by Laura Iding
“Maybe it would have been all right if my dad had found someone great, but instead he seemed to make one mistake after another.” He downed half his water and set it aside. “My dad went through four marriages and four divorces. Hell, you’d think he’d learn but. no, he keeps finding new women and jumping right back into the next relationship. I’ve finally convinced him to stop marrying them at least.”
“I see,” Raine said slowly. She didn’t look as if she completely agreed with him. “But, Caleb, surely you realize that your father’s mistakes aren’t your own.”
“I made a similar error in judgment,” he said slowly. “Remember I told you that my fiancée cheated on me? We were both residents, working a lot of shifts, often on opposite schedules, but I trusted her. Until I came home early one night to find her in bed with another guy.” He tried to soften the bitterness in his tone. “Good thing I found out before I married her.”
Her frown deepened. “Not all women cheat, Caleb.”
He nodded. “I know. Logically, I know that I can’t assume the worst. But my gut doesn’t listen to my head.”
“So you’ve been overcompensating ever since,” she said softly.
“Yes.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I tried to call you to apologize but you wouldn’t take my calls.”
She glanced away. “I know. I wish I had. But we can’t go back. Even if we had tried again, I doubt our relationship would have survived. Especially not after what I did.”
“Raine, please. Don’t say that. You didn’t do anything. The assault was not your fault.” He wished he could reach out and pull her into his arms, but he was afraid of scaring her.
“My counselor says the same thing, but saying that doesn’t change how I feel.” She finally brought her gaze up to meet his.
“I figured you didn’t take my calls because you were still angry with me.”
She stared at him for a few seconds. “I was angry with you, Caleb,” she said finally. “I went to the bachelorette party in the first place to get over you. But afterwards, you need to understand, the real reason I didn’t take your calls was because I’d changed. I’m not the same person I was when you first asked me out. I’ll never be that person ever again.”
Raine finished her water as a heavy silence fell between them. She wished, more than anything, she could ask Caleb to hold her. Despite how they’d broken off their relationship a month ago, she missed him. Missed being with him. When he’d hugged her that morning, she’d felt normal. The way she’d been before the night that had changed her for ever. As if maybe she really was healing.
“Does the attack still give you nightmares?” he asked in a low voice.
“Not exactly.” She picked at the label around her empty bottle and then set it aside. “I don’t remember anything from that night. Unfortunately, my imagination keeps trying to fill in the blanks.”
Caleb’s jaw tightened. “I hope to hell they find the bastard.”
“Me too.” She tried to think of a way to change the subject. Understanding Caleb’s past helped clarify his actions. She could clearly see why he’d questioned her all the time about where she was going and who she was going to be with. But even if she had known all this back then, she didn’t think she would have done anything differently. She still would have taken a break from their relationship. She still would have attended the bachelorette party with the rest of the girls.
And the outcome would have been the same.
They’d both made mistakes. Unfortunately, hers were insurmountable.
“Raine, you’ll get through this,” Caleb said finally, breaking the silence. “Maybe it will take time, but you’re strong and I know you’ll get through this.”
He was completely missing the point. “I know I’ll get through it, Caleb. It’s already been over a month. I’ve done a pretty good job so far of moving on with my life. I volunteer at the animal shelter and I’ve returned to work. I know I’ll get through this.”
“So where does that leave us?” he asked with a frown.
Her heart tripped in her chest. If only it were that easy to salvage what they’d once had. “What do you want me to say?” she asked helplessly. “I just told you I’m not the same person I was before. I’m not the person you were attracted to. And even if I were, what’s changed, Caleb? You didn’t trust me before. Didn’t believe me when I told you Jake had too much to drink that night. What’s changed now?”
“I don’t know,” he said bluntly, and she had to give him points for being honest. “I can promise to try to work through my trust issues. But you won’t know if I have or not unless you give me a second chance.”
A second chance? Did she dare? “I’m a different person now,” she reminded him.
“Maybe you are, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about you.”
He cared about her? Her heart squeezed in her chest. Was she crazy to even think of trying to renew a relationship with Caleb? Was she even capable of such a thing? She’d enjoyed being held by him, but that was a long way away from actually dating. And there was a part of her that couldn’t believe he’d be able to put aside his trust issues that easily. Would it bother him that she’d been with another man, however involuntarily?
She feared that innate distrust would eventually rip them apart.
Yet she trusted Caleb physically. Being with him felt a little like coming home. “I care about you too, Caleb.” She took a deep breath and tried to smile. “If you’re serious about wanting a second chance, then I’m willing to try, too.”
His eyes widened, as if he hadn’t expected her to agree. “Really? I promise I won’t rush you. We’ll take things slow and easy.”
She hesitated, wondering if he was going to have more trouble with this than she was. Caleb’s imagination could easily run amuck, just like hers had. “I won’t break, Caleb. I was the one who asked you for a hug this morning, remember?”
“I remember.”
She set her empty water bottle aside and inched closer. “And you told me I could ask for a hug any time, right?”
His expression turned wary. “Yes. But I don’t want to rush you, Raine. Don’t feel like you have to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“I won’t,” she assured him, reaching out to take his hand in hers, feeling reassured when his fingers curled protectively around hers. “I’m ready for another hug, Caleb. Would you hold me?”
CHAPTER TEN
“OF COURSE. I aim to please,” he said lightly, but there was the slightest hesitation before his strong arms wrapped around her, drawing her close.
Raine sighed and burrowed her face into the hollow of his shoulder. She took a deep breath, filling her senses with his warm, familiar, musky scent.
She closed her eyes against the sting of unexpected tears. This was what she’d wanted ever since leaving his house earlier that morning. This was what she’d been missing.
Caleb lightly stroked a hand down her back, and even though she knew he only meant to soothe her, a flicker of awareness rippled along her nerves. He paused when she trembled, and then slowly repeated the caress. This time she bit back a moan as a wave of desire stabbed deep.
“Are you all right?” Caleb asked, his voice a deep rumble in her ear.
“I’m fine,” she whispered, trying to hide how much he was affecting her. “This is nice.”
There was another moment of silence and she inwardly winced, knowing nice was the least appropriate word to describe how she was feeling. She’d asked for a hug because she cared about Caleb. But responding to him with awareness and desire only confirmed her feelings for him hadn’t lessened during the time they’d spent apart.
But did Caleb feel the same way? Somehow she doubted it. Because deep down she knew that if Caleb had ever really loved her, he would have believed in her.
And despite how he’d asked for a second chance, he was treating her like a victim. Someone to protect. Not a partner. If their re
lationship had stumbled before, she couldn’t imagine how they’d manage to overcome everything that had happened.
Were they crazy to even try? Could they really find a way to overcome their problems?
“I’m glad you’re not afraid,” Caleb murmured. “It’s nice to know you can relax around me.”
Relax? With her body shimmering with awareness? Was he kidding? She couldn’t help but smile. She lifted her head and met his gaze. “I’m not afraid of being close to you like this.”
His gaze locked on hers, and his eyes darkened with the first inkling of desire. She went still, afraid to move. Slowly, ever so slowly, he bent his head until his mouth lightly brushed against hers.
Caleb’s kiss was whisper soft and so brief she almost cried out in protest when he pulled away. But then he repeated the caress, gently molding his mouth to hers, giving her plenty of time to push him off.
She didn’t.
When his arms tightened around her and he shifted his position slightly to pull her closer against him, she experienced a secret thrill. He kissed her again and again, but didn’t deepen the kiss until she opened her mouth and tasted him.
With a low groan, he invaded her mouth, kissing her deeply, the way she remembered.
But after a few minutes of heaven he pulled away, tucking her head back into the hollow of his shoulder, his chest rising and falling rapidly beneath her ear. “Sorry,” he muttered.
Sorry? She frowned. “For what?”
“I promised we’d go slow,” he said in a low rough voice full of self-disgust. “A few more minutes of kissing you like that and I would have forgotten my promise.”
She frowned. “I’m a woman, not a victim,” she said, her tone sharp.
He pressed a chaste kiss to the top of her head. “I know, but there’s no rush, Raine. Just holding you in my arms is more than enough for now.”
She closed her eyes on a wave of helpless frustration. This wouldn’t be enough for her. Maybe Caleb needed more time to grapple with what had happened.
He continued his soft caress, stroking his hand down her back and soon her irritation faded. She snuggled against him, relishing the closeness.
Maybe this was Caleb’s way of starting over. Like from the very beginning. And if so, he was right.
There was no rush.
Raine realized she must have fallen asleep because her world tilted as Caleb lifted her off the sofa and carried her into the bedroom. She hadn’t been in her bed since that night, but she didn’t protest—unwilling to ruin the moment with bad memories.
When he slid in beside her, she relaxed, unable to deny the wide bed was much more comfortable than the cramped sofa, despite their bulky clothes. Using his chest as a pillow, she closed her eyes and tried to relax, regretting more than ever that they hadn’t made love during the two months they’d been together. If they had, maybe she’d have that memory to sustain her now.
Hours later, she woke up again when Caleb shifted beneath her. This time she felt the mattress give, and she blinked the sleep from her eyes, watching as he sat on the edge of the bed running his fingers through his tousled hair. Her stomach tightened with anxiety. “Are you leaving?”
He twisted toward her, as if surprised to find her awake. He flashed a crooked smile and leaned over to brush a kiss over her mouth. “I don’t want to go, but I almost forgot about Grizz. I let him out after work, but that was hours ago. I need to get home to take care of him.”
She’d forgotten about Grizz too, but maybe he was just using the dog as an excuse. Sleeping in Caleb’s arms had been wonderful, but suddenly it seemed as if the passionate kiss they’d shared had never happened. She tried to smile. “Too bad you can’t bring him over here.”
He must have sensed the wistfulness of her voice, because he rolled back toward her, stretching out beside her. “Raine, I wouldn’t leave at all if it wasn’t for the dog. I promised my dad I’d take care of him. I don’t think Grizz has ever been alone all night before.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Of course you have to go.” She was ashamed of her selfishness. Hadn’t they agreed there was no rush? Why was she clinging to him, afraid to let him go? “Thanks for staying, Caleb. I appreciate it more than you know.”
“Raine,” he murmured on a low groan as he gathered her close. “I don’t want to leave. But I have to.” He kissed her, deeply, his muscles tense, his need evident.
She drowned in the sensation as he gave her a glimpse of what their renewed relationship might hold. But then, all too soon, he broke away, moving as if to get up out of her bed. “You’re making this difficult for me. I really have to go,” he said in a gravel-rough tone.
She forced herself to let him go. “Give Grizzly a hug for me, okay?”
He stopped, and then turned back to her, propping his hand beneath his head so he could look down at her. “You could come with me. If you don’t have other, more pressing plans, we could spend the day together.”
She didn’t have any plans, much less pressing ones. And spending the day with Caleb held definite appeal. But she didn’t want to sound too pathetically eager. “You’re not scheduled to work?”
“No. Are you?”
She shook her head. She wasn’t needed at the animal shelter today either. What better way to start over than to spend a Sunday together? “All right, if you’re sure.”
For an answer, he kissed her again. She couldn’t help pulling him close to deepen the kiss. “I’m sure,” he said, breaking off from the kiss. “And we’d better leave soon, because I’m very close to not caring if Grizz relieves his bladder in my house.”
She laughed, feeling light-hearted for the first time in weeks. She gave him a playful push. “All right, let’s go.”
Caleb scrubbed the exhaustion from his face as he waited for Raine to finish in the bathroom.
Holding Raine in his arms had been worth sacrificing his sleep. He didn’t regret a moment of their night together. Kissing her, holding her, had been a test of his willpower.
Maybe his body was hard and achy this morning, but he didn’t care. Somehow he’d managed to ignore his needs and give Raine the security she deserved. Her peace of mind was far more important than his discomfort.
Long into the night, he’d been unable to keep his imagination from dwelling on what she’d been through. He’d only brought her into the bedroom after she’d almost fallen right off the sofa. He’d hoped he could help her get over her aversion to sleeping in her bed.
Unfortunately he’d been tortured by images of how the bastard had brought her here, taking Raine against her will. He was surprised his suppressed anger and tense muscles hadn’t woken her up.
Grimly, he told himself that focusing on what had happened wasn’t going to help rekindle their relationship. He needed to get over it. And soon.
The way Raine had responded to his kiss proved she was on the road to recovery. He refused to hamper her healing in any way. If she could get past what had happened, surely he could do the same.
“Okay, I’m ready,” she said, hurrying back into the living room where he waited. She poured fresh water into a bowl for Spice and then gave the cat a gentle pat. “See you later, sweetie.”
“We could bring Spice if you want. Maybe Grizzly will grow on her,” he said, eyeing the cat doubtfully.
Raine brightened, but then reconsidered with a shake of her head. “That’s a good idea, but maybe some other time.”
He hid his relief. Considering the way the cat had hissed at him, he couldn’t imagine Spice would be all too thrilled to meet Grizz, but he’d wanted the decision to be hers.
When they got to his house, he couldn’t help feeling guilty when he found Grizz stretched out in front of the door, obviously waiting for him. The dog jumped excitedly, his tail wagging furiously when Raine came in behind him.
“Come on, Grizz, go outside first,” he muttered, shooing the dog out back.
The dog took care of business and then came back to the door, lookin
g eager to come back in. Raine opened the door for Grizz as he put out food and water for him.
“I need to call the hospital, see how my dad is doing,” Caleb said, glancing at the clock. “And I’d planned to visit today, too, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course I don’t mind,” Raine said, looking affronted.
He flipped open his cellphone to call Cardiology. It took a few minutes before he was connected with his father’s nurse.
After Caleb explained who he was, the nurse sounded relieved to hear from him. “Your father is not having a good day. He’s refusing to get out of bed and has been crabby with the nurses. His surgeon has been in to see him, though, and medically he’s doing fine. Emotionally, not so well.”
He didn’t like the sound of that. “Okay, let him know I’m coming to visit. And tell him I’m bringing company. Hopefully that will cheer him up.”
“I will.”
He closed his phone and glanced at Raine. “Dad’s crabby today, refusing to get up and overall being a pain to the staff. I hope it’s not a sign he’s taking a turn for the worse.”
Raine frowned at the news. “I hope not, too.” She glanced down at Grizzly, who’d finished inhaling his food and had come over to nudge her hand with his head, seeking some attention. “Hey, I have an idea. Maybe we can take Grizzly in to visit.”
Caleb stared at her. Had she lost her mind? “Since when are dogs allowed to visit patients? Especially on a surgical floor? And I think he’s a little too big to sneak in.”
“No, really, this could work.” Raine took out her own cellphone and dialed a number. He soon realized she was talking to someone in the safety and security department. “Hi, Bryan? This is Raine Hart. How are you? It’s nice to talk to you, too. Hey, I’d like to invoke the pet visitation policy. There’s a patient, Frank Stewart, on the third-floor cardiac surgery unit who’s depressed today. He’s a veterinarian, volunteering his time at the animal shelter, and I’d like to schedule a visit with his black Lab, Grizzly.”
Caleb listened in astonishment. A pet visitation policy? He’d never heard of such a thing. But apparently Raine knew all about it and, more, she knew how to arrange the visit.