Full Circle s-14

by Cate Tiernan

  "Tchah, Morgan," Killian said with unexpected gentleness. "I'm sorry for him, too, but Goddess, this is the threefold law barely coming home to roost. You didn't set him in motion. You only slowed him down a lot."

  "Thanks," I managed to say. The knot in my chest loosened a bit. "Besides," he went on. "What Mum's doing to him is making your bit look like child's play."

  "Oh, Goddess. What's happening?"

  "She's divorcing him," Killian said, and there was amusement in his voice. "An illegitimate child, untold dark workings, several very public affairs, years of fights and barely masked hatred and betrayal-none of these were enough to make Mum take this drastic step. But now that Da has no more power than a firefly, she's running him down."

  "Oh, no," I said. I had been the illegitimate child.

  "Well, it's a shame, but what goes around, comes around," Killian said lightly. I knew he cared for his father, but I also knew there was a great deal of anger and resentment there, too. Ciaran hadn't been a good father to anyone. And he'd treated his wife just as badly.

  "Goodness. I wonder what's happening to Amyranth without him?" I made my voice casual, but from the pause on the other end I knew Killian wasn't fooled.

  "Basically I think they're running around like chickens with their heads cut off," Killian said, deciding to answer me. "I haven't had any direct news, but from gossip I've picked up, I gather that Da had held his reins of power so tightly that no one was really waiting in the wings. It would take an incredibly strong witch to assume control, and knowing Da, he probably made sure there was no one that strong near the top."

  "Huh. So what happens now?"

  "Someone will eventually get their act together and step in. I predict lots of infighting and backstabbing," he said cheerfully. "It should be quite the soap opera for a while."

  "Wow." So it didn't sound like either Ciaran or Amyranth was together enough to be behind my dreams, then. "Well. What are you doing for Beltane? Anything planned?"

  "I've had a couple of invites. What about you?"

  "Oh, we're having a celebration here," I told him. "Food, drink, maypole, dancing."

  "Say, what a great idea! That sounds terrific, and we can get all caught up," said Killian.

  Ack! I thought. I could just picture Killian loping into our little Beltane celebration. It was going to be tense enough, with both Raven and Sky there, but to have the third member of the disastrous love triangle there would be too much. Either this thought hadn't occurred to Killian, or it had, and he simply assumed it wouldn't be a problem. But I hadn't even invited him!

  "Urn," I said, wondering how to put this. "Okay, but wear armor?"

  "Great, then, Morgan. I'll see you Beltane Eve. Thanks so much for calling! Ciao!"

  The phone line went dead before I could say anything. Jeez, I thought. What horrible emotional catastrophe had I set in motion? I shook my head and hung up the phone and then was hit by an unexpected giggle. Killian was really too much. I was knotted up by stress, yet Killian was living it up. Nothing seemed to get to him. It was oddly comforting.

  Still smiling, I sat down on the family room couch and pulled a throw pillow into my lap. The house was dark around me, except for the glare of the computer screen and a small lamp on a side table. I could feel my family sleeping upstairs and lamented the fact that lately it always seemed that I was the only one who was up when everyone else was asleep. I rested my head against the back of the couch, feeling like my arms and legs weighed a ton, like I was standing on Jupiter. I closed my eyes. Of course, I couldn't actually stand on Jupiter-it was mostly made of…

  "Morgan. I've been waiting for you."

  I jump. Oh, Goddess. This can't be real.

  Cal is sitting right next to me. I'm struck with different feelings; the most disturbing is an actual gladness to see him. I felt terrible when he died, and something in me won't let me forget my first love. Then I feel the fear and mistrust sink in. My muscles tense, and adrenaline starts pumping into my system. Lastly I'm hit with overwhelming guilt-that I could feel glad to see Cal when I am so completely in love with Hunter.

  "It's so good to see you," Cal says, his warm golden eyes probing mine. I feel dreamy, slowed. Part of me knows what to do, how to take charge of this situation, but most of me feels like just floating along, waiting to see what will happen.

  "I've missed you so much, Morgan," he says earnestly. "You're very special to me. Together you and I can do wonderful things."

  Struggling with my sleep-tied tongue, I manage to spit out, "I doubt it"

  "No, no, it's true." Cal takes my hand and stands, pulling me up with him. Is this a dream, so I can use my guided-dreaming techniques? Or is it real? I can't tell, and it seems so hard to think about it, to concentrate. Cal's walking along, and now we're in a beautiful rolling meadow, dotted with wildflowers. The sun feels warm on my skin; I hear the soothing drone of bees as they buzz from flower to flower. The wind blows, fresh and cool, and at this moment it seems that everything is perfect. But when I look ahead, it's Cal holding my hand, not Hunter. I pull back and frown. "No," I say.

  Cal turns around, puzzled. "It's just up here a little bit. Not far. I've got a picnic waiting."

  Some small part of my brain remembers my picnic with Hunter in the woods, how in love I felt, how close to him. "I don't want to go," I say, my bare feet stopping in the cool green grass.

  Oddly Cal doesn't become angry or upset Looking sympathetic, he comes to me and gently brushes my hair off my face. "I understand," he says. "But it'll be okay. It's just a little bit farther."

  Inexplicably I begin walking again, letting him lead me on through this heavenly place. Is this what the netherland is like? Oh, Goddess, am I dead? For some reason this thought strikes me as funny, and I laugh, feeling the cool breeze on my face. I can't be dead-I have finals starting in two weeks! This makes me laugh more, and Cal turns around and smiles at me.

  I look around, still being led by the hand like a child. Behind me is a dark line of trees, their leaves swaying gently. We're walking down a gentle slope, and I become aware of a rippling, gurgling brook. The idea of putting my bare feet into an icy stream sounds wonderful, and I walk on. It must be close.

  "Here," says Cal. He stops and gestures proudly. I look up and see not a burbling stream, but Cal's bed. It's set up in front of me, a beautiful, dark four-poster bed, hung with a filmy mosquito net When I first saw it, I thought it was the most romantic bed I had ever seen. For one moment I flash on Hunter's bed-his mattress and box spring on the floor in his room, his unmatched sheets, his threadbare comforter….

  I would rather be there, my mind insists.

  "I don't want to be here," I say clearly, hearing my words drift away on the breeze.

  "It's okay," Cal says soothingly. "I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do. I've missed you. I just want to be with you."

  I look at him, and his face is open, real, and as beautiful as I remembered. This face was the first to ignite desire in me, but those first sparks felt nothing like the rich, full longing I feel for Hunter. I pull my hand out of his.

  "No," I say, more loudly. "This isn't what I want. I don't want to be here. I can't be with you, Cal."

  His perfect brows arch downward. "I don't understand," he says. He takes my hand again and tugs me gently forward. "You love me. You want to be with me. I've always been the one you loved. I love you."

  "No," I say again."I didn't know any better then. But I do now."

  He frowns, starting to look determined. "You'll never love anyone more than me," he insists. "You know we need to be together."

  "That's not true," I say strongly, and pull my hand away again. I start to back away. I don't know how to get out of here. Dimly I remember something about guided dreaming? Interactive dream-ing? But it doesn't make sense.

  Cal comes and stands behind me, his hands on my shoulders. I feel the warmth of his touch through my long T-shirt.

  Long T-shirt? What am I doi
ng outside, dressed like this? This is what I sleep in-

  "No!" I cry, wrenching my shoulders away from Cal's hands. Then suddenly the world goes black. I blink again and again, trying to focus. Where's the meadow? Why am I cold? Where am I? The sound of water is loud in my ears.

  I looked down and sucked in a frozen breath. Goddess! I was outside, it was night, and I was standing on the rocky ledge where Cal and Hunter had fought, months ago! My toes could feel the unstable ground crumbling beneath me. This was where I had thrown an athame at Hunter, where I thought I had killed him. Now I was going to fall over the same cliff. My arms started to windmill in slow motion as I felt my weight start to shift over the ledge. Below me was a twenty-five-foot drop onto rocks, surrounded by icy mountain runoff.

  I was going to die. Cal had led me here to die.

  Small pebbles and dirt broke free beneath my feet, and I heard their almost imperceptible tumble down the cliff. Goddess, Goddess, help me, I thought, cold sweat breaking out on my forehead. I was going to die, right here, right now, unless I saved myself. I needed to save myself.

  Holding my breath and going against every survival instinct I had, I consciously willed myself to relax every muscle. My feet were peddling against the side of the ledge. I felt my balance start to shift. Drop, I told myself, my eyes closed. Drop. Your weight will carry you backward. Just let yourself fell.

  Like a building in an earthquake, my body went limp and I crashed heavily to the ground with a thud. Every bone in my body shook with the impact. The breath left my lungs in a whoosh, and for several seconds my mouth worked uselessly, trying to suck in air. I felt my feet dangling over the edge, and my eyes shot open. I turned over and scrabbled at the dirt and roots around me, finding one to latch onto. Holding the root, I snaked forward on my belly until I was sure I was on solid ground. There was a pine tree right there, and I crawled over to it, sitting curled up with my knees drawn up under my big T-shirt. I was filthy.

  It was then that I allowed the rest of my consciousness to come to life. I shivered uncontrollably, partly because of the chill of the late-spring night and partly because it was hard to remember when I had last been so frightened. I had experienced plenty of danger in the last few months, but the reality of death, the possibility of dying without any of my loved ones understanding what had truly happened-it was terrifying. Cal had led me here in a dream. I looked around quickly, casting my senses, but didn't pick up on anything except the normal animal life of the woods.

  Cal had led me here to kill me.

  Suddenly my stomach roiled, and I got to my hands and knees. I dry-heaved for a minute, then curled up again, feeling the sickening crash of the adrenaline leaving my veins. I needed Hunter.

  Hunter, come. Please help. Hunter! Help me!

  Was he asleep? Had he heard me? Should I try Sky, or Alyce, or Bethany?

  Coming.

  Oh, thank the Goddess. Now I just had to keep it together until Hunter got here. Then I could turn into a shrieking, terrified banshee.

  I couldn't estimate time-every minute felt like an hour-but finally I heard a car coming down the dirt road to the river's edge. When I recognized the familiar outline of Hunter's car and then felt his presence, I was too relieved to even stand up and go to him. Instead, I collapsed on the ground as he hurried over to me, and he put his arms around me.

  10. Hunter

  Hunter, come. Please help. Hunter! Help me! For a moment I didn't understand who was calling me, but then Morgan's voice pierced my brain, and I bolted awake. Within moments I was zipping up my jeans, pushing my feet into shoes, grabbing my jacket on the way out.

  Coming, I sent back, practically leaping off the front porch. It was as black as a cave outside, and I had no idea what time it was. I looked at the moon, low on the horizon, and figured we weren't far from dawn.

  Inside my car I started the engine, then remembered the message, thinking on where it had come from. I closed my eyes and recalled it. Bloody hell! The cliff by the river!

  I poured on the speed, practically flying, not questioning why Morgan was there, only sure that it had been her voice. I found the old rutted road without difficulty and turned onto it. Finally, right by the cliff, my headlights illuminated Morgan's slender body, curled up in nothing but a dirty T-shirt under a tree. I threw myself out of the car and raced toward her.

  "Goddess. My love, come here," I said, pulling her into my arms. I sat on the ground and held her in my lap. I wrapped my jacket around her and rubbed her arms and shoulders to warm her. She must be freezing. What the hell was she doing out here? Her bare feet were dirty, and her legs were scratched and damp. I knew I had to wait for her to calm down before I would get any answers. In the meantime I tried to keep my own panic and anger down.

  "Hunter-" she began, her voice breaking on a sob.

  "Shhh, shhh, my love. I'm here. You're safe now. You're completely safe." I stroked her back, sending waves of calm, soothing comfort. Finally she lay quiet and relaxed against my shoulder. I pushed her hair, damp with tears, away from her face and held her more closely.

  Her voice, when it came, was so small, I could barely hear it.

  "It was Cal," she said.

  At that name a white-hot rage ignited in me, and I struggled to damp it down.

  "What happened, my love?"

  She shook her head. "I was at home. I wasn't sure I wanted to go to sleep, but finally I just got exhausted and took Bethany's potion, the other half. I went downstairs to the family room and called Killian. I thought maybe he might have heard something about Ciaran or Amyranth that could help me figure out what's happening."

  I nodded.

  "But he said Ciaran was a mess, in some witch rehab place in Ireland, and that Amyranth was falling apart without him. So I figured neither one of them could be doing this." "Sounds like you're right," I said. "It was a good idea to call Killian. And what happened then? Do you remember?"

  "I sat down for just a minute-I remember feeling really tired. But then I looked up, and Cal was there, right next to me."

  My stomach knotted up, and I felt my jaw clench.

  "He said, 'Come on, and then we were walking through a meadow," Morgan continued. "We were outside, and it was daytime. I guess that's when I probably left the house." She gave a little shudder, and her voice sounded wobbly again. "We walked through that meadow, and it was so pretty. Cal was saying stuff to me, like he knew I loved him…." She hung her head and gripped my jacket more tightly around her.

  "It's all right, Morgan. It was a dream. Do you remember what happened then?"

  "He… he wanted me to join him. I said no, I didn't want to be there. And he said he knew I loved him, and I said no, not anymore, or something like that. He started getting upset and trying to pull me closer, and I was trying to remember the interactive dreaming, but nothing would stay in my head." She shook her head in frustration.

  "It's all right," I said again. "You did just fine."

  She drew in a deep, shivery breath and went on. "Finally I think I shouted no! and pulled my hand away, and then everything went dark because I had woken up, and I was outside, and it was nighttime." She started sobbing again, and I tried to soothe her as best I could.

  "When I realized where I was, I was standing at the very edge of the ledge over there." She pointed. "At the very edge. My feet were almost over, and I could feel myself losing my balance." I was speechless. I had once gone over that ledge myself, and it had been a miracle that I hadn't died. As it was, I had cracked two ribs and been covered with massive bruises for weeks. The water was lower now, since the mountain snowmelt hadn't been under way for long. If Morgan had gone over, I would now be looking for her battered body. I felt like I had been punched and very slowly tried to suck in a breath.

  Cal had done this.

  I blinked several times, using every bit of self-control I had to not give in to my fury. It was made a thousand times worse by the gripping panic I felt at how close Morgan had come to dying.
>
  "What happened then?" I asked, my voice raspy and dry.

  "I was about to fall. I could feel the dirt breaking away under my feet. I was so tense, I was sure I was going to lose my balance and fall forward. Finally I did a calming spell to relax my body and then let myself fall backward."

  I tightened my hold on her, pressing her head against my chest and hugging her with all the relief and gratitude I felt.

  "Fufi-uh," came her voice, and I realized I was crushing her. Instantly I relaxed my hold.

  "I'm sorry," I said.

  "It's okay," she said, drawing a deep breath. "I'm glad you're here." She looked up at me, her hazel eyes wide and red rimmed from crying. She still looked incredibly beautiful, with that strength I always saw in her.

  She gave me a watery smile. "What time is it?"

  I glanced at the horizon. "Looks like the sun's about to come up." "I've got to get home," she said, looking at me with wide eyes. "My parents will be up any second!"

  I nodded.

  I parked one house down from hers, and we sat for a minute, casting out our senses.

  "I'm not getting much," I said. "But it's still only five till six."

  "I don't feel much, either," she said, sliding out of my jacket. "I guess I'll risk it. This is one day I won't have to rush to get ready for school."

  "Tell them you were getting the newspaper," I suggested, pointing at the paper on the front walk.

  Morgan gave an ironic snort, glancing down at her soiled T-shirt and feet, then kissed me quickly and opened her door.

  "Morgan, this will end today," I said. "No matter what. As soon as I think Alyce is up, I'll call her and Bethany. Come to Practical Magick today after school. We'll be there, and we won't leave till we have a plan."

  She gave me a wan little smile, then ran up the cold front walk. She paused for a moment in front of the door, then carefully eased it open. Seconds later her hand came back outside, its thumb pointing up. Everything was fine. Her parents would soon be up, and Mary K. was awake. Reluctantly I started my engine and headed for home.