Her hands shook as she refolded the paper and placed it on the closed toilet seat. Her mind whirling from all the missed signals she must have glossed over. She’d known Cara for twenty years and never spotted her true feelings. She wondered if it was years of missed opportunity. All the time she wasted on Scott worrying through his infidelities could have been spent exploring how to help Cara move on to someone else.
In her heart she knew she could have never been the person Cara wished her to be, but Harper could have helped her come up with a viable solution for moving on. “Dammit Cara, why didn’t you tell me? We could have figured this out together.” Her voice echoed from the bathroom walls, muffled by the lingering steam of hot water. Ziggie let out a sharp bark, sensing Harper’s distress and voicing his opinion.
With resignation she stood from the tub, water sluicing from her body and splashing into the tub. A thread of determination traveled through her body as she realized Cara wouldn’t want her to wallow and feel sorry for herself. Life happened, Cara got a raw deal when it came to living. She’d wasted years yearning after Harper wishing for something that could never happen. A pinch of anger snuck into Harper’s awareness at Cara’s withholding of life-altering information.
Harper grabbed a towel and buried her face in its fluffy softness. Somehow she would get through this fresh pain of loss readied to rip the scab that had so recently formed over raw wounds. Her mind ran scenarios of what could have happened if Cara had admitted her feelings while she was still alive. Each concluded with the same response, Harper would have been so determined to help Cara that she would have sacrificed her beliefs and wants to make Cara happy. She would have told Cara anything she wanted to hear no matter the small voice inside her head saying it wasn’t true.
Cara had lived twenty years with unrequited love. The pain she must have endured every day knowing she couldn’t put voice to her love must have been pure living hell. While Harper lived her own hell and occasional jealousy over Cara’s free spirit, Cara lived a life of secrets. Secrets she kept from her best friend.
Harper shook her head trying to clear her mind of the suffering they both lived through. The seed Cara planted about Scott’s having a hand in her miscarriages was pushed into the far recesses of her mind. Such thoughts couldn’t see the light of day or they would grow into paranoia, one trait she was not ready to add to her laundry list of problems. Harper couldn’t conceive a single viable way he could have possibly had anything to do with the worst moments of her life.
She treaded carefully around any theorizing, because if she didn’t, next she’d be suspecting Scott somehow caused Cara’s death. Knowing there wasn’t even a vague possibility didn’t stop her mind from flashing to some conspiracy where he could have caused it. Eventually logic always reined in her morbid musings.
It seemed like nothing in her life could be quite as simple as she wanted it to be. She longed for a quiet happy life where she didn’t have to question herself over poor choices. At the end of each day she wanted to relax into a comfortable relationship and hear the happy pounding of kid feet running through her house.
Lately those thoughts had turned to a specific person and thoughts of his son’s feet being the ones she heard running through her house. Even for a person with a broken past the future still held possibilities.
Twenty-Two
Harper wiped the sweat from her brow as she surveyed the work they had accomplished. Noah and she had spent most of the unseasonably warm February day tilling the large garden area. Over the last few weeks they had become closer every day, but chose to continue a slow relationship build rather than jumping in like two horny teenagers. She found a sense of calm comfort whenever he was near and she adored Grayson. Grayson had her wrapped so tight around his little fingers that if he asked her for a rocket to the moon she would have found a way to make it happen.
Grayson had spent the day running and playing with Ziggie and trying to help when he grew bored. His help consisted of getting in the way, but it was ridiculously cute watching him tool around on his little John Deer tractor trying to plow the dirt she had raked into place. Each time she heard his little boy giggle she wanted to scoop him up and cover him in kisses.
She looked at Noah who studied her from behind the now quiet tiller. He watched her as she watched Grayson and a slow sexy smile played over his face when he caught her eye.
“What?” she asked.
He took the thick leather gloves from his hands and placed them on the tiller’s cooling engine, never taking his gaze from hers. His hips swayed in a sexy rhythm as he approached with a devious gleam twinkling in deep pools of blue. When she tried to break eye contact he held her attention with one word.
“Don’t.”
She tried to force her eyes to move, to resist the smolder, but was unsuccessful. Her pulse quickened as her body warmed even more. Sweat danced on her scalp and played havoc when it dripped down her face. She didn’t move or shift her gaze, emboldened by the power she held over Noah.
When he was within feet her body began to tingle in response. His arms lifted and his hands cupped her face, trapping it within his capable strength. She had no choice but to hold still as he swept moisture from her cheek and buried his fingers in the hair behind her head. He unwound the sweaty bun and combed her hair down so he could run his fingers through the long locks.
A cry of protest dripped past her lips. “I’m all sweaty.”
“You have no idea how little I care about sweat. Besides,” he leaned down and inhaled her scent “your sweaty aroma drives me crazy… in a very naughty way.”
Harper’s pulse threatened to beat through her veins and spill blood upon freshly tilled ground. Her body heated to unbearable temperatures, and a flush traveled her nether regions as though connected to a high voltage battery.
She placed her hands upon his chest in an attempt to push him back, allowing some space between them so she could catch her breath and restore sanity to her sex addled mind. It was useless as he grabbed her hands and wrapped her rubbery arms around his waist.
“Relax. I’m going to kiss you now.” He whispered into her ear.
Knowing what was coming drove her to a cliff’s edge and threatened to plunge her into a cloudy oblivion of pleasure. The feelings that raced through her both frightened and fascinated her. In twenty years of marriage she was never out of control as she was when Noah was near.
With slow deliberation he lowered his head and placed a kiss of feather softness upon her lips. He held her still as his lips lingered before deepening the kiss with a light touch of his tongue. She parted her lips as his tongue probed deeper.
“Yuck, daddy, what are you doing to Miss Harper?” Grayson shouted from behind them. “Is something wrong with her mouth? Can I help?”
Harper and Noah leaned into each other and cracked up like schoolboys caught looking at Playboy under the slide.
Harper shook her head and turned to Grayson when she had a semblance of control. Trails of snickers continued to leak out, but at least she could face Grayson without completely losing it. Noah turned his body so Grayson wouldn’t ask any embarrassing questions about what was wrong with the front of his pants.
“Grayson, honey, I’m fine. Your dad was checking for…” Harper’s brilliant idea of explaining it fled when she looked at him closer.
He let out a loud guffaw and bent over double in a fit of giggles. “Miss Harper, I know what a kiss is. You don’t have to make up something for me. I’m a big boy. I’ve watched Grammy kiss daddy before, but never on the lips… yuck!”
“Why, you little rascal.” Harper took steps toward him, but with no hope of catching the boy who now ran with the swiftness of youth and the energy of a jackrabbit on speed. His giggles trailed behind him as he darted back and forth to keep her from catching him.
She walked back to stand beside Noah, shaking her head and grinning. “You have one cute kid, you know that?”
He smiled and draped his arm ove
r her shoulder. “I love him to pieces, but sometimes he can be a little stinker. Probably better he stopped us though. I was ready to rip your clothes off and have my way with you right in the middle of fresh dirt.”
Her body heated before she gained control of her overactive libido. “How about we talk about dirt? It’s a safer subject, and we’ll avoid scarring the little kiddo for life.”
“Okay, but you’re going to have to back away from me a few steps… otherwise I won’t be able to control myself.” His eyebrows wiggled a suggestive dance as she backed away.
She sucked in a deep breath, clearing her nostrils of his masculine scent and filling it with the aroma of earth. “I’m a complete virgin to gardening so you’ll have to help me out. I’ve read a little and think I understand what to plant when. I plan to plant snow peas and sugar snaps all along that fence so they can grow up.”
“Good start and you can start planting them now since they like the cooler weather. If you plan to sell any though, I’d plant a lot more than one side of the fence. You can get the ones that don’t need a trellis and plant most of the garden. Once it starts getting warm, they’ll stop producing and you can replace them with warm season stuff, and a bonus is they make the dirt more fertile. What all do you want to grow?”
Harper considered things she’d purchased at farmer’s markets. “I’d like to grow squash, tomatoes, and maybe some herbs this year. I’d really love berries, but I’m a bit lost on how to grow those.”
He rubbed his hands together. “Great ideas… all, especially the herbs since few people grow those to sell. I can help you build a grow stand in your garage if you’d like to start the tomatoes early to get a jump on growth before planting outside. If you don’t want to support the tomatoes you’ll need to plant only determinate, otherwise you’ll need cages or some other support system. The squash will grow wild so you’ll need fewer plants than you think, I suggest planting a few unique varieties to make it more interesting.”
She smiled at him. “And how exactly did you come by all this plant knowledge?”
“My mom always had a garden when I was growing up, and yours truly learned more than he ever wanted to know about plants.”
“Well, what about the berries? You left those out.”
“They will take a couple of years to get established, and you’ll be better off planting those in the fall. I’ll help you with that project if you like. Soon you’ll have more than you can handle once those trees start producing and people hear about this place.”
“I was looking forward to some blackberry cobbler, but I guess I’ll have to settle for the store bought stuff. Now, for the most important question. Am I biting off more than I can chew?”
“Harper, I’ve watched you since the day you moved in. Wow, that was stalkerish… anyway, your determination to live out Cara’s dream will overcome any obstacles you run into. I’ve watched you win over a sullen depressed dog, work through muscles so sore you could barely stand upright, and fight the demons that battle behind your eyes. There is no doubt you will succeed.”
Her heart softened at the confidence he showed in her ability. “I don’t think I’ve had anyone so in my corner before. Where have you been all my life?”
“Waiting for you to get here.” He smiled and planted a light kiss on her forehead. “And it was worth the wait.”
She placed a hand over her heart. “I solemnly swear to do everything humanly possible to never tarnish the view you have of me in this moment.” She smiled then gestured toward the house. “Now, how about we take a break and have some lunch?”
Grayson had snuck up beside her without her hearing his soft footsteps. His small hand slid into hers. “Let’s go Miss Harper, I’m starving like a lion. Listen to my tummy growl.” He held his fingers to his lips while they listened to his stomach growl. “See?” He giggled then tugged her forward.
After lunch they all stood in the doorway, reluctant to part ways. Each time Noah and Grayson came to visit, Harper had a more difficult time watching them leave. She knew her attachment to them was bordering on unhealthy but couldn’t help herself when she was near Noah her feminine side screamed for release and Grayson brought out the mom she never got to be.
With a razor thin edge of resolve Harper tried to say goodbye. “Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later.”
Noah tilted her chin up. “Harper, am I crazy for not wanting to leave? I want to spend the whole day with you, doing everything or nothing, it doesn’t matter.”
Grayson piped up in response before she had a chance to answer. “Daddy, you’re not crazy. Can we stay here forever? Or maybe Miss Harper can come live with us? Wait, it’s better if we move here because she has Ziggie and the horses. But, if we do that I won’t ever get to slide on slide monster again. I’d really love to have a mommy. Hey, why don’t you get married?” His stream of jumbled answers and thoughts tumbled out in one continuous ramble.
Noah reached to ruffle his hair. “Slow down little man. We’re taking it one day at a time. Besides, Miss Harper may not want two rowdy boys invading her peaceful house.”
Harper listened to them banter. She loved the feelings that shot through her conscience. She’d fantasized about them moving in. Leave it to one rambunctious adorable boy to give voice to her hidden desires. The adult in her told her to address the situation in a logical manner, not give in to the spontaneity screaming for release.
Harper’s mind raced for words that would satisfy Grayson. She kneeled in front of Grayson to get his attention. “Here’s what I say, do you know how long one month is?”
“My daddy taught me, and it’s a looong time.”
She nodded her head. “Yes, sometimes it does feel that way. But it’s not really that long. Can you do me a big favor?”
His head nodded up and down vigorously.
“When you go home today I’d like you to mark today’s date on a calendar. And turn the calendar to six months later that will make it August 21 and mark that date too. By August 21 your dad and I will have decided whether living together is right for us. Does that work for you?” She asked as though talking to an adult.
A frown twisted his small features into a loveable sulky mask. His lower lip pooched out as a clear indication of unhappiness over waiting six months. Then a spark of an idea jumped into his head. “Ok, Miss Harper, but I can still come over whenever I want right?” He smiled exposing teeth that would soon fall out.
“Absolutely, you can come over anytime. But you always have to tell your daddy, or call me and I’ll come get you. It’s too far for you to walk.”
He held out his hand. “Deal.”
She shook his hand then kissed his cheek. “Okay kiddo, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Noah grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. “Now, can I have a kiss before you shuttle us on our way?”
Before she responded he leaned down and gave a quick, kid friendly peck on the lips. “We’ll see you tomorrow.” He leaned over and whispered in her ear. “And I’ll think about you tonight.”
Her cheeks flushed at the implication in his words.
Twenty-Three
Scott pushed the balls of his feet into the carpet setting the glider into motion. Light danced through the blue curtains hanging from the nursery windows and the soft intensity of classical music played through hidden speakers. Boyd slept cradled in his arms. His eyes tightly closed and his body forming a peanut shape with his pulled up legs. At six weeks old Boyd had grown from a newborn blob of a human to a smiling happy infant whenever his eyes were open. He slept through the night from the time he was four weeks old and had been a dream baby from the start.
Scott and Isabella had come to a semblance of truce. Through many late night discussions he had discovered Boyd’s father had died in a work accident not long after his one night stand with Isabella. She told him that she got drunk on a girl’s night out and ended up sleeping with a black man from the bar. He never questioned how she knew the man’s name
(which she claimed to have now forgotten), if it was a one night stand and she was blasted when they hooked up. Any doubt he had about the validity of her confessions stayed buried under his unexpected joy at fatherhood. Regrets relating to Harper always floated under the surface of his mind. He poked them from time to time but chose ignorance over reality. Long ago he could have been a father.
Isabella turned out to be the model mom. She knew what Boyd needed before he voiced a single cry. Scott still puzzled over her pro handling of all things baby. If he didn’t know better he would suspect she had other kids. Day by day his doubts faded as he entrenched himself in his new role of fatherhood.
As the gliding motion slowed his brain chewed on Isabella’s claims about Boyd’s father, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on bothered him. He added a mental note to check on her story, research this work accident Boyd’s bio dad had died in. Surely a man dying on a charter boat tour would have made the news. If nothing else he knew the approximate date of his death, he’d have to research how to find archived obituaries. This mystery man who fathered his son would be less of a mystery soon.
Scott’s eyes grew heavy as his mind drifted toward unconsciousness, before sleep claimed him memories of meeting Isabella invaded his mind.
The workday was long and capped by a change of command ceremony. In preparation for Scott’s upcoming retirement he passed the reins of command to the next officer in charge. For the final months of his military career he could relax and clear his plate of most duties. He wore dress blues, retrieved from the dry cleaners the day before, the starch still held the creases tight. The shine from the full bird of colonel rank shone upon his shoulder and from the hat upon his head, winking in the sun as he crossed the parking lot at the local bar. The bar, a favorite among him and his comrades was frequented by military members getting off work and the women who sought men in uniform.
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