by Hope Hart
Vivian turns and stalks away, brushing at her face, and guilt hits me. Again. I should’ve tried harder to convince Nevada not to go. Maybe I should’ve told her to talk to Rakiz one more time, or at least talk about her plan with Vivian.
I walk into the kradi, wanting nothing more than to curl up under the furs with Terex.
Unfortunately, Learza has beaten me there.
She’s standing close to Terex, her voice low and intimate. Terex is scowling, obviously still in a bad mood, but as I watch, she says something that makes him smile, following it up with a comment that makes him throw his head back, roaring with laughter.
The way he only does with me.
My throat itches, and I swallow, my hands shaking as Learza reaches her hand up, wiping something off his forehead.
Terex allows it, smiling down at her, and then he turns, his eyes narrowing on my face as he sees me standing there. He moves toward me, but I turn, vision blurring as I stumble away.
He didn’t do anything, Ellie. Get your shit together. Just because she looks like a taller, curvier Victoria’s Secret model doesn’t mean he wants to bang her like a drum.
My mantra doesn’t help. I just need to be alone for a while. Surely there’s a spot somewhere where I can sit and think about my life choices.
There’s a small stream behind Rakiz’s hut. I move through the camp as if I’m sleepwalking, and my shoulders slump in relief as I find the spot empty. I sit on a huge rock and stare at the water.
“Ellie.”
“I need some time alone, Terex.”
A low growl, followed by a curse. “What are you thinking?”
I turn my head, meeting his eyes, hating that he’s so attractive, that so many women want him. How long will it be before he realizes his mistake and finds someone else? How much more could I fall for him in that time? And could I survive losing my home and Terex?
“I’m thinking that whatever we’re doing could be a mistake,” I say and instantly want to take it back as his face hardens, a wounded look in his eyes.
“Why would you say such a thing?”
“What were you doing with Learza, Terex?”
Confusion crosses his face. “Speaking with a friend.”
“Have you slept with her?”
His eyes narrow. “Yes. Many years ago.”
I let out a choked laugh, and he stalks closer.
“When have I given you reason to doubt my honor?”
“You haven’t—”
“What do I have to do to prove to you that I’m yours?”
“Terex—”
He waves his hand, cutting me off, and my heart twists in my chest as his eyes turn cold.
“You’ve never once said the same to me. You will still leave me if you can, won’t you? You’ll get in your ship and fly back to your home planet where males are not warriors and do not take what they want. And you’ll never see me again. Will you even think of me, Ellie?”
Will I think of him? He has to be kidding, right? All I think about is him.
When I don’t reply, too stunned to know what to say, he lets out a harsh laugh.
“Perhaps you are right,” he says, his voice colder than I’ve ever heard it. “Perhaps this was a mistake. For both of us.”
“Wait, Terex—” I open my mouth, but I still don’t have the words. He stares at me for one moment and then shakes his head, leaving me alone.
The way I thought I wanted to be.
Chapter Fifteen
Ellie
I sit by the stream as a light drizzle begins to fall, thinking longingly of a hot shower. How many times did I used to think nothing of stripping off my clothes, turning on the water, and standing in the shower until I thawed after my long commute in winter?
I took it for granted, the way we humans seem to take most things for granted.
We get home after a long day, throw our clothes in the washing machine, take a shower, and turn on the TV without a thought. It’s not until we’re abducted by aliens—or suffer some other calamity—that we appreciate those modern conveniences.
I sigh. When I’m with Terex, I never think about the stuff I miss from home. Oh, sure, I’d love to be able to plug in my hair dryer occasionally, but who needs a blast of hot air when you’ve got an alien warrior who loves brushing your hair by the fire?
I sniff, blinking back tears. At least, he used to love it. Until I ruined it with my jealousy and insecurity.
What’s wrong with me?
“Ellie?”
I keep my eyes on the stream. “What is it, Vivian?”
“I wanted to apologize.”
I’m glad she can’t see my expression right now. She’d probably turn right around and leave at the shock on my face.
“Apologize?”
She sighs. “Yeah. Look, I know we haven’t been close, and some of that’s my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you earlier. No one can argue with Nevada when she’s made up her mind.”
I smile, swallowing around the lump in my throat. She’s right, of course. Right now, I miss Nevada like a limb.
“It’s okay, Vivian, I get it.”
Her voice hardens. “You could at least look at me, you know.”
I blow out a breath as I turn, wiping the tears from my face, and Vivian narrows her eyes at me.
“What’s wrong?”
I sniff. “Nothing.”
She raises her eyebrow. “Does it have anything to do with your warrior storming through the camp like he wants to kill something?”
Tears fill my eyes again, and she raises her eyebrow.
“You had a fight?”
“We broke up. At least, I think we did. I mean, I don’t know if we were ever truly an actual couple…”
“Not a couple? Could’ve fooled me. Why’d you break up?”
I sigh. For once, Vivian’s not being a total bitch, and let’s face it: there’s no one else here to talk to.
“I was feeling insecure about all the women throwing themselves at him. He got pissed about it, we argued, and he basically told me he’s sick of having to prove himself to me. Oh, and that he knows I’m going to forget about him when I go home anyway.”
I brush more tears off my face and Vivian narrows her eyes at me.
“Do you want to stay here?”
“I don’t know… We’ve never actually had that conversation, you know? Even a few days ago, I would’ve said no, but when he brought it up like that… It just really hit me that I’d truly never see him again.”
She shakes her head, and for a moment, sympathy sparks in her eyes, but it’s quickly replaced by annoyance. “You know what your problem is?”
I sigh. Here we go. “What?”
“You don’t know what you want, and when you do, you’re too scared to fight for it. I don’t blame the big guy. He’s done everything except tattoo his name across your forehead to prove you’re his, and you won’t fight for him at all. These warriors are savages. They’re used to taking what they want. Meanwhile, you refuse to take control of your life.”
Ouch. Did I say Vivian’s not in bitch mode? I take it back. To be fair, Nevada would probably give me the same real talk.
“We’re leaving,” I say.
She shrugs. “Then I guess you shouldn’t care if you’re no longer together.” She tilts her head as if contemplating something. “Maybe Terex will be looking for a roll with someone else since you don’t want him.”
I bare my teeth at her, fury hitting me hard, and she widens her eyes slightly and then grins before turning and strutting away with a flick of her hair.
Terex
Ellie hasn’t returned to our kradi. Her dresses are still here, her hairbrush on my table, but she’s nowhere to be found.
Can I blame her?
I think over my angry words and sigh. My tiny female looked wounded, her face draining of color. But still, she didn’t deny her plans to leave.
I curse, striding back and forth. My kradi feels empty
without Ellie, and I want nothing more than to find her and haul her back to where she belongs.
But what will change? She’ll still believe that I want other females, even when I’ve reassured her time and time again that I want no one but her.
I scowl at my furs, where Ellie should be lying, a smile on her beautiful face while she waits for me to join her.
I’m the worst version of myself. I’m small and scared and helpless. I let them bully me, and I let myself believe that what they say is true.
Ellie’s voice runs through my head, and I stare into the fire. A thread of sorrow ran through her words—words she only spoke in an attempt to keep me conscious.
It worked. Stories of her childhood gave me something to cling to when I could feel my blood soaking into my clothes. Still, I didn’t truly understand how those around her had made her believe she was inferior until today.
It’s clear that Ellie will never claim me the way I want to claim her. She’ll never believe I truly want her. Now instead of talking to her, attempting to understand, I’ve driven her away.
She’ll go back to her planet and find Tim. I snarl and get to my feet, pacing back and forth. I’ll find Ellie. I’ll bring her back and make her see—
No.
I grit my teeth, every muscle in my body aching to find my tiny female and convince her that she’s mine. But if she can’t believe such a thing, can’t believe in me…I don’t know where that leaves us.
Ellie
I move into Vivian’s kradi, curling up in the bed Alexis used when she was still here. Vivian pauses when she enters, likely staring at my still form while I sniffle, the warm furs over my head.
I can practically feel her roll her eyes.
“If you’re going to stay in here, you need to quit crying. You’re messing with my chi.”
I pull the blanket down slightly and glower at her, and the hint of a smile appears on her lips.
“Fine,” she says. “But at least eat something. Your warrior will lose his mind if you become skin and bones on my watch.”
I roll my eyes and pull the blanket back over my head. “We both know I could miss a few meals. Hey—”
I scowl as the blanket disappears, and Vivian’s face appears above me.
“Look, I’m sorry for what I said,” she says. She doesn’t elaborate, but we both know which insult she’s referring to.
No wonder Ellie was so popular. She’d be a meal and a half.
“Are you really?” I ask.
“Yeah. You hadn’t even done anything to me, and I lashed out. When I feel threatened or I’m really stressed, I say things that I don’t mean. I’m not proud of it. I wish I was someone who instantly started coming up with a plan like Nevada or Ivy or Charlie. Or even someone who started making friends like you. Instead, I turn into the worst version of myself.”
“Why?” I ask, curious. “You’re gorgeous, and you know it. Why do you need to bring other people down?”
She sighs, pushing my feet over and sitting on the furs. “I dunno. I’m a swimsuit model back home, and over the last few years…I think I’ve let the pressure get to me. I worked my ass off to look like this, and in a moment, my career was gone.” She sighs again, her expression dejected. “I don’t think we’re getting out of here, Ellie. I think we’re stuck. And the only skill I have is posing on the beach.”
Wow, who would’ve thought that someone like Vivian could be so insecure?
“You know, all my life, I’ve figured that people like you don’t have real problems,” I admit, and Vivian’s mouth drops open before she laughs. “I know, it’s a shitty assumption to make. But I’ve been so wrapped up in my own insecurities that I assumed I was the only one feeling this way.”
Vivian sighs. “We’ve all got something.” She gets to her feet. “I’m going to go help in the kitchen. Or the cooking tent or whatever.” Her mouth twists wryly. “Things I never thought I’d say. But I figure I may as well make myself useful around here since who knows if we’ll end up leaving.”
I smile. “With Nevada as determined as she is? You bet your ass that the spaceship will be leaving this planet.”
Vivian raises an eyebrow as she gets to her feet. “The spaceship might leave, but will you be on it?”
I sigh, curling back up underneath the furs. “I dunno. I guess that depends on whether Terex still wants me.”
Vivian shakes her head like she’s disappointed. “Maybe he’s waiting for you to tell him you want him.”
With that, she turns and struts out of the tent.
Ellie
Eventually, Vivian gets tired of me lying around and threatens to douse me in water from the stream if I don’t get my ass out of bed.
I move through the camp like I’m sleepwalking, well aware of the whispers following me. By now, it’s likely that everyone knows what happened, but I’m too depressed to care about the gossip.
I find Rani playing with the kids in the meadow. She smiles when she sees me, and I blow out a nervous breath. I didn’t realize how much I’ve come to cherish our new friendship.
She murmurs something to the kids, and they laugh but dart away, starting a game with some colored stones.
“Ellie,” she says, “how are you?”
I smile, but it quickly falls from my face. By now, she’s likely well aware of what’s happened with me and Terex.
“I’m not the best,” I admit. “But I need to stay busy. I was wondering if I could come back and help with the kids.”
Her eyes lighten with sympathy. “Of course you can. Listen, I’m sorry for what I said about Nevada. I know she’s your friend, and I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you all, taken from your homes with no warning. Truthfully, I’d do whatever it took to get home as well.”
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have stormed off like that. Of course you’re worried about Rakiz. I was just feeling defensive, and I took it out on you.”
Rani nods, leaning forward and giving me a hug. I close my eyes, swallowing around the lump in my throat, and pull back, attempting a smile. From the look on Rani’s face, my smile has fallen flat.
“Do you need anything?” she asks softly, pushing her hair behind her ear, her golden mating bands catching the light.
“I’m fine, thanks.”
“You know, I’ve known Terex all my life, and I’ve never seen him as happy as he is when he’s with you.”
I blink back tears. “I think I ruined it,” I say, and she pats me on the shoulder.
“Sometimes, things have to break so they can be built stronger.”
I look away, watching the kids play. Moni said something similar a few times when I was in her kradi, and her voice flits through my head. The woman has always slightly freaked me out with the way she seems to stare into my soul.
You can’t have healing without pain. Perhaps this is something that you have been slow to learn, hmm?
She’s right. All my life, I’ve let myself be defined by the way my mom and sister labeled me.
I wasn’t willing to fight back. To take a stand and deal with the inevitable fallout—and pain—that it would cause.
It wasn’t until I saw the way Terex looked at me, the way he handled me like I was something precious, that I began to question that label.
But I took too long. Now Terex can barely look at me, his gaze flicking away the few times I’ve seen him. Truthfully, I’m mostly avoiding him, scared I’ll find out he’s already moving on.
He wouldn’t do that to me. I shake the thought off even as I think it. No wonder he’s so frustrated with me. At every turn, I expect the giant warrior to betray me, questioning his honor.
Terex never once made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. Never did he imply that I was second best, or that he’d rather be with one of the women who look at him with hungry eyes. Instead, he made it clear that I was the one for him. That I was all he wanted.
And I pushed him away until he gave up.
Th
e thought is so depressing that I want to go back to bed and pull the furs over my head. But I’ve become part of a community here. The kids rely on me to help them now. I have friends—both human and Braxian. Life is different here, but I fit in more than I could ever have imagined. If Terex never comes back to me, I’ll survive. I may never be the same, but in this place, I’ve found an inner strength I never knew I had.
“Ellie?”
“Sorry, Rani. I was having a revelation. Actually, there is something you can help me with.”
She grins as I tell her about my idea, nodding enthusiastically.
“Of course I can help. But Ellie…are you sure?”
Nope, and the uncertainty in her voice doesn’t help me feel any more confident.
“No,” I say honestly. “But I have to try.”
Chapter Sixteen
Terex
I narrowly dodge a sword aimed for my head, and a growl leaves my throat. Since the warrior is young, he’s using a training sword, but warriors have lost their eyes by becoming distracted during training.
“Good.” I nod to Arex, who grins at my praise, lunging forward.
This time, I manage to push my thoughts aside, focusing on the male in front of me. With Rakiz gone, his duties fall to me. There are plenty of other experienced warriors available for training, but after days of dealing with the council’s stupid questions and making decisions that directly impact our people, I needed the release of a good training session.
I move to the side, knocking Arex’s hand away with my forearm. He almost drops his sword, and I narrow my eyes at him.
“That lunge took you off balance. Remember, Voildi may be smaller than us, but they’re often faster. Two of them could have gutted you in a heartbeat.”
His mouth firms, but he nods, stepping back. I partner him with Rovix, a warrior known for his speed in battle. He should be able to teach Arex a few things to make him lighter on his feet.
A small female walks by, close to the training arena, and my heart jumps into my throat. My shoulders slump as I realize she’s too tall to be Ellie, and I scowl as I recognize Vivian.