We hadn’t talked about her and Jagger yet. I’d tried to bring up the subject earlier, but she’d evaded the topic. I knew something was going on there, though, and I was determined to get the full details out of her.
Tomorrow, I promised myself. Tomorrow I would make her spill all the beans. For the night, however, I was going to hang out with a great guy and get over Luca.
If Remington hadn’t been guiding me, I knew I easily would have gotten lost just trying to find his room. Although “room” seemed like a gross understatement. It was more like an open floor plan apartment when we walked in and he shut the door behind us.
His massive bed sat under a skylight that showcased the moon and a few stars. Against one wall, there was an IT geek’s wet dream of computers and other stuff I didn’t really understand. A smaller desk on the opposite side of the room looked like it was more for studying since it only had a simple laptop and his school books on it.
The huge open space between the two made no sense to me until we sat on his bed and he pushed a few buttons on a remote. The biggest flat screen I’d ever seen came down out of the ceiling. It was like we were in a private movie theater, and it was only as I heard the people on the screen clearly that I realized the room must have been soundproof because I couldn’t hear the music that was basically rocking the entire house.
“Who did you say you were again?” I asked with a laugh.
He sighed. “My grandfather is Magnus Sawyer.”
I knew my look was blank, but I couldn’t really help it. “I’m sorry, is that supposed to be a name I know?”
Remington let out a soft laugh and tugged me back onto the pillows beside him. “You make me wish things were different, Stevenson. I want to bundle you up and take you with me.”
“With you where?” I asked with a frown, feeling something where my heart used to be clench.
Once he was comfortable, he twisted off the top of my beer and then his own. “I’m moving,” he said after taking a long pull from his bottle.
“No,” I denied, not wanting it to be so. Remington was the only person who had made me feel even a little bit while I’d made myself numb the last few months. Now that I was determined to move on, I’d kind of hoped he would be there to help guide me. “You can’t move. You just got here.”
“This is only one of many homes we own around the world. We came here because it seemed like the right place, but things have changed, and Grandfather thinks the answers will be…elsewhere.”
It felt like he was talking in riddles. “What answers?” I demanded.
“Maybe I’ll tell you one day,” he said evasively. “For now, how about we just enjoy the night?”
“I…” I swallowed hard. “When are you leaving?”
Remington took another drink of his beer before answering. “We leave Sunday.”
“But I don’t want you to go,” I whispered.
He cupped the side of my face. “I don’t want to go either, Stevenson. Hell, there’s a lot I don’t want to do that Grandfather is making me. But I’m not eighteen, so I don’t really have a say yet.”
“You’re not? But you’re a senior…” I trailed off, realizing in all the times we’d talked, we never discussed our birthdays.
“I’m seventeen for a few more weeks. I guess you could say this is a going-away party mixed with an early birthday party. Not that I would have wanted one.” He reached out, about to stroke his fingers over my cheek, but at the last second dropped his hand. “You’re the only one I really wanted to celebrate it with anyway.”
“As a…friend?” I whispered the last part, suddenly unsure of myself and my motives for coming to his party.
I’d told myself I was going to show up and take pictures all night long. Pictures of me with hot guys while I looked like a bombshell. Maybe even kiss a few people. Drink until I didn’t feel like I was slowly dying on the inside without my heart. Then I would post every picture on Instagram and make Luca see exactly what he’d given up when he’d fucked Megan Hawthorn. Make him insane with jealousy until he couldn’t stand it a second longer.
But so far, other than the selfie in Shaw’s car, I hadn’t taken any other pictures. I wasn’t getting wasted either, hadn’t even taken a drink of my first beer yet.
Because just being with Remington made me feel…
Something other than utter despair.
I didn’t feel like I was going to be swallowed alive by the darkness that Luca breaking my heart all over again had caused only the day before. Fuck, only hours before, if I was truly honest with myself. From the moment Remington had opened the door and smiled at me, looking at me like he’d wanted to eat me whole, I’d found myself feeling. The space where my heart was didn’t feel so empty, I didn’t hate the world as much, and I’d found myself grinning time and time again.
I’d laughed.
With Remington.
Because he made it…better.
And now he was going to leave me.
“I’ve learned not to be greedy,” Remington murmured, looking at the television and taking another drink of his beer. “So yeah, I wanted to celebrate together as friends. Or anything else you were willing to be to me.”
Something tightened low in my tummy, and I knew exactly what it was, but I’d never thought anyone but Luca would ever make me feel it. “Anything?” I repeated softly.
His lips tilted up in a half smile, but when he turned his head and my gaze locked with those blue eyes, I found myself leaning closer to him. “Violet, I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage,” he said quietly, but he was leaning closer too. He lowered his head, and I could actually feel his breath on my cheek. “You just got out of a really intense relationship.”
“And I…I don’t want you to be a rebound,” I agreed, yet I wasn’t pulling back. “That wouldn’t be fair.”
“But…” He licked his lips, and I was mesmerized by the action. He had really nice lips, and I wondered if he would only taste like the beer he was drinking. “Maybe I don’t care if I’m your rebound.”
“And maybe I don’t care if you take advantage,” I whispered.
We were both moving, and I could almost feel his lips on mine…
And then the door opened so hard, it made me scream. Remington moved in front of me, blocking me from whoever had just burst into the room. “Let’s go, Violet,” Jagger’s deep voice commanded.
“What?” I glanced around, unsure what I expected to find. But Jagger stomping across the room toward me wasn’t it. Shaw stood at the open door, glaring at his back. When he reached the bed, he walked around to where I was and lifted me over his shoulder like I was a sack of potatoes.
“No!” I yelled at him, punching him in the back. I felt him groan at the blow, but he didn’t pause. “I don’t want to go yet.”
“Too fucking bad.” He paused at the end of the bed. “Look, I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. Yes, I crashed your party, but only because these two chicks are insane when they get to drinking together, and someone needed to watch them. This girl is my family, and I can’t let her screw around with you. She’d underage and just got out of a lifelong relationship.”
“He knows all of that, dumbass!” I yelled. “Now, put me down. Remington is my friend.”
“Looks like he was trying to be friends with benefits,” Jagger snapped. “You’re too young to be having sex with anyone, Vi.”
“Oh, fuck you!” I screamed at him, kicking my legs. But he trapped them against his body before I could do any damage. “Don’t stand there being a hypocrite when I know for a fact you’ve been dicking around since you were fourteen.”
“That’s different.”
“Why?” I demanded as he started walking out of Remington’s room. “Because you’re a guy?”
“Because I wasn’t in love with someone else,” he shot at me.
“I’m not in love with anyone else,” I denied. “Not for months n
ow.”
He snorted. “Yeah, okay.” He kept walking and slammed the bedroom door behind us. I looked back at it, hoping Remington would follow us and take me away from Jagger. But it didn’t, and I knew it was because he was a good guy. He was leaving in only a few short days, and he’d already said he didn’t want to take advantage of me.
But we could have made some memories and had some fun.
Outside, Jagger finally put me on my feet when we reached Shaw’s car. “I took an Uber, so I’ll drive you two home.” He held out his hand, waiting for her to hand over her keys. When she just glared at him, he stepped closer to her. “I already texted Luca. Make up your mind, Dimples. You gonna stand there and glare at me all night, wait around until he shows up here and makes a total scene and upsets your bestie again? Or you gonna hand over the keys and let me drive your sexy ass home?”
“Asshole,” she snarled at him before drawing back and punching him in the face. He let out a shout in pain, his hands going to his nose as it started pouring blood. “I’m going with option three where I drive myself home and you go fuck yourself.”
If Luca was on his way, then I couldn’t stay. Feeling defeated, I texted Remington on the ride home to tell him how sorry I was we’d gotten interrupted.
Remington: Maybe it was for the best, Stevenson. You’re a little bit broken right now, and I’m moving.
Me: I’m really going to miss you.
Remington: Probably not nearly as much as I’ll miss you. Stay in touch. Maybe one day…
If I’d still had a heart, I knew it would have broken right then.
Chapter 28
Violet
Two months later
I frowned down at the phone in my left hand and lifted the bottle of tequila with my right.
Luca: She lost the baby.
I took a shot after reading the text for the second time. It and the ones below it had come in throughout the afternoon and into the evening, and I’d only glanced at them for a second before getting ready to go out.
Luca: I still don’t know if it was mine because I’m not going to make them do a paternity test.
I took another shot. Now, we would never know. Not that it mattered if Luca was the father or not. It was over with us before she’d even told him she was pregnant.
Luca: I’m sorry she had a miscarriage. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But I’m so fucking glad this is over.
I was sorry she’d lost the baby, too. Sorry for her, and even a little sorry for Luca. It made me sad for them, and that only pissed me off. I shouldn’t feel anything for those two, and yet there I was, hurting for the asshole who had broken my heart.
This time when I took a swallow of the amber liquor, it didn’t even burn on the way down. I used to be a lightweight, but lately, I’d built up more of a tolerance. Probably because every weekend I found a new party to go to and a new drink of choice to do shots of until I didn’t give a single fuck about anything.
This week, I was in some West Hollywood mansion. It wasn’t a high school party, and I really wasn’t sure how I’d gotten the invite to this one, but I knew it came from the hot college guy I’d made out with at the party the previous Saturday.
Luca: I miss you so much, baby. Please answer this time.
I rolled my eyes at the newest message that had only just come in. He was always messaging me. Sometimes acting like nothing had happened and we were still together. He would talk to me like he always used to and tell me about his day. If something particularly good had happened to him, I would get a text immediately.
Sometimes, he’d be remorseful, telling me how sorry he was. Other times, like this last text, he’d beg me to talk to him. And once, he’d gotten so pissed because he couldn’t take my silence a second longer, and I’d received a text that basically called me a two-timing whore. He was drunk that time and had seen some of the pictures I’d been in on Instagram, making out with some random guy. I knew because he’d texted me an apology the next morning when I wouldn’t answer his call.
And like I always did, I would read his texts but leave them unanswered.
Maybe I was a masochist and loved the pain I felt every time I saw his name pop up on my screen, but I hadn’t blocked him or even thought about changing my number. Perhaps I hadn’t done either to continue to punish him. Give him a tiny taste of hope when he saw that I read his messages, only to have it turn to ash when I never replied.
It gave me a sick sense of power that I relished.
Honestly, though, I was getting tired of the whole thing.
Tired of not feeling whole. Exhausted because there was no escape from the emptiness that no matter how drunk I got or how many guys I kissed or let touch me could be filled. I hadn’t lost my virginity, though, but at this point, I was really wondering what the point of holding on to it was. I’d thought giving it to someone special was what a girl was supposed to do, but my someone special turned out to be just another prick.
I’d considered giving it to Remington, but Jagger had stopped that pretty effectively. Now, Remington was in Japan, and we only texted every other week.
Maybe I would just go ahead and lose the damn thing and make sure Luca knew it. That would likely finish him off completely, and I wouldn’t ever have to deal with him again.
Luca: Tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll do it. I love you so damn much, Vi. Please, just give me a chance.
“Nah, that’s okay,” I muttered to myself and took another shot straight from the bottle.
By this point, Shaw would have already taken the booze from me, but she was in New York for a photo shoot. She’d told me not to go out without her this weekend, but I’d been bored. Once Luca had started texting me every few minutes, the choice was made for me. I needed to get out of the house and try to take my mind off him and everything else.
She watched my back when we went to parties and was my designated driver at the end of the night since she rarely drank, saying one of us needed to keep our head clear. When I started making out with random guys, she would watch me like a hawk, making sure the guy didn’t get too carried away and I didn’t end up in a room alone with him. She was probably the biggest reason I was still a virgin.
Someone bumped my shoulder, and I looked up disdainfully to see who it was, irritated at being pulled from my own little world filled with drunken loathing of my ex. The guy who then sat beside me gave me a once-over with his brown eyes. I saw they were a shade darker than Luca’s when he wanted me. But that was the only similarity they shared.
“Sup, beautiful,” he said, taking my bottle of tequila and tipping it to his lips.
“Rude,” I grumbled. “That’s mine. Get your own.”
He grinned and offered it back to me. When I reached for it, he pulled it away. “Allow me,” he murmured and tipped it back. I opened my mouth and let him pour in a shot because I was thirsty.
And drunk.
And lonely.
So fucking lonely.
I was in a room overflowing with people, and yet I felt like I was all alone. As if no one there saw me. No one there cared. Since I was at a party where I knew absolutely no one, I didn’t doubt that was true, but it was the same way I felt even when I was at school or with my family. I knew it was because I put on such a brave face, trying not to let them see that I was dying a little more with each passing day. But I was tired of being strong. I was tired of hurting.
The drinking wasn’t helping. Making out with a different guy every weekend wasn’t helping either.
Nothing was, and I was starting to think nothing ever would.
The guy leaned back and turned so he was pressing against my side. “Name’s Stephen,” he introduced. “What’s your name, beautiful?”
“Violet.”
I jerked at the sound of my name and lifted my head to find Lyric standing over us, his eyes on fire with anger as he glared from me to the guy beside me.
“What the
fuck are you doing here?” he demanded. Before I could answer, he turned to Stephen. “She’s sixteen.”
Stephen jumped to his feet as if I had electrocuted him. “I didn’t know, man. I swear.”
I sighed and snatched my bottle of tequila from him. “Pussy,” I muttered to myself as I settled back to get comfortable and a little more drunk.
Lyric dropped down beside me but kept his gaze on the other guy. “You’re going to have to find a different way back to campus. I’ve got to take this one home when she’s ready.”
Stephen nodded and then walked away, muttering something about finding someone who wasn’t jailbait. I rolled my eyes. Whatever. It shouldn’t have mattered if I was willing. Just as it shouldn’t have mattered to Luca all the times I’d wanted to go further than just kissing and he wouldn’t even try to touch me.
But he hadn’t stopped when he fucked Megan Hawthorn.
What was so wrong with me that he didn’t want to have sex with me but he hadn’t hesitated to dick that slut?
“Ah, Vi,” Lyric said with a shake of his head. “Nothing’s wrong with you, sweetheart. You know why he couldn’t touch you.”
Tears stung my eyes as embarrassment burned my cheeks. I hadn’t realized I’d spoken aloud.
“No,” I told him as I scrubbed the back of my free hand over my damp cheeks. “He just didn’t want me enough.”
He blew out a frustrated sigh and shook his head, then took away my bottle of tequila when I tipped it to my lips again. “That’s enough, Vi. And I’m not going to argue with you over this. You’re drunk.”
I got to my feet, only to wobble a little. He steadied me, but once the room stopped spinning, I slapped his hands away. “Leave me alone, Ric. I don’t need your help.”
I started to walk away, but he caught me around the waist and turned me to face him. “Listen to me, Violet.” He cupped my face in both his hands, his eyes full of concern and brotherly love. “I know you’re hurting right now. I hate it for you. For both of you. But you can’t let some fucking guy ruin your entire life. This isn’t you.”
I jerked back from him. “You don’t know anything about me now, Lyric. I’ve changed since your brother cheated on me. I’m a different girl now.”
Heartless Savage Page 19