by Curtis Bunn
“So, if a man says, ‘Honey, I’m going to go with the fellas to watch Monday Night Football at the sports bar,’ there shouldn’t be any drama about that. Right? A man works, does his thing for his family, why can’t he occasionally kick it with the boys?”
“Because it never happens that men don’t have women around,” Cynthia said.
“See what I’m dealing with?” Ray said.
“Don’t even try it, Ray,” she responded. “You have used the ‘going out with the boys’ story quite a bit. You must get tired of him calling you about it, don’t you, Solomon?”
Solomon laughed to hide his surprise. Ray had not called Solomon about hanging out in months. And yet, when he tried to connect with him, Ray was frequently busy. So, he was getting the picture: Ray apparently had something going on outside of the house.
“I’m always up for hanging out,” Solomon said. He focused on the answer and not Ray’s predicament. “It’s something that boggles a man’s mind. If you ladies want to go to a book club meeting or have a girl’s night out or just go shopping with a friend or two and a movie, we support you.
“Am I right, Michele? We don’t have the length of history that they have, but we’re coming up on a year and I’ve recommended places for you to hang out with your cousin or friends. I’ve encouraged you to go. It’s a healthy thing.
“But I remember saying I was going to hang with some guys from my job; you remember this, Michele? One night after work on a Friday, and she got quiet on me. Had nothing to say, which said a lot. It wasn’t, ‘Okay, where are you going? Have fun.’ It was a smirk across her face and, ‘Hmmmm.’
“I said, ‘Excuse me?’ She said, ‘Well, I was thinking we would do something.’ I said, ‘I’m good with that, but we went out last night, both nights last weekend and the weekend before that. I sort of already committed to the guys. Let’s hang out Saturday night.’
“She said, ‘So, you weren’t asking me, you were telling me?’ Can you believe that? I’m a grown-ass man and she wanted me to ask her for permission to go out with some friends?
“So, what do you think happened, Ray?”
“I know what happened,” he said. “Y’all got into an argument.”
“Exactly,” Solomon said, leaping from his seat in the family room to give Ray a high-five. “That’s exactly what happened: a useless argument. And here’s the thing: The argument wasn’t really about me not asking her for permission. It was about her not wanting me to go out in the first place. She was just waiting for something to sink her teeth in and that was it.”
“That’s not fair, Solomon,” Michele said. “You bring up the one case where I wasn’t quite so comfortable with you going out. And that was only because there was an artist in town that I wanted to go see that night.”
“What? This is news to me; you never said that, Michele,” he countered. “On top of that, that wasn’t the only case. What about when I had an alumni association event to go to. Gerald was with Sonya and you had a catering job. Instead of saying, ‘Have fun,’ you said, ‘Why don’t you stay home sometimes?’ I said, ‘I hardly go anywhere without you.’ And your argument was that I shouldn’t go to an event without you, even if it was important to my alumni association and even if you couldn’t go. Sorry, but that’s crazy. Isn’t that crazy, Cynthia?”
“Of course, it’s not crazy,” Cynthia said. “It has to be more than her not wanting you to go.”
“That’s right, Cynthia,” Michele said. “See, a woman understands a woman. As a matter of fact, the president of his alumni association is a woman he used to date.”
“Oh, my goodness,” Solomon said. “Where did you get that from?”
“I could tell by how you talked about her one day,” Michele answered. “You talked about something you experienced together in a way that was more than a casual thing.”
“Oh, yeah, you’re right,” he said sarcastically. “We were in a car accident together in college. She worked on the campus radio station with me and we were going to a remote event and a guy broadsided us. So, you’re right, that was more than a casual thing. But how you made the leap to it being something romantic, well, I shouldn’t even be surprised, no matter how outrageous it is.
“That’s just where a woman’s mind will go. Guys can’t get together and enjoy each other’s company, talk about sports, laugh at each other. I guess it’s in our nature to always be on the prowl, huh?”
“Something like that,” Cynthia said. “Are you denying that a man’s primal instinct is to pursue women?”
“That might be true; in fact, it is true in most cases. No denying that,” Solomon said. “But what about women? Are you denying that a woman’s primal instinct is to lure a man with her attire, her perfume, her shoes, her attitude? Please. As much as men love chasing, women love to be chased.”
“What are you trying to say?” Michele said.
“May I jump in, Solomon?” Ray said.
“Please do, my brother,” Solomon answered.
“All the shopping, the lipgloss, the heels, the showing of the cleavage, the tight dress around your ass… What’s that for? Who is that for?” Ray said. “So, okay, men have primal instincts. But when you all can’t go anywhere without showing off every part of your body, what do you expect to happen? A man will, as you might say, attack, but only because you made it appealing for him to attack.”
“Whatever, Ray,” Cynthia said. “What about when you have a good woman who wears all that for you and you’re still out seeking other prey? You get all that but still want more?”
“That does happen,” Solomon said. “I can’t really speak to that because I hadn’t really had a girlfriend since sometime right after college. I let the women I dated know I dated other women.”
“And they went for that?” Cynthia said. “Are you kidding me?”
“Let’s make it very clear here,” Michele said. “I was not a part of that.”
“Michele is a different case altogether,” Solomon said.
“Still, Solomon, if you dated more than one woman at the same time, you were doing what I’m talking about,” Cynthia said. “Why can’t one woman be enough?”
It was the universal question all men had to attempt to answer at one point or another. Here was Solomon’s and Ray’s opportunity.
“Honestly, some of it is a general thing where there is excitement in variety,” Solomon said. “I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s primal.
“It also is about finding in one woman something not found in another. So, he basically puts together one ideal woman through multiple women.”
“Do you know how fucking crazy that sounds, and how angry that makes me?” Cynthia said. “What you’re saying is I’m not good enough so you need someone else to supplement me.”
“Wait, I’m not trying to get you mad,” Solomon said. “I thought we were having a candid conversation and that you wanted a man’s view on this. You get mad, though, when you take it personally. This isn’t a personal attack at you.”
“But, see, that’s how Cynthia is,” Ray said. “I love my wife. But anything that’s done that she can’t comprehend means it’s shady.”
“Okay, now I’m dumb; I’m not smart enough to understand,” Cynthia said sarcastically.
“Here she goes again, taking something to the next level,” Ray said. “I wasn’t saying that at all. Everyone here can see that but you.”
“Well,” Michele jumped in, “it sounds to me like there is a communication breakdown. I’m not a marriage counselor so don’t get me wrong. I think some things are really basic. Your wife, Ray, is saying she’s uncomfortable with your actions and some of the things you say to her. So it becomes really about you. What will you do to make her feel comfortable, or at least better about things?”
Ray looked down at his glass of Oya wine and finally took a sip of it.
“I love my wife,” he said. “I don’t want her feeling anything crazy about me. It bothe
rs me when I hear her speak like that. But I’m not sure what to do, short of wearing an ankle bracelet with a GPS on it.
“Cynthia is an extremist; it’s either all good or all bad. There’s no in between, which is crazy because we mostly live in between good and bad. It doesn’t matter what I do or what I say if she’s dissecting every word or action, looking for the drama in it.”
“Looking for the truth in it,” Cynthia interjected. “The truth.”
“Here’s the thing, though,” Ray said. “You don’t recognize the truth. You identify what you think is not the truth and you pounce on that.”
It got awkwardly quiet for a few seconds. Solomon broke it.
“To me, it all goes back to trust,” he said. “Women always have issues with trust. And it’s not about what I did to you. It’s about what someone else did. So men get thrown into this category of being suspect simply because they’re men. How is that fair?”
“Well, how can you talk?” Michele said. “You’re the same man who refused to be in a relationship with women for years, according to you, because you believed the next one was just as untrustworthy as the previous one. You’re being a hypocrite, acting like you don’t understand what goes into having preconceived ideas about someone.”
“I give you that; you’re right,” Solomon said. “It goes back to my original point several minutes ago. The idea that men are the devil in relationships and women are the angels is crazy. But women seem to hang on to that.”
“If you’re going to keep score, I think the men are way ahead of women,” Michele said.
“That’s right,” Cynthia added. “You’ve already admitted there’s this animalist thing going on.”
“I have a question,” Solomon said. “Who are the men doing all their dirt with? In my own life, married women have approached me. Women with so-called boyfriends have approached me. Worst of all, women who were so-called friends with the women I dated approached me. I don’t know of many men that diabolical.
“And, of top of that, before Michele, I told women I didn’t want a relationship and they accepted that. So, whatever is going on, women are making it happen because men aren’t doing it alone.”
“Right,” Ray chimed in. “Nothing happens unless a woman wants it to happen. Men can pursue and desire and chase, but nothing goes down unless the woman says ‘yes.’ You all have all the power.”
“But what about how men lie about their relationship status?” Cynthia asked. “I commend you, Solomon, for telling women you didn’t want a relationship. They knew you were single and where you were coming from, so it was up to them to deal with you or not.
“But these men who go around trying to start relationships when they have someone they already call their women, well, I don’t get them.”
“I don’t, either,” Ray said. “And I don’t see why that concerns you; you’re married.”
“Well, I have a sister and two cousins and lots of single girlfriends, and I regularly hear the stories about men misleading women,” Cynthia said.
“The bottom line is that we can’t account for every man just as you all can’t account for the scandalous women out here,” Solomon said. “I tend to believe women are worse because all my experiences are with women. And when you think of all the women who constantly throw themselves at athletes or entertainers just because they are athletes or entertainers and that tells you something. You wonder why so many of those guys call women names or disrespect them? It’s because so many of them throw themselves at men, knowing they are married or accounted for. And you expect the man to respect them after that?
“Men, on the other hand, don’t chase women because they are so-called celebrities. We are interested in women who look good to us or who catch our attention in one way or another. She could be a schoolteacher or President of the U.S. It doesn’t matter. But women throw themselves at guys they would have no interest in if they didn’t see them on TV or have money.”
“Well, if those guys are married, then what are they doing messing around with those women?” Michele said. “They have a bigger responsibility as a married man to do what’s right. Just say no.”
Everyone laughed, which was needed because the tension was mounting.
Then the boys came in, smelling like all outdoors, changing the subject entirely.
Solomon challenged them to one last game, and the men left the house to play basketball.
The women went to a window and watched from the inside. Cynthia looked on with skepticism. Michele looked on with gratitude. Her son and her man were playing ball together. A week before she had no indication she would ever had seen that.
CHAPTER 27
BACK & FORTH...& BACK
In the week that Gerald came home from the hospital, Solomon and Michele spent a lot of time together, but their focus was on their son and not their relationship. With his recovery complete, there was no escaping the concerns of the past.
So, the time came after Ray and his family left the cookout and after Gerald said goodnight to his parents and retired to his bedroom at Solomon’s house.
Solomon returned downstairs to Michele, who was sitting in the family room, sipping on a cup of hot green tea.
“I made you some,” she said.
“Thanks,” he responded. “You must’ve read my mind.”
“I wish I could read your mind, Solomon Singletary,” Michele said. “You’re an interesting man.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You told me some really nice things in the hospital, but you would not even speak to me for two months before that,” she said. “That’s a long time. You have to either really hate someone or be really cold to totally go that long without contacting me. You said you don’t hate me. So, I guess that means you’re a cold man.”
“I’m going to accept my responsibility, but what about you? You didn’t contact me, either. So does that mean you either hate me or that you’re cold?”
“As the man, I felt like the responsibility was on you to contact me,” she said. “You walked out on me before, remember? It seemed to me like you would have done everything in your power to not make me feel that way again.”
“Well, in that context, you’re right and I’m sorry,” Solomon said. “I really didn’t even think about what happened all those years ago. I was focusing on what happened at that time and I was disappointed on two major things:
“One, you didn’t really trust me enough to discipline Gerald as I saw fit, as his father and, two, you basically took the position that I was some woman beater, which was really disappointing because I trusted you enough to tell you about something very personal and painful.
“So, that was a lot for me. Please believe this: I wanted to call you every day. I’m just so anchored in—”
“In stubbornness?” Michele jumped in.
“I guess so,” Solomon said, smiling. “When I think about it, I wish I had been smarter and not wasted all that time; we could’ve been building the relationship…I missed you.”
“I missed you, too, Solomon,” she said. “And I guess you can say the same about me. I’m stubborn. I take a position and I plant my feet and get ready to battle; especially when it comes to Gerald.
“As for your incident with that woman, I’m sorry it happened and I apologize for taking it to the extreme. I was lashing out because of our whole disagreement about Gerald. I’m sorry.”
“I appreciate you saying that,” Solomon said. “But we still have the issue of how to deal with Gerald when he gets out of line. He’s a great kid; we know that. But he’s a kid, so he’ll get into more trouble and a decision will have to be made on how to deal with him.”
“I know and I’m not going to worry about that,” Michele said. “I still have concerns, but, in the end, you love our son and you have to be an authority over him. You’re not trying to hurt him, but to teach him. So, I’m going to be okay…I think.”
“And I’m going to be all right with knowing you
’ve been married,” Solomon said. “There’s a part of me that’s definitely jealous, to be honest. And I don’t know why you wouldn’t tell me. But I’m not going to sweat it, really.
“But I do have a question for you. Now, please don’t get offended, but do you have a problem being alone?”
Michele was taken aback by the inquiry. She never saw herself as needy or needing a man around to validate her.
“Why would you ask me that?”
“Well, because you told me about a few guys you dated after me and you were married to another guy. Then, you told me that just a few days ago you went on a date with a guy to a house party. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. But I at least felt I should ask the question.”
“I have to be honest and say that I prefer to be in a relationship. I prefer to be special to someone and to have someone special,” she said. “It doesn’t mean I settle for anything that comes along. I believe it’s natural for someone to want companionship, someone to do things with, someone who is there to show they care. It’s a comforting thing, I guess.”
“I used to feel like it wasn’t natural for anyone to be committed to one person,” Solomon said. “It seemed unrealistic. I always thought that there wasn’t anyone who could make me feel I should be committed. I’m being honest. But the ultimate truth is that before you, I didn’t even have ambitions of being with one woman.
“Too many women disappointed me,” he added, shaking his head. “I know how it feels to be hurt, to have your heart broken. I don’t know. Maybe it’s different for men. A man gets hurt and the pain is…is crippling. I will give it to women: You all are stronger than us. Maybe it’s because men have been unfaithful for so long that women have been able to deal with it and keep on moving; even if they got knocked down pretty good.
“A hurt man…he takes it harder. If he gets over it, it takes a while, if he gets over it at all. I don’t know why it’s that way, but it is. So, for me, like I told you a while ago, I was all about protecting myself. I got hurt and decided I would do what I needed to do to prevent that from happening again.”