by Eden Maguire
‘Lovers,’ Maia confirms. ‘Young lovers like you, Grace and Jude.’
Dark angel, love thief. Where there’s love, Zoran brings hate. Destroy, destroy.
My angel, my other-worldly guardian spirit gazes at me for a long time. ‘Now you know him fully,’ she tells me, and she lets go of my hands, steps back at last. She speaks earnestly as her light dies and she fades into the forest. ‘Use this knowledge against Zoran. Win this battle, Tania. Lead your friends out of the dark into the light.’
I went to look for Zoran because after Maia left me in the clearing there was only this one thing I could do. I found him with his back towards me, alone in his chapel, preparing for Jude’s initiation, and when I walked through the door I was less afraid than before, inspired by my secret meeting with my angel of light, shielded by the knowledge she’d shared.
The chapel was cool and shadowy, Zoran was on his knees by the raised platform, head thrown back and arms spread wide, praying to his devils.
‘In the name of darkness and all who dwell in the shadows, I kneel. I dedicate myself to the dark forces of the universe.’
His voice filled the chapel, rose to the rafters and echoed there. The sight of him dressed in black took me back to the beginning. Once more he was Zoran from the Heavenly Bodies event – winged and stripped to the waist, a plume of black feathers rising from a leather band tied around his head. I saw the angel tattoo on his arm, the razor-sharp face, the bare, domed skull.
‘I am darkness, I am death,’ he chanted. ‘When day turns into night, when the sun sinks behind the mountain, finally I am ready!’
I held my breath, frozen in horror at the sight of this creature – no longer a man as he knelt there on the platform and his iridescent wings began to beat. Soon his features grew tighter, sharper, more birdlike until I swear he rose again from the ground, began to hover, to fly into the dark roof space – from where he looked down and saw me.
I gaze up at him. He is a black eagle, his eyes all-seeing, his beak cruel. In a flurry of black feathers he swoops down.
I raise my arms to protect myself, back into a corner and huddle there, helpless under the sharp venom of his gaze. Behind him, a hundred flying creatures – part hawk, part lizard, part mythological dragon – seem to have emerged from the shadows, their dark eyes glittering, muscular tails swiping the air, hooked beaks ready to tear at my flesh.
Zoran raises one arm to hold them at bay. His face changes from bird to human and back again, he darts his head close to mine. I shudder and shrink back. The next time I dare to open my eyes, he is in human form.
‘Why do you always creep up on people?’ he asked coolly as he stepped away and the army of airborne monsters faded back into the shadows.
‘I was looking for Daniel,’ I told him, struggling to find my voice.
‘Well, you walked in on a private moment.’ His eyes seemed to pierce through my lame excuse and hold me skewered like an insect. ‘I often come into the chapel to meditate – to find inner strength.’
I nodded, afraid that anything I said would give me away.
Zoran kept me cornered; maintained his cool, considered tone. ‘You and Daniel – how are you getting along?’
‘Good. We’re cool.’
‘Really?’ He took a long, deep breath, still pinning me down with his stare. ‘Tell me, Tania, did anyone ever tell you that you’re difficult to get to know?’
I shrugged, tried to deflect his gaze. ‘I guess I’m kind of private.’
‘Complex,’ he agreed. ‘Your friends think so too.’
I closed my eyes, suspecting that there was more to come. The blood drained from my face and I felt light-headed.
‘Complex and hard to read – that’s how Grace describes you.’
Grace! He’d talked with Grace! I opened my mouth to suck in air, looked towards the door in time to see it slam shut. I heard but couldn’t see those winged monsters fill the dark space above my head.
‘We chatted over lunch,’ Zoran explained. ‘You weren’t there. We missed you.’
‘I helped Daniel with the mustangs then I went for a walk up Black Rock. Didn’t he tell you?’ Keep a clear head, put up a fight, delay whatever is about to happen!
Zoran nodded. ‘He was afraid you’d get lost.’
I shook my head. ‘I know my way around.’
‘People always say that. But these days we never know when the forest teams are going to set fires. We tell people – we told Oliver – don’t walk alone on the mountain. It’s not safe.’
‘Maybe I’d better find Daniel and let him know I’m back,’ I suggested, praying that I could find some way to reach the door, open it and walk out of there.
‘Oh, he already knows,’ Zoran said quietly. Then, ‘The way Grace explained it to me over lunch was that you and she are not close any more, and it’s because you find it hard to trust people.’
My heart beat fast, my breath came short. Treacherous Grace had spoken to Zoran and now each word that Zoran spoke fell like a hammer blow on any hope I had of walking free.
‘Do you, Tania? Do you find it difficult to trust Daniel, for instance?’
‘No. He and I…we’re…’
‘An item?’ he prompted with a touch of scorn. ‘I’m not sure I believe that any longer – not after what Grace told me. And how about me – do you trust me?’
His eagle beak was as sharp as a steel dagger, pecking mercilessly into the hidden corners of my mind. His black wings trapped me in that lonely corner of the chapel. ‘Or is it as Grace says – you set up a stubborn barrier, you refuse to believe?’
Fake innocence, keep on playing for time, I told myself. ‘I don’t know what she means. What made her say that?’
Zoran eased back as if to study me from a distance. When I dared to take a step towards the door, the hovering creatures closed in on me and hemmed me in. Their wings raised a wind that pushed my hair from my face and left me exposed to Zoran’s merciless stare.
‘Actually, she says that you urged Jude to change his mind. Did you do that, Tania? Don’t lie to me – there’s no point. Did you turn traitor and tell Jude to leave the lodge?’
The wind blew cold: more figures entered through the door.
The first one I recognised was Ezra, his face striped red and white, feathered dreamcatchers hanging at his waist. He hovered at Zoran’s right shoulder, killing me with his violent gaze. Then I saw Lewis in his long feathered cloak, gold discs glinting at his neck, and Cristal with her swan-pale skin, red hair aflame against pure white wings. And Callum with a dozen more dark angels, ranked behind Zoran, accusing me. And lastly Daniel, my sun god.
Daniel stepped forward. He grew in stature, towered over me in his beaked helmet and for a moment I thought I saw pity in his cool blue eyes. A moment, then it was gone.
‘Take her.’ Zoran’s harsh voice passed sentence. ‘Do what you want with her. Throw her from the mountain, crush her beneath a heavy rock, just so long as I never see Tania Ionescu’s face again.’
Daniel took me from the chapel into a daylight world where the sun was past its height and shadows had begun to lengthen. He was himself again, in human form. He gripped me by the wrist and led me across the yard.
‘Don’t!’ I begged, twisting my arm and stumbling in an attempt to be free. ‘Grace has got it all wrong.’
He walked past the arena, on up the mountain.
‘You know how she is – she was confused. Please believe me.’
My words fell on deaf ears. Daniel’s anger was cold and absolute. I’d been mistaken about the pitying glance.
‘So I was scared. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. I misjudged the situation.’ Terror invaded every inch of me. Now I would lie, cheat, deceive, do anything to save myself. ‘Daniel, I’m sorry I was such a coward. Give me another chance, let me prove myself!’
A solitary red kite soared across the blue sky. It rose on an air current, tilted and veered, soared again over the summit of Black
Rock. Daniel led me in silence under the lodge pole pines.
‘Daniel, please!’ I pulled, I twisted, I writhed.
He was strong and his face was set in grim, harsh lines. When he saw the telltale twist of smoke rising in the distance he didn’t even break his stride. It was only the Forest Service team at work again, setting a new fireline by felling trees, digging ditches and burning scrub.
‘What are you going to do to me?’ I pleaded to know my fate, still struggled against it.
By now we were half a mile from Black Eagle Lodge, standing on a ledge of pink granite watching the smoke billow down the mountain towards us when he spoke at last. ‘What’s your biggest fear, Tania? Is it falling from a great height, or is it fire?’
I shook my head, tried to wrench free.
Daniel held me fast and gave a sardonic smile. ‘In freefall with nothing to break your descent, just down and down into oblivion? Imagine that.’
‘Give me another chance. Let me go, please!’
‘Or watching the flames leap and dance all around you and closing in, feeling the intense heat on your skin, the choking smoke in your lungs? That’s it, isn’t it? Fire is what you dread the most.’
I groaned and felt my puny strength fail. I sank to my knees.
‘Fire it is,’ he muttered, dragging me to my feet and on up the mountain towards where the forest team worked.
I cried and sobbed, pictured myself devoured by flames, as Aimee had been before me. I said out loud and over and over that I was sorry, begged for mercy, for any reprieve.
White smoke drifted down Black Rock. It was already in my nostrils, in my throat when we heard a sound from the slopes below. There was a pounding in the distance, growing nearer, the thudding of hooves over rock and scree, the hard breathing of frightened horses.
‘The mustangs,’ Daniel muttered with a scowl and he turned to check.
Yes, mustangs free for a second time on the slopes of Black Rock, spooked by the smoke and thundering towards us, appearing on the ledge where we’d stood. They were bunched together. The lead stallion reared on to his hind legs as the smoke drifted and twisted at ground level.
Daniel frowned and hesitated. ‘They broke out again. Or else somebody opened the gate.’
And they were heading our way, following our track, racing towards us and almost upon us. I felt Daniel flinch, saw him look for safety, out of the path of the fleeing horses. They were close – all twenty of them. I could make out the brown and white Appaloosa and Zoran’s sorrel mare close behind, could see their tangled manes whipped back from their faces, their flattened ears and rolling eyes. And it was too late for Daniel and me to find refuge – the horses were here in the smoke and the dust, their hooves clashing against rock and sending up sparks. Sighting us ahead of them, they suddenly reared up and pawed the air with their flailing hooves. Wild horses surrounded us.
I heard the fatal blow – heavy and hard. I saw the sorrel mare rear up and thud down, threw myself to one side and knew that Daniel had gone under those hooves without a cry.
The mare reared again, came down a second time. Then the stallion broke away, cut back down the slope towards the green clearing where Maia had materialized earlier that morning. The others quickly followed, left the sorrel standing over Daniel, quivering and arching her neck to stare down at what lay beneath her hooves.
Daniel was face up in the dust. He was shrouded in smoke, but I could tell he was dead. The back of his skull was smashed; his blood stained the rock.
The mare raised her head. I believe the glance she gave me was one of total understanding before she took off after the herd. One glance, then those heavy hooves thundered away.
And I was hiding my face in my hands, staggering away from Daniel’s body, losing my balance, sinking to the ground and blind to everything.
Arms caught me. I did not dare to look.
‘Oh, Tania, I thought I’d lost you for good,’ Orlando whispered. He held me close.
15
He hadn’t left me for ever. He’d come back to find me.
‘I opened the arena gate,’ he confessed. ‘It was me who let the horses out.’
‘What made you come back to the lodge?’ We were kneeling face to face under the trees. Orlando’s arms were around me, my head was buried in his chest.
‘I had a bad feeling,’ he murmured. ‘The more I thought about it, the more I knew something was wrong.’
‘You didn’t walk away,’ I sighed with dawning realization. I can’t tell you how good it felt.
‘Before we even got home yesterday, I knew I had to come back.’
‘It’s bad here,’ I rushed to explain. ‘Jude is about to step over into something he can’t control. Grace already made the move.’
Orlando stroked my hair. ‘I didn’t buy that crap about Jude being too busy to see us yesterday. Jude’s not like that. He always has time. And you and I had talked a lot about the weird way Grace was acting. I know we fought over it and you thought I didn’t believe you, but it stayed with me and later, what you said began to make sense.’
‘It takes a while – I know.’
‘This is so huge, Tania. It has to do with stuff I never usually think of – forces we can’t control.’
‘Tell me about it.’ I gave a small smile. ‘In one way, and one way only, Grace is right. You have to dare to believe that this stuff exists. Ezra convinced her to join them and now Cristal has brainwashed Jude. But the point is – they’re going to die. Unless we do something, they won’t make it through the night.’ I tell you – the joy of being able to say ‘we’ – ‘unless we do something’ – made me break down and sob again.
‘Wait. Hear me out,’ he insisted, his arms around me, still protecting me. ‘One last thing, and it’s the most important – about you and me. When Zoran and the other guys laid down the ultimatum – go home with him or stay here with us …’
‘I was trying to get through to you but I couldn’t spell it out in front of them. It almost killed me.’
‘Listen. I saw the look in your eyes. I knew what you were trying to communicate.’
‘So you acted mad at me, stormed off with Holly and Aaron just to fool them?’ Bang, bang, bang – those three car doors still echoed in my head like gunshots.
‘I’d like to say yes, clear and simple,’ he told me, taking me by the shoulders and asking me to look straight at him while he explained the rest. ‘But it was more complicated. Jealousy blinded me for a while, I guess.’
‘I know. I understand.’
‘And Holly was certain you’d lost it, totally freaked out, gone over to Daniel – whatever. She felt sorry for me.’
I sighed and shook my head. ‘So part of you was angry with me?’
He nodded. ‘You know how I am.’
‘How we are,’ I corrected. The ‘we’ word again. Both of us thin-skinned, hot-headed, still with a lot of growing to do. ‘I don’t blame you. In your position I would have reacted the same way.’
Orlando and I knelt there under the trees while thin smoke from the forest fire drifted around us, obscuring Daniel’s corpse. I shivered when I thought of him lying there with his skull smashed into fragments like those antique Aztec masks on Zoran’s wall. Only this time the pieces didn’t slot back together and become whole.
‘I did a lot of hard thinking way into the night,’ Orlando admitted. ‘Then I fell asleep and when I woke up this morning I knew what I needed to do.’
‘And now you’re here.’ I drew him towards me and kissed him softly, feeling a calm stillness at the centre of all the pandemonium around us. ‘So let me fill in some of the gaps. I don’t expect you to believe all of it, but just try – OK?’ It was the stuff about me being a medium, a link with the spiritual world, about Maia, my angel of light, and about Zoran and the whole warring cosmos.
I’d hardly got into it when Orlando shook his head. He looked as sorrowful as it’s possible to be. Soulful and sad as he kissed me back and held me in h
is arms. ‘I haven’t finished,’ he whispered hoarsely. ‘I still haven’t told you the most important part.’
‘Go ahead,’ I whispered. ‘But why so sad?’
‘I’m not sad, I’m serious.’
‘OK, go ahead.’
‘When I woke up this morning I knew this wasn’t about Zoran, or Daniel, or Grace and Jude. It’s about us. About you and me.’
For a split second I felt my familiar stab of panic. I thought Orlando would tell me this was it – we were through.
But he pulled me to my feet and held me close. ‘Maybe we won’t make it through this,’ he sighed.
‘We will,’ I argued, stroking his cheek, stemming the flow of fear.
‘Let’s hope. But anyway I need you to know – you mean everything to me, Tania.’
I held him without speaking, my heart full.
‘The first time ever I saw you, I knew we’d be together. It was like the sun on my face – the feeling I had when you looked at me and smiled. Really, the most amazing thing ever.’
‘Stop. You’re making me cry.’ But I understood he had to get through to the end of what he’d stored up in his head, his heart.
‘We went swimming in the lake at midnight,’ he reminded me. ‘Our first date – that’s where we ended up.’
‘I remember – every moment.’ The moonlight and stars, the ice cold water on our skin.
‘You were the most amazing thing that ever happened to me,’ he whispered again. ‘And I know you felt the same.’ It wasn’t a question, it was plain fact. ‘We were meant to be.’
Silence, beautiful calm in the centre of chaos. I held him as he continued. ‘Then we get into it and you know how it is – you have the most precious thing in this life and somewhere down the line you get scared you might lose it.’
‘I know,’ I sighed. ‘It feels too good. Maybe you don’t deserve it, or something bad will happen and it will all get blown away.’ We sabotage love with doubt.
‘So if – when – we get out of this, you know you’re my sun, my moon, my midnight swimmer – everything and for ever?’