“Not if I can fucking help it.”
Good, that was exactly her point. “Well, let me stay.”
He traced his lips over hers again. “Are you gonna scream for me?”
She prodded his belly. “Don’t make me perform for an audience, Arch. I perform for you when it’s private. I’m tired and confused and—”
“Ok,” he said. “Get your ass into bed.”
“Really?” she asked, exuberant, because she hadn’t really believed that he would relent.
But she didn’t want to go down to her cold, empty apartment alone. Nya wanted to stay here with Archer to find out what he’d done to Tag.
“Sure. Look at that face. How the fuck can I say no to that?”
He’d done the thing he claimed to love to do in exciting her so much. Launching her arms around him, Nya squeezed herself close. “I knew there was a reason I fucking loved you,” she said.
Archer straightened, forcing her off her feet, so she dangled around his neck. “I have to tidy up out here, I’ll be through in a minute, ok?” He stroked his hands down her back to cup her ass.
Digging her teeth into his jaw, Nya climbed higher to kiss his ear. “Be quick.”
“Actually,” he murmured, slipping his hand under her skirt. “I plan to go fucking slow.”
That promise made her tremble. She let him go to drop back onto her feet, not because she wanted his hands off her body or because she didn’t want him to fulfil his promise, but because the longer she detained him, the longer it would take him to join her in bed.
Pressing her back to the hallway wall, she gave him room to get to work. Watching him go into the kitchen to start cleaning up, Nya glanced the other way and saw, for the first time, the hole in the wall by the bathroom door. He’d been so frustrated with himself that he’d caused damage to the apartment that he worked hard to maintain.
She didn’t like that she’d upset him that much, but it did confirm what he’d said. She’d had a power over him that she’d never confronted or accepted. Turning back to observe the man who was working efficiently, she realized how careful she would have to be, because being in control of a weapon as powerful as Archer could lead to destruction if she didn’t wield him carefully.
Protecting him was her primary goal, she’d told him that, and wouldn’t apologize for putting herself in danger for him, but he would do the same for her. He already had, several times. It wouldn’t be easy, but Nya was going to look after him and make sure that he knew he was loved every day. Just as she’d said to him that she didn’t want to perform for an audience, she didn’t want him performing for one either.
Archer needed stability, normality, things he’d never had and always craved. He looked up after stacking a bunch of the food boxes. “I told you to go to bed, Squirm,” he said, but he wasn’t even looking at her, he must have sensed her loitering in the shadows.
“I love you, Chase.” Her use of his first name made him freeze. “And I think I want to do it.”
“Let me finish cleaning up and we will.”
“No,” she said and left the shadow of the hallway. Moving across to lean on the fridge with her forearms pressed between the side of it and her chest, she peeked around the appliance to watch him work. He knew she was there, but the symbolic protection of the machine gave her the confidence to confess her thoughts. “I want you to get me pregnant.”
He stopped and didn’t move for a minute and then his fingers opened and the last of the cartons fell into the trash. Kicking the cupboard closed with his big toe, he lifted his chin to look at her. “How much wine have you had?”
“That’s not why I’m saying this.”
“Then why are you saying it?” he asked. “There’s no fucking way you mean it. If you’re trying to manipulate—”
“I’m not,” she said, coming out from her cover to go to him.
The only lights on in the space were the recessed halogens underneath the upper kitchen units. He had to have installed them himself because she didn’t have anything quite so snazzy at her place.
“Then why?”
“I don’t know, I just feel that what Ester said is true, you know? We’re always gonna work this out. We’re gonna be together forever.”
“So this is a biological clock thing?” he asked and although her hands were on the sides of his ribs, his arms remained loose at his sides. “We can’t have a kid. What the fuck do I know about kids?”
“Plenty,” she said, thinking of the influence Derren had had in Archer’s life and how if Archer applied that to their child, she would be as proud as Ester was when talking about her son.
“I’d have to get a job.”
“We have the club.”
That made him incredulous. “You want to keep running the club while you’re pregnant? That’s not safe, Squirm.”
“I have you and Robbo and the other guys. All of you would keep me safe.”
“And you want me to sit at home every night with a kid while you work the night shift? We both work at night.”
“We’d work it out,” she said. “I don’t have to be present at the club every night. We could take it in turns maybe and you could still do your thing while managing the place, right?”
“I don’t work there.”
Except he could, they could do it together. “What’s mine is yours.”
“A family business?” he asked. “You want to pass along some seedy nightclub to our kid? Don’t you want better for him than we had?”
“He already has better,” she said. “He has us. I’m not gonna be like your mom, I’m not gonna be like mine. I’ll be present. I promise I’ll care for him. I’ll love him—”
“I know,” Archer said, silencing her when he cupped her cheeks and rested his thumbs over her lips. “You’ll make a great mom.” She grinned. “But I can’t knock you up,” he said. “Not yet. We just got back together and your buddy Tag’s in a mess. Protecting you is tough enough, if any bastards tried to come after our kid…”
Nya had gotten herself into trouble plenty over the last few months. When she wasn’t being attacked in the club or chained to Archer’s pipe, she was being cornered by Hexam or committing almost-murder. But as she’d watched him in the kitchen, she’d been so sure that it was right, that she wanted to have a family with this man and she’d never looked at any man and felt that way.
The disappointment weighed heavily on her shoulders because he was right, their lives were far too dangerous. They lived in a bad neighborhood, ran a club full of thugs and were friends with people who would cut them down if it suited an agenda.
Pain consumed his expression. “Don’t do that,” he said. “You’re doing that disappointment thing again.”
“It’s not you,” she said, stroking him. “I’m not disappointed in you. I’m disappointed because you’re right. It was a stupid idea. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
She tried to walk away, but he caught her arm and pulled her back to him. “I’m not saying never,” he said. “Now that I know it’s what you want, I’ll make it happen. I promise. Just… gimme some time, ok?” Tracing his fingertips down her jaw and over her lips, he soothed her with a kiss. “I love you, baby. You know I’d give you anything.” She nodded because with the combination of the wine and the emotion of the last few days, Nya didn’t trust herself not to burst into tears if she opened her mouth. “I’ll buy you a nice house.” He smiled in a way that begged her to smile back. “Somewhere real nice, with a yard… and a porch. In a real safe neighborhood. Real safe, Ny.”
The thought was nice and she appreciated it, but she’d never had anything like that and neither had he. Derren had mocked the idea of Walton Mountain. They would never have a safe middle-class life. It just wouldn’t happen for them. But did she want to bring a child up in the same way she and Archer had been raised? Surrounded by depravity and crime?
At least she could be sure that they would be good, decent parents, but Archer still wouldn’t even live with her and
if he kept doing what he did, he would always be in danger. He’d always managed to keep himself safe and his work had never impacted her.
It was Tag they had to get straightened out. It was because of him she’d been threatened. If anything was to happen to their children, it would be on the back of Tag’s screw up. But Archer knew how to charm, blackmail, and manipulate, so he would always keep their family safe.
“Are you going to go to bed now, sweetheart?” he asked, lowering to rest his forehead on hers. “I’ll be through in a minute.”
He kissed her, but she kept her lips closed because her disappointment hadn’t waned. It would in the sober light of day. When she got caught up in the Sizzle renovations, and distracted by what Tag was up to, she would remember how she liked her independent life and how awful an idea it was to bring a child into the darkness of the world they lived in.
He didn’t say anything else after she left, although he held her hand for quite a while. Nya was pleased that he’d said she could sleep in his bed, except she wasn’t sure she felt much in the mood to make love anymore.
Tidying the last of the things in the bedroom, she turned down the bed and stripped off her clothes. That was when she noticed the empty wine bottle on the dresser. If it had been just her, she’d have left it there and dealt with it in the morning, but having trash in the room would drive Archer insane.
Grabbing the neck of the bottle, she took it out of the room. As she went up the hall, she heard his voice, “Yeah, we’re on schedule,” Archer said and she slowed to register that he was still in the kitchen somewhere near the laundry closet, which was on the other side of the fridge. “No, she doesn’t suspect anything, why would she?” Nya clutched the bottle closer. “Look, I told you I’d set it up and I have… You worry about holding up your end, Gio. I’ll make the delivery on time…” He said nothing for a few seconds, “I don’t give a fuck…Once you have him, he’s yours… Yeah, I’ll make sure she doesn’t ask any questions… It’s a piece of piss to keep her sweet. Trust me, I know how to work her… Do you have the fifty?”
Fifty. Like the fifty grand that was apparently being used to pay debts. Nya couldn’t take the bottle into the kitchen now; she began to move backwards into the shadow of the hall, fearful that Archer could appear at any minute.
She went into the bedroom, closed the door, and put the bottle on the dresser without making a sound. Why would Archer be talking to Gio, talking about deliveries and money and keeping someone sweet. The only “she” they could be talking about was her, because as far as Nya knew, she was the only woman they were both associated with. Was she being played? Not by Archer… except he’d been quick to break up with her and his turnaround was just as abrupt. Being together was the best way to manipulate her because he did have a way of distracting her with sex.
No one had asked him to kidnap Tag, and he made it seem like he’d done it through kindness. But he’d been wanting to get rid of Tag for a long time and claimed he couldn’t do it himself because of her. Did it count if he handed Tag over to someone who wanted to hurt him?
Nya sat on the bed, lost in thought about what she’d just heard. She heard a click and gasped as she scrambled over the bed. If Archer was turning off the lights then he would be here in a moment. Lying down, she pulled up the blankets and closed her eyes tight.
Keeping her back to his side of the bed, she’d already lost her desire to be intimate and couldn’t think about making love with a man who’d just put all these questions into her mind. So even after listening to him undress, she stayed exactly where she was, tense and rigid, feigning sleep.
Lying down beside her, he stroked her hip and kissed her shoulder. Then nuzzling her hair, he fondled her breast, and said her name.
Skimming his hand south, he tried to insinuate it between her thighs, but she squeezed them tighter. His laugh warmed her neck. “Ok, Squirm, sleep,” he whispered, kissing her shoulder again. “But I’m having Cheerios for breakfast.”
She’d just told this man that she wanted to have his child, and now she wasn’t even sure she could look at him. Damn Ester and her drinking habit, Nya would rather be ignorant than filled with this icy doubt that was making her rethink everything she thought she knew to be true.
sixteen
Archer probably believed that he’d been awake before her and it was a valid assumption, because he usually was.
This day was an exception.
Nya hadn’t slept a wink. After all the days she’d dreamt of waking up with him, this should be a happy morning. But it was difficult to enjoy a fantasy come to life when her mind was on overdrive.
All sorts of possibilities had joined her throughout her sleepless night while she sat cross-legged next to her lightly-snoring lover, caressing his body and wondering about what secrets were contained in his fathomless mind.
About an hour ago while she’d been making another unsuccessful attempt to sleep, he’d pulled her into his embrace. All he’d done was hold her and being in his arms helped Nya to loosen more than she had all night. She had been just on the cusp of drifting off when Archer grumbled something and stretched.
He was awake.
The night was over, daylight stained the window beyond the curtains, and she hadn’t reached any conclusions.
Her ass was cushioned against his groin, so he couldn’t see her face, but she closed her eyes anyway.
Nuzzling into her hair, Archer said her name and began to grind his morning wood into her. Tensing, Nya tried not to make it obvious that she was awake.
Morning sex was her thing; he’d rather go all night. If this was for her benefit alone, he was going above and beyond. Except he hadn’t got any last night, maybe this was his way of calling in the debt.
Nya wanted it to feel good when he fondled her breast and tweaked her nipple; instead it made her feel sick. Not because he was less skilled than he’d been the last time he touched her but because she felt dishonest.
Nya had a secret. She was keeping a secret from Archer and it didn’t feel right.
“Squirm,” he mumbled into her hair. “Tell me you’re awake, baby.”
“I’m asleep,” she whispered.
“Yeah?” he sniggered. “Want me to work for it?”
Pulling his hand from her chest, she wriggled away. “Not this morning, Fella.”
“You want to play?” he asked, seeing her objection as a tease, a precursor to the foreplay fun usually reserved for when they were both more awake.
“No, I’m not playing,” she murmured, trying to give him his arm back, but he clamped it around her.
Shaking her body, he forced it against his. “What do you want me to do, baby, huh?” he growled in her ear, snagging the lobe in his teeth. “You want it rough? Want me to force you like the old days, that it?”
He groped her breast before seizing both of her wrists to hold them tight in his fists. “No,” she said and the familiar warmth of her need for him bloomed at the apex of her thighs, where she swelled with anticipation.
“I’ll be whatever you need me to be,” he said. “You want me to be rough and take what I want, I’ll do it. You want me to be gentle and treat you nice, I’ll do that too.”
Turning her head away from his lips that were heating the shell of her ear, she squeezed her eyes closed again. “I said no, Arch.”
He didn’t grump, or swear, or pressure her, despite the edge of lust that made her want to wriggle into his sheets. He must have sensed sincerity because he let her go and sat up. “Fair enough. The morning’s your thing anyway,” he said and she heard his epic yawn.
The bed moved. She flipped onto her back and her hand shot out to grab his arm before he could leave the bed. “Wait!”
Sitting there with one foot on the floor, and the other still curled beneath the comforter, he looked at her hand for a second before twisting to focus on her face. “Wait for what?” he asked and she realized she was just lying there looking at him with the big eyes he’d accused
her of using against him.
He wasn’t angry, he didn’t even look particularly turned on, he was just Archer. Nya had spent a whole night trying to stare into him. But now with his eyes fixed on hers, compulsion made her lips part and instinct made her speak.
“I heard you on the phone,” she said and his expression didn’t change. She expected anger or annoyance, expected him to rip his arm away from her touch and berate her for eavesdropping.
Digging her teeth into her lip, she hoped the pressure wasn’t building inside of him because if he exploded at her now while she was naked, vulnerable, and anxious, he might damage her in ways neither of them would be able to undo.
“I know,” he said.
Her lip slid free of her teeth. “What?” she gasped, sitting bolt upright. “How could you possibly have—”
His mouth slanted. “Come on, Squirm. You went from a gal standing in the kitchen telling me to knock her up to a woman faking sleep in my bed. Nothing changed between one event and the other except my conversation with Gio.”
She still had ahold of his arm and couldn’t believe that he was smiling. “My God, Archer, did you…? You let me sit here—I haven’t slept a wink—I’ve been lying awake all night!”
“I know that too,” he said. “Every time you sleep in my bed, you sleep like a baby and never move a muscle. Last night, you wouldn’t sit at peace.”
“And you let me?” she said, not sure if she wanted to punch him or kiss him for this calm reaction.
Combing his fingers through the ends of her hair, his hand dropped away. “It serves you fucking right,” he said. “You know I do shady deals. Know I associate with lowlifes, hell, I fucking am one.”
“You’re not a lowlife,” she said, pulling herself closer to him.
He curled his forefinger under her chin. “There’s always gonna be shit going on I’d rather you don’t know about. Not ‘cause I’m worried you’ll judge me or leave me, but just ‘cause I’m a guy who likes to take care of business, you know?”
She did, hence why he took on the responsibility of those he cared about. Not just financial responsibility, but responsibility for their safety and wellbeing, and their happiness. “I know,” she murmured.
Marked (Branded Book 3) Page 18