by Leigh, Jo
“She knew Dad. Obviously better than I did. Medicine was never supposed to be about fame. God, I was so naive. As far as his ego...” He smiled a little, shrugged. “I don’t know many physicians who don’t have big egos. Hell, we’re human. But the healing came first. I lived my whole life with that as my prime directive.” His voice trailed off and he took a deep breath. “I hadn’t even planned on taking time off after my fellowship. I wanted to start at the Center the next day. Then I had that meeting with my dad.”
Lisa wondered if he realized he was rubbing the top of his father’s headstone. She doubted it. Part of her wanted to stop him, to turn her ankle or something so he wouldn’t go on telling her his secrets. But the bigger part of her wanted him to continue. To get it all out. She’d deal with the consequences later.
“I thought we were going to discuss which patients I would take over, how to make the transition run smoothly after Dr. Elliot retired, that sort of thing. But Dad, all he wanted to talk about was expanding the Center, with both his sons in practice under him.
“He wanted his name on the biggest and best neurological center in the country.” Daniel shook his head. “He was obsessed with it. Not the good he could do, but the accolades it would bring.” He huffed a sorry laugh. “That was the only legacy he cared about. I couldn’t even get him to change the subject. When I asked him what Warren thought about it, he said my brother didn’t know anything yet—no one did.
“He must’ve seen my shock or disappointment because he told me to take some time to think it over. That for now, it was just between the two of us. It was like a falling dream, the kind where you wake up before you crash, but I couldn’t wake up. For the first time in my life I wondered why he’d even had children. For bragging rights? Living tributes to him?”
He looked at Lisa again and she held her breath. She had no idea what to say or how to help. Or if he expected anything from her. She wanted to hug him again, but something held her back.
“Three days later he died in his office at the Center. A massive heart attack at sixty-four. He hadn’t even been monitoring his own health.” Daniel briefly closed his eyes. “What’s most confusing? That I still want to be like him. I shouldn’t. But he was the greatest doctor I’ve ever known. And he was also a terrible father and a worse husband. At his funeral, no one except the pastor said a word about the family.”
Daniel turned back to the gravestone. “He did a lot of good. And I’ve always idolized him, but I don’t want to miss out on my own life. I want to get married and have kids, and I want to really be with them. But I don’t stand a chance unless I can let him go. Damn it, his shadow is long. I still can’t see past it. But at least I know I have a choice.”
Lisa shivered, and even though the day was warm, she hugged herself. Now that she could shift her gaze to anything but Daniel, she almost wept at the inscription on the grave. Randall Cassidy. Under that, a caduceus. And under that: His legacy will live on.
Daniel finally backed away and gave her a faint smile. “So now you know why I’ve been reluctant to go to the Center. I needed time to think, and I felt alone. But going there this last week has been amazing. We have so many ways to bring hope to people, to save lives. I can see now that I’m needed there. Even more than at the clinic.”
“Have you told anyone about the meeting with your father?”
He shook his head. “Only you.”
Lisa touched his arm. She wanted to hold Daniel forever. Tell him that he was already walking his own road. He was more than just an exceptional doctor. He was a good man.
It felt like the worst selfishness to even think about how she couldn’t let him go, even as she knew she couldn’t hide the truth from him any longer. All she could do was hope he might still care for her after he knew who she really was.
* * *
“THANK YOU FOR TODAY. For listening,” Daniel said as they neared the exit. He was sorry to reenter the real world. The traffic noises that crept into the park had helped ease their transition, but now there was no question they were in Brooklyn.
Lisa smiled as they came to a halt. “So you’re going home to sleep now?”
He should. Damn, he really should. “You’re probably busy.”
She shrugged and he realized he hadn’t noticed that her gray T-shirt tended to slip down her shoulder. And it was short enough that if she lifted her arms, he’d see skin above her tight black jeans. The damn pattern on the front of her shirt hid whether she’d gone braless.
“You want me to tuck you in?”
He was nodding before he actually heard what she’d said. “No, I don’t want that. But if you were planning on staying home anyway...”
“Ah, you want to come to my place, get into my stupidly small bed and sleep while I work?”
“If that’s okay with you...”
She didn’t seem to share his enthusiasm. Instead of looking at him, her eyes were downcast and her grip had loosened.
“You know what?” he said. “I’ve already taken up more of your day than I should—”
“Stop. Yes. I’d like you to sleep while I do my thing. And maybe when you get up—”
“We can discover if we both fit on your stupidly small bed?”
15
EVERYTHING BETWEEN THEM had changed, it seemed, one second to the next.
Lisa wished the ride to her place had been longer. Now, when they were standing in front of her building, she should put a stop to this. She could tell him he’d be too distracting, which was the truth. If she took him upstairs, it would mean she really was going to confess everything. Not just her name, but the parts that mattered, as humiliating as they were. After all she’d learned about him—who he was at heart—she had to come clean if there was any chance for them.
Terrific time for her to decide she wanted a future with him.
It was hard to admit that a happy ending wasn’t likely. She’d lied to him from the moment they’d said hello.
Still, there was a chance.
Once inside the building, her thoughts raced a mile a minute. How to start the conversation, how to keep her ex-client out of her confession.
“This is nice,” he said, holding the elevator door for her.
It was just an elevator, nothing special, but there were no tags or graffiti. Even though there was no doorman, the residents were mostly older or parents and did their best to keep the place clean. “I usually take the stairs.” She pressed the button for her floor. “I steal exercise whenever I can.”
“Very wise.” He ran a hand down her back. “Which comes as no surprise.”
No one was in her hallway, and she had her key out before they got to the door. Her hand didn’t shake even when she remembered there was an envelope on the table that was addressed to Lisa McCabe. She’d have to move it ASAP. It had been stupid to bring him to her place. She wasn’t ready.
“It’s bigger than I expected.” Daniel scanned the room, slowing when he looked at the bed and again at the table she used as a desk. “No wonder they have you filing. You’re very organized.”
“I like to think so.” She put her key and the cash from her pocket into a small dish she kept on the table, her cell phone on a notepad. “Besides, there’s no room to be messy.” The envelope was right there, in her in-box. “Have a seat anywhere,” she said, keeping her voice light as she lured him to the bed. She didn’t take a breath until he plopped down.
Daniel was the first person she’d invited into her efficiency. She’d had to move there after Tess had wiped out her savings. The only reason she’d gotten the place was because Logan had cosigned and come up with first and last months’ rent.
“Come sit,” he said, patting the bed. “Tell me about the pictures on your wall.”
The wall. Good. That was something to do. “I took those.” Like
a docent in her own museum, she sort of waved at the framed black-and-white prints and then went to the first photo. “These are my parents at the club where they live. They love golf above all things.”
“Except you.”
She thought about telling him why that wasn’t necessarily true, but that seemed like too much information. Maybe after she’d bared all and the dust settled in their favor. “These beautiful pups are Jessie and Miley. They were our growing-up companions. Best friends ever. I miss having dogs.”
“They’re great at not spilling the beans.” He nodded at the next photo. “And I suppose that good-looking guy is your brother.”
“That’s him. He’s very smart. Most women get sidetracked by his looks, which he milks for all they’re worth.”
“I imagine a lot of people underestimate how clever you are, too.”
“I can hold my own at Jeopardy!” Why hadn’t she framed more pictures? There was nothing left to do but come clean. Well, there was one thing.
He grinned broadly as she finally sat down next to him.
“You’re very good-looking,” she said. “But I don’t think you use that as your unfair advantage.”
“No?”
“You don’t have to. You’re gifted. Celebrated. That’s your ticket.”
His hand froze inches from her hair. “Really? Do I play that up?”
“You don’t need to. Everyone does it for you.” She leaned closer to him and touched his cheek with the backs of her fingers.
When he kissed her, the distraction she’d hoped for didn’t last. Instead, the repercussions of her lies, both outright and by omission, came to bite her in the ass. Her eyes burned with tears she refused to shed.
As their tongues stroked and teased, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering how he was going to look at her after she told him. Would he still want to touch her as if she were someone special? Or worse, would he shrug it all off because who she really was didn’t matter? Never mattered? He was as good as back at the Center and everything would change anyway.
Gripping his shoulders as if she could hold him forever, she deepened the kiss until it was desperate. He moaned into her mouth, held her close. She hated that her heart was beating so hard because of fear when it should have been love. But none of this was real. He needed to go back to his life. Now that she’d seen him where he belonged, she realized Eve was right to push. Daniel needed to take his rightful place. Maybe Lisa had just been his vacation fling.
She had no room to complain or even be sad. This, them, none of it was ever supposed to amount to anything.
“Honey,” he whispered as they both caught their breath. She had to close her eyes when he looked at her. “You okay?”
She nodded. Smiled. “I...I’m glad you’re here, but maybe we should cool this down a little.”
“Why?”
The confession stuck in her throat. Even after she cleared it. Finally, she said, “You’ve had how much sleep in the last forty-eight hours?”
Daniel’s hand slipped under her T-shirt and he softly ran his hand across her waist. His touch sent her worries to a backseat when he cupped her bare breast.
“Oh, God,” he whispered, kissing her shoulder then her neck as he gently kneaded her, making her want him so deeply it hurt. “You’re gorgeous. Like silk. And Jesus, your nipple is so hard for me.” He moved his mouth to her ear, where she could feel his warm breath. “I know where else you’re hard.”
She’d thought bringing him up here would be a good idea. And if they had sex maybe it would make it easier to confess. But she couldn’t hide behind their postcoital glow.
“Daniel, wait.” She leaned away, dislodging his hand from under her shirt. “You should get some rest before we go any further.”
He smiled at her. “Thank you,” he whispered, his expression raw and vulnerable. “For being there for me.”
She swallowed. He was looking for comfort. She could give him that, even if this was the last time he’d want anything to do with her. Because afterward she had to tell him. Everything. The thought sent a shiver down her spine. Then her hand was behind his neck and she was pulling him into a kiss. He made this goofy little happy sound, which made her want to cry and never let him go.
When the angle finally got to them, and they had to move, he really looked at the bed. “Is this a...kid’s bed?”
It was cheap and she’d never expected to sleep with anyone, and it fit her, so, why shouldn’t she have a kid’s bed. “It might be.”
The smile he gave her was indulgent and confused, so everything was normal. For now.
“Take off your clothes,” she said.
“What?”
“I know the bed is a challenge, but I think you’re clever enough to make it work.”
He stared at her, and she should’ve been ashamed, using him like this. His eyes were red and his face pale. But he also needed her. To be truthful, she needed him right back. God, this might be the last time for them.
“Challenge accepted.” Before he took off a stitch, he grabbed hold of her bedding and yanked it back so hard most of it ended up on the floor. Then he pulled her close and kissed her.
She just hoped this second, or seventh, wind would last. With her lips skating along his neck, she started pulling up his T-shirt. All she could think of was if she could somehow confess everything and make it sound glamorous. Or epic, or anything else that wasn’t as horrible as the truth. This wasn’t like TV, where people were forgiven for their sins before the hour struck. He was already dealing with his father’s betrayal. He didn’t need another one.
His shirt went flying. Except for her making him lift his arms, she doubted he even noticed. He seemed fascinated by her shirt. He kept shifting it from one shoulder to the other, then peeking down the front to see her boobs.
“You’ve seen them before. They haven’t changed at all since the last time.”
“Sure they have.” He shook his head. “They’re in your apartment, for one thing.”
If she hadn’t known better, she might have thought he was drunk. God, he was going to sleep forever. “Before we continue, is there a certain time you need to wake up?”
“Already put the alarm on my cell.”
She smiled. This wonderful, remarkable ease they had. How was she supposed to let that go? “Tell you what,” she said. “If you undress yourself, I’ll take off everything but my T-shirt.”
“Deal.” He grinned as he undid his jeans.
This wasn’t the plan. She was insane. She needed to tell him. Now. Not make love first. She owed him the truth.
By the time he’d stripped down to his boxer briefs, she hadn’t moved.
“Um, have you forgotten our bargain?” He caught her hand and pulled her into his arms.
“I changed my mind. You should sleep first.”
He brushed a kiss across her lips. “How about sex first, then sleep, then more sex?” Before she could answer he kissed her again, more deeply.
It was truly amazing. All the time they’d spent kissing, each one still felt like the first. Full of discovery and ever more passionate. As much as she hated to, she broke it off. “Have you eaten today?”
“You think I care about food right now?” he murmured against her lips. But things became more languid. Soft strokes of hand and tongue. She could tell he was drowsy.
“Here’s my proposal,” she said in a soft hypnotic voice. “I’m going to go fix us a light lunch and get us something to drink. I’m thirsty and you must be, too. Then you can go to sleep. If you can find a way to fit on the bed. Oh, and so we’re clear. You’re not going to sleep just because you’re exhausted, but because I have work to do.”
He groaned, clearly not liking that proposal one bit. “Work comes first. I get it. But you don’t have to feed
me.”
She stepped back and turned toward the kitchen. “I hope you like tuna salad sandwiches, because that’s all I’ve got.”
“Sounds great,” he said, the lie so obvious it would have been funny any other time.
Her kitchen wasn’t much. Just a dorm-sized fridge, a countertop, a microwave and a toaster oven. Plus a coffeemaker, of course. A pony wall separated the area from the living room/bedroom.
Remembering the envelope with her name on it, she fought the urge to hide it and got the tuna and the bread out of the fridge. “I’ve got diet soda or beer.”
“Beer, please.”
That solved, she started making the sandwiches as she prepared herself for what was to come. She’d been a cop, and a good one, and she’d faced things a lot harder than making things right with someone she cared about. Even if he couldn’t make peace with the truth, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. It would just feel like it.
Her cell buzzed from her desk, and after she finished the first sandwich, she took a look at who’d texted. She almost dropped the damn phone when she saw Heather’s name.
Fleming a bust. Let’s take another pass at Cassidy. TTYS.
It felt as though she was having a heart attack. Everything in her froze or burned, even the tips of her ears. Heather was supposed to be finished. Done. And Lisa didn’t want her back. God, she knew so much more about Daniel now. Things she could have never learned from the best search engines or private investigators. The term was intimate knowledge. And she had that in spades.
Jesus, Daniel. She couldn’t tell him a thing. Not today. Not until she figured out what this meant. At the very least, she needed to talk to Logan. She put her cell phone down and took the envelope from her in-box and socked it away in her desk drawer.
When she finally gathered the courage to look at Daniel, he was sound asleep. She’d never been more grateful.
16
DANIEL WAS STILL shaking off his strange morning when he arrived at the family home. It was a showpiece, of course, four stories with a view of Central Park. He had his key out before he remembered the place now belonged to Warren. Daniel would turn the key over to him before he left.