by Marie James
I wrap my arms around him and hold onto him with everything I have as his tongue strokes along mine, reorienting their selves. My body is pure liquid under his touch, better now than I remembered because I know how he feels about me. Having passionate sex is nothing compared to making love to a man you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I open my eyes and crane my mouth searching for his when he pulls away, aching at the loss. Slowly he makes his way down my body kissing, caressing, and nibbling.
“What are you doing?” I mutter as he places his forehead on my stomach.
He doesn’t respond until he’s had his minute then begins to move his mouth lower, over my hip, along my thigh.
“Please, Kadin. I don’t need that right now. I want you inside of me.” I moan loudly when I feel his hot breath tickle my delicate flesh.
I look down, and he raises his eyes to mine. “I’d last about three seconds inside of you, London. I’m good, but I’m not ‘give you an orgasm in less than three seconds good.’ I don’t know exactly what you plan to do to me if I don’t make you come, so I’m rectifying that first.”
All I can see is the very top of his eyes over my stomach when he swipes his tongue through my neglected folds. My body arches of its own volition and I press myself hard against his working mouth. He presses his big hands against my thighs holding me open as my body tries to clamp them together at his intrusion.
His talented tongue skates and flutters over my core with wicked skill and my body grows warm as the tingles I haven’t felt in months begin in my lower belly. “So good,” I hear him whisper against me reverently.
“Kadin, please. Oh God.” He’s placed his hands under my body and back over my hips to hold me in place as I squirm and wiggle under his attention. “Kadin!” I screech when the orgasm hits me full force, and I begin to convulse and my core clenches at the emptiness I so desperately need to be filled.
Kadin moves quickly, lining himself against my center and slowly pushing into my still quivering body. My eyes go wide as he pushes further inside. I don’t remember him being so big. I press a hand to his chest and clamp my eyes together. His hips still immediately.
“Am I hurting you? Fuck you’re so tight, London.”
I can feel his body trembling, urging him to move. “Just go slow,” I whisper to him.
I whimper when his thumb rolls over my clit, the attention to the bundle of nerves eases some of the discomforts of his invasion. My legs tremble when I bring them up and lock the around his thighs.
His thumb presses harder, and my body clenches him tighter. He pushes forward slowly as his talented hand manipulates my swollen clit. I hum appreciatively when he finds the end of me and the tell-tale signs of another orgasm begins to creep over my body. My already flushed skin grows even warmer as a light mist of sweat covers my forehead.
“I’m going to come just like this, London. Buried deep inside of you.” He closes his eyes briefly. “I can feel you quivering. When it hits you, you’re going to take me with you.” His thumb strokes faster, the circles becoming concentrated exactly where I need them.
“Kadin,” I gasp breathlessly.
“Take me with you, beautiful.” The second my orgasm forces the first ripple of pressure against him I feel the pulsing beat of his own orgasm inside me.
He prolongs mine, at the same time completing his when he flexes his hips back a few inches and thrusts gently inside of me. His thumb continues to absently stroke against my oversensitive nub until I have to pull my hips away and swat at his hand to make him stop.
Still inside of me, he rests back on his heels between my spread thighs. “You’re absolutely amazing.”
I smile up at him. “Kiss me, Kadin. I’ve missed your lips.”
He obliges willingly until we decide it’s best to get cleaned up and we reluctantly force each other out of the bed. After quick showers, we eat breakfast but end up right back in my bed holding each other.
“Want to have that talk now?” I prod as I lay my head on his chest.
“I’m an open book,” I tell her holding her close to my chest. “You may not be completely happy with my answers or my explanation on some things, London. But I won’t ever lie to you again.”
She runs her fingers up and down my chest, and it’s one of the most relaxing things I’ve felt in a very long time.
“Now that I have you back in my arms,” I begin my confession, “I can honestly say that I’m also glad you left.”
She swings her head up and looks painfully into my eyes.
“Let me finish,” I admonish and tap her nose with my finger. “I don’t know that I would’ve worked through everything I have if you would’ve stayed. In the end, my grief and bitterness would’ve destroyed us. I realized on the way back from Great Falls that I needed to be a better man if I ever expected you to allow me to be a father.”
“You went to Great Falls?”
I nod. “I did everything I could to try to find you.”
“You went to the bar didn’t you?” She asks softly.
“I did. I could tell he hadn’t seen you. So I punched him in the face and left.”
She stares at me with a shocked expression on her face. “You punched him?”
“Yes. He popped off at the mouth, and it pissed me off.”
“What did he say?” She asks.
“It’s not important, London. It was on the drive home that I understood what I had to do to be a man worthy of you; worthy of this baby.” I caress our unborn child with my hand. “I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. I wasn’t particularly hopeful since I hadn’t been able to track you down, but I knew I had to be ready if I was ever given the chance again.
“I’d canceled my therapy appointment after you left, but realized very quickly that I’d get nowhere without it, so I’ve seen Dr. Long weekly since shortly after you left,” I explain.
She remains silent, allowing me to get everything off my chest without the expectation of answering questions, just as I had done for her in the cabin when she told me about her abusive history.
“It took forever, but I was eventually able to accept that Savannah was gone. I was able to work through my anger at her and choices we made. Choices I let her make for me that weren’t exactly what I’d wanted.”
“Like what?” She questions gently.
“The condo for one. I never wanted to live there. I hate being inside the city not able to see the stars at night.” I lovingly touch her belly again. “I wanted children. I knew even then that parenthood was something a couple had to enter into together, so I eventually let it go.”
She places a hand over mine on her stomach. “This wasn’t exactly something we planned, Kadin.”
“You have no idea how much I want this with you, London. I can’t picture my life without you, without this baby, in it. We may not have planned it, but I feel like things, even with the winding path we took to get here, is exactly where we’re supposed to be.” I kiss the top of her head and continue my admissions.
“I tried everything I could think of to find you, and when I couldn’t, I went looking for Brian.” She goes rigid under me. “Don’t worry, beautiful. He’ll never hurt anyone again.”
“Oh God, Kadin. Did you?” She raises her head and waits for my answer.
I chuckle at her response. “I didn’t touch him. I had a private investigator track him down, and he found a tombstone rather than an abusive asshole. Brian Webster was murdered by an angry father shortly after you left college. The relationship he got into after you left turned abusive very quickly. The father of the girl he was abusing sought retribution and beat him to death with a baseball bat. Brian must have hurt her pretty bad because the jury convicted the dad of manslaughter rather than outright murder.”
I see a tear roll down her face and wipe it way, almost angry at the idea that she feels sorry that he’s dead. “I should’ve done something before I left. It’s my fault someone else was hurt by him be
cause I just took off and didn’t file charges on him.”
I squeeze her to my chest. “You did what you needed to do to be safe, London. His choice to hurt other people is not on you. Don’t let him take up any more space in your head. It’s over. You never have to worry about him hurting another person. He’s been dead for years.”
She settles on my chest again, and I continue to rub her back and belly simultaneously. “What else do you want to know?”
She remains silent for a long moment before she whispers, “Sierra.”
“Sierra came to the condo that night, and I knew things were going to be bad. I’m not making excuses for my lie, London, but she’s not stable. She has a history of mental health issues, and I wanted to get her away from you. With everything I know now, that lie was the best thing I could’ve ever done.”
She lifts her head off of my chest once again and looks like she’s going to argue with me. “Let me finish,” I say hoarsely.
“I let things between Sierra and I get very muddled since Savannah passed. We slept together a handful of times. I can tell you that I was drunk every single time, and that’s the truth, but I knew each and every time she showed up and let me pretend she was Savannah that it was wrong.” I shake my head slightly, not wanting to vocalize my sins to her but knowing full well we can’t go forward until she knows all my secrets.
“I knew Sierra was obsessed with me since we were teenagers. Everyone did. We ignored all of the behaviors. She was so out of it the night I took her home from the condo that she had to be hospitalized. I’m pretty certain she’s spent more of her life institutionalized than in the free world.”
“So sad,” she whispers against my chest.
I huff. “She was released a week or so ago. She tracked me down at my new house.” My chest constricts painfully. “She was angry. She saw you at a store and followed you home and to work. She’s how I found you.”
“She’s stalking me?” His face is full of alarm.
“Was.” I kiss her forehead. “She was angry with my response to the news of where you were. Those words out of her mouth were the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. She,” I have to pause and clear my throat. This is the most recent revelation in my life and still one that is the most painful. “In a rage she admitted that she cut the brake lines on Savannah’s car.” She gasps and grips me tighter. “She admitted to killing my wife, her sister.”
“Oh, Kadin. No!” Nodding my head is all I can do. If I try to speak, I’ll lose it, much like I did in Dr. Long’s office the first time I talked about it there.
At least, ten minutes pass before I continue; even then my voice is still gravelly and full of painful emotion. “She left my house that night in a rage before I could get the cops there. They did a well-check on her later that night. She’d slit her wrists down to the bone.”
“She’s dead?”
“No. They got to her in time. She admitted later at the hospital what she’d done. She’ll never walk free again.” I explain.
“Kadin, that’s a horrible thing to deal with,” she says softly.
“But I am. Dealing with it, I mean.” I shift her weight, so she’s on top of me, her legs straddling my hips.
I cup her face in both my hands hating that her panties and my boxers separate our bodies but instinctively knowing using sex at this moment is not fair to either one of us. I’m still learning to feel and work through painful emotions rather than using a coping mechanism to dull them.
I watch a tear roll down her cheek, saddened by my own pain. This woman is amazingly perfect. I bring my mouth to hers. “I love you,” I whisper against her lips and kiss her thoroughly hoping she can feel my words rather than just hear them. “I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. Will you let me?”
She smiles against my lips but doesn’t answer.
“I’m serious, London. I can’t leave here without you and this little house is way too small for the four of us.”
She pulls her head back slightly. “Four?”
“The three of us.” I place my hand on her stomach indicating our child. “And Pudge.”
She laughs gently. “What is a Pudge?”
I smile big at the idea of her meeting my dog. “Pudge is the dog I adopted.”
“You have a dog?” Her grin widens at the knowledge.
I nod. “We have a dog, London. Come home with me. I have an amazing house in the country.”
She places both her hands on my chest, leans in, and places a delicate kiss on my lips. “I have a lease here, Kadin.” The look on her face tells me that she’s considering it, but she’s not one hundred percent sure if she should say yes.
“Do you remember the days at the cabin?” I kiss her cheek. “The way we woke up every morning at the condo and made love?” I kiss the tip of her nose and run my hands down her back. “How perfect we were just sitting on the couch in the evenings?” I let my fingers trail up her inner thigh. “It’s either me here with you or you there with me.” I sweep my fingers through the slickness already forming at her center. She moans slightly and closes her eyes. “Do it for Pudge, London. He loves the country. He’d be very sad cooped up in the tiny back yard you have.”
She opens her eyes when I pull my hands away and whimpers when I move them to her knees, my touch losing its sensual intention. “How do you know I have a tiny backyard? Pudge may love it here.”
I tilt my head at her. “London, I can stick my hand out of the window and touch your neighbor’s house. I don’t have to see the backyard to know that it is smaller than the dozen or so acres I have to offer him at our house in the country.”
“Our house?” she says softly.
“Ours.” I run my hands back up her thighs, taunting and teasing her.
“I wouldn’t want Pudge to feel deprived. That would be a very selfish thing for me to do.” She taps her finger on her chin playfully.
“Don’t be selfish, London.” My cock throbs at her moan when I slip my thumb past her panties and into her tight heat.
“As long as Pudge is happy,” she gasps as my fingers continue to work her.
I pull my hand out of her panties. “Is that a yes?”
She nods her head, grasping my hand, and placing it back inside her panties. Who am I to deny her?
Losing his wife was horrendous. Finding out her twin sister murdered her? That is unfathomable. Even with his news and the pain, I know he still feels about the entire situation, he seems happier than he ever did in the cabin or the condo.
The second he asked me to move in with him, I already knew my answer I just didn’t want to seem overeager and needy. I wouldn’t mind staying here with him, but it is pretty small especially with a dog and a baby on the way. I only have a month left on my lease so breaking that contract won’t be too bad. Kadin assures me that he’ll pay whatever he needs to get me in his arms and keep me there for the rest of his life.
He seems much more eager to get me out of here than I could ever have been. I went to the kitchen to cook lunch, and he left in his truck for twenty minutes and came back with a pile of industrial strength cardboard boxes. It seems he wants me out immediately. After lunch, we spend a few hours packing my meager belongings.
Much of the furniture in the house will stay, but I insist that the eclectic pieces that I bought over the last few months go with me. I almost thought he’d put up an argument, considering the very modern, sleek look I remember of the things in his condo, but he just smiles and agrees. He tells me that we can go ahead and bring what will fit in the bed of the truck today, and he will send a moving company by on Monday to get the rest.
We touch, kiss, and caress each other if we get within arm’s length of one another. We both know we have a lot of time to make up for. He carries another box to the truck after insisting that I don’t lift a thing. I sit on the sofa and look around the quickly emptying room. He must notice my sudden melancholy when he comes back in because he sits beside me and clasps my hand
in his.
He tilts my chin up with a gentle finger and looks into my eyes. “What if you only think you want me? What if parenthood is more than you bargained for? What if the baby isn’t…?” His fingers on my lips halt my words.
“I told you yesterday, and I meant every word I spoke. This baby,” he says as he places a gentle hand on my stomach. “This baby is mine regardless of what a test would say. I’m not changing my mind, London. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. I don’t want to spend another day away from you, but if you need time to decide I’ll give you all the time you need.”
I look into his eyes, and my heart grows at his words, doubles in size at the sincerity not only in his voice but in the depths of his gaze. The longing he feels for me is almost palpable, and it makes my heart rate calm and grow stronger if that’s even possible.
“Promise me,” I whisper. “Promise me I’m enough for you.”
“You’re more than I could’ve ever dreamed of, London. Am I enough for you?” There is not a hint of cocky Kadin to be found; the slight flash of fear in his eyes proves he’s concerned I find him lacking.
“Yes, Kadin. Forever.” He gently places his lips on mine sealing our impromptu vows with the most tender of kisses.
“That is not a puppy, Kadin!” I exclaim as we pull up outside of the most beautiful country home I’ve ever seen. “He’s as big as a pony.”
He laughs. “The people at the shelter said he was only about a year old. It’s clear he’s going to be a huge animal.”
“Well, I’m glad I didn’t decide to move him into the cottage.” I wink at him, but my face falls. “He’s going to knock me down when I get out.” I cross my arms over my stomach protectively.
His eyes follow my actions. “Stay in the truck and I’ll get him inside. He’s much calmer in there than out here. He’s a maniac outside.”
I watch as he gets out. Pudge senses I’m in the truck and is not happy when Kadin begins to practically drag him toward the house. I can hear him telling the dog about me and his expectations of his behavior when I get inside. I grin wide when I hear him mention the baby and how he’s going to be a big brother, and the last thing he should do is hurt his sibling before his momma even gives birth.