by Leigh, Jo
“Lisa?”
She took her phone off speaker. “I’m here.”
“Tell me what’s going on.”
She knew that tone of voice. The subway stopped and she got out. From where she was, Logan’s office was two streets away. If he got hardheaded she could swing by for a face-to-face instead of going straight home. Let him try looking her in the eye and telling her she wasn’t ready to take on more responsibility.
“Lisa?”
“Sorry, subway madness.” She took the steps up fast. And practically ran down West Broadway. Thank God for her Skechers. “Hold on a second.”
She waited until she’d made it almost a block and caught her breath. Stalling for time, she asked, “What are you doing for dinner later?”
“Seriously?” Logan laughed. “You know what I’m working on. In fact—”
“Wait.” She crossed against the red light and ignored the taxi that nearly clipped her. “I need more,” she said. “I don’t expect to drop most of the ordinary stuff, but I’d like to add some tougher cases.”
“Define tougher.”
“Oh, I don’t know—something I can’t do in my sleep.”
“Look, Lisa—” His landline rang, and she could almost smell his relief. “I have to take another call. Let’s talk—”
“I’ll wait. No problem.”
This time he didn’t try to hold back his sigh. If he pretended to hang up on her by mistake, she’d show him just how capable she was of taking down 195 pounds of hard muscle.
She jogged the last half a block, then inserted her card key into the office door lock. She nodded at Mike, who had the sorry task of acting as receptionist when he wasn’t directly working on a case or a temp didn’t show. Now, though, he pretty much ignored her and went back to whatever he was doing.
“Okay, I’m back,” Logan said and didn’t so much as blink when she entered his office. Of course he was surprised, and maybe irritated, but he didn’t show it. He was a master at hiding what he was feeling. He nodded at one of his guest chairs, but she was too antsy to sit. “What brought this on?”
“I was at the clinic the day before yesterday when—”
“The clinic as in the free clinic?”
She nodded. “All my work here was taken care of. And I’ve started volunteering there...” She cleared her throat. “But I don’t think I’m gonna do that anymore, so it’s a moot point.”
“Why?”
Sitting down in the huffiest way she knew how, she said, “Sometimes you annoy the crap out of me.” She would have put her feet up on the edge of his desk if she wasn’t wearing a dress.
“Sometimes? I’ll work on that.”
She sighed. “This is important to me.”
“All right.” He sat up straighter and folded his hands on his meticulous desk. “Go ahead. I’m listening.”
“I walked in on a situation. All I could see was this guy aiming a shaky Glock 17 at one of the staff and holding on to this kid. The temperature of the room was in the stratosphere, so I figured he’d been there for a while...”
She stood up again, walked to the window. “I dropped my purse. He turned around. Called me Barbie, then—”
When she looked at her brother there was concern in his eyes. She knew she sounded hyper but that might not be a bad thing. “He was high. It wasn’t difficult to secure the weapon and take him down. The police picked him up about five minutes later.”
Logan had put his blank face on. He wasn’t supposed to use that on her. “I’m glad it turned out okay,” he said.
She walked back to the chair. It wasn’t easy holding in her frustration. He clearly didn’t understand how much she needed the upgrade.
“Seems like you’re still wound pretty tight.”
“You know how it is.” She leaned forward. “How the adrenaline takes over. Just because I’ve been lying low for a while—”
“Over a year.”
“Logan. Knock that off. What I’m saying is, I may be rusty, but I haven’t got amnesia. I knew what to do, and I did it safely. Remember how I used to tell you my biggest advantage was that I was small?”
“Course I do. I haven’t got amnesia, either. I can see the takedown brought a lot of satisfaction with it. But—”
“I wasn’t through,” she said. “What I want to do while I’m getting back to prime is build a new identity for myself. No help from you. Not yet. I want to be as thorough as I can, straight back to a birth certificate, driver’s license, the whole nine. Meanwhile, I continue taking the easy stuff, and I start working out. Hard.”
His eyes narrowed. “Why a new identity at all?”
“I don’t think it’s an advantage to go by McCabe.”
He leaned back, his gaze unwavering. “You’re not ready.”
“How can you say that? You, of all people, should understand I need to get back into the game.”
“Yep, I do get it. That’s how I know you’re not ready.” He ignored her exasperated sigh. “You’ve got time, Lisa. So take it. Do your volunteer work, get laid once in a while, ease back into life. The job will still be here.”
“Logan, damn it, you’re not being fair. You’ve acclimated to civilian life just fine.”
His brows rose in disbelief and hurt. “Do you really not remember how I was after Afghanistan?”
Shame caught her by the gut. Of course she remembered. He’d been a wreck and trying desperately to prove he wasn’t. “I’m sorry. Of course I do. I don’t think you’re right about me, but I’ll play it safe for a while longer. I’m going to work on getting back to black-belt condition.”
“Great idea. And so is your volunteering. You spent a long time isolating yourself.” He leaned forward and gave her a smile that reminded her just how much he loved her. “Stay in shape. We’ll see what happens in six months or so.”
She flinched at the time frame, but she wasn’t going to bitch. What he wanted to see was proof that she was ready mentally and physically and that was what he’d get. “Fine.” She stood up, anxious now, to leave.
Logan stood, too. He came over to her side of the desk and put an arm around her shoulders. “I’m serious about the volunteering. Doing good things for other people can be empowering. Take it easy on yourself.” He walked her to his office door. “And make good use of that doctor of yours.”
She didn’t shove him away, but she did give him the finger, which only made him laugh. Her phone rang. It was a text from Valeria. Twenty-two people had signed up for her self-defense class. Now they wanted to know which day worked for her.
She gave up. Fine. She’d teach the damn class. But before she could respond, another text came through. It was from Daniel.
She smiled all the way to the street corner.
10
LISA WAS BUSY typing up notes from what she’d learned from the nanny this morning. It rattled her that she hadn’t remembered the last third of their conversation. If Lisa hadn’t recorded the whole thing she would’ve been screwed. And even more angry with herself for this stupid obsession with Daniel.
She glanced at her cell phone. It was 6:00. He’d be calling her in the next ten minutes or so, right after he finished up at the clinic. They’d texted twice and then agreed upon a time when they could talk. She expected he’d bring up her leaving last night, though she wished he wouldn’t. The more she knew about Daniel and his demons, the stickier things would get between them. And since she hadn’t decided what to do about him or volunteering at the clinic, it was best they stayed away from personal issues.
This was so crazy. It should be a simple decision, a complete no-brainer. So why had she gone back and forth a thousand times since she’d left Logan’s office? Whether she stayed in it for the sex, or cut ties with Daniel right after she did the self-defens
e thing, the story could end only one way. His true colors would bleed out like a wound. Ironically so would hers. When he found out she’d lied about her name and why she’d been at the clinic...why would he stay?
But none of that had to happen if it was just sex. Sex with no private confession, no expectations, nothing too real. So why not just sex?
Was it ever just sex? He already knew she’d been a cop. However inadvertently, he’d told her about his father, his brother, the Center. No, in the end he’d break her heart.
Oh, God.
That kind of thinking was what really got her in trouble. They didn’t have that kind of relationship, so everybody’s heart was going to stay intact. No worries there as long as they both understood the ground rules.
She blinked at the bleary computer screen. Got up for another soda. Her apartment was so tiny she made it to the fridge in five steps. She really needed to go shopping soon, although her shopping lists were very tiny. Thank God for corner bodegas with their salad bars and ethnic eats.
Oddly, she didn’t resent that she could only afford this broom closet. A place with more natural light would’ve been nice but she was managing just fine.
Her phone rang and she quickly gulped down the mouthful of soda.
“Hello, Dr. Cassidy,” she said, glancing at the time. “You’re wrapping up early.”
“Hey, hold on a second. Another call.”
Lisa took another sip of soda, but he was back before she swallowed.
“Just Eve telling me my brother’s in France at a conference. Anyway, I’m not wrapping up early. Just the opposite. I’ve been running behind all day. Completely your fault, by the way.”
“What did I do?” Lisa spun around in her office chair, feeling the tension leave her body. His tone of voice was upbeat, friendly.
“The kids are all pretending to be Bruce Lee. Hector totally lost control of the waiting area.”
Lisa laughed. “God, I hope you’re kidding.”
“Let’s just say a boy who came in for allergies ended up being treated for a bloody nose and sprained wrist.”
She groaned. “That’s terrible. I don’t know what to say.”
Daniel chuckled. “Hey, at the end of the day, the clinic and everyone involved came out ahead. Did you hear about the guy you took down? According to the police, Kroger wasn’t just a meth addict. He cooked the stuff in a basement three blocks from a middle school.”
“Valeria texted something to that effect. I hope you didn’t mention anything about my being a cop?” The second the words were out of her mouth she wished she could call them back.
“No, Lisa,” he said quietly. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“I do know. Reflex. Sorry.”
“No problem. So, about the list of folks who signed up for your class...”
“Yeah?”
“Add two more.”
“Twenty-four? Jesus. I don’t know if I can even speak loud enough, let alone have all of them work on moves.” She wasn’t kidding. “Are you one of the latecomers?”
Daniel laughed. “That’s a big no.”
“Afraid I’ll show you up?”
“Oh, hell, that’s a given.”
Lisa laughed again. Why was this man so easy to talk to? Doubts, fears, everything seemed to drift away.
“I spoke to Eve yesterday and told her about what happened. Amazingly no one else got to her first. She was speechless.”
“I bet,” Lisa said, careful to keep her voice even. She knew Eve wasn’t a fan of hers and that was okay.
“You don’t understand. I’ve known Eve for ages. She always has a comeback. I told her she should go to your self-defense class.”
“Will she?”
“I doubt it. But she’s glad everyone else is going. Have you decided which evening’s going to work for you?”
“Definitely not tomorrow. Not only do I have to get up at a horrifying hour the following morning, I need some time to put together a plan for the class.”
Silence lasted long enough to give her a bad feeling before he said, “Hey, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable last night.”
“Stop. I wasn’t uncomfortable. I had a great dinner, I loved your stories, and as for the rest, I think you know how much I enjoyed that. I know I left with just a note, but I honestly had to go home. You see? Everything’s fine.” She took a breath. “No offense, but you need to stop going to restaurants where people know you so well.”
“You’re absolutely right. McDonald’s it is.”
She laughed and he did, too. But it didn’t escape her attention that she’d ignored an ideal window to tell Daniel she couldn’t see him again.
* * *
DANIEL FELT BETTER hearing that laugh of hers. “I should be free in an hour. Want to get something to eat?” he asked, hoping she’d say yes, but not counting on it. She did say work was getting intense.
“Tempting as a burger and fries sound, I’m swamped. I’m trying to finish up a report so I’ll have time for the class.”
That made perfect sense but he was still disappointed. God, he was behaving like a child. He wanted Lisa all the time. That was new. And not very pleasant. He liked feeling as though he had the upper hand.
“Where are you?” she asked. “It doesn’t sound like the clinic.”
“I’m out back. There’s an alley with a dubious reputation, but I’m at the entrance, so no muggers yet. Also, someone has chickens, because I hear a lot of clucking.”
“Oh, man, too bad. That sounds like a terrible place to have phone sex.”
He dropped his cell phone but caught it before it hit the ground. “I can throw someone out of an exam room. Won’t be a minute.”
That laugh again. It made his entire day.
“Nah,” she said. “Maybe next time.”
He hadn’t even known that was exactly what he’d wanted to hear. “You bet. Next time.”
* * *
THREE DAYS AND A smattering of text messages and phone conversations with Daniel later, Lisa was still a bundle of nerves as she saw the group of women standing on the grass at Peterson Park. It hadn’t helped that yesterday she’d worked on a stakeout from just after dawn until midnight, and today her attempt at a nap had mostly been her worrying, only horizontally instead of vertically.
On the plus side, the park looked like a great place to hang. There was a legit baseball diamond complete with stands and lots of trees. Lots of picnic tables, too. Most of them filled with families. Little kids were running around with balloons; a few were crying. There’d been a park near her house when she was a kid, and she remembered the feeling of picnics and innocence. Walking past all that helped her shoulders relax and her chest to stop tightening. Then Valeria saw her and waved and in a blink, the tension returned.
She recognized a lot of folks. Mrs. W. to start with, and nurses she’d met and some fellow volunteers. She didn’t know all their names, and when she got closer, she noticed more unfamiliar faces—and there were a lot more than twenty-four. She’d give Valeria grief later.
As she reached the group, she realized that despite his joking around, she’d expected Daniel to be there. The part of her that wasn’t scared to pieces was worryingly disappointed.
“Here she is,” Valeria said, rocking tight gym shorts and a tattered sleeveless white T that showed off her tats. “For those who haven’t met her, this is Lisa Pine. Our resident hero.”
Lisa smiled, but it jarred her to hear the phony name. “Hey, everyone,” she said, raising her voice. “First, can everyone hear me?”
Someone in the back yelled, “We can’t hear you.”
A few minutes later Valeria and Josie, an attractive young woman who turned out to be Valeria’s way more conservative sister, had the group seated in
a half wheel with Lisa as the center spoke. Everyone could hear and see her. After one last big breath, Lisa began.
“Here’s the plan,” she said. “I’m going to talk to you awhile about listening to your intuition and how to be vocal in an uncomfortable situation. Then I’ll answer questions if you have them, and finally I’ll show you some basic moves that are easy to master and have saved a lot of women.
“A very smart man who’s a leader in the field of self-protection often starts his lectures by asking, ‘If you heard there was a weapon proven to prevent most crimes before they happen, would you run out and buy it?’ The truth is, you already own it. He calls it ‘the gift of fear,’ but I prefer to call it ‘the gift of intuition.’
“Who here has ever had an experience where you felt something was off about a person or a situation, but you didn’t want to make waves, or look like a jerk, but in the end, things really did go wrong?”
Every hand rose.
“The trick to learning how to trust your intuition is to think of it as your secret weapon. First comes the feeling. It might be a strange sensation in your gut, or the hairs on the back of your neck might stand up. Intuition is your body’s early warning system and it’s your subconscious at work. In nanoseconds, your awesome brain, which does most of its heavy lifting without you being aware, notes body language, smells something weird, hears a sound that doesn’t fit, and makes you feel uncomfortable. The problem isn’t that you don’t have intuitive feelings and thoughts. It’s that we’re trained to ignore them. Dismiss them.”
Everyone seemed interested. Most of the women were leaning forward, nodding. It felt pretty wonderful, which she hadn’t expected. She’d given a few talks at schools when she’d been in uniform. Mostly about stranger danger, but also about drugs or sometimes about being a cop. She’d liked those assignments because she’d felt they made a difference.
The rest of the talk seemed to fly by. At first she asked the ladies to hold their questions, but she gave that up quickly. It wasn’t orderly and there was a surprising amount of laughter, but it was all good. Really good. Until she was in the middle of explaining some of the different types of martial arts, and one of the nurses, Beverly, let loose an ear-shattering wolf whistle, exactly the kind they’d discussed during the discussion on harassment. A few others started catcalling at someone behind her.