by J. J. Neeson
He quieted, sensing her apprehension. “Of course. I’m listening.”
“How do you let someone you care about down?”
As if he were trying to solve an equation, he squinted at her. “Please don’t tell me you talked to Tallie on my behalf.”
“No!” she cried. “That’s your job. I would never, not unless you asked. Anyway, she doesn’t talk at meetings. She communes with her spirit guide.”
“Oh,” he said, relieved and intrigued. “That’s interesting to know. You talking about Thorston?”
“You’re getting warmer, Hot Potato. I’m talking about Calder.”
“Yes, your Norse fella from Vegas whose been inspiring us with the aurora borealis. I like his work, but I suppose we have you to thank for that.”
Reigh stopped tapping and put her hand against her amulet, wondering where Calder was now, and if he was okay. “Kind of. It’s complicated.”
“He must really love you.”
She sighed and looked away. “We’re close. We’ve been friends for a long time.”
“But only friends,” he deduced. “That’s why you feel you’re letting him down. He wants more, but you don’t.”
“I don’t think I do. Maybe if things were different—”
Kaylock interrupted. “That’s never the case. We never want something if things were different. If we truly want something, we just want it, and we make it work, no matter the obstacles.”
“I guess. I’m just afraid of losing him. He means a lot to me.”
“And you clearly mean a lot to him. I doubt those feelings are dependent on whether you’re willing to be involved romantically or not. You can’t erase all those years of friendship just because your love for him is different than the love he has for you.”
“It’s a shame his visits are so short,” she said, her worries lessening slightly. “You two would probably hit it off.”
He disagreed. “Boyhood allegiances make me Team Thorston.”
“Yeah, well, that isn’t happening either. Not long-term.”
“I’m sorry to hear it,” he said, sympathy in his voice. “I’ve seen you two together. I thought you would be his anchor.”
“His anchor?”
“His reason to stay.” As soon as he said it, he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Reigh. That was an awful thing to say.”
“No. It’s the truth. And that’s what I need right now. There’s no balance without truth.”
Kaylock took the encyclopedia from the counter and set it on the trolley beside the desk. “You know, you don’t need to research runes or return a book to chat. I’m here, if you ever need me.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” she said with appreciation. “So what about Calder? What should I say to him?”
“The truth.”
“I know, but how?”
“There’s no how. He’s going to hurt no matter what you say, but you won’t lose him.”
She hated that she was capable of causing Calder pain, but Kaylock was right. She just had to tell him. “You know, in the story 1984, Winston is told Julia betrayed him,” she levied. “I understand what you’re telling me, but I hope that’s not what Calder thinks I’m doing. I don’t want him to feel betrayed.”
Kaylock had nothing to say in reply.
***
“Listen,” Reigh said, bent over the hood of her convertible at Lu’s garage. “I’m all for women knowing how to take care of themselves. My mom raised me to be independent. I can change the oil. I can fix a tire. I can even jumpstart the battery. But this is impossible!”
Lu, with grease smudged against her cheek, handed Reigh a filter of some kind. She wasn’t sure what it was. It looked like it belonged in a junkyard, not her car.
“It isn’t rocket science,” Lu stressed. “It’s only a car, not a spacecraft.”
“It might as well be a spacecraft,” Reigh muttered. “My car is smart. If there is ever a robot apocalypse, it won’t be on the battlefield. It’ll be the general telling the foot soldiers what to do. I don’t need to fix it. It can fix itself.”
Smirking, Lu shoved the filter-thing into her hands. “Just set it there.” She pointed to an area where metal twisted together, reminding Reigh of jumbled pipes. “You need to learn the parts if I have any hope of teaching you how to repair an engine.”
“Isn’t that counterintuitive? If my car breaks down, you’ll lose my business.”
Lu pressed her lips together, suddenly sad. “I’m probably going to lose my business anyway,” she said quietly.
Reigh had no comfort to offer, so she changed her attitude. “Okay, I get it. It’s like a really rusty science lab. That knobby thing releases fluid into the cylinder thingy.”
Lu shook her head, but she was cheered. She pointed at the knobby thing. “That’s the carburetor. It blends the air and fuel together.”
“What does air have to do with anything?”
“Okay,” Lu said, backing a few steps away from the engine. “I think I jumped too far ahead. I should go over how an engine works before I start pointing out all of its parts.”
“Does this lecture involve an Axl that is followed by a Rose?” she asked. “Or twisty fries?”
“Call Thorston. Maybe he’ll bring some over. Then I can also go over why a car is much safer than a motorcycle. Didn’t he learn from Dodger what a death trap it is?”
Reigh left her phone in her pocket. “I was kind of hoping for a girls-only day. Things have gotten complicated again.”
“You slept together!” Lu cried, throwing her greasy towel at Reigh. “Actually, I’m not surprised. It was inevitable with you two living together.”
“I guess it was. I really care about him. I know I shouldn’t. He’s actually kind of a jerk, if you think about it. But I do. And after what he said to me last night… well, I know he feels the same way.”
“What did he say?”
“Well, it’s more like what he did. He made it rain so that the clouds blocked out the Northern Lights.”
“So that they blocked out Calder.” She closed the hood of the car and leaned against it, the lesson over. “I guess he does love you.”
“He cares about me. That’s as far as I’m willing to go. It’s not love.” Then she added in practically a whisper, “Even though he’s told me he loves me.”
Lu was shocked. “He has?”
“Yeah, but he’s dealing with a lot right now. Dodger. Mrs. Florence. His emotions are running high. Caring for someone and finding solace in their arms is a lot different than being in love with them. Plus, we barely know each other. He has feelings for me, but he can’t possibly love me. Otherwise, he would stay.” She was rambling, tangled in her thoughts.
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Lu told her. “He never once said it to Eva.”
“What?” Reigh didn’t understand. “But they were madly in love.”
“They were. It was obvious. But he never told her. Not once.”
“This is serious,” she said, sliding onto the concrete, her head in her hands. “I’m so confused right now. He told me he won’t stay. He’s going to leave.”
Lu sat on the ground with her. “That’s the problem with a maverick like Thorston. All he knows is how to be alone. He can love someone deeply, I know that from my sister, but he doesn’t know what to do with that love.”
Reigh threw a loose pebble across the lot. “He’s one step ahead of me there. I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I’ve never been in love with a man before.”
“But you are now?” Lu asked tentatively.
She wasn’t willing to answer, not when her relationship with Thorston was ill-fated. “So what about this lesson of yours?” she asked, standing, dusting off her cut-offs. “Am I going to learn how to fix an engine or what?”
Lu went along, dropping the subject of Thorston completely. “Think of it like a picture book,” she said, opening the hood once more. “You did read picture books as a kid, didn’t you?”
>
Reigh shot her a look. “Of course I did.”
“Just checking. Vegas sounds like a crazy place to raise a child. I don’t know what you learned. In my head, I picture a lot of kindergartners learning how to count cards before they do apples.”
It was Reigh’s turn to throw the towel at Lu. “I know basic math. And I read picture books. I also went on nature hikes and even the zoo. Vegas is a great place for a child. There are white tigers and aquariums where you walk underwater. And pirate boats and the circus.”
“Then why do you hate it so much?”
“Because I grew up. It’s not the same when you’re an adult. People praise it as Sin City, but there is only so much sin you can handle before you lose yourself completely.”
“Well, I’m glad you found yourself here. But if you’re going to be my friend, you need to learn why the carburetor has to blend the fuel with air.”
She spent the rest of the afternoon listening to Lu ramble on and on about science that went over her head. By the time the hood was down and they were leaning against the bumper, coffees in hand, the sun had begun to wane, counting down to twilight. She was no closer to knowing how to fix an engine, but she had enjoyed the ease of the afternoon.
“So I guess I won’t be giving you a blue coverall just yet,” Lu said.
“No. Definitely not. Wait, was that your plan? Were you hoping I would take over the garage while you’re in Maine?”
Lu nearly spit her coffee out laughing. “Goodness no! It took a lot of training to learn how to fix a car as well as I can.”
“Good,” Reigh said, not at all insulted. “Because I don’t want to be the one to put you out of business. But hey, if things do go belly up while you’re in Maine, I’ll happily set the garage on fire so you can collect the insurance money.”
Lu looked sickened.
“I’m joking,” Reigh said.
“No, it’s not that.” She shook her head. “I can hear…”
“What?”
Before Lu could tell her, the rumble of a motorcycle approached, but it didn’t slow down. Thorston ripped past them, almost a blur as he sped down the road—the road that led out of town. He could be going back to the shack, but he wasn’t. She knew, almost as if she could see him leave through the eye of the rune on the town sign. He was gone, and not just to the bar for bourbon or off cruising the countryside. He had left Broken Ridge behind.
I guess that’s how you let someone you care about down, Reigh thought, her heart breaking. You just go.
“What a fool,” Lu mumbled beside her.
***
It was so quiet. Empty. Throwing her keys on the floor, not caring where they landed, Reigh sat on the couch. She didn’t realize how much it would hurt being in the shack alone. But it did. She wouldn’t allow herself to cry. She’d known what she was getting into. It was just too bad Thorston felt he needed to leave so soon.
Glancing over at the table next to the couch, she realized he wasn’t the only one missing. The statue of the white wolf was gone. Based on the dust where it had been, quite a bit of time had passed since it was last on the table. She found it strange, but she was too distraught to cope with the mystery.
The quiet was maddening. It wasn’t just the shack. Everywhere was quiet, with Nikki back in Baton Rouge, Mrs. Florence in the hospital, and Mama Blanchet locked away trying to figure out what to do about the threat. And soon, Lu would be leaving for Maine.
How can he do that to Mrs. Florence! she fumed, trying not to picture Thorston passing by her without a word. He hadn’t even stopped to say goodbye. He should have waited until she woke from her coma.
That was when the truth hit home. If he wouldn’t even stay for his aunt, why would he stay for her? No one was his anchor. Thorston didn’t have an anchor.
She was tempted to leave herself, to summon Calder and tell him she was ready to go, but even in the quiet, even with all her friends tucked away, she knew Broken Ridge was her home now. And it would be, for a very long time.
On the couch was a souvenir. Thorston had left one of his T-shirts behind. Unable to help herself, she pulled off her tank top and put the T-shirt on, ignoring the part of her brain that told her she was an idiot.
She did have some pride remaining. She hadn’t left with Thorston. Not that he’d asked, but if she had ridden out with him on the back of his bike, she would have been denying herself what she wanted, the same as if she traveled with Calder. If the price of love was herself, she wasn’t willing to pay it.
Sitting on a stool in front of a pottery wheel in the nook, she reached down to the floor where a pile of clay bricks from the art store lay, and she unwrapped one the size of her hand and dipped it into a bowl of water, half-evaporated from lack of use. When it was soft and moist, she placed it on the wheel and began molding, though she didn’t know what she wanted to make. She just wanted her hands to move.
The pottery wheel had been a donation to Odd Wonders. A few days ago, remembering it was there, she’d used her spare set of keys to retrieve it, not sure yet if she was merely borrowing it or if she’d eventually pay Mrs. Florence for it. Going into the thrift store had been a risk, but there hadn’t been any trouble.
She paused for a moment to pull her hair back, not caring that her pale strands were now covered in clay. It wasn’t like there was anyone left to impress. She was alone.
Unable to endure the thought, she pulled off the amulet Lu had given her. She didn’t care if Calder could see her. In a way, it was a comfort. It made him nearer to her.
Playing with the clay, she thought of making a vase for Mrs. Florence. Her hospital room was full of flowers from the townspeople, but there were very few vases.
A vase for all the summer flowers of the solstice.
It wasn’t the solstice yet, but it would be soon. By then, Lu would probably be gone, her plans to organize the town’s own midsummer parade upstaged by the threat.
Reigh pressed harder on the foot pedal and began sculpting. As she did, she visualized the artifacts on the shelf in the meeting room in the basement of the library. She was beginning to realize what Lu meant by pottery having some significance to magic. At least ancestral magic. Their ancestors had used clay—the same she now molded with her hands—in many aspects of their lives, ceremonial and mundane. When their bodies faded into the dirt, pottery was of the few remnants their ancestors left behind. There was power in the pottery, in the energy and knowledge worked into it.
Rounding out the bottom of the vase, she prepared to lengthen its body when hard, loud scratches at the door startled her, causing her hand to slip and crush the clay down, deforming her creation. Fearful, she stood from the pottery wheel and treaded softly to the door. Her heart pounded as she placed an ear against the worn wood, listening for whispers or movement.
There was nothing. The scratching had stopped. To be certain, Reigh braced herself and opened the door an inch to peek outside. All she could see were fresh claw marks on the door.
“I guess it’s not so quiet around here after all,” she said out loud, wondering what lay in the shadows.
***
I need to escape.
Reigh pushed the quilt away as if it were choking her. The sun poured in through the windows of the shack, but she hadn’t slept. She never should have invited Thorston into her bed. Now, it felt too barren, a reminder of the man that had slumbered next to her. The safety she had felt with him near had gone, which was ridiculous. He wasn’t safety. He was danger. She should have learned from Eva’s story, but she hadn’t. She’d thought she was stronger than that. Than him. And now, the bed was intolerable without him, so she jumped off the mattress and began to dress.
As she brushed her teeth in the bathroom, her phone rang. “Hello,” she answered. “It’s Reigh, but I’m not really here right now.”
“Is your mouth full?” Lu asked. “You’re all mumbles.”
“One sec.” She spit the toothpaste out in the sink. “Okay,” she
said, avoiding her reflection in the mirror as she wiped her mouth. “I’m back.”
“I’m worried about you,” Lu imparted. “I had nightmares last night. Not good ones.”
“I didn’t realize there was such a thing as a good nightmare,” she quipped. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. Nothing a little sleep won’t fix.”
“I don’t know… They felt pretty real.”
“Are you prone to psychic dreams?” she asked, leaving the bathroom. She meant to shower and change, but she couldn’t bring herself to take off Thorston’s T-shirt, even though it, and she, were covered in streaks of clay.
“No. Just instincts.”
“Then the nightmares are probably just a projection of your concern regarding Thorston leaving. But don’t worry, I’m fine. Would it help if you told me about them?”
“I would rather not. For your sake. What are your plans for the day?”
Reigh stepped outside onto the porch, fiddling with the star-shaped ornament that hung from the door, the one Lu had attached her first night in the shack. Lu had always protected her, even from the beginning. “I think I’m going to take Nikki’s boat out for a while. I might even visit her niece.”
“You mean her niece’s father?” Lu probed, a little too avid.
“No way. No men. I mean, I’ll see him there, but I have no interest in Stoyan. I’ve had enough of the M-word for a while.”
“It’s probably for the best. Okay, I’ll let you go, but don’t hate me if I check in on you in a few hours. The nightmares… they were pretty scary.”
“Do what you need to do,” she permitted, glad for Lu’s concern. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Have a good time. And be careful. Who knows what lurks in the bayou, besides the gators.”
According to Nikki, a lot of creatures do, Reigh recalled, but she didn’t say so to Lu.
Briefly retreating into the shack, she set her phone down on the couch, knowing she’d be back before Lu called again. Leaving her shoes behind, preferring the feel of the earth beneath her feet, she went to the pier, enjoying the way the wood was soft and pliable against her step. Untying the rope that moored the boat, she listened to a marsh wren serenade her.