We had a lovely visit. It’s amazing how a country so near could be so different. I’ve always loved Naiara, and their culture fascinates me. I’m thinking of planning a more extended visit later. For now, though, Amy is coming for a visit next week. I can’t wait to show her the house here. It’s always been my favorite. Let me know if you want to come before summer is over.
Something about that part of the letter niggled at him. There was something there. What was it? His heart was screaming that there was something right in front of him of vital importance, but his mind wasn’t catching it.
Naiara. Calea, the capital. Culture. Different. Close.
Slaves.
There were no slaves in Naiara. It was the fundamental cultural difference between their two countries. People crossed the border every day. If he and Kale moved there, Kale would be free. It would be against the law for Jason to keep him as a slave.
An old fear crept up Jason’s spine, insecurities that pre-dated the time he had sold Kale. If Kale had a choice, he most certainly would not choose to remain with Jason. Jason wasn’t naïve. He knew Kale’s feelings for him, but he also knew that he was merely the best option Kale had been offered thus far. There was no way Kale would stay with him if he were free, not after everything. The scars were too deep.
This was no longer about their relationship, though. There was no relationship, at least not a workable one. However, getting Kale to freedom was the only way to set things right. If Jason could make this happen, then he could forgive himself and move on with his life. A little voice deep in his chest whispered that he might even get everything he’d ever wanted. There was a chance Kale would stay with him, and they could build a life together in Naiara. The sheer magnitude of the joy that filled him at that thought was overwhelming. It grew from deep inside him and filled him with a dizzying light that threatened to carry him away.
Jason bolted to his feet and strode downstairs. He needed to find Kale.
Chapter Forty-Five
Jason burst through the kitchen door, startling Sophie and Kale. The short walk from his office had only added fuel to his air of excitement.
“Kale, will you join me in the parlor, please?”
Kale looked momentarily confused, and Jason had to hold in his laughter. He knew he must make an interesting sight with his collar unbuttoned and Renee’s letter clutched in his hand.
“Yes, Master.”
Jason didn’t bristle at the use of the honorific; if anything, it made him smile wider. If things went as planned, Kale wouldn’t be calling him that much longer.
In the parlor, Jason motioned to the sofa. “Go ahead and sit, Kale.” Jason had intended to join him, but after he set Renee’s letter on the side table, his nervous energy wouldn’t allow him to stay still long enough. “Last night, I was frustrated. I was nervous and stressed, and I took it out on you. I didn’t mean to, and I’m sorry. Seeing you recoil from me like that was heartbreaking.”
“I’m sorry—” Kale began.
“No, don’t. You don’t have anything to be sorry for, and that’s not why I came here. It just made me realize that you’ve been right this entire time. We can never work as master and slave, not when we want to be so much more to each other. It may have worked at one time, but we’ve been through so much, and it just isn’t possible.” Kale’s pale green eyes darkened in sadness, and a shadow of concern crossed his face. Jason needed to hurry up and get to the point. “So why don’t we change our circumstances? We could move to Naiara. Slavery is outlawed there. You’d be free. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.” Having presented his plan, Jason sat next to Kale and took his hands in his, gazing at him expectantly. His eyes darted eagerly along Kale’s face, searching for a hint of Kale’s thoughts.
“How will I live? I’ve been a slave my whole life.”
“I’ll support you. You don’t need to worry about anything.” Where was the excitement in Kale’s eyes? Didn’t he understand what this meant?
Kale pulled his hands free of Jason’s. “How is that different than slavery?”
Jason was at a loss. This was not the reaction he had expected. “You could sell your art to make money.”
“And how are you going to run the business here in Arine?”
“I can work it out, Kale. These are little details that we can figure out later.” Jason had absolute faith that everything would come together. All he needed was Kale’s support.
“There’s no guarantee that we’ll even work after we move. Relationships fall apart every day. Is it really worth uprooting your entire life for something that isn’t a sure thing?”
“Yes.” It came out quick and vehement. Jason snatched Kale’s hands. “You don’t think I’m scared of that? Ever since I first realized I loved you, I knew that the only reason I had a chance with you was because of your lack of options.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“No, I understand. What I need you to understand is that I’m in a place in my life where I’d rather you be free, even if you leave me, than live in this world where I own you in every way except the one that matters.”
Kale looked as exasperated as Jason felt. “It’s a lovely idea. I just don’t see how it will work. I won’t be free as long as I have to rely on you. I don’t want you to think that I’m with you because I don’t have a way to support myself.”
“Why can’t you just let me love you? Why does everything have to be so difficult? Just say yes, Kale. Gods, this is our chance. We have to take it. Let me do this for you.”
“Because you have the luxury of dreaming. I don’t. I want to believe, but I can’t. The first thing my mother taught me was not to dream of freedom. It never leads to a good place, and it’s the quickest way for a slave to end up dead. So go ahead and dream, you were always good at it. It’s one of the things I love about you. But I can’t join you in it.” Kale shook his head.
“Fine,” Jason spat as he stood. He whirled on Kale, pointing at him. “But I’m going to do this. Mark my words, Kale. I will make this happen.” Without another look at Kale, he turned and stormed out of the room.
The walk did nothing to cool Jason’s fire. Once in his office, he slammed the door behind him. The sound and vibration of the doorframe didn’t give him satisfaction. He tried to burn off his anger and frustration by pacing, but that only stoked the flames. Why couldn’t Kale just let them be happy? Most frustrating of all was the knowledge that he was well within his rights to force Kale to make the move. It was tempting. But how could they build any kind of lasting relationship on top of such a shaken foundation? It wouldn’t work. Jason dismissed the idea and promised himself he wouldn’t consider it again.
There would be no forcing Kale, but Jason felt sure he could persuade him. His pacing slowed as he made an effort to see the situation from Kale’s perspective. It wasn’t fair for Jason to expect Kale to react the way he would. Jason had been free his entire life, had taken it for granted. For Kale, the opposite was true. When viewed from that angle, naturally the thought of freedom would be scary. It was a large unknown. The last several years of Kale’s life had been tumultuous, and now Jason was aiming to upturn his life once again.
Jason would do whatever was needed to reassure Kale. Words, however, would not be enough. Kale knew him too well. Jason was honest enough with himself to admit that he was apt to dive head first into an endeavor without fully thinking through the consequences. Throughout his life, this strategy had worked well enough. Only now, the stakes were higher than they’d ever been. It wasn’t his life at risk: it was Kale’s.
The thick carpet under his feet muffled the sound of his footsteps, allowing him to think in near silence. Pacing methodically, each step measured and sure, Jason calmed his thoughts to a more rational pace. This was just one more problem that needed a solution. If it was the unknown that Kale feared, then Jason would have to take away the element of uncertainty. The only way to do that was to move forward. He wouldn’
t force Kale, but he would make the necessary preparations so the road would be clear should Kale choose to take it.
The first step to moving forward would have to be writing Renee. She had more contacts in Naiara than he did. Besides, she would need to know. The changes on the horizon were too momentous to keep from her. Through everything, they had always maintained their respect for each other. Jason was sure she would be happy for him and encourage him in this endeavor. Kale was wary of her, but he hadn’t seen the aftermath of Jason’s decision to sell him.
Besides, Renee was the only friend Jason had who would understand what he was trying to do. Right now, he needed a friend. Sitting at his desk, he pulled out a piece a paper and began to write, unleashing all of his hopes, fears, and dreams onto the page, trusting that she wouldn’t ridicule him. They had loved each other once. There was still love, albeit a different kind. Jason counted on that love to help him.
Chapter Forty-Six
The air in the parlor was still abuzz with the fervor of Jason’s impassioned speech. This was just another of Jason’s childish ideas. The boy had no grasp on reality. It was endearing, but Kale couldn’t afford to let himself get sucked into hoping it could happen.
After a few moments, he couldn’t stand it any longer. The optimism and resolve in the air was becoming oppressive. Kale stood and walked to the kitchen, feeling oddly detached from his body. As soon as he stepped into Sophie’s domain, she broke into his abstraction.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.” Kale didn’t spare her a glance. He simply sat at the table in a daze.
“Then what’s going on? You’re different.” Sophie eyed him suspiciously and joined him at the table.
“You’ll never believe the conversation I just had.”
“With whom?”
“The master. He has come up with a brilliant plan. Since I am clearly never going to be able to have a normal relationship with him as a slave, he wants to move us to Naiara so I’ll be free.”
“He what?”
The surprise in Sophie’s voice was enough to snap Kale out of his daze. “Yep. Turns out geography has been our problem all along.”
“Why aren’t you happy? This is marvelous news. You should be celebrating with him.” Sophie shook his arm, as if trying to will her excitement into him.
Kale made no effort to suppress the incredulity of his expression. “You’re not serious.”
“Why not?”
“How would it even work? I can’t support myself.”
“I’m sure Mr. Wadsworth will take care of you. He loves you.”
“How will that be different than being his slave, Sophie? How would I be free if I depended on him for everything?”
“Part of being lovers is taking care of each other and letting yourself be taken care of. That’s how it is being free.”
“I can’t just leech off of him.”
“I’m sure you could find your own way to contribute.”
Kale was accustomed to feeling like the only sane one when he was with Jason, but he’d thought Sophie was more pragmatic. “It’s crazy, Sophie. I can’t leave Arine.”
“You’ve never wanted to travel?”
There had been a time when Kale had dreamed of it, when the books he read did more than just pass the time; they actually inspired him. It all felt like a lifetime ago. Besides, what did that have to do with anything?
“Arine has always been home.” His words triggered a memory of a carriage ride from Jason’s childhood home to Perdana. Sitting across from Jason, he had come to the determination that Jason was home to him. When had that changed? What did this country hold for him? This country that enslaved him? Suddenly his argument seemed empty, even to him.
“Boy, you are crazy. I won’t stand here and bite my tongue any longer.” Sophie leaned forward across the table. “This is the answer to all your problems. Happiness is within your grasp. Reach out and take it. The only thing holding you back is fear, and that’s a piss poor reason to accept the life others have dictated for you. If you’re not going to do this because you’re too scared, then you don’t deserve him.”
“It’s not that simple,” Kale moaned. Why was this so hard to understand?
Sophie leaned back in her chair. “Do you love him?”
It was blunt, to the point. Kale was done lying to himself on this point, and even if he wasn’t, he couldn’t lie to Sophie. “Yes.”
“Do you want to be with him?”
“Yes.” Even now, part of his body yearned to be in Jason’s presence, to be having this discussion with him.
“Do you want to be free?”
He wasn’t as sure as he would have liked to be on this question. He knew what he wanted when the fear was stripped away. “Yes.”
“Do you trust him?”
“Yes.” The answer was out of his mouth before he could censor it.
“Then what’s complicated about it? Seems like the simplest thing in the world to me.”
It was. It was so simple Kale couldn’t trust it. Nothing could be that easy. “I’m afraid.”
“Of what?” Sophie’s face was full of the same open innocence as Jason’s.
“The unknown. What if we don’t last? I don’t want him to remain with me because he feels some sort of obligation. What will I do? How will I live? I mean the practical stuff. All my life, when I haven’t known what to do, it’s always come down to obedience. Just obey. The rest is out of my hands. I wouldn’t even have that anymore.”
“And what if it all works out, and you get everything you’ve ever wanted? If you’re scared, if you have fears, then you should be talking to Mr. Wadsworth about them. That man loves you. If you love him and trust him like you say you do, then you should trust him with your worries. To hide away from him is a slap in the face.”
“I won’t be enough for him, Sophie. He told me he’s scared I would leave him, that the only reason I’m with him is a lack of options. The reality of the situation is that if he freed me, he’d realize there’s no more to me. He thinks I’m this great person who has been oppressed by my condition, but I’m not going to transform into some incredible man the minute we step over the border. I’m still just going to be me.”
Sophie chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“You. You are exactly what he wants.”
“He thinks so now, but he just doesn’t know any better.”
“How did it make you feel when he said he thought you’d leave him?” Sophie’s question was unexpected.
“It crushed me.” It still devastated Kale that he had allowed such an idea to grow in Jason’s mind.
“Don’t you think he should know that? Don’t you think he might feel the same way?”
Kale hadn’t thought of it. It was too out of the realm of possibility that everything could work out. He despised himself for his fear. Would the old Kale have been this scared, or would he have jumped at the opportunity? That was the Kale Jason had fallen in love with. He wished he could be that man again. “I’ve always had to take care of him, Sophie. Part of that is knowing what’s best for him. He may be willing to stay with me, but it’s not in his best interest. I know him better than you do. Once he realizes that I’m not the man he thought I was, he’s going to stay with me out of obligation, and I don’t want that.”
“You need to realize that he’s not the same boy he was when you knew him. He’s grown up, and he can make his own decisions. Give him some credit. You want him to believe that you wouldn’t leave him, but you’re not willing to pay him the same courtesy.”
“Because I understand that loving him means doing what’s best for him, not what seems good in the moment.”
“And how did that work last time?” Sophie gave him a stare that was as much responsible for knocking the wind out of him as her words were. She patted his hand and then stood, leaving him with his thoughts.
She was right. Still, the fear remained. At this moment,
it felt like fear would always be there. Right now, his relationship with Jason didn’t work because of slavery. Once the slavery was stripped away, any shortcomings would be his own. He would have to take personal responsibility for his relationship with Jason, and as Sophie said, the last time he tried that, the results were disastrous.
Chapter Forty-Seven
As soon as Kale took their picnic basket to the kitchen, Jason sought refuge in his office. The last several days had been tense. Jason had made a real effort to keep his relationship with Kale normal. They did the same things as always, but there was an underlying strain. Jason was preoccupied with thoughts of how their life could be, and Kale could clearly sense his restlessness.
It was easy enough to come up with legitimate reasons to escape the awkwardness. Jason had plenty of work to do. He sat at his desk, ready to tackle the latest correspondence, when a thrill shot through him. Martin had delivered the post while they were out, and on top of the pile was a letter from Renee. He tore into it, his heart beating heavily in his chest. If he had been wrong about her, she could make his life difficult. It didn’t matter. He would move forward even without her support, but he desperately needed someone to understand.
Holding his breath, he read.
My dearest Jason,
I am so happy for you. I wish you had told me sooner of Kale’s return so I could have sent you both my best wishes. However, I can understand wanting to let things settle before writing. I only hope that’s the real reason you kept it a secret and not for any fear of my reaction. I knew it was a mistake to sell him, even back then. I only tried to convince myself otherwise. For years, I’ve regretted the role I played in both your unhappiness and Kale’s. I’m sorry. I knew he must have been lying to you, but I ignored it for my own selfish reasons. I can’t express the joy it gives me to know that he is back in your life and that you have a chance at happiness. The world is at rights again. Although you don’t need it, you have my blessing.
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