by Pamela Bauer
He went over to the refrigerator. “Need a glass?”
“Nope,” she said, taking the bottle from him and easing onto a chair. “I’m surprised you are down here.”
“Two reasons,” he said, sitting back down at the table. “One is that Sara sleeps on the roll-away in my apartment…”
When he paused, she finished for him, “And the other is that Kevin’s asleep in your bedroom.”
“No, the other is I was hoping I’d run into you. I know you do your laundry on Wednesdays.”
She took a sip of the beer, then said, “You could have just come to my room.”
“If I had, then this—” he pointed to the registration materials “—wouldn’t get done.”
She met his smile with one of her own. “There is that possibility.”
“Possibility nothing,” he said, then pushed his chair back and patted his knee. “Come here.”
“What for?” she asked, knowing perfectly well what he had in mind.
“I want to show you something,” he answered.
Setting the bottle on the table next to his, she slid onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Okay, what is it?” she asked, staring into his baby-blue eyes.
“This,” he said, just before his mouth captured hers in a kiss that had her hands spreading across the hard play of muscles on his back.
“I keep thinking it should be getting better, but it’s only getting worse,” he said as he lifted his mouth, his forehead resting against hers.
“What is getting worse?” she asked softly.
“This ache I feel inside for you. The more I see you, the more I want you.” He nuzzled her neck, trailing hot kisses across her flesh.
“We shouldn’t be doing this in the kitchen. Anyone could walk in,” she said as he fondled her breast.
He gave her one last kiss, then released her. “You’re right. You’d better get back on your own chair or I’m not going to be able to keep from touching you.”
They both sighed as she got up from his lap and took the chair across from him. She waved her hand over the college catalogs. “So I guess this means that you’ve been to see someone at the university?”
He nodded. “I can start fall quarter.”
“That’s great!”
“Then you approve?”
“Of course.”
“Good, because I’m doing this for us.”
That sent a prickle of anxiety through her. “Quinn, your decision to retire from hockey…”
“What about it?”
“You didn’t consider me when making it, did you?”
He chuckled. “Of course I considered you.” He clasped her hand. “I wouldn’t make such a huge decision about my future without thinking of us.”
There were those two words again. Future and us. Lately he’d been using them in the same sentence, as if he assumed that their futures were entwined. She wasn’t sure just when it was that he’d started looking at their futures as being one and the same. One day they’d been in a relationship with no strings attached, the next she’d discovered that he was regarding them as a single entity.
He had expectations of her. The thought caused her anxiety.
It must have shown on her face, for he said, “Look. You don’t need to worry that I quit hockey because you weren’t exactly thrilled with the idea of your boyfriend being a jock.”
She sighed. “That’s good, because I told you I liked Quinn the Cougar.”
“I know you did. I’m not unhappy being a hockey player.”
“But you still think it’s time to retire.”
“Yeah, I do. I told you. I want to go out while I’m at the top of my game. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.”
“Because of Doug and Patsy’s deaths?”
He nodded. “You know that Doug and I were best friends in college. We were a lot alike. When I look back at how he lived his life and then I look at mine… He was a good man, Dena.”
“So are you,” she said sincerely.
“He did good things with his life.”
“So do you, Quinn. You’re a role model for thousands of kids.”
“That’s why I’m quitting. I’ve been a role model on the ice. Now it’s time to be one off the ice.”
“You already are. What about Quinn’s Kids?”
“It’s a great program, but I can do more. It’s time for me to move on, to find new ways to inspire kids.”
She stared at him, amazed by his resolute attitude. “You really have been doing a lot of thinking about this, haven’t you?”
“It’s a big step for me—leaving professional hockey—but it’s also an inevitable one. Sooner or later, every athlete has to retire. Once I realized that I have other goals to achieve, the decision didn’t seem that tough.”
“You mean like finishing college.”
He nodded. “Yup. And having a family. I don’t want to be one of those fathers who has to say, ‘Mind your mother,’ to his kid over the phone because he’s in another city halfway across the country.”
He had been making plans for his future. Although he hadn’t included her in those decisions, after everything that had happened between them the past few months, she knew that he meant for her to play an important role in his life.
His next words confirmed her suspicions. “I’m going to be there for my wife and family,” he told her, looking her squarely in the eyes, as if making her a promise.
She suddenly felt short of breath and warm, as if there wasn’t enough air in the room. If he thought she wanted to hear those words, he was wrong, and she owed it to him to tell him that. But when she opened her mouth to speak, she discovered nothing would come out.
Fortunately, he didn’t expect her to say anything. He smiled rather sheepishly and said, “It’s not what most people would expect the bad boy of hockey to be saying, is it?”
She took a deep breath. “It’s not what I expected you to say,” she admitted. “We both agreed from the start that there would be no talk of promises and commitment, Quinn.”
He grinned. “I know what we both said, and we both know what happened. I fell in love with you, Dena. Certainly I’ve said it often enough.”
Yes, he had said it often, but never in this context. “You’ve said it, but I didn’t know you meant it in that way. I mean, all guys say it when they’re…well, you know…” She looked down at her hands.
He stood and moved closer, draping one arm around the back of her chair, setting his other arm on the table so that she was imprisoned. “They weren’t just words said in the heat of passion.”
He pinned her with his eyes. “We’re not in bed now, Dena, and I’m going to tell you again. I love you. I didn’t plan on it happening this way. I don’t even know how or when it happened. All I know is I love you, and when I think about my future, I see you in it.”
“Oh my God, that is so romantic!” Krystal drawled from the doorway. “Oh, you guys, I am so sorry for interrupting, but that is the sweetest, most beautiful thing…I could cry.” She raised a hand to her mouth, then flapped it in the air. “Forget I walked in on you. But you should know, Leonie just got home, too.” Then as quickly as she’d appeared, she disappeared.
Quinn grinned and slipped back onto his chair. “You did try to warn me that we were in a public place.”
Dena’s heart pounded in her chest, and not because of Quinn’s nearness. She felt as if the room was closing in on her. “Quinn, I—”
“Shh.” He cocked his head toward the door and she saw the reason for his shushing her. “Leonie! You’re out late,” he said as their landlady came into the kitchen.
“I was visiting with some friends and we always have so much fun we hate to see the evening come to an end.” She looked around. “What happened to Krystal? I thought she was going to have a cup of tea with me.”
“Ah, she went upstairs, I believe,” Dena said, getting to her feet. “And I need to get my laundry out of the dryer.” She
turned then to Quinn. “We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”
He offered to come with her, but she insisted he stay and finish working on his schedule. Then, as fast as her legs would carry her, she hurried out of the kitchen and down the hall to the laundry room, hoping Quinn wouldn’t come after her.
He didn’t. When she passed by the kitchen on the way back to her room, he sat at the table talking with Leonie. Dena gave a quick wave of her fingertips as she walked by, then scurried up the stairs.
She was relieved that Krystal was nowhere in sight when she reached her apartment. After everything Quinn had said to her, she needed time alone to think. She should have been deliriously happy. He’d declared his love for her; he wanted them to have a future together. It should have felt right to her.
But it felt all wrong because it was wrong. He needed a woman who understood kids. A woman who would make a good mother to his children. A woman who could stay with a man for more than ninety days.
She glanced at the calendar. They’d been seeing each other three months. Panic rose in her throat.
This time it wasn’t her fault. Right from the beginning she and Quinn had agreed they would not have a serious relationship, yet he was now talking about love and their future together. She needed to talk to him…and she would. Soon.
THE NEXT MORNING Dena skipped breakfast, not wanting to see either Quinn or Krystal in the kitchen. On her way to work, she picked up a bagel and orange juice, which she ate at her desk. She was grateful to have a project that needed her immediate attention, because it made the day pass quickly. It also kept her from thinking about Quinn.
She knew she needed to speak to him. Shortly after she arrived home, there was a knock at her door. Thinking it might be Quinn, she took a deep breath and opened it. Standing outside was Krystal.
“Do you have any white thread I could borrow?” she asked.
Dena wasn’t sure the hairdresser even knew what to do with a needle and thread, but she didn’t question her request. “Sure. Come on in and I’ll get it for you.”
Krystal stepped inside, closing the door behind her. “I have to sew on a button.”
Dena pulled a spool of thread from her sewing basket and handed it to her. “Do you need a needle?”
“Yes, please,” she said on a hiccup.
It was then that Dena realized she’d been crying. “Are you all right?”
She could see Krystal was trying to keep a stiff upper lip. “I’m fine.”
Dena looked at the puffy red face. “You don’t look fine. This isn’t about some guy, is it?”
“Roy called, but let’s not talk about him,” she said quickly. “I want to come over and apologize for walking in on your romantic moment last night.”
Dena shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t what you think.”
“Yeah, right. A gorgeous guy like Quinn tells you he loves you and it’s no big deal? You don’t need to downplay your happiness just because my love life’s in the toilet.”
Dena groaned in sympathy. “You’re not still eating your heart out over Roy, are you? What happened to the Krystal who’s always saying there are too many fish in the sea to worry about the one that got away?”
Krystal sank down onto the love seat and rested her head against the back. “She’s thinking she should give up fishing.”
Dena placed her fingers on Krystal’s forehead. “Are you running a temp? You sound delirious to me. You are the juggling queen, or have you forgotten?”
Krystal shoved her hand away and sat forward. “I shouldn’t have come over here. I should have known you wouldn’t understand.”
They were words that cut at Dena’s core. It had always been that way. She’d always had problems getting close enough to women to become their confidante.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized to her neighbor.
“For what? Having a guy who loves you?” She got up and started for the door, but Dena stopped her.
“Wait. Don’t go, Krystal. Please.”
She turned around and looked at Dena, her eyes misty. “Look, if you’re going to tell me how pretty I am and that there are lots of other guys out there and someday I’ll find my Quinn, too, I don’t think I’m up for it.” Her voice broke and Dena felt awful.
“I wasn’t going to say that.” This was her opportunity to try to reach out to her, woman to woman. She liked Krystal and she wanted to confide in her, but something held her back. It was the same thing that had held her back all of her life. Uncertainty.
Yet she wanted to make Krystal feel better, so she said, “I was hoping you could give me some advice.”
“If it’s about men, I’m probably not the best person to be asking right now,” she told her.
“Maybe it’s not so much advice I need, but rather someone to listen.” Dena took a deep breath and said, “It’s about Quinn.”
“You can’t possibly be insecure about his feelings for you, not after that declaration last night.”
“I’m not. That’s not what worries me…well, actually I guess it is.”
Krystal frowned. “Wait a minute. Back up here. He says he loves you, so you’re worried but you’re not worried?”
Dena went to the love seat and sat down, resting her elbows on her knees. Krystal followed and sat down beside her.
“You don’t think he was just saying those things and didn’t really mean them, do you? Because, Dena, I’ve known a lot of men in my lifetime, and I can almost always tell the sincere ones from the phonies. He was sincere.”
“I know. That’s what worries me.”
She gasped. “You don’t want him to be in love with you? Dena, he’s Quinn Sterling, one of the hottest guys to put on a pair of skates. My God, he’s smart, sweet and a dozen other adjectives.”
“I know who he is, Krystal, and it’s not the love part that has me worried.”
“Well, I should hope not. Good grief, girl, there are literally thousands of women who would kill to be in your shoes!”
“You’re not making this any easier,” Dena said under her breath, with a lift of her brows.
Krystal patted her hand. “Okay, I’m sorry. Tell me why a declaration that should have you walking on air has you looking as if you’ve been given a life sentence.”
“You’ve got that right. I have been given a life sentence. Krystal, Quinn’s planned my future for me.”
“And that’s bad?”
“It is when you’re not ready for it.”
“How can you be not ready?” she practically screeched, then quickly apologized when she saw the look on Dena’s face. “Oh, sorry. I wasn’t going to do that, was I. Look, if that’s all that’s worrying you—that everything happened too fast—my grandfather married my grandmother six days after he met her, and they just celebrated their sixtieth wedding anniversary,” she stated proudly.
“Yes, but I’m not sure that this is that kind of love.”
“You don’t know until you give yourself a chance to find out.”
“I don’t think I can,” Dena told her.
Krystal threw up her hands in exasperation. “You make it sound as if he’s asking you to jump out of plane without a parachute or something. This could be a once in a lifetime thing. Can’t you see that?” Before Dena could answer, Krystal jumped to her feet and headed for the door. “I’m probably not the best person to be having this discussion with right now. I’d better go.”
It was another blow to Dena’s already bruised ego. One that she should have expected. She didn’t think like other women. That’s why she’d had so few female friends.
She wished now that she hadn’t said a word to the stylist. She’d tried to reach out to her and had failed. Instead of feeling better for sharing confidences, she felt worse.
She paced the floor, tried to work at her PC, paced the floor some more and finally picked up the phone. She needed to get this situation straightened out with Quinn or she was going to go crazy.
“Hi, it’s me. C
ould you come down here. I need to talk to you,” she told him when he answered.
“Want to come up? We’re having pizza and there’s plenty for one more.”
“No. Thanks. Just come whenever you can,” she told him, then glanced at the clock, wondering how long it would be before he showed up.
He must not have finished eating, because he was at her door almost immediately. He smiled at her, the wonderful, charming smile that could still make her heart miss a beat.
“I’m so glad you called. You must have sensed I needed to see you.” He pulled her into his arms and held her close. He didn’t kiss her, but simply held her, as if drawing sustenance from her. When he released her he said, “There. I feel better already.”
“Why did you feel bad?” she asked.
“I had this big blowup with Sara.” He raked a hand over his hair. “Usually I’m able to stay calm when I talk to the kids, but she pushed all the right buttons today and I blew up big time. I really made a mess of things.”
“I can’t believe it was that bad,” she told him.
He sighed. “It was bad enough. I just don’t know how to reach her. I thought that with time it would get easier…you know, after she grieved for a while she’d soften a bit toward me, but it’s like she hates my guts, Dena, and I don’t understand why.”
Sympathy swamped her. She knew how hard he’d tried to make Sara feel at home, to give her the space she needed. “It’s been a big adjustment for her.”
“I know that.” Again he raked his hand over his head. “Now that school’s out she’s been begging me to let her go back to South Carolina for a visit.”
“She just hasn’t made friends as easily as Kevin, has she?” Dena observed.
“No, the move’s been tough on her.”
“Is there someone in South Carolina she could stay with for a couple of weeks? Maybe you could talk to the family of one of her friends…see if it would be possible for her to spend some time with them.”
“You don’t think it would make it that much more difficult to have to leave her friends and go live with her aunt?”