A Heart in a Body in the World

by Deb Caletti

  “What shall we do tonight for dinner?” Gina asks as they get back into the car after Annabelle’s awful two days of testimony are over. Grandpa is already heading home, to call Dawn Celeste with the details. It’s just the three of them.

  “Dick’s,” Annabelle says.

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  They drive up. There is the orange Dick’s sign, spinning around on top of its post. They order burgers and fries.

  “You’re not going to take off again, are you?” Gina asks.

  “Hmm. My knee is feeling better. . . .”

  “Awesome. I’ll come, too,” Malcolm says.

  Gina socks him. “I hate it when you guys gang up.”

  They eat in the car. Annabelle loves eating in the car. Outside, there are customers in line ordering food. The air smells like fall coming, plus French fries. There are no intoxicated guys trying to grab her. There are just people with their stories, getting dinner.

  The muscles in Annabelle’s legs and arms are hard as baseballs again. Her voice is still rising from where it has been under her surface for so long. But her feet are planted. Her heart still thumps along in her chest.

  “Too bad Bit isn’t here. He loves French fries,” Malcolm says.

  “Even though they make him fart,” Gina says.

  “He could sit on your lap, Annabelle,” Malcolm says.

  “Non mi rompere i maroni,” Annabelle says. She learned this from Grandpa, of course.

  Translation: Quit being annoying. Literal translation: Don’t break my chestnuts.

  • • •

  Her feet go forward and her heart ba-bamps when she must see The Taker once again, at his sentencing hearing. She does not look at him when she makes her statement. She looks at Judge Samuels, as she describes the ways her heart has been broken. She speaks about its shattered pieces, and the way it must go on beating, in spite of being wrecked. She summons the strength and the anger from the miles and the crossing and the people she’s met. It is the hardest thing she’s ever done, harder than running 2,700 miles. She is exhausted and spent when she sits down. Even her fingers are too tired to tap. When Gina wraps her arms around her, Annabelle closes her eyes and remembers Will’s arms around her like that. They were lying on a blanket at Green Lake one spring day, and her head rested on his chest, and she could hear his heart thundering. She sobs when the judge sentences The Taker—Daniel Wainwright—to two consecutive life sentences.

  • • •

  Her feet go forward and her heart ba-bamps as she walks along a wooded trail. It is January, a new season, a new year. It’s cold out there. It’s not Endurance cold, not Antarctic cold, but a crisp, lovely, blue-chill cold. She breathes it in. Her lungs say thank you. Her muscles are happy to be outdoors again. She’s been spending lots of time inside, inside classrooms and auditoriums, inside the little office in the new apartment she and Olivia share. They have a lot of work to do. There are a lot of people to talk to. Now, she tilts the microphone herself before she speaks. Now, she looks into the faces of the people in her audience as they look into hers.

  But today, it is a forest-and-damp-earth afternoon. Out in nature, her anxiety rests, breathes a sigh of relief. Since her body has healed, she’s been going on short daily runs again, and she’s in good shape. Luke, well, he’s another matter.

  “Slow. Down. Please. Annabelle,” he puffs.

  “I can’t wait to see it.”

  “It will still be there even if we slow down. My cramps have cramps.”

  There’s a clearing. They stop.

  “Voila,” Luke breathes.

  Oh, that wolf tree is ugly all right. It is no one’s idea of beautiful. A stumpy, gnarled beast, alone in a wide area of open woods.

  “Look right there. You can tell where the lightning has hit.” Luke points.

  She sees it. There’s a distinct black gouge, the mark of a terrible moment in its life.

  “Oh wow,” Annabelle says.

  “But look. Look up.”

  New growth spurts out from the top. It is winter and there are no leaves, but it is clearly still alive. “It looks like Malcolm after Mom cut his hair.”

  No. Actually, it’s astonishing. God, she loves science and nature. That tree is ruined but not ruined. Rooted, in spite of the storms and the ice. There are no real words for it, so she’s silent for a while, staring in respect and awe.

  “I told you. Beautiful, right?”

  “Yes.” Yes, most definitely.

  Annabelle Agnelli gazes up, up past the tree now, into winter-blue sky. She imagines that she can see 2,700 miles up into the atmosphere. She imagines that her love can rise farther than that, much farther, up into the universe, into unreachable places, and to unreachable people. Kat. Will. Her breath puffs clouds into the air.

  It’s getting cold. It’s colder when you stand still. Luke cups his hands around his nose and exhales hard to warm it. “It’s freezing out here. You ready to go?” he asks.

  The chill wind presses, and her eyes are watering, but there is still so much more beautiful stuff to see.

  “I’m ready,” she says.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  My there-are-no-words thanks go to Michael Bourret, of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret. Your presence in my life and work has been downright transformative. I’m so happy and grateful you’re on this ride with me. And to Liesa Abrams—your support, vision, and firm place in my corner has meant more than I can say. As well, I just plain respect the hell out of your intelligence, your passion, and your commitment, to both books and the subjects of deep importance to our readers. Thank you. We joke about having the dream team, but it’s true—we do.

  There is no other way to say it—publishing books is a labor of love. I thank every one of these people for the heart and dedication and talent you put into mine: Jon Anderson, Mara Anastas, Chriscynethia Floyd, Lauren Hoffman, Caitlin Sweeney, Anna Jarzab, Michelle Leo, Anthony Parisi, Sarah Woodruff, Katherine Devendorf, Elizabeth Mims, Rebecca Vitkus, Sara Berko, Christina Pecorale, Leah Hays, Victor Iannone, Christine Foye. Some of us have been doing this together for many books now. Thank you for being my publishing family. As well, my appreciation to Sarah Creech and Daniel Stolle, for your work on this beautiful cover.

  Much love and thanks, as always, to my family. And to the Seattle literary community, especially my friends and colleagues of Seattle7Writers. Thanks, guys, for being a clan of kindred spirits, and for always being there with your rare and particular understanding.

  This time, too—a special thank-you to my readers. You’ve shared your stories, followed every book, expressed your love and excitement, and some of you have even named your babies after my characters. You always—every day—remind me in one way or another that you are here. Thanks for bringing the meaning.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Photo by Jason Teeples

  DEB CALETTI is the award-winning author of Honey, Baby, Sweetheart; The Nature of Jade; Stay; and Essential Maps for the Lost, among others. In addition to being a National Book Award finalist, Deb’s work has gained other distinguished recognition, including the PNBA Best Book Award, the Washington State Book Award, and School Library Journal Best Book of the Year award, as well as finalist citations for the California Young Reader Medal and the PEN USA Literary Award. She lives with her family in Seattle. You can visit her at debcaletti.com and become a fan on Facebook.

  Simon Pulse

  Simon & Schuster, New York

  Visit us at simonandschuster.com/teen

  Authors.SimonandSchuster.com/Deb-Caletti

  ALSO BY DEB CALETTI

  The Queen of Everything

  Honey, Baby, Sweetheart

  Wild Roses

  The Nature of Jade

  The Fortunes of Indigo Skye

  The Secret Life of Prince Charming

  The Six Rules of Maybe

  Stay

  The Story of Us

  The Last Forever

  Essentia
l Maps for the Lost

  AND DON’T MISS

  He’s Gone

  The Secrets She Keeps

  What’s Become of Her

  We hope you enjoyed reading this Simon & Schuster ebook.

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  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  SIMON PULSE

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division

  1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020

  www.SimonandSchuster.com

  First Simon Pulse hardcover edition September 2018

  Text copyright © 2018 by Deb Caletti

  Jacket illustration copyright © 2018 by Daniel Stolle

  All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

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  Jacket designed by Sarah Creech

  Interior designed by Steve Scott

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Caletti, Deb, author.

  Title: A heart in a body in the world / by Deb Caletti.

  Description: First Simon Pulse hardcover edition. | New York : Simon Pulse, 2018. | Summary: Followed by Grandpa Ed in his RV and backed by her brother and friends, Annabelle, eighteen, runs from Seattle to Washington, D.C., becoming a reluctant activist as people connect her journey to her recent trauma.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2017038192 (print) | LCCN 2017049586 (eBook) |

  ISBN 9781481415200 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781481415231 (eBook)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Grief—Fiction. | Running—Fiction. | Post-traumatic stress disorder—Fiction. | Social action—Fiction. | Massacre survivors—Fiction. | School shootings—Fiction.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.C127437 (eBook) | LCC PZ7.C127437 He 2018 (print) | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017038192