by Marla Monroe
“Come on, Abby. You know you don’t have anything pressing waiting on you at home. Stay a while and watch a movie with us. I know you’re not working tomorrow,” Heath said.
“Okay. If you’re both sure you wouldn’t rather I leave…”
“We said we didn’t want you to, Abby.” Kermit’s sharp tone caused her to jump.
“Okay. I’ll go see what’s on TV then.” She dried her hands and walked out of the kitchen, making sure to steer clear of Kermit’s chair and without looking at either man when she did.
What was going on? It was almost like Kermit didn’t want her to leave and Heath had already made it clear to her that he wanted her to stick around as much as she could. He was worried about how he’d handle Kermit and his circumstances at first. He didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing and told her that with her there, he seemed to be able to think before he blurted out something stupid.
She didn’t know about that, but if Kermit didn’t piss her off or act uncomfortable with her there, she’d stick around as much as she could. She missed them and even though she doubted there would ever be anything between her and Kermit again, she still loved him and needed to see him getting better. She wanted to know that he was going to be happy again one day. Right now, he was anything but happy and she understood that. But it couldn’t last too long or he’d never snap out of it.
The last thing she wanted was to see him end up a statistic like she’d quoted to Heath. There was no way she could go on with her life knowing he was out on the streets somewhere or worse, had given up and ended his life. When he’d assured his family he was fine and would be coming to see them as soon as he was on his new feet, she’d held out hope that everything would eventually be fine. She should have known it had only been a ruse to get them to leave him alone. Abby hadn’t told them any different and she prayed she wasn’t making a huge mistake by keeping Kermit’s secret that he wasn’t okay—yet.
“So what did you find on that might be worth watching?” Kermit asked from the doorway.
“Um, not much. We may have to stream something off of Netflix unless you want to watch a DVD,” she said jumping up from the couch.
“Sit down. I don’t need your help,” Kermit grunted as he maneuvered the walker in her direction. “Should be something on Netflix we can all agree on.”
Abby cringed when Kermit let go of the walker and pushed it to the side of the couch as he walked around on his new sticks to sit down. Somehow one of the feet grabbed at the couch leg and before either of them realized what was happening, Kermit had crashed down on the couch, pinning her beneath him.
She opened her eyes to stare directly into Kermit’s startled dark eyes. Neither of them said anything at first then he brushed his lips across hers and for a brief instance Abby felt warm again. A split second later, it all crashed around her.
“Hey, is everything okay? I thought I heard…” Heath hurried in and, seeing them, stopped in mid-sentence with his mouth open.
“Yeah, I lost my fucking balance when I let go of the damn walker. Get me the hell off of her, man. I probably broke her ribs or something.” Kermit pushed against the seat of the couch, trying to remove some of the pressure of his body lying on top of hers. “Sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.”
Abby knew he was talking more about the kiss than the fall. She swallowed hard to keep the tears from leaking. Why was he doing this to her? She was only human and having him wash back and forth, cold to hot and back to cold again was killing her.
“Here you go.” Heath helped Kermit to stand again. “Move on over, Abby. You should be able to just drop and sit down now.” Heath stepped back.
“Yeah, got it.” Kermit propped himself with one hand on the arm of the couch as he sat down a little harder than was natural but still better than she would have expected.
“You okay, hon?” Heath asked her.
“I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me.” She looked over at the other man trying to appear unconcerned sitting next to her. “If he was still carrying his normal weight and all that sexy muscle of his, I might be saying something different though right about now.”
Abby cringed. Where had that catty remark come from? She’d never been one to be cruel before. Maybe having your heart broken a little more every day did that to a girl. Still, she wasn’t going to let it happen again. Kermit deserved better from her. In his stupid screwed-up logic, he thought he was doing what was best for her. Well, he should have asked her instead of taking it on himself to make that decision for her. Abby had her answer with that kiss. He still cared about her and was still attracted to her, at least sexually. Maybe she could work with that and change his mind. Or maybe the time to change his mind had passed. Abby had a lot to think about.
Chapter Thirteen
Damn! Why did I kiss her?
It had been the question that had circled around in his brain the entire time they watched some stupid comedy on TV. She’d sat between them like old times, but this time he was aware of everything she and Heath said and did. He’d never once worried about them even when he wasn’t around. He trusted his buddy and he trusted his girl. Abby loved him and would never have cheated on him.
Now, though… Well, he’d pretty much made it plain to both of them at different times he had no interest in her anymore. He’d even pushed his friend toward her. If anything happened, it was his own damn fault. Hell, that was what he’d wanted, wasn’t it? What the hell was wrong with him?
“Kermit? You okay, man?” Heath asked as he turned off the TV after the movie had finished.
“Yeah. Just tired I guess. It’s been a long day,” he told him.
“I better get going. Thanks for letting me stay and watch TV with you guys.” She stood up and pasted what he knew was a forced smile on her face. “Welcome home, Kermit.”
“Wait. We’ll walk you to the car,” Heath said, jumping up.
Kermit cursed his lack of grace as he struggled, using the couch arm to stand up on his false legs. The damn sticks weren’t easy to work with. When he’d finally gotten upright again, he followed them to the door, his walker slowing him down and putting an unwelcomed barrier between him and Abby. He could have cared less about Heath.
Looking down at the small step down from the house to the little porch and the brick walkway that was barely lit from the front porch light, Kermit knew he wouldn’t be able to follow them out to the car. He’d have to stop right there at the doorway.
“Night, Kermit. Hope you rest well tonight.” To his astonishment, Abby leaned over the walker and lifted to her toes to leave a soft, quick kiss on his cheek.
“Night, Abby. Drive safe,” he said lamely. Then he added, calling out as they walked down the sidewalk. “Call us once you’ve gotten inside safe.”
When he didn’t hear an answer, Kermit pushed the walker as close to the edge of the threshold as was safe and leaned out to repeat himself only to witness his best friend pulling Abby into his arms and squeezing her tight. Then he kissed the top of her head and helped her into her little car. That sight tightened things inside of him, but for some odd reason, it didn’t hurt like he thought it should have. Was he moving past her already? Why had the kiss upset him so much then? It was then that he realized that he was sporting wood. Seeing Abby, who’d been his for so long, being held by his best friend, had turned him on. What the fuck was wrong with him?
Kermit stepped back, nearly planting his ass on the floor in the process. Then he shoved the walker around and started toward the hall and his bedroom. Right at that moment, Kermit didn’t want to see or talk to Heath when he came back inside after touching Abby. Part of him wanted to be royally pissed and bust the other man’s nose. The other part of him wanted to see Heath do other things to his woman while he watched.
As it was, Kermit only made it halfway down the hall before got back inside.
“Hey. Where are you going?” Heath asked from behind him.
“To bed, where I don’t have to watch
you pawing all over my woman.”
“What the hell? I wasn’t pawing all over her and you’re the one who dropped her like a hot potato. Hell, you even tried to push me to take care of her.” Heath’s big hand grasped his shoulder, keeping him from making an escape into his bedroom. “You can’t fucking have your cake and eat it, too, Kermit!”
“Maybe I can. Maybe I want it all like Rex has. I don’t know. I don’t know a fucking thing right now. I’m going to bed.” Kermit pulled out of his friend’s grasp and shoved the walker forward.
“Don’t walk away from me after saying something like that, Kermit. Just what in the hell do you want from me?” Heath all but yelled at his back.
Kermit kicked open the bedroom door and sighed. “That’s just it, Heath. I don’t know what I want from anyone anymore, not even myself. I just know that nothing works anymore. Not my fucking legs and not my useless head. Everything is all screwed up and I’m bringing everyone down with me.” He shoved himself through the door and kicked it closed behind him, marveling that at least he’d managed to do that without disaster. Until he tried to move forward and realized he’d put the damn stick through the bottom of the fucking door.
“Hell, man. I just put that door up,” Heath said from the other side of the door.
“Well that explains why it didn’t last very long, now doesn’t it.” Kermit jerked the offending scrap metal out of the door and lurched across the room toward the bed. He shoved the walker out of his way and let himself fall face first to the bed, groaning at how good it felt to be off his stumps at last.
Kermit knew he was supposed to take the metal prostheses off his stumps before he went to bed, but didn’t much give a damn right then. He needed to think. What the hell was wrong with him? He loved Abby more than anything and had done nothing but jerk her around since he’d gotten back from Germany. It was a wonder she had stuck around at all.
Part of him still didn’t think he could have Abby anymore, but part of him didn’t want to let go. The selfish part of him didn’t care that he might never be able to provide for her and care for her like she deserved. He wanted her in his life with so much desperation that it hurt to think about trying to go on without her. That part of him refused to allow how she might feel about being stuck with a cripple to even show up on his radar. She was his and that was all that mattered.
The part of him that knew that nothing would ever be the same again told him Abby would eventually grow to resent him for selfishly keeping her tied to him. She’d have to work double hard to take care of the things he would never be able to do and work to support them because he wasn’t trained for anything that didn’t require his legs.
While those two sides argued inside of him, Kermit thought about what it would be like if he accepted a little of both sides and shared Abby with Heath. They both had problems, but even with their issues, Kermit thought they could provide for her and keep her safe between the two of them. Could he share what he’d always thought of as his with his best friend?
If what I was thinking a little while ago is any indication then I don’t think that’s going to be that big of an issue.
Did it mean he didn’t love her as much as he always thought he did? Kermit didn’t even get that thought all the way processed before both of the arguing sides inside of him shouted a resounding no. What would Abby think? Would she refuse and walk away from both of them and never look back?
Somewhere during all of the inner arguing and outside musing, Kermit fell asleep. He woke up about three in the morning stiff with his stumps burning like someone had poured hot oil over them. After lining the wheelchair up next to the bed, Kermit removed the steel prosthesis and leaned them against the chair before rolling off the stockings and massaging the stumps with the lotion they’d given him. Then he rolled clean stockings on and lay back down.
His last coherent thought was to wonder what Abby would say if they invited her to go along with them when they won the triathlon that Rex was setting up. Even though he had yet to dip a finger into a pool, it never occurred to him they might not win.
* * * *
“Well, damn. That doesn’t look too bad.”
Heath took up the slightly brown-edged pancakes and buttered them once he’d slipped them onto the platter. Then he added a bit more butter to the pan and squirted two more round blobs of batter into the sizzling skillet. Using an empty ketchup bottle to dispense the batter had been perfect. It was another one of the many YouTube “how to” videos he’d perused lately.
“Something smells amazing!”
Heath turned toward Kermit so fast he ended up squeezing batter on his metal legs. He blinked. The man wasn’t wearing anything other than the metal sticks and his boxers.
“Um, sorry, man. You startled me. I didn’t hear you come in,” Heath said grabbing a cloth from the sink.
“You must be deaf then. Hell, half the neighborhood heard me scraping down the hall with these contraptions on,” Kermit said as he stumbled over to the table and sat down with a grunt.
“You’ve really got to learn how to control that part. Your ass is going to be constantly sore if you don’t,” Heath told him as he knelt to wipe off the splattered batter.
“Hell, I should have a big fat callus to cushion my ass before long. Then it won’t matter.” Kermit brushed his hand away. “Stop, it’s not going to hurt anything. When did you learn to cook pancakes?”
“About thirty minutes ago watching YouTube.” He grinned as he got back up and returned to his second brown pancake attempt. “Fuck.”
At Kermit’s chuckle Heath remembered that he was mad at him from last night’s little episode. He frowned and squeezed butter over the newest addition to the two story pancake stack before repeating the steps from YouTube and trying again.
“Did Abby call last night to say she’d made it home safe?” Kermit asked.
Heath stilled for a split second. “Yeah. She called once she’d locked up.” He turned and opened his mouth to ask Kermit if they were going to pretend that nothing had happened last night or were they going to talk about it, but he stopped him before he could speak.
“Pay attention to the pancakes before you burn those, too. We’ll talk later,” his friend said as if reading his mind. “I promise.”
Heath nodded and finished cooking the rest of the batter he’d made up. Oddly enough, it had looked like more than enough when he’d whipped it up, but now there barely looked like enough pancakes for the two of them. The oven cooked bacon would help, but he had a feeling they were both going to be hungry before lunchtime arrived. They’d just have to leave early and get something to eat on the way to the gym. Kermit was supposed to be there at one that afternoon.
“I love her, Heath. I’ve loved her from almost the first time I saw her. She’s been the only one for me ever since we first started dating back in high school. Yeah, I messed around some before we went out, but once I tasted her lips and wrapped my arms around her, I was gone. I never strayed, never even felt tempted in all the years we’ve been together.”
“I know that, man.” Heath had just stood up to clear the table when Kermit suddenly started talking out of the blue.
“I need to be sure she knows that, too. She has to understand that I’ve never stopped loving her or that I love her a little less than I used to, because I don’t. I’ve got to be sure about that first,” he said, grabbing Heath’s arm when he reached out to take Kermit’s plate. “Do you understand?”
Herman let go of the plate and sat down. “I guess I don’t understand. What are you trying to tell me?”
Kermit drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out again without a sound. Controlled, just like always, Heath thought.
“Before we do or say anything to Abby about wanting to share her, I need to make sure she knows without a doubt that I haven’t changed how I feel about her. Not at all. The circumstances have changed and my everything isn’t enough anymore.” Kermit looked up from where he’d been staring a
t the table to stare into his eyes.
Heath almost choked when it hit him what Kermit had said. “Share her? What the hell are you talking about?”
“It’s working for Rex and Clark. I thought I could let her go, Heath. I thought if you took care of her I could handle it, because I knew I wouldn’t have been able to stand anyone else’s hands on her. I can’t lose her, Heath. I thought I could work through it and the idea would get easier to accept, but it isn’t.”
“What the fuck? So don’t give her up. She loves you, man. She never stopped loving you. You’ll probably have to do some groveling to get back into her good graces, but she still loves you more than anything. Why are you even talking about sharing? She doesn’t have feelings for me like she does you.” Heath had to swallow back the words on the tip of his tongue. They had no business being thought, much less uttered.
Abby had never been his. She’d always been Kermit’s. Heath had allowed himself to pretend and wish he could be a part of their relationship, but that had been when it was safe to think like that. It had been before Kermit’s injury. Now, it wasn’t safe to think about it anymore and his weakness was hurting him like a mother, but it was his own fault that he’d allowed himself to believe for a few days that there was a future for him with her in some way.
“Man, she’s always had you on her radar. I knew it pretty much all along, but I trusted both of you and didn’t let it bother me. I felt for you because I had her and you didn’t, and yeah, on a totally selfish bastard level, knowing you wanted her and she felt something for you but chose me to stay with filled a need inside of me. It made me feel better than I was. It was petty, and I’m ashamed of that now.” Kermit leaned back in the chair and waited.
Heath knew he needed to be pissed but he wasn’t. Hell, if she’d chosen him instead, he’d have been the same way. It wasn’t really personal, just a man thing. It made you feel more like the king of your world.