“You’re not leaving me?” Reagan laughs and climbs into my lap so her back is resting on my chest. I wrap my arms around her to bring her closer to me.
“Max, we had a fight. It doesn’t mean we’re over. Cheat on me and we’re over, then I’ll cut off your dick and balls then feed them to you. We’ve been together for a short time and we’re learning about each other, arguments happen.”
“I love you. Can’t we stay in and have great make-up sex?”
“No, I want to dance, eat, and drink with your friends. Let’s go before they start barging in on us.” Reagan jumps out of my arms and holds her hand to me. We walk out hand in hand to go upstairs to the main house to leave for the bar. We take Aaron’s car since he can’t drink as he has to work tomorrow morning. Rob and Reagan are in the back seat laughing about things on their Facebook pages.
“I see you two patched things up,” Aaron whispers loud enough for me to hear.
“Yeah, this relationship thing is all new to me.”
“You’ll figure it out. It’s going to take time.”
“My mouth is going to get me in trouble.”
Rob starts laughing. “That’s nothing new.”
I laugh along with him and Aaron. Reagan looks at us and joins in. Aaron parks, and we head into the club.
Reagan
I’m so emotionally spent that all I want to do is lie in bed watching romantic comedies eating cookie dough ice cream. I’m trying to put on a brave front with everyone, but I need to talk to Jonathan—he is my comfort; my safe place. Jonathan and I need to talk a lot about his parents, and I have to get him to understand that it’s more about me and guilt.
We walk into the club or bar, not sure what they call it. The country bar has wooden floors, cowboy hats all over the wall, and a huge dance floor right in the middle. It’s a circle so people can stand around watching it. I start singing “I Cross My Heart” by George Strait as we walk to a table near the back of the room. Aaron takes our drink orders as he heads to the bar.
“Are you okay?” Max whispers into my ear, and I nod. I take in the dance floor full of couples. They are dancing close and are one instead of two. It’s so poetic watching them move together and not worrying if the other person is going to lead them astray. I look at Max’s profile and wonder if we could be like that someday. Aaron comes back with the drinks a few minutes later. I blush when Max catches me watching him as he winks at me.
Aaron and Rob are telling me stories about Max and all his antics. I can’t help but laugh and feign shock at some of the stories. As his face turns red from embarrassment, Max threatens to castrate them if they don’t stop. “Oh, baby, don’t worry about it. I sure once you get Nic drunk, she’ll tell all kinds of stories on me.”
“Not Cash?” Rob asks.
“No, we didn’t reconnect until after college. Nic, Shawn, Cash, and I were really close growing up, but once he got together with Psycho Barbie, we lost touch. I’m glad to have my friend back.” I blink a few times trying to keep the tears back. Whenever I think about the past, I cry. “Are you guys coming back to Miami anytime soon?”
“I think after the baby is born, we’ll be there,” Rob answers with a mouthful of peanuts.
“I still can’t believe Cash is going to be a dad. It cracks me up. When Jonathan was a baby and would throw up on him, he screamed like a girl trying to give him back to anyone who would take him. It was funny.” I tell more stories of Cash with baby Jonathan. They are laughing so hard tears are rolling down their faces. Once we all got our breathing under control, Max stands up.
“Let me teach you some moves.” Max is in front of the table with his hand out to me. I look between Rob and Max feeling very insecure. I try to tell him, plead with him that I don’t know how to line dance, and he tells me to get my ass on the dance floor. I finally give in and warn him that I have two left feet, and I can’t be held accountable for broken toes. “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” by Brooks and Dunn comes on through the speakers and people start cheering. Max seems to know the dance pretty well as I try to watch him. I keep messing, up but I’m laughing, enjoying myself. As the song starts to wind down, I start to get used to it. I’m having fun as we stay on the floor for a few more songs. This is better than running as I’m sweating and already sore. “I need water,” I yell over the music and Max nods. We walk over to the bar to get a drink.
“Having fun?”
“This has been a great night. Did you guys always do this?”
“We tried, but most of the time we hung out at my house, gaming, drinking and working out. There were rare occasions that we went out.”
“I need to find something like this in Miami or talk to Nic into branching out.” We head back to the table and find Rob sitting there.
“Reagan, you picked up those dances pretty fast,” Aaron says, coming to the table with two beers for him and Rob.
“I loved it.” We talk for a few minutes then I drag all three boys out to the dance floor with me as we do some ass shaking songs and laugh. It’s last call so we pay our tab and head back to the house. We say goodnight at the car and go our separate ways.
“Oh, my God, I’m so sore,” I comment, entering into the apartment.
“I haven’t moved that much in months,” Max says as he groans, falling onto the couch. I hand him a beer from the fridge. I cuddle into him as he plays with my hair. “I’m glad you had fun. My friends love you.”
“Aww I love them too.”
I can feel my eyes getting heavy, but I’m enjoying this intimate moment with Max that I don’t fight my eyes getting heavy.
I don’t know how long we’ve been asleep on the couch; I get up to go to the bathroom. I look at the clock on my way to the kitchen to get a drink of water, it’s seven AM. I grab my phone and head outside to call Jonathan.
“Aunt Reagan!” Jonathan answers my FaceTime.
“Hey, buddy. How are you?”
“I’m good. When are you coming home?”
“Saturday or Sunday I think. What’s the matter?”
“I miss you, and I’m tired of going from house to house. I’m staying with Uncle Cash, Abby, and Sarah.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how rough it would be for you bouncing around. Tomorrow is the funeral for Thomas. I’ll look into a plane ticket and leave early, how does that sound?”
“You would do that?” Jonathan’s eyes light up, and I know he needs me home.
“Of course, but other than the staying at other houses, are you having fun with everyone?”
“Uncle Cash took me out to dinner last night to talk to me. We’re good now. I like Abby and Sarah. Abby is so much fun.” I smile at his stories of how Abby is playing games with him, helping him with homework, and making his favorite foods. I’m glad that she’s taking good care of him. I was worried about it. “Oh, I have to go if I want to make it to school on time. I love you and see you soon.” He hangs up before I can say anything more. I’m sitting on the stone wall outside the back door staring at my phone.
“Heavy conversation?” Max is standing there with concern in his eyes and a frown on his face.
“I need to leave tomorrow after the funeral. Jonathan is having a rough time of going from house to house.”
“Okay, we can do that. I’ll let Marshall know that we’re leaving early.” I jump off the wall and go to Max.
“You can stay, spend time with your family.”
“I want to be with you and Jonathan. How about this morning we head over to Amanda’s to go through Thomas’s stuff before the viewing?”
“If you’re okay with it all, then that sounds amazing.” I hug Max then head inside. Max and I are in the kitchen making eggs, toast, and pancakes for breakfast. We work in silence and in a rhythm like we’ve been together for years. I love how in sync we are on almost everything. The silence between us isn’t deafening like it was yesterday. “Are you going to read Thomas’s letter now or when we get home?”
“Pr
obably tonight after going through everything. I’m afraid to know his last words. I know he wanted to be cremated and a third of his ashes with me, with Amanda, and scattered at the cabin. Amanda wants to do that alone, and I can’t blame her.”
“I love how close you are to her.”
“Abby was jealous at first, but she knows that she’s my number one gal, or she was.” Max winks at me and I laugh. We dress in jeans and t-shirts as it’s chilly today.
We pull up in front of the house as Amanda is standing in her garage with boxes everywhere and they are spilling out onto the driveway.
“Hi, guys!” Amanda smiles and waves.
“Hello. You’ve been busy,” I say to her as I hug her. She sighs and nods. “Use me anyway you would like,” I say, and Max starts coughing.
Max
Reagan looks at me with a twinkle in her eyes. I remember what it was like to use her body for my pleasure. I hope that we can continue exploring some of the bondage and kinky side when we get back to Miami. Reagan’s ass cheeks are perfect for my hands.
“Max,” Amanda is yelling my name while snapping her fingers in my face.
“What? Sorry.”
“I could tell you were somewhere else. You okay?”
“I’m good. What can I do?”
“I went through these boxes already. I still have the ones in the garage, but this stack is marked with your name, so I don’t know what’s in it.” I nod my head and squeeze her tight as she cries. “I miss him. I went to call him this morning, and I realized that he wasn’t here anymore. I’m glad I kept the voicemails from him so I can still hear his voice.” I sniffle. I’m not ashamed to be a male and crying over the loss of the man who I considered my dad, the man I want to be. I start going through boxes. “Amanda, what do I do with stuff that I don’t want?”
“Put them over there. I’m either going to keep it or get rid of it. The papers and stuff will be shredded then bonfire night.”
I came to a box with my name on it. I open it up, and it has a safe in it. Reagan helps me remove it by holding onto the box. The safe has a keypad with numbers on it and is about three feet tall. I’m not sure what numbers he would use. I look in the box for a piece of paper for the numbers but nothing.
“Try your birthday.” Reagan’s voice is unsure. I try that and nothing. I try Thomas’ birthday and nothing. I rub my temples because I don’t know what he would use. I’m getting a headache trying to rack my brain with numbers that he would use. I’m about to give up thirty minutes later and a number pops into my head. I type in the date that my world changed—the day I met Thomas. The door pops open, and it’s filled with money and papers. There’s a letter on top.
“Max,
You’re pretty smart if you figured it out. I’m sure you are surprised by the money in the safe. It’s yours. I received a check in the mail from the insurance company while I was your guardian since you were a minor. I cashed it, and placed it in your safe. This was the life insurance policy on your mom. They didn’t know how to reach you so they came to me. I hope you’re not mad. Here is $100,000. Please be smart with it. Son, I miss you already. You’ve grown into a strong, independent man and I hope one day you will find a love that makes you move mountains. Don’t be afraid of love, open that big heart of yours. I love you son and I couldn’t be more proud of you.”
I’m sitting in the driveway reading this letter and Reagan comes behind me to hug me. “You okay?”
“I really wish people would stop asking me that question. I’m not okay, but I will be. There is a hole in my heart for two men who loved me who are now gone. I’m mourning two fathers dying now instead of one. It’s rough. Here, read the letter while I go into the house to get a drink of water.” I hand her the letter. I need to just get away with myself to think. Thomas took care of everything for me. I feel like an ass now because I feel like I didn’t do enough for him.
I see a picture of Thomas and me from two Christmases ago. “I hope I didn’t disappoint you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to be the man you saw. I hope you’re looking down on me and smiling. Reagan means the world to me, and I’m so happy you got to meet her before you passed. You were my everything that I want to be, a good husband, father and man. I love you, Thomas.” I grip the picture to my chest and cry.
“Oh, Max, Daddy was so proud of you. He said before he passed that he could see you changing into the man that he always knew you could be. Reagan brings out the best in you. He loved you through it all: the fights, the words you would say to him when you were scared and angry, and not being around living your life. He looked forward to your daily calls.” Amanda cries as she hugs me.
“I miss him already. I don’t know if I’ll ever be whole again.”
“You will be but it will be a different whole.” Reagan sniffles. “I learned that from you yesterday. You are always going to miss him, never feel complete, but there will be other people to fill the void. You have Jonathan and me, Amanda and her family, Abby and her new soon-to-be family. Thomas will always be a part of you, and you’ll honor him by doing the things that he taught you, and what you learned from him without even knowing.”
“I taught you all of that?” I laugh through my tears. Reagan nods.
We head back outside and finish going through the boxes. I keep a lot of stuff of Thomas’s so he can be with me always. I fill my backseat with the boxes that had the important papers. The bags and other big stuff go into the bed of my truck. The bigger stuff that I can’t fit in the truck are in the storage unit. I got in contact with the people running it and made arrangements for a moving company to come and pack everything else up to bring to Florida to me. I tell Amanda that I’ll see her in a few hours for the viewing. We’re doing just one for three hours. Thomas hated people fussing over him.
“Are you going to see Jack?” Reagan hesitantly asks as she buckles her seat belt.
“I was thinking about it, especially with us leaving tomorrow instead of Saturday.” Reagan nods. I know she is feeling guilty about us leaving three days earlier, but I heard Jonathan pleading with her by the tone of his voice. They are not used to being separated like this, and it’s sweet but also sad. I’m jealous of their bond because I couldn’t wait to get away from my parents. I wonder what life would have been like if I had Reagan and Jonathan’s relationship.
I pull into the hospital parking lot and see my mom walking out of the hospital. I jump out of the truck and yell for her. She stops and looks up. I wave and she waves back. I lock up the truck as I grab Reagan’s hand. “Hi, Mom. How are you today?”
“I’m tired. Your dad will be getting out tomorrow, so I need to run some errands and do some grocery shopping.”
“Want me to do some of it?”
My mom shakes her head. “No I need to do it because the first few days, I’m going to be stuck at home with him.”
“Dad is lucky to have you taking care of him.” I kiss the top of her head, and she smiles.
“He’s sleeping now, but you can go in to see him.” Mom is looking Reagan up and down like she did with Cash. I roll my eyes as she tries to intimidate Reagan with her looks and body language. Reagan notices it but doesn’t play into the game.
“Do you want me to come with you while you run errands so you aren’t alone?”
“No. Max, I’ll talk to you later. Reagan.” My mom puts her nose in the air saying Reagan’s name with disgust and walks away.
“She doesn’t like me,” Reagan states
“She doesn’t like anyone, not even me,” I joke. Reagan shrugs her shoulders as we walk into the hospital. The smell of the hospital always made me sick to my stomach. I was here a lot growing up because I was sick a lot due to not being properly fed or taken care of until I moved into the Stephens’ household. Reagan and I walk onto the ICU floor once we’re buzzed in. We walk into my dad’s room and he’s lying there watching TV.
“Dad, Mom said you were sleeping.”
“That wom
an doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She kept telling me to take a nap so she could leave. I faked sleeping. Come on in.”
“You getting out of here tomorrow?”
“Thank God, I hate it here. Marshall will be coming in soon to help take care of the diner stuff for a few days. What’s going on with you two?”
“Not much, just went through Thomas’s stuff then heading back to the house to get changed for the viewing.”
“I’m sorry about Thomas. He was a good man.”
“We’re leaving after the funeral tomorrow.”
“Why so early?” my dad questions us.
“My nephew is having a hard time without me,” Reagan speaks up with a small voice.
“Oh, where are his parents? Why is it your responsibility?” My dad sounds harsh and my I squeeze her hands to give her strength.
“They were killed when he was eight years old, and I’ve been raising him ever since. This was the first time I went out of town and didn’t bring him. He’s going from house to house with family, but he wants to be home.”
“Oh, sorry to hear about his parents. Where is he at now?”
“Cash and Abby.”
“Abby is great with kids, so he’ll be good.” My shocked expression catches my dad off-guard. “What? Didn’t think I could compliment your sister?”
“No, I didn’t think you had it in you, old man. It’s nice that you can do that.” My dad waves his hand at me. I laugh at him. We spend about an hour with him talking about what the doctors told him about changing his diet and lessening the stress. I talk about getting my business up and running in Miami. Sarah signed the contract on the place that was down the street from Books a Latte so that makes me happy that I won’t be far from Reagan. Jack Stephens keeps surprising me as he is making plans to come to Miami to see the baby, check out my business, and get to know his son-in-law and future daughter-in-law. Reagan and I look at each other with complete shock. We visit for about an hour then head back to Rob and Aaron’s apartment to get ready.
Love Me Like You Mean It Page 17