by Nina Levine
I gripped her cheek and shook my head. “No, you have nothing to apologise for, Tee. You had no control over that depression, and when you worked out what it was, you did everything in your power to fight it. So don’t you ever fucking apologise for it again.”
She placed her hand on mine as another tear fell. “Where have you been living all this time? What have you been doing?”
My chest squeezed with regret and hatred towards Gibson. He’d taken this woman from me. And everything we might have been able to build together. I fought the urge to kiss her. It wasn’t that I was still in love with her—I’d had to find a way to move past that over the years—but the familiarity I felt pulled me towards wanting a taste of her again. I knew she felt it too by the way she was looking at me. Maybe we never got over our first love, regardless of what we went through with them.
I let my hand fall away from her and took a step back. While I would always think of her as my wife, she wasn’t mine anymore, and I needed to remember that. I wouldn’t drag her through any further heartache with me. “I moved to Sydney.”
We sat talking for close to two hours. I filled her in on what I’d been doing with my life since she’d last seen me. Not that there was much to tell, because mostly I’d been taking care of club shit and doing anything to avoid thinking about the way my life had turned out. Those things involved drinking and sex—two things I was sure Tenille wouldn’t want to hear about, so I did my best to steer the conversation away from me, to her and Charlie.
Our conversation would have lasted longer, but I received a call from King. Excusing myself, I went outside to take the call. I knew instantly that something was up. King’s hard tone gave that away. “Hyde, need you back here now. Sorry, brother. Got a situation that calls for you.”
“What?”
“Jacko was killed last night. And when I say killed, I mean fucking executed. I need you to help me figure out who it was because Kick’s dealing with baby stuff, and Nitro and Devil are busy with other shit. And at this point, you’re the only other person I trust for this job.”
“Fuck,” I muttered. Not because this would drag me away from Charlie and Tenille, but because it was just one thing after another with the club. And, fuck… Jacko. We hadn’t been close, but I’d always liked him. “Give me an hour to leave. I’ll tie up some shit here first.” That’d put me back in Sydney by ten tonight, maybe earlier depending on traffic.
“Call me when you get back.” With that, he ended the call.
“Everything okay?”
I turned to find Tenille watching me hesitantly. Her new acceptance of me seemed a little shaky. I’d need to get back to Melbourne soon so I could strengthen that.
“No, some club business has come up. I need to go home and sort it out.”
She wrapped her arms around herself, and I sensed her retreat. “Okay.”
“I’ll be back as soon as it’s dealt with. I want time with Charlie. I figure me going home will give you a chance to talk with her and help prepare her for seeing me.”
Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”
I stepped closer to her. “You’re not going to change your mind on this, are you?” Not that I would let her, but I wanted her to be comfortable with it.
She shook her head. “No. But it’s complicated, you know? I’ve gotta get Craig on board with it, too. And God knows how Charlie will take the news. I’m just worried, is all.”
I stopped myself from telling her that if Craig had a problem with it, I’d settle that fast. Taking shit slowly wasn’t how I usually ran my life, but on this occasion it was called for. “I’ll give you my number. Keep me updated.”
We exchanged numbers and I gave her my address before leaving her to head back to the motel so I could grab my gear and make the trip home. Disappointment that I hadn’t had any time with Charlie sat heavy in my gut, but it was a feeling I was old friends with, so I simply carried it with me like I always did.
Chapter 6
Monroe
“Did you end up getting any last night?” Savannah asked me as she handed the bowl of potato salad over. It was our weekly dinner at our parents’ house, and we were all in attendance—my sister, Savannah, my brother, David, his wife, Nikita, and me. I’d also dragged Tatum along because Nitro was busy with work.
“No.” She was talking about the guy I’d met at the club where we’d danced all night. “Which was a crying shame because he had it all going on. I bet he was even pierced under all those clothes.”
“You mean you didn’t check?” Mum asked.
I turned to my mother who had cocked her head to the side while she waited impatiently for my answer to her question. Laughing, I said, “No, Mum, I don’t go around randomly checking men’s cocks for jewellery.”
“You may as well with the addiction you have,” my brother muttered from across the table.
I drank some of my wine and caught David’s eye. “It’s a good addiction. Better than drugs, don’t you think?” David was the prude in our family. Hell, even my parents talked openly about sex with us, but David always found the sex talk a little too much. I liked to mess with him as often as I could.
He shook his head at me in mock exasperation. “It’s not the kind of addiction I would choose.”
I rolled my eyes. My brother was the complete opposite of me. Where I was impulsive, he had everything in his life planned down to the finest detail. Where I was what you could call a little dramatic, he was calm. And while I was the dreamer in the family, he was the sensible one.
“You’d prefer to be addicted to checking the stock market, right?”
A smile touched his face, but only fleetingly, because God forbid he express his emotions for longer than necessary. “I’d prefer to have no addictions, Roe.”
I returned his smile. I did love him, even though he wore me out sometimes with his dry personality. David was the kind of man you wanted in your corner when the shit hit the fan in your life. He’d never failed to come through for me when I needed him. He was solid and always did right by those he loved. Truth be told, I wanted to find a man like him. I just wanted said man to live on the wild side a little and know how to have fun. A little spontaneity never killed anyone.
I raised my wine glass. “I would give up all my addictions to food and clothes and make-up and shoes and bags if I could just have a pierced cock in my life regularly.”
My father laughed from the other end of the table. Raising his glass, he said, “Cheers to happiness, baby.”
I flashed him a huge smile. My dad was my biggest champion. “Cheers, Dad.”
David groaned as he leant back in his seat. “Jesus, don’t encourage her.”
Dad looked around the table with a smile. “I encourage all my girls.”
“Yeah, and look at what you’ve created,” David said. “Three women who walk all over you and spend all your money.”
My mother waved her hand dismissively at him. “Pooh to you, too. So we like to live a little. Your father understands the needs of a woman.” She threw a wink at Nikita as she tacked on, “And it seems you’ve followed in his footsteps. Nikita is a woman after my own heart.”
David took after Dad in a lot of ways. Both men were quite serious and anal in the way they ran their lives, but Dad had wisdom when it came to women that my brother at thirty-two was yet to learn. David’s analysis of my father allowing the women in his life to walk all over him was off base. It probably seemed that way to most, but Dad had learnt how to handle his wife and his daughters. He knew when to push and when to ease off in a way that still got him everything he wanted in life.
Nikita sent Mum a smile. I loved the relationship they’d nurtured since David started dating her four years ago. They were close in a way a lot of women in their positions weren’t. “I think Colin could teach his son a few things.”
David muttered something under his breath, but at the same time, he looked at his wife with eyes that told everyone how mu
ch he loved her. Sliding his arm around her shoulders, he pulled her close and kissed her. They shared the kind of intimate moment that caused my heart to constrict with jealousy. I wanted that kind of connection with a man. I was a thirty-one-year-old single woman with no men in my life that I would even consider sleeping with, let alone dating.
Tatum leant close. “What are you thinking, Roe? I saw the way you just sighed.”
My cousin knew me so well. “Why is it so hard to find a man? I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard.”
“Maybe it’s time to take a break. You’ve been going at it pretty hard for a long time.”
She was right—I had dedicated years to my search. And when I did something, I did it well. I left no stone unturned. But besides a two-year relationship that ended badly a few years ago, I hadn’t found a man who held my attention for longer than five months.
“I’m not ready to give up yet.”
“I’m not talking about giving up. I’m suggesting you ease up, because I think you’re getting a little disheartened with it all, and I don’t want that for you.”
“Tatum’s right,” Mum said, listening in on our conversation. “Finding a man has become your sole focus lately, and to be quite frank, I’m missing my Monroe time. We haven’t been to the spa in months. And do you remember the last time we went shopping together? I don’t.”
“Right,” Savannah said, joining in. “We’re hitting the spa this Saturday. All of us. No excuses.”
“I’m in,” Tatum said as she drank some of her wine. Her eyes sparkled with fun, which was odd for her, but then again, dating Nitro had changed her. She was all about the fun these days.
“Me too,” Nikita agreed, smacking David as he muttered something under his breath again.
Mum’s face lit up with happiness. She eyed Dad. “Looks like you’ve got some peace and quiet on the agenda for this weekend, Col. I’ll pick up a roast tomorrow. You can cook it while we’re all at the spa on Saturday. Family dinner twice in one week is exactly what Monroe needs.”
“And some shoe shopping on Sunday,” I said. “That’s the other thing I need.”
Dad chuckled. “Of course it is. I’ve heard shoes fix everything.”
They didn’t fix everything, but I didn’t tell him that. I didn’t want my family to know just how disappointed I was becoming over being single. I wasn’t the kind of person to get down, but lately I’d felt every bit of being single, and it sucked.
“Nitro’s been really busy with the club lately. Is everything okay?” I asked Tatum a few hours later at the pub after dinner.
Shaking her head, she said, “No, they’ve got a lot of problems at the moment. I’m hoping they can figure them all out soon, because he’s so tense and hardly ever at home.”
“How’s the wedding preparations going?”
“Don’t ask. We’ve got less than two months to finalise it all, and I feel like I’m drowning in plans.”
“That’s because your man was so bloody adamant that he wanted that ring on your finger fast. Maybe you should tell him you’re pushing the date out.”
She lifted a brow. “You think Nitro is going to go for that? I’d have more luck telling him I was knocking our house down and pitching a tent for us to live in.”
I smiled. “I love the way he’s changed you.”
“He’s changed me in so many ways. Which one are you referring to?”
“All of it. If there was ever meant to be a couple, it was you two. And I actually don’t know if you have changed each other or if you’ve just changed yourselves so you can love each other and yourselves better.”
She finished her glass of wine. “You’re just a big old romantic, Roe. I don’t know anyone else who loves love like you do. You’re going to find your man one day, and he’s going to love you so hard.”
“Yes, and until then, I’m going to buy shoes and hit day spas with my mum.” God help me.
Tatum laughed. “I do love your mother, but there is no way I’ll ever allow you to spend all your weekends with her.”
“Thank fuck. I was beginning to think I’d turn into a crazy old cat lady living on my own.”
She grinned. “With all your shoes. Don’t forget them.”
“Fuck. I need another drink. And then maybe I’ll just take a quick peek around the club and see if there are any men I wanna talk to.” At the shake of her head, I added, “Just a really quick peek. Like, five minutes max.”
“Five minutes!” She tapped her imaginary watch. “I’m counting those minutes.”
I left her and headed towards the bar, checking the pub out for men as I walked. It was Wednesday, not a busy night, so I lucked out on finding anyone that matched my list of requirements.
As I handed Tatum her drink a few moments later, she said, “That was quick. Let me guess, none of the guys in here were a fit.”
I ignored her sarcasm. She made fun of my list, but I held fast to it. And the longer it took me to find the one, the more items were added to it. “I don’t think there are any men in here taller than me, Tatum. That’s an automatic strike.”
“Yeah, I don’t blame you. I couldn’t imagine being with a man shorter than me.” She placed her drink down on the table. “Okay, enough talk about men. Tell me how the gym’s going.”
I pulled a face. “How the fuck do you think the gym is going? You know of my hate affair with the fucking gym.” I’d joined for the fifth time in my life two days ago in my latest attempt at shifting some weight. And it was still the home of horror as far as I was concerned.
“What are you doing there?”
“They’ve written me up a weights programme and recommended some classes, including a pilates one that I’m dreading. It starts next Tuesday, so I have almost a week to psych myself up for that one.”
“I was surprised when you said you were going back to the gym. I thought you were done with that place.”
“Yeah, I was. But I got caught at the shopping centre the other day at one of those bloody stands where they talk you into all kinds of shit. I signed up for three months. I was proud of myself for resisting the guy’s charms when he tried to convince me that I was made for a year’s membership. I mean, do I fucking look like I’m made for twelve months of horror?”
“You know those agreements have a cooling off period? You can get out of it if you want.”
“Yeah, I know.” I fell silent for a moment before admitting the truth to her. It was a truth I struggled with, because honestly, I would have preferred to be completely confident in my body, but I wasn’t. “I think I actually want to do this, though. I act like I don’t care about my curves, and mostly I do love them, but there’s this tiny part of me that secretly wants to know what it’s like to be your shape. I want to know how it feels to be able to walk into any clothes shop and choose a sexy dress knowing it will definitely fit me. And then to wear that dress out and receive the kind of attention you do when you enter a room.”
Her face softened. “Oh, babe, you do realise that you attract a lot of attention, right? And when I say a lot, I mean a fuckload. I see guys ogling you from miles away.”
A wolf whistle and then a lot of cheering from a group of guys cut through the noise of the pub, breaking up our conversation. Turning, I saw a guy down on one knee making what looked like a marriage proposal to his girlfriend. When they quietened down, Tatum said, “Okay, I don’t have to work tomorrow, so I’m gonna have a few drinks. You in?”
“Fuck yes!” I pulled out my phone. “I’ll text Fox. He can open up at work for me tomorrow so I can go in late.”
“Perfect.”
It was just what we needed. Between our hectic schedules lately, we hadn’t managed Friday drinks together in weeks. And I needed my drinks with Tatum to keep my sanity. Well, the drinks were optional, but she was the keeper of my sanity. I wasn’t sure what I would do without her in my life.
Chapter 7
Hyde
I watched from where my bike was
parked on the other side of the street as the redhead stumbled down the path to her front door. She was clearly drunk, which meant she was of no use to me tonight.
I’d arrived back in Sydney an hour earlier, and King had given me instructions to come here and get as much information out of her as possible about the guy she worked with and who he bought his drugs from. She’d just arrived home in a cab, thank fuck. I’d started to think she was out for the entire night. King was on the warpath trying to figure out who was behind Jacko’s death, and for some reason, he thought she would have information that’d help us.
Monroe—the redhead—tripped just as she almost made it to her front door. It wasn’t a surprise. The heels she wore were so fucking high I wasn’t sure how she even managed to stand in them, let alone walk in them.
“Fuck,” I muttered when she landed on her ass. Moving off my bike, I crossed the street and jogged to where she sat.
“Why the fuck do women insist on wearing heels like that?”
Her back was to me when I asked my question. She swiftly turned her upper body to look at me. “Jesus, do you always sneak up on women near midnight?” I didn’t miss the panic in her eyes before she realised it was me. Couldn’t blame her—it was fucking late. I’d tried to talk King into putting this visit off until the morning, but he’d been forceful in his desire to see it done tonight. I guessed the fact she’d met me once helped ease some of her concern.
“Can’t say it’s on my regular list of jobs, no.” I watched as her eyes traced every inch of my body. Monroe appeared to be a woman who wasn’t afraid to show her healthy appreciation for men. I crouched next to her. “See anything you like?”
My question didn’t even come close to interrupting her appraisal. She continued to silently check me out before slowly bringing her eyes back up to meet mine. A smile danced across her lips. “How tall are you?”
My lips twitched with amusement. She was fucking drunk. And that was the strangest fucking question I’d ever been asked by a woman. “Six foot five.”