by Andra Brynn
“My leg is in a cast,” I say.
“That must be it,” she says.
Jibril and Alice are behind her. Jibril comes over and stands by the bed, looking down at me with intense amusement. “You told me you didn’t think the church was safe, and then you had to go do it yourself?”
“Yeah,” I say. “But I was right. It wasn’t safe.”
“I’d slap that grin off your mouth if you weren’t in a hospital bed,” he tells me.
“No, you wouldn’t,” Alice says.
“Fine. I wouldn’t. But I’d really really want to!”
“Yeah. Well. Anyway, that was pretty dumb,” Alice agrees. “How’d you get in the church?”
“Opened the door. Shocking, I know.”
She gives me a glare. “I’m going to draw penises all over your cast,” she says. “As punishment for scaring the shit out of us.”
“Oh no. Penises.”
“I know you like penises, but you won’t like the kind of penises I’m going to draw.”
My nurse, who is disconnecting me from the observatory machines, tries to stifle a snicker.
I just smile. I’m glad I have someone who wants to draw on my cast. My mother has already called me and bitched about the hospital bill, but the morphine was quite helpful in bridging that divide. I felt very loving and warm, to be honest.
I’ll probably have to work to pay that money back, but that is in the future. The future I actually have. That’s probably what matters now.
“All right,” my nurse says. “Here are your crutches. You’ve already signed your discharge papers, so good luck to you.” She turns to my friends. “Make sure she takes it easy. No more crawling around condemned buildings?”
“Not until her leg is healed,” Alice says.
The nurse just rolls her eyes. “You sure you don’t want to get the royal treatment and wheel out of here?”
“No thanks,” I say. “I have an entourage.”
Daniel helps me out of bed, then gathers my things and guides me out the door while my friends flit and fly around me.
“You want something to eat?” Tanya asks me.
“Anything you need from the store?” Jibril says.
“When can I draw penises on your cast?” Alice interjects.
I just smile and shake my head. There will be time enough for all that later.
When we reach Daniel’s car, he roots around in my bag and finds my car keys. My car is still parked at the church, and it needs to be retrieved. One of these three ruffians is going to drive it back to campus for me. I don’t know whose car they borrowed to do it, and I don’t ask which one will be driving my car. It’s better not to know.
“See you back at the house,” Tanya says, then pulls me into a fierce, though awkward, hug. “I really am taking over your side of the room,” she tells me. “Prepare to be boarded.”
“That’s naughty,” Alice tells her, and then they are gone, marching off to Nompton, and I am alone with Daniel.
I look at him and he looks back at me. There are dark circles under his eyes, and he smiles before opening the car door. Awkwardly I get in, and then I wonder if I can get any mileage out of a broken leg in terms of extensions.
Probably not, I realize. The inconvenience of breaking a leg right after midterms.
I settle my crutches next to me and put my bag on my feet, and Daniel comes around and gets in on the other side. He starts the car, and away we go.
The drive back to campus is quiet, and I’m not sure what to say, or, really, what Daniel and I actually are, and I don’t quite know how to ask. When at last he pulls up to the house, he parks the car and turns it off, but doesn’t get out. He turns to me instead.
“Bianca,” he says.
I look at him. I don’t think I ever want him calling me Annie. I like that I have a name just for him. “Yes?”
“What am I going to do with you?”
I shrug, feeling somewhat sheepish. “Pray for me?” I guess.
He slaps a hand across his eyes and rubs his face. “Oh, please,” he says. “Don’t tease me about that.”
“About what?” I say.
“In case it isn’t obvious, I’m probably not in good standing with our Lord at the moment.”
“Join the club.”
“And in case you forgot, we made love.”
Made love. Of course Daniel would say that. It’s so cheesy. I’m experiencing second hand embarrassment just hearing the words
“Yes...?” I say.
He clears his throat, and I realize he is nervous. “What I mean to say, is that I’m still on sabbatical. And I don’t know now if I’ll ever go back. I mean... dammit, stop staring at me!”
But he’s blushing. How can I not watch? “Sorry,” I tell him.
“I mean I want to keep seeing you,” he says in a rush. “There. I said it. Is there... is there any way you might want the same?”
I have to smile at that. “You didn’t listen to me in the church?”
“You were under a bit of duress at the time.”
I shake my head. “Yes,” I tell him. “I’m sorry I’m an idiot. And if I’ve done something to draw you away from your calling... not that I’m arrogant enough to believe you’d give up the priesthood for me, that’s just...”
Daniel reaches over and grabs my hand. “I was already on the way out,” he says. “A crisis of faith can go one way or another. Maybe you influenced me, maybe you didn’t. I don’t think I care.”
“But if I’ve totally derailed your life...” I begin.
“A different path,” he interrupts me. “I am looking at a crossroads. And I have to say, I don’t know what I’ll choose in the future. But I know what I want to choose now.”
He stops and takes a deep breath. “Bianca, I want to choose you. The first time I saw you, coming in late to class, it was the first time I’ve ever looked at a woman and thought, She could be the one. I thought that wasn’t possible. I’ve never felt anything like it before. But just one look, and you changed my life.”
“And then I threw up on the floor.”
“No, then you showed me how vulnerable you were, and I wanted to protect you. I wanted nothing more than to help you, in whatever way I could. When you yelled at me after you talked to the Dean, that hurt more than almost anything. I’ve been going through life on an even keel, just doing what was expected of me, no highs or lows, believing what I’ve been told...then poor Sicily died, and I started to wonder if what was expected was what was right, if what I was told was correct. And then you came along, completely unexpected...”
He stops. His thumb begins to move over the back of my hand in sweet, delicious circles. “I didn’t know how to live with questions,” he says. “And then I met you, and you have nothing but questions, and you don’t even care if you get answers. Before there was you, I was in a fog, not knowing which way to go. And then there was you, and you burned it all away.
“You were my guiding light when I didn’t know what to do. I know that I have a choice. And right now, even if it’s the wrong choice, even if I go to Hell or have to start my life all over without knowing what to do with it, I still want to choose you.”
I can’t even look at him. He makes my chest hurt in the most wonderful of ways.
“I want to choose you, too,” I say. “I... I care about you. And I try not to care about anybody, but that just makes me love them even more, and I’m a mess and I’m sorry about that...”
“I knew you were a mess the day I first met you,” Daniel says.
I pin him with a glare. “What I mean is that... I don’t have a great track record when it comes to keeping relationships going. Not even with friends. I always think they’ll leave, one day out of the blue... just like he did.”
His fingers tighten on mine again and I take a deep breath. “But... I don’t want to be afraid of being thrown away any more. And I don’t want to throw people away just because I know this will all come to an end so
meday. Being alone, unable to speak to the people around you... Then you lose them before you have them. I don’t want to stop making memories just because they’ll make me sad when everything is gone. I don’t want to kill us off before we even start...”
I look at him. Our eyes meet, and his gaze is soft. He understands.
And that’s all anyone wants, isn’t it? To be understood?
“So I guess what I’m saying is yes?” I say after a second. “I mean, if you’re sure...”
“Bianca,” he says, “I don’t have any idea what I believe in anymore. What I know... is you.”
I stare at him. “Me what?” I say after a second.
He smiles. “That’s it. Just you.”
Then he kisses me, and I know him, too.
.0.
So. That was my ghost story. Now it is done.
But there are other things I need to do, more stories yet to write, so I think I’ll be brave, and keep going.
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About the Author
Andra Brynn writes books. When she’s not writing books, thinking about writing books, wishing she were writing books, anxious about not writing books, or passed out from writing books, she spends time with her husband, son, dog, and garden.
If you’d like to keep up to date on Andra’s writing, drop by her blog, andrabrynn.wordpress.com, her tumblr, andrabrynn.tumblr.com, or email her at [email protected].
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