She let out a breath that puffed out her lips. “Okay,” she said.
“Don’t worry, Roxxo. I know you may not buy into all this new-age stuff, but I’ve worked with some of the biggest companies in the country. There’s truly something to be said for learning to pull back your mask and show some vulnerability with your work mates. I’ve seen billionaires in tears who come up with their most innovative ideas from that rawness. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t really believe in it.”
“I trust you,” she said.
We held each other’s gaze and I could almost feel her opening up to me. Like a tight new bud of spring just barely starting to bloom. I would be gentle and patient. I would not crush her. I could be the sunshine that coaxes her to reveal herself.
Around noon my stomach growled loudly enough for her to hear.
I put a hand on my middle. “Shush, you.”
She looked up from her notebook. “I think we’re good for the day. Why don’t you go get lunch. I just have a few more notes to take.”
I stood and stretched, arms high until my back popped. When I looked back at her, she was chewing on her lip and looking at the little bit of skin revealed. She looked away, quickly pretending to take a note on a yellow-lined notebook. I took a steadying breath and straightened my shirt.
“Good idea. Need anything?” I asked.
She stayed focused on her paper, chewing the end of her pen. Did she understand that everything she did was so sexy? From this angle her cleavage was fully on display. A little flick of color flashed beneath her bra strap, stretching almost to her collarbone. What I wouldn’t give to discover where that tattoo went. I needed hours to explore.
I must have gone noticeably still and quiet because she looked up. She pulled her shirt closed and I felt like a real prick.
“I think this went really well,” she said.
“Agreed.” I cleared my throat because my voice had gone a bit funny. “I look forward to working with you.”
Her pen tapped rapidly on her notebook. “Let’s go to dinner,” she said without looking up.
I froze. My heart pounded like she’d just proposed marriage. “Wh-what?”
“Tonight. Let’s go get some dinner and celebrate. There’s this fun bar in town, I can show you.”
“As a date?” I asked. That at least, caused her to look up.
“As two people who have had a great day and breakthrough,” she said carefully.
“Okay,” I said even as my brain screamed that this was a bad idea. I was just finally proving my professional self and showing her I was more than a good time. “That sounds good.”
I was gonna regret this.
My eyes went to her wrist where a little glimpse of tattoo showed again. Were they trying to entice me now? They seemed to be jumping out more and more. She pulled the sleeves down to cover the area.
“Are you ever going to show me those?” I asked.
Her cheeks flushed. “No.”
“I showed you mine. You show me yours.” As soon as the flirtatious words were out, I could have smacked myself. I was nervous about dinner and it had just happened. I’d done so good—well, mostly good—all day keeping my feelings locked down and my professional demeanor in place. But those flashes of her tattoos were incendiary. I needed to see more.
“Not today, Colonel,” she said.
I’d almost forgotten what we were talking about I was so lost in dirty thoughts.
“So you’re saying someday?” I teased.
“Go. Eat.” She playfully pushed me toward the door with her foot.
I grabbed her leg without thinking. My fingertips circled her dainty ankle. If I followed my gaze up her leg, I’d reach her skirt. And past that … I forced my focus to stay where I held her. I was hard in an instant. A glimpse of ankle and I reacted like it was the Regency era.
We both stared at my hand on her ankle. My thumb moved in a circle along the silky material and delicate bone. I shook with desire. What if I sank before her on my knees? What if I just pushed her leg up on to my shoulder? What if I kissed along her long, beautiful legs until she moaned my name, lost in pleasure?
“Sanders,” she said. Her chest was flushed as my gaze finally tore away from her ankle. “I’ll see you tonight? Okay?”
I gently lowered her leg to the ground. Time to get the fuck out of there. “Sounds good.”
I left without another look back. Tonight was going to require a strong game plan.
Chapter 17
Roxy
It wasn’t a date. It definitely wasn’t. I just wanted to look good for myself. It was just dinner with Sanders. It wasn’t helping that I owned absolutely no clothes. A closet full of clothes and nothing to wear, a biography. I settled on jean shorts that would have been way too short if not for the black fishnets I wore under them and laced-up combat boots. I topped it with a black tank top that hid none of my tattoos. Sanders wanted to see them, well, now he would. I left my hair down, lined my eyes with heavy eyeliner, and slicked on lip gloss that stung my lips into a ridiculous pout.
Genie’s was packed. Always. The country bar was the place to be when you wanted a drink and to hear some music without any trouble. I glanced at the table I’d sat at with the SWS not that long ago when Erik Fricking Jones played Elton John on the piano. That was crazy. I wondered if Kim was going to get me that autograph. Not that I would admit it but, Lord, that would be amazing.
I wished I could send a message to the SWS group text, just to tell them I missed them. But they’d definitely think I was dying if I sent a text like that. I wished I could explain that my distance was to preserve my way of life and that included our friendship. I just had to get through another week with Sanders and things would be back to normal. I held my phone in my hand, looked at the last text from a week ago: a less peppy Kim checking in and all of our half-hearted replies. I put my phone away.
I waved to Patty, as I made my way to the small table in the back. I felt a few sets of eyes on me but kept my face relaxed which was enough of a red flag for most people. Green Valley was filled with a bunch of nosey nellies. Nothing about me screamed “approachable.”
She took my order of a vodka soda and I waited. Sanders should be here any minute. My hand lifted to fix my bangs but I dropped it back to my lap. I’d felt really good after our meeting this morning. I was ready to fully admit that I’d misjudged Sanders on a lot of levels but it was clear now that he took Outside the Box very seriously and had a mind for details. I wasn’t ready for him to completely take the lead on this corporate retreat but it was so easy to trust him. Freakily so. I didn’t like it.
After my drink was dropped off, the bar grew even more crowded. I fought very hard to not check the door every five seconds. I had to trust that he’d come. Tonight wasn’t a big deal, just two people hanging out.
At the bar, a man I recognized from my old days at the Dragon Bar kept eyeing me. He wasn’t a Wraith, they didn’t hang out here, but there was something familiar about him. He was tattooed, bearded, sort of hot in that typical angry biker way. If you were to look up “Roxy’s ideal man” ten years ago, this guy would be the top result. We made accidental eye contact. One more time and I would bet twenty bucks he’d head over here. Unfortunately, his seat at the bar was directly in line with my view of the door. Which meant if I checked the door for Sanders again, it would look like I was looking at him. My drink rippled. I’d been shaking my leg so hard, the table was wobbling. I crossed my legs and took another deep drink. What was my deal? I was sweaty and twitchy and excited …
Oh shit.
Everything I felt could be described as anticipation. I was looking forward to seeing Sanders again. Not even six hours had gone by and I couldn’t wait to see that goofy grin. Most people seemed to suck energy from me but here I was looking forward to time with Sanders like a plant leaning toward a window for sunlight.
I swallowed the rest of my drink in one gulp. What would the SWS do? Get it together, Ro
xy. Gretchen would never sweat a guy, that’s for damn sure. She preferred them eating out of her hand and far away from her heart.
Then Sanders walked in. I knew before I even looked up. I felt it. I was so screwed. My insides lit up. My skin tingled. I clenched my fists to keep from running up and wrapping my arms around him. He was here. He smiled at me and I smiled back. A full smile. If it were a movie, the needle would scratch on a record and everything would go silent. The whole place would be looking at me and my ridiculous grin.
Sanders’ smile grew, and if my knees weren’t tingling, I’d have stood up to greet him. His eyes moved over me before returning to my face, tripping up on my mouth. That same heat from earlier today was there. When he held my ankle.
And then.
Skip waved from just behind him. Skip was here. He brought Skip. The smile almost fell off my face but I knew how that would look. It would look like how I felt: crushing disappointment. I liked Skip. I enjoyed spending time with him but I hadn’t been expecting him. I hadn’t explicitly said it would be just the two of us but I thought …
“Hiya,” Sanders said when he reached the table. The two-person table. He sort of looked like he wasn’t sure if we should hug or shake hands, but when I didn’t move, he settled on a wave.
“Hey.” I finally let my smile drop because it was beginning to hurt and experience told me that it was getting that strained look that caused the elderly to scurry away.
“Hi, Roxy,” Skip said, his eyes darting from me to Sanders to the table.
“Hi, Skip. Sorry, this was the only table open when I got here. Let’s move over there,” I said. “Am I intruding?” I heard Skip whisper to Sanders as I picked up my bag and drink and headed to the new table.
“No way. You guys both wanted to get dinner and I wanted to get out. I figured we could all hang out.”
“Sanders, if you—”
“Can I get you guys a round?” he asked brightly when we got settled at the new table.
I’d forgotten how to speak. Sanders dashed over to the bar before I could tell him the server would be over.
“Are you okay?” Skip asked me.
I found my voice again. “Of course.”
“If I’m intruding …”
“Not at all.” I waved him away. “I’m glad to see you,” I said honestly.
“Me too,” he said. Then he shot a look to the bar and leaned in to whisper. “Listen. Sanders brought me because he made it sound like a group thing.”
“News to me,” I said.
Skip frowned. “I think he’s just afraid to be alone with you. He knows you want to set boundaries and he’s still so raw from his dad’s death, I think he’s just trying to do the right thing,” Skip explained.
My gaze searched his face. “His dad’s death?”
“I thought you knew.” Skip’s face paled.
“I did but I thought it was years ago.”
Skip ran a hand over his beard and swore. “No. It was about three weeks ago.”
“What?” I gasped.
“He’s still—” Skip stopped talking abruptly and sat back as Sanders walked up.
“They’ll come by to get our order.” Sanders looked around the bar. “Oh, a stage.”
“They have live music sometimes,” I said numbly.
I could share my Erik Jones story then, but I didn’t feel much like talking just then. My throat was too tight. Sanders just lost his dad … My stomach was too bubbly but not in a good way. This news felt like an important revelation. Why hadn’t he mentioned his recent loss to me? I felt like we were making progress and now it was like the Sanders I grew closer to was a facade. Maybe we weren’t growing as close as I thought. Maybe he didn’t think it was any of my business.
When Patty came around again, I ordered another vodka soda. “Make it a double,” I said.
Sanders and Skip both ordered a beer.
I listened as the two men chatted. Sanders kept trying to get me to talk but my whirling thoughts held my tongue.
“Hey, Roxy,” a voice said.
I looked up from slurping my drink to see Suzie and Ford. It took me a second to react. I couldn’t compute seeing Suzie and Ford here while I was with Sanders and Skip. I was already off-balance and this only spun me out more.
“Hi, Suzie. Hey, Ford,” I finally said.
Ford nodded a hello. Behind him I saw Jack and I greeted him too.
“Hey, Roxy,” Jack said as he leaned in for a hug. I’d only hung out with Jack a few times but I liked him. To be real, he seemed way too cool for Ford.
“Have y’all met?” I asked, gesturing between all the people who now surrounded me. I sat back down without introducing anybody. They could figure it out.
My palms were sweating and my feet didn’t seem to be working. My friends went about making introductions and I sat watching, as though I was an outsider. I couldn’t remember who had met who the night of the drive-in movie. They could figure it out.
Sanders stood up and shook everyone’s hands with a big cheesy smile.
“We actually met,” he said motioning to Ford. “Good to see you again, mate.”
Sanders and Ford did the bro-hug fist-bump back-tap thing. It all seemed very complicated.
Jack and Skip were introduced. A look passed between them my fuzzy brain couldn’t process. Skip seemed a little distant and I couldn’t figure out why. Maybe because Sanders was pumping out the charm and making it a party.
“You guys should join us,” Sanders said.
“Are we interrupting y’all?” Suzie asked looking to me.
“Not at all. Just a bunch of friends having some drinks,” I said with just a pinch of salt. She hesitated. I softened my words with a smile.
I felt Sanders glance at me. The guys gathered a couple more chairs and pulled them up. It was just such a culture clash to see Sanders and Skip chatting with Suzie, Ford, and Jack. I wasn’t good at group things to begin with. This had the added confusion of mixing my work life with my personal. How was I supposed to act? In these types of situations, I typically shrank down and shut up because I could never quite figure out how to insert myself.
I downed the rest of my drink, capturing an ice cube to suck on. Jack sat down next to Skip who glared when the chair bumped his to make room.
“Just so you know,” Suzie whispered at my side. “Gretchen is meeting us here. We can switch tables if you want.”
I shook my head despite the ice in my gut. “No. It’s fine.”
Of course she was. Hey, while we’re at it let’s call up my parents and Vincent. Let’s invite Jethro and the whole Winston clan and maybe some Wraiths because this couldn’t get any more fucking awkward.
“Maybe you two could talk. Things have been so weird since the drive-in,” Suzie said.
“She hasn’t texted me either,” I mumbled.
Suzie let out a breath. Her startlingly emerald eyes were sad. “I think her heart was in the right place,” she said tentatively.
“It always is,” I said.
“Just talk?”
“I just need to focus on work right now. Let’s not talk about it right now.” I tilted my head subtly to Sanders at my side.
Suzie sat up and looked to Ford and made a face. Fucking couples.
A hand squeezed my knee. My head shot to Sanders. He was looking straight ahead. Nobody would know he was even doing it. But it gave me strength I didn’t know I needed.
Then Gretchen walked in. No, not walked. Gretchen arrived. It was as though the whole room turned to her. She wore denim short overalls that hugged her curves perfectly over a plain white crop top. Her red curls bounced happily as she spotted the group and came over.
Between her and Sanders, how could anybody compete? In some ways they were a perfect match. The thought caused a sharp pain.
“Howdy, y’all. Oh a party! I’ll order shots,” she said.
“Gretchen, no. It’s a weekday,” Suzie said.
“So what? Come on.
We aren’t leaving here until we’ve all had the best time.”
“Why did that feel like a threat?” Sanders whispered in my ear.
Goose bumps tickled down my neck. “Because it was. I need another drink.”
He pulled back to look at me with concern. “Are you okay?”
I said, “Of course. It’s a party with half of Green Valley. Let’s have a great time.”
Gretchen and I exchanged a look. My heart ached. The irony, I realized, was that we were fighting because she pushed me toward a man I was avoiding to help preserve our friendships. No ex left behind. That was the promise we made to each other.
I lost track of time a bit after that. Bits and pieces came through my fog. Gretchen was chatting to Jack and Skip, flirting loudly. Jack smiled easily back and Skip frowned, looking a little uncomfortable. This only made her try harder to bring him out of his shell.
“Careful there, boys,” I said. “Those’re her scheming eyes.” My voice slurred more than I wanted.
Gretchen crossed her arms. She was about to say something when Ford loudly asked Suzie to dance, to my great surprise. He didn’t strike me as the type but the two of them on the floor? Well, shit, of course they looked good. They loved each other so deeply, when I watched them sway, my chest ached with something I couldn’t identify. Sanders nudged me, asked me if I wanted to dance. My head dropped to the table. The world spun and it felt like that was the only way to keep me from flying away.
“Hell no,” I said and turned my head to look at him. “Walkin’ might even be a lot to ask.”
He rubbed a circle on my back and slid some water toward me. “Need to go talk?”
I groaned.
My carefully controlled worlds were clashing together. This night hadn’t gone to plan at all. I felt pulled in different directions and I couldn’t handle any of it. I was embarrassed for misinterpreting closeness with Sanders. I wasn’t sure how to act with both my friends and coworkers around. And seeing Gretchen reminded me of how much still needed to be said. It was all too much. For all of my attempts to tightly control my life, it was spinning out around me.
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