As he got accustomed to the newly decorated house along with Brittany, he saw Kate in every room. She’d helped him pick out the furniture and accessories and consulted on paint colors that were either soothing or stimulating to young minds. She used words like that naturally, because she was a natural teacher. A natural mother, too. And not the woman for him.
On the second day, when Brittany asked if there were any other children to play with, he debated whether he could call Kate and ask her if Eddie could come over. This was spring break, so Eddie had the time off. If Kate wasn’t too angry with him, she’d bring her son over. If nothing else, then to see the new miniature horses, the little mare named Precious and the foal that Brittany had yet to name.
Names were very important, she’d told him with a serious expression on her face. She couldn’t rush into naming the “pony” because he would have that name forever. Luke wondered if she’d been thinking about her own name, first Moretti and now Simon. No doubt Shawna had also had to explain why she had yet a different last name. The idea twisted his heart; one more thing he felt guilty about.
While Brittany sat in the living room and read one of the books Kate had chosen, he decided to put aside his doubts and call her to ask about Eddie.
“Kate, this is Luke,” he said when she answered.
“Oh.” He heard the surprise in her voice. “Hello.” She sounded chilly. “Is everything okay?”
“Brittany’s fine.” He took a deep breath, wondering if he should say something about what had happened two nights ago. He didn’t know what to say, so he decided to stick to talking about his daughter—the reason he had a relationship of any sort with Kate in the first place. “She was asking about other kids to play with, and since I don’t know anyone else with kids—” which might just be a commentary on what Kate was telling him the night they’d made love “—I wondered if Eddie could come over to play.”
Kate hesitated for a moment, then said, “I’ll bring him over in about half an hour.”
He was about to tell her he’d be glad to pick Eddie up, but she hung up after a hasty, “Goodbye.”
Okay, fine. She had good reason to still be angry. He’d been a little abrupt that night, but she didn’t know the whole story. No one here did, not even Hank.
Telling everyone about his past was too uncomfortable. Luke really didn’t want them to know who his father was or how he’d gotten the money to buy the land and support the animals. A little knowledge led to more curiosity, and before he knew it, he and his late mother would be fodder for gossip. He might be plagued by someone like the author who was doing a biography on Ronald Lucas Simon, when all Luke wanted was peace and quiet.
Kate wanted him to be completely open about himself, but if he was, he’d hurt Brittany by shining a spotlight on her. Not only would she be the new kid in school, but also the illegitimate child of an illegitimate child. Being a bastard didn’t have the same connotations now that it did thirty years ago, but that didn’t mean he should air the family linen.
He wouldn’t do anything to hurt Brittany. Knowing that her grandfather was a deceitful, womanizing SOB and that Brittany had aunts, uncles and cousins she would never know would not help her settle into her new life.
No, he’d keep quiet about his family secrets. If Kate couldn’t live with that…
He didn’t know what he’d do. Even with Brittany here, he felt as if he had a big hole in his life—a hole that Kate had filled for two weeks before he’d gone and messed up their relationship with sex.
KATE FELT nervous anticipation that she tried not to convey to Eddie as she steered down the driveway toward Luke’s house. She wasn’t ready to see Luke yet, but his plea to bring Eddie over had hit a chord. Everything she’d done for the past two weeks—with the exception of making love to Luke in a moment of insanity—had been for Brittany. How could Kate, in good conscience, deny her a playmate?
Eddie bounced with excitement at the prospect of meeting the much-talked-about Brittany. Also, she was older, so that gave her much more appeal in his six-year-old mind. Playing with the older kids was always cool.
Kate pulled to a stop between the house and barn. As soon as she cut the engine and opened the door, she heard voices from the barn. Apparently Luke and his daughter were either looking at or taking care of the animals.
Excited yips greeted her as she walked past the Jack Russell terriers in their shaded run beside the barn. Eddie ran over to pet them through the chain links. The dogs jumped up and down on their hind legs like they had springs attached. She smiled, watched Eddie with them, and thought that as soon as she got a new place, she’d get him a dog or a puppy. She’d have to ask Luke which would be more appropriate.
Her smile faded. No, that was just the type of thinking that led her to be dependent on others. On men. She could make her own decisions about pets. About everything.
“Come on, Eddie. I’m sure Brittany wants to meet you.”
“Okay, Mommy.” He ran toward the barn door, full speed ahead like most boys his age. Seeing him act so healthy and normal made her happy, because for some time he’d been so upset by the divorce and his father’s desertion.
“Hi, Mr. Simon,” he said cheerfully from inside the barn. Kate stepped from the light into the shade and let her eyes adjust. Luke stood beside the stall of the miniature horses, looking so good in a pair of worn jeans, a plaid shirt and scuffed boots. His skin was tan, his eyes bright with emotion as he saw her. Interest or lingering animosity? Kate wasn’t sure and reminded herself not to care. She’d helped Luke, he had his daughter. The end.
Brittany stood on the bottom board, taller than Kate had expected. Kate walked forward with a smile to greet the little girl she’d heard so much about.
“You must be Brittany,” she said, bending slightly at the waist to be at eye level. “I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you from your daddy. I’m Ms. Wooten and this is my son Eddie.”
Eddie bounced forward and grinned. “Hi. I’m only six, but Mommy said we could play together. I love all the animals, especially the zebras. What do you like?”
Brittany seemed overwhelmed for a moment, then smiled shyly and said, “I like the little horses.”
“Brittany hasn’t named the foal yet,” Luke told Kate. “I told her you named the mare—the mother.”
“Yes, I did,” Kate said to Brittany, avoiding Luke’s scrutiny. She wanted this to be about Brittany, not him. “Have you thought of a name for the baby horse?”
Brittany shook her head. “No, not yet.”
“I was just about to turn them out into their pasture. Would you and Brittany like to watch?” Luke asked Eddie.
“Yeah!”
“Go outside and stand by the fence, then, and maybe the mare will run outside.”
Both children ran for the door, already competitive as Eddie giggled and tried to beat Brittany to the sunlight.
Just as Kate began to follow the children, Luke put his hand on her shoulder and gently pulled her back. She turned to face him, her heart beating fast and her breathing shallow. She thought she might hyperventilate.
“Thank you for coming,” he said softly. “I wasn’t sure you would.”
“I wanted to meet Brittany,” she said, ignoring her reaction to Luke.
“I see.” His gaze searched her face, looking for the truth.
“I’m doing my best to be friends,” she admitted finally. “I want your daughter to feel welcome. I want my son to believe that you’re not angry with us.”
“I’m not angry.” He glanced down, then back up. “I’m sorry I got angry the other night. You hit a nerve.”
“I said what I thought was necessary.”
“I’m thinking about it, but it’s complicated.”
Kate stiffened. “Yes, it’s easy for things to get complicated when there’s usually a simple answer.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“That night was a mistake. We should have remained fr
iends. That is, if you ever considered me a friend.”
“You know I did.”
“Luke,” she said, stepping back from him, “I’m not sure what I know about you anymore.”
He looked at her intensely, his face stark in the muted light of the barn. His lips parted, as if he wanted to say something else, and she held her breath. Then he looked away and said, “We should get back to the kids. That’s why we’re here, right?”
“Right,” Kate answered, wondering why she’d even momentarily thought she could handle a romantic relationship with him, one that would lead to something more serious than either of them were ready for, now or ever.
She’d spent seven years with a man she didn’t really know. She’d told herself she wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. Then she’d jumped into bed with Luke, throwing all her well-conceived plans right out the window.
As she stood there and tortured herself by watching Luke, he turned and unlatched the stall door, speaking gently to the miniature horses. She heard him open the door to the outside pen and the snort of the mare. Only then did she turn and walk outside to the excited chatter of the children and the thunder of eight tiny hooves.
Chapter Fifteen
Somehow Kate managed to get through the nearly two hours she spent at Luke’s ranch. Brittany and Eddie got along fairly well, considering their difference in age. Brittany enjoyed her welcome gift, a tiny circus carousel, which Eddie explained had zebras people could actually ride. She and Luke, however, never overcame the tension, the unspoken rift between them.
She and Luke didn’t set up another day for the children to play. He had to get Brittany ready to start school the next Monday. Kate should have made arrangements for Eddie to see his grandparents—his maternal grandmother in Palm Springs or his maternal grandfather in Hilton Head—but she’d been so busy with Luke she hadn’t made plans for spring break.
She would have allowed him to see his paternal grandparents, but ever since the divorce and Ed’s disappearance from their lives, they “couldn’t” see their grandchild. It was too painful, they’d explained, but they didn’t consider that it was even more painful to Eddie to lose both his father and his grandparents.
On Wednesday, with Jodie, Travis and Marsha in California, Kate decided she and Eddie couldn’t stay around the apartment any longer. She made a spur-of-the-moment decision to take Eddie to the zoo in San Antonio. He loved animals; he should be reminded that they lived somewhere other than Luke Simon’s ranch.
Maybe they should invite Brittany to go along.
She started to pick up the phone, but stopped herself. She wasn’t ready to talk to him or, even worse, have him insist he go along for his daughter’s sake. So she told Eddie that just the two of them would go to the zoo.
They had a fun day seeing the animals, then stopped for dinner at one of Eddie’s favorite pizza restaurants on the north side of the city. When she came out to drive back to Ranger Springs, the sun had already set.
“Brittany would have liked the animals and the pizza,” Eddie said, sighing dramatically from the back seat.
“I had fun with you,” Kate said cheerfully. When he didn’t respond, she added, “Perhaps you and Brittany can go to the zoo some other time.”
“With Mr. Simon, too?”
No, she thought to herself. “I’m not sure.”
“I like him and his ranch. It’s fun over there.”
Kate felt like sighing just as dramatically as she looked in the rearview mirror at her son. “When we move into our own house or apartment after the new school year starts, I’ll bet we have a lot of fun, too.”
“I like living with Uncle Travis and Aunt Jodie.”
“They’ve been really nice, but we’ll have our own place.”
“We could move to Luke’s ranch.”
“No, we can’t. He has just enough room for Brittany.”
Eddie folded his arms over his chest. “He could make room for us.”
“Eddie, that isn’t going to happen.” Saying the words out loud made them much more final.
“It could.”
“No, it couldn’t.” She turned on the radio. She didn’t want to ruin the day for her son, and she didn’t want to think about Luke anymore. She thought about him enough without reminders from her six-year-old.
WHEN BRITTANY WENT to school on Monday, Luke felt as though he was sending her off to kindergarten for the first day rather than to second grade. After he drove her to school, walked her inside and was assured by the teacher that everything would be fine, he went back out to his truck and sat in front of the school, brooding. He supposed he was more nervous than his daughter. He wished he could be there each moment to help her through the unfamiliar school, the strangers. He didn’t mind going to new places where he didn’t know anyone, but he wasn’t eight years old.
Kate had told him that Brittany would need to be accepted by the community, which meant the kids in school as well as adults she might meet. He realized that now, thinking about her sitting alone at her desk in an unfamiliar classroom.
Kate had also told him that he needed to be accepted. She’d even said that he needed to change his attitude and be more friendly. She said that if he didn’t do that, he would be hurting his daughter.
Dammit, he realized, punching the steering wheel with his palm, Kate was right. He needed to do something fast to fit into this community. But what?
WHEN LUKE CALLED to see if Brittany could come over to play after school and asked if Travis or Jodie could watch the children so they could talk, Kate almost fell off her kitchen chair. She hadn’t heard from him and wondered each day if she ever would again, and then he called with such an unusual request. Luke didn’t even like Travis, and he was asking him to babysit!
Since he’d wanted to talk in private, she followed him back to his ranch and parked behind his pickup. The day was warm and bright, hinting of summer to come, but she felt like shivering when she stepped into his living room.
“Would you like some iced tea? A soda?” Luke asked as Kate placed her purse on the end of the couch.
“No, thank you. I’d like to know why you suddenly needed to talk.”
He took a deep breath. “I realized that what you’d told me had a lot of merit. I should have listened. I shouldn’t have overreacted.” He shrugged. “I guess people do have a right to know who’s living near them.”
“Yes, and I’m sure they’ll like both you and Brittany once they get to know you. But why did you feel obligated to tell me this privately?”
“You’ve helped me so much Kate that I…I wanted to explain everything to you first.”
“First?”
Luke shrugged. “I need to start someplace.”
“I see.” But she didn’t, not really. Luke was treating her as though she were just any friend. Hank, the waitresses at the café, his helper Carlos. Not the woman he’d gotten naked with and made love to and lay beside in the dark of night.
“I need to tell you how I got the money to open the ranch. I was a little secretive about that before. Before you confronted me about living here, I guess I was in denial. I mean, Hank had mentioned something similar about blending into the community, but I wasn’t ready to listen. And really, I didn’t think it mattered, that it should matter, to anyone. I didn’t get it illegally or immorally.”
Kate hugged her arms around herself as though protecting herself from the feelings and memories of this room, of being carried down the hall and laid on his bed. She settled into the end of the couch. Luke sat near but not touching and pulled a piece of paper toward her.
“What’s this?” There were lines and circles, some of them filled in with names, in a stick-tree style.
“My feeble attempt to make a family tree for Brittany.”
Luke watched Kate’s expression change from wary and wounded to what he now thought of as “schoolteacher mode.” “No, you’ve done a good job. This will give her a feeling of roots, of permanence. Tha
t’s important after all she’s been through.”
“Yeah, well, there’s not much there,” he admitted. Brittany had asked about his mother and father, aunts and uncles, cousins and nieces and nephews. He’d stumbled around the subject so much that she’d gotten all sad and he’d heard her sobbing in her room, so he’d promised they’d work on a family tree.
His family. What a joke. He didn’t know these people. Brothers and sisters? Maybe by blood, on his father’s side, but they didn’t mean anything to him. They didn’t acknowledge him; he didn’t seek them out.
He would never seek them out.
Kate frowned, staring at the paper. “Your father is Ronald Lucas Simon? There’s a famous children’s museum in Kansas City named for him. I remember getting educational materials from there when I did my student teaching.”
Luke nodded. He didn’t think it would be so painful to talk about his past. “He never acknowledged me while he was alive, even though he knew my mother was pregnant.”
“That’s terrible! He seemed so upstanding.”
“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t hold him up as someone special, based on what I know about the man. I’m not exactly overjoyed that he’s my biological father.”
Kate put her hand on his arm as she had when they worked together. “Because he didn’t marry your mother?”
Something snapped inside of him. He tried to hold it in, to calm himself down, but he couldn’t.
“That bastard not only didn’t marry my mother, he couldn’t, because he was already married. He had a wife—someone from his own wealthy world—and kids who went to private schools. That wasn’t enough for him. He had to seduce Angela Moretti, a teenager who walked dogs at the hotel where he stayed, for God’s sake. And you know why she was walking dogs? She wanted to earn money for vet school.”
“Oh, no.”
“Oh, yes. And you know the strangest thing? She loved him anyway. He ruined her life! She never graduated from high school, much less went to vet school. Not with a baby and no means of support after her parents kicked her out.”
Daddy Lessons Page 16