told me he loved me multiple times, and he even told me he would marry me. Believe it or not, we did not fight much but when we did, it was hell.
Christian came walking to me outside the gift shop. He stayed silent as we watched Tyler drive off in his new pickup truck.
I leaned my head on his chest, “Can we talk later? I’m so upset right now, Christian.”
He nodded and pointed to his car, “I fixed it. I can give you a ride home.”
I frowned and walked in the opposite direction. “No, I need some alone time.”
I could feel my sadness drowning Christian as I walked away. I knew he was probably worried about me walking home as the sun went down. But, I just could not be bothered with such drama. Times like those, I had to be alone to gather all my thoughts. I had to think about all the wasted times with a boy like Tyler.
But, I loved him.
***
Mama said she would call me when she had time, so I waited for my phone to ring. I did not think I would need her as if I were a child again. I was proud of her, accomplishing her dream, but I wanted to be selfish and have her in Riverbed with me.
The sound of glass crashing to the floor made me jump out of bed. I was sitting in my dark room, so
I searched for my tiny flash light that Derek had given me for my seventeenth birthday. The sound of glass falling again made me screech.
I tiptoed into my bathroom that was attached to my bedroom and searched for Mama's hidden gun, but it was gone. I could not imagine Mama taking a gun with her to New York, that would have been impossible to do on an airplane.
“Are you kidding me?” I said to myself.
I listened as I heard some footsteps and I wanted to cry in fear. I just knew I was going to be the next victim—I was about to die.
I shut the bathroom door as I heard the footsteps getting closer to my bedroom. I grabbed a crystal vase from the sink and held it over my head, ready to attack.
“Lee?” it was Tyler. “Leanna?”
I put the vase back on the sink and walked out the bathroom in relief. Tyler sat on my bed and the smell of alcohol drowned my room. He began to take off his suit and I stood back.
“I've...I...I was fired!” he cried as he pulled out a bottle of Vodka from his coat pocket. “And it's your fault.”
I began to laugh. “Why is it my fault?”
“Because all day I think about you. I couldn't even think straight! You're a bitch!”
“Get out of my house.”
He stood up and grabbed my shoulders. “I HATE YOU.” With no force at all, he threw me onto my bed and he loosened his pants. I knew exactly what he was attempting to do—because it was not the first time.
I jumped out of bed and threw anything from my desk at him as he chased me. I grabbed my boots and tried to run for the door, but he yanked me by my hair. I fell to the hard floor, banging my head causing me to see tiny stars.
I tried to crawl away from him but he pulled me by my hair again toward my room. I screamed in agony, telling him I would do anything he wanted.
“You know what I want, Leanna!” he screamed. “Come over here!”
“I cannot believe I even liked someone like you. You are shit!” I shouted. While he tried to get his balance, I ran to the front door. I did not hear him coming after me, so I took my time putting my boots on.
“Leanna!” he shouted and I ran outside to the only place I could call home.
I banged on Christian’s house door, with tears flooding my eyes. I banged harder and harder because no one was coming to the door. I began to scream and the neighbor's dog began to bark.
The door flew open and I instantly stopped crying. “You know, there is a door bell,” joked Christian’s father, Johnny. But, he did not notice how shaken I was. He let me inside his bright home and I began to cry again.
“Oh my dear, is everything okay?” Johnny asked. “Do you need me to call the police?”
Christian came out into the living room and he ran to my side. “What is going on, Leanna?”
I stayed silent and rested my head on Johnny's shoulder. He gave me a pack of tissue as snot slid down his shirt.
“Did someone attack you?” Christian asked. “Leanna answer me!”
“Tyler attacked me!” I finally spoke. “He is drunk and tried to rape me.”
“And why are you calm about this?” Johnny said. “I've got a gun I can threaten him with. I won't use it but I’ll sure scare him.”
“Dad stop it!” Christian said. “I'll go kick his ass!”
“No, it's okay. I knew it was a mistake to come here. I'll go back home. I’m sure he left by now,” I said.
“Fuck that!” Johnny said. “You're staying here with us. We won't let you go back to that home alone. I cannot believe your Mama let you stay here alone in the first place. She knew what could happen to you.”
“But, what if he is the murderer,” I said.
“He's not,” Christian said.
“But, what if he is?”
“He's not!” he snapped. “Now you need to get some sleep. I won't let you miss another day of school.”
Christian walked me into the guest room that I could tell had never been used. He gave me one of his old shirts and a towel so I could take a shower.
“I'll see you tomorrow,” he kissed my forehead and then left the room.
I shut the door because all I could hear was Johnny watching The Tonight Show With Jay Leno. I went into the clean bathroom and decided I would take a bath instead of a shower.
As the warm water ran, I checked my phone for any missed calls from Mama—but she did not call me. I put my ear-buds in so I could listen to music through my cell phone and got undressed. The tub was nearly full and the bubbles were about to spill over. So, I got inside and my body felt like a cloud.
I knew Tyler went to the bar and told all the men that I made a move on him again. Then, I would have all these overage men hitting on me in the morning. If I knew better, I should have left Tyler years ago—well, more like when I was fifteen. I should have known then that he was trouble—back then, he was a nineteen year old wanting young meat like me.
The beginning of our relationship was like any great love story. He bought me cute gifts, complemented me, and even gave me diamonds. But, then the complements stopped, and the rude nagging begun. He would tell me that I was getting fat, and not take me out to eat. He would ask me why I was not like all the other women—but I was a teenager; developing and barely understanding life. He wanted me to be bad like his other friend's girlfriends. They would go to jail for their man, steal for their man, and go smoke with their man.
I did not know what his definition of “bad” was, because those “women” were the definition of ignorance. I had my fair share of ignorance, but I was way above them—academically and mentally.
As my thoughts went haywire, I dozed off in the soothing water. The only way I knew I did was because I awoke in the morning in my bed.
I squinted my eyes from the beaming sun. I waited a few minutes to gather all my energy that I would need for the entire day.
I stretched and was amazed that I had fresh clean clothes on—clothes that were at my home. I got out of bed, searching the home for Christian or Johnny. No one was around, but I could hear lots of voices that sounded far away.
I rushed to the front door, where once again nearly the entire town was standing—someone must have been killed again. My heart dropped as I thought about Christian, who was nowhere around. I ran to the crowd and everyone was staring at me.
“Leanna!” yelled Johnny. “Why don't you come over here with me!”
“What happened? Is Christian okay? Did someone die?” I cried as I tried to walk, but he was holding me back. “Talk to me, Johnny!”
The screams of multiple people made me want to know why, but no one was telling me anything. I soon noticed the crowd led to my clean lawn. My mind went into panic mode as I thought about all the possibilities.
My heart skipped a beat as I saw Christian running to me, “I'm glad you are okay.” He said as he hugged me. “I'm sorry.”
“Honey, what happened?” I said. “I was so worried about you!”
“Let's go back to the house, okay? Come on,” he said as he pulled me away from the scene.
“NO!” I yelled. “I want to know what happened!”
“You really want to know?” he said.
“YES!”
“Tyler died.”
I paused in disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, his body was discovered on your lawn just like the others. That's why I don't want you going over there. Come inside, okay?”
Words could not explain how guilty I felt. I was so angry with him, but I did not want someone mad at me to die like that. I was going to talk to him that day, but I was too late. “Did you kill him?” I asked as Tyler pulled me to walk away from the scene.
“Leanna, are you serious?” he laughed. “Oh shit, you're serious.”
“I've been worrying about you since we met. I’ve never seen you in this town until that one day, then you have all these guns. And apparently all of them were killed with guns. And I’m sure you have some connection with the black market to sell clean bl
ood. I also know you were really pissed off last night because he hurt me.”
“I did not kill him. I don't have the stomach for it. Don't you think I would be a psycho killer who would try to kill you now.”
“Maybe you're saving me for last,” I said. “You look like you can be a killer.”
“I know you don't mean what you are saying because you wouldn't be crazy enough to sit here and talk to me. I really like you, I even think I’m falling for you. I just want you to trust me.”
I sighed, “I do trust you. Well, I can't really trust anyone in this town,” I whispered. “And thanks for taking me out the tub last night. I must have been so tired that I fell asleep.”
“Um, what?”
“Ew, please don't say Johnny took me out?”
“Um, that would be impossible because we went down to the bar to get some drinks. When we came home you were already in bed.”
I narrowed my eyes. “How long were you at the bar?”
“Not that long...okay maybe like an hour, but you know how it gets at the bar sometime. The men can start some good conversations.”
“Hmm...I just have a bad headache. I should go lay down.”
Christian gave me a hug and a kiss. “I know it's been a tough time. Maybe you should try contacting your mother. You need someone besides me to talk to. She cannot be that busy.”
I gave him a kiss again. “I just have a lot of stress all of a sudden.”
“I know you probably don't want to go to school today. I'll go get some food from a fast food place and I'll buy you some tea,” he said as he stroked my hair. “I love you.”
It was a sickening moment to say such beautiful words. I choked up and I could feel my tears coming like a tidal wave. I put my hands over my face and began to cry. I was not crying because of happiness, but because my first love was now dead.
And he was watching me—moving on.
Chapter 6
Summertime Sadness