by Havana Scott
“I’m sorry,” I say, fielding the strange looks I’m getting from Mom and Dad Verano. Where’s Stepdad Verano? Maybe she was right, and he’s wigging out of the marriage already. “I can’t explain what came over me the day after the fight, except overwhelming responsibility. Maybe I denied it before because of how much I wanted you. But I realized how much I was distracting you. I couldn’t do that to you anymore.”
Reaching out, I fix a rogue strand of hair and I want nothing more than to kiss her and make this all better. The beginning-of-summer Alice would be okay with that, using affection and sex to make problems go away, but I think the end-of-summer Alice now sees the world with eyes wide open. She looks strong and resilient against me.
Alice glances back at her mom, who’s smiling gently on the sidewalk as she watches us, an older, just-as-beautiful version of Blondie. Her father—a tall, strong proud man who looks like he knows exactly what I’ve done to his baby girl and will kill me dead one day with a shotgun, fifteen grenades, and a bazooka looks on stoically.
“Can you guys wait for me? I’ll just be a minute.” She pulls me by the arm and heads toward a large shady overhang. “Roman, I don’t know that you should be here. Honestly, I’m shocked. I thought you’d left. But now that you’re here, I just want to say one thing: I’m sorry if I got you fired. It was entirely my fault for even pursuing you.”
“No. Stop that right now. You didn’t get me fired, and being put on probation was probably the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m getting a new start, Alice.” I study those eyes, those full kissable lips, the pretty round cheeks reflecting the setting sun. I don’t tell her I’m leaving for LA yet. I’m scared of how she’ll take it. I didn’t come here to make her upset, though maybe I underestimate her, and she’ll break into applause at any moment.
“That’s great.” Slight smile. “That’s really great.” Then, she tears her gaze away from me and scans the area, as if looking for answers she’ll never find with so many people around. When she looks at me again, her head is tilted, eyes narrowed. “Can we start over? I feel…” She pauses, looks around again, searching for the right words. “I feel like we got off to a bad start. That was my fault, too. I never should’ve approached you the way I did at the bar.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Blondie. It was just as much mine. I shouldn’t have chased you down that first day and made you tell me what your issues were. I got wrapped up in my mission to figure you out.”
“It was a really weird time for me, and…”
“Blondie, you don’t have to explain. It’s done. Over.” The question is, does she still want to be with me, or is she going to just accept my apology and move on? “Start over, how?” I ask.
Pressing her lips into a sad smile, she juts her hand out toward me. “Hi, I’m Alice. I saw you standing here, and I thought, ‘Well, there’s a nice, distinguished looking older gentleman. Maybe I’ll say hello.’”
I can’t help but smile. This woman rules my world. “Hi. I’m Roman Lee. And I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in all my life. When you walked across that stage to receive your diploma, I swear I felt the earth crack open and swallow me.”
“Dork.” She laughs. “Is that the best you can do?”
No, I can do a lot better, but it looks like I have to keep winging it until the surprise arrives. “Where are you going after this?” I ask.
“Some fancy restaurant with my family, and then—”
“No, I mean after this. All this. Where are you headed when you leave Tucson?” I know, through my sister’s inside sources at WB Studios, that Alice applied to the internship program, and I know that she attended an interview. It was last week, and I hadn’t heard anything else. All I can do is hope that she took it. It’s perfect for her and would make her so incredibly happy.
But the expression on her face crunches my stomach into a tight knot.
I wait on pins and needles.
“I’m going to Tesla,” she says ruefully, her pretty face tilted, gauging my reaction. “With my father.”
My chin drops, and I stand there, nodding and breathing deeply to avoid feeling…anything. I don’t know what to say. All I know is I’m going to live in Los Angeles while she’s going to live six hours away, and that’s no way to be together. Not exactly a union of the souls. There won’t be a happy ending after all.
“Wow, that’s…that’s amazing. Congrats. I know you’ll do great things there, Blondie.” Why does it feel like my heart is going to splinter into shards of pure hell? Did I really think she’d take the studio internship? Or that we’d live near each other, or better yet, that I’d woo her back into my arms?
How narcissistic am I? I had my chance and I fucked it up. I left the woman I loved behind without any explanation. That was enough time for a strong woman like Alice to say “screw him” and close the door to her heart. It’s what fierce women do—they rely on themselves. The summer was a window of opportunity and I screwed it up.
“The thing is, Roman, it’s all been laid out for me. My dad, you know…it’s a good thing. A really good thing. Aren’t you happy for me?” She cracks her knuckles, and maybe everyone else is immune to her little quirks, but I know she doesn’t really mean that. She hated the thought of working with her father.
“As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.” I smile as genuinely as I can. If she can honestly say that she’s truly thrilled to take the Tesla internship, then I’ll watch her walk away with my heart full of gladness.
A sigh escapes her. “I know you sent me that brochure in the mail, and I’m really grateful for it. Thank you. You don’t know how close I was to taking the position. The interview went well, and I truly appreciate you thinking of me.”
Truly appreciate it. Grateful for it. I’m already losing her through her formal talk.
If I don’t say it now, I never will, because I, too, am good at closing doors to my heart. “But? Alice, talk to me. Why are you going to Palo Alto? I just want to know what’s in your head.”
Her family might still be waiting in the sunny parking lot, but I need to know. “I can’t talk about it now. Everybody’s waiting for me.”
“Why, Blondie? I know you. I know you love movies, and you love Doctor Who, and the lady at the studios told me that not many people get in, you have to have the right qualifications. You draw, you paint, you’re quirky…all things I love about you. Why?”
“Damn it, Roman,” she stamps her foot then whispers, “because my father won’t pay for a place in LA if I choose the movie studio. Okay? He’ll only support the path he thinks is best for me. Are you happy now? God, you’re such a pain in the ass.” She’s on the verge of tears, dabbing at her mascara, but fuck, I didn’t mean to upset her on her graduation day.
There I go again, pushing for answers.
Leave her be.
I glance at Mr. Verano losing his patience talking to his ex-wife in the parking lot. They seem agitated, and I wouldn’t be shocked if it was over this same topic. “Just answer me one question, and I won’t bring it up again…”
“I know what you’re going to say…”
“Which internship would you prefer? If money wasn’t an issue. If you could have the internship of your dreams, which one would it be? The Tesla one or the Warner Brothers Studios one?”
“The world doesn’t work that way.”
“It can work that way, Blondie. There’s a solution to everything, and you just have to give me the word. Your dad? He loves you, but he doesn’t listen to you. He doesn’t know you like I know you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. I’ll work two, three jobs if I have to just to afford a nice house where we can both live if it means seeing you happily following your dream.” I take her hands. I don’t care what anybody thinks.
It’s now or never.
“Alice?” her father calls right on cue. “We need to get moving, honey.”
Her furrowed eyebrows are conductors of worry. I know this is hard for her,
especially with Daddy standing right there. “Graduations are new beginnings, Alice. You don’t have to listen to your dad. You don’t even have to listen to me. You do have to listen to you, though. What’s your heart telling you?”
Ten miles away, my U-Haul sits outside my townhouse filled with my life, everything except Blondie, and I need to know now. Because once I leave Tucson, I’m closing the door.
Full blown tears slip out of her eyes, and she dabs at them with her fingertips. Inside my pocket is a napkin I hand to her. “What does it matter what my heart tells me, Roman? Last time I listened to my heart, it got stomped and spat on. I told you love was bullshit, and I was right.”
“Love isn’t bullshit. It changes people. It changed me.” I shake her hands to make her understand. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I needed time to figure out what I wanted, and I have. I want you, Alice. I might never reach the level of financial success that I dreamed about long ago, and I might never open a clinic serving the rich and famous, but I have you. You are my biggest success, Alice. Please come to LA with me.”
Wrapping my arms around hers, I reel her in so her world closes in on just me and just her. Nobody else. Not even annoying Verano, Sr. yammering in the background. I feel her body lean into me. I feel like she belongs in my arms. Am I wrong?
“Are we going to stand here all day, honey? The place is emptying out.”
“Hold on, Dad! God…” she mutters into my ear.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. Normally, I wouldn’t answer at such a critical time, but if I don’t, we’re going to have a lost Englishman roaming the grounds of the Brookman Civic Center. I check the text message, relieved to find that he’s right over there, waiting for his cue.
“Listen,” I tell Alice. “I got you a graduation present, and once you see it, you have to tell me what it’s going to be, okay?”
“What? Why did you get me anything?”
“Because it was also your birthday yesterday, and I left it for today. Now shhh…” I press a finger to my lips and hold back a laugh.
“Don’t I even get to think about it?” She laughs through her tears. “Or you just expect me to make a spur of the moment decision?”
“It’s not spur of the moment. You’ve been considering this for a long time. You just have to go up against your dad and relish the first day of your true independence, Blondie. Here, if you don’t believe me,” I say out loud. “Then maybe this man can convince you.”
Stepping out of his rental car and closing the door, the tall Englishman I met at the studios outside of the casting room last week smiles that wide, goofy smile Alice and I love. He waves and heads in our direction.
Alice stares at the man. “Is that…?” Her jaw drops.
I feel giddy like a little kid getting a new Nerf gun for Christmas.
He might look a little different, a bit grayer, and totally unfamiliar out of context, but I spoke to him at great length last week when we got around to talking, and he was all for coming out and helping me execute this plan when he heard about his number one fan. He’d talked about spending a week in Sedona before starting to shoot his miniseries, so it was perfect.
“Good day, miss.” The charming Englishman stops between us to shake hands with me then extends his to Alice. “Congratulations are in order. You are now officially a member of the work force, and from what I’ve heard, quite an impressive one.”
“Thank you…uh…” Alice’s slowly emerging smile is making it all worth the struggle. Every trouble, every doubt, every secret machination involved in getting him here. All worth it. Even if she never talks to me ever again, I have seen Alice’s baby silver-blue eyes light up more than they are naturally, and I can now die a happy man.
“Alice, meet Christopher Eccleston.” I dislodge her elbow, so she can shake the man’s hand. “Your graduation and birthday present.”
“Happy, Happy Birthday,” Chris says with that wide smile we love.
“But…how…oh, my God, I mean, what the hell? I mean, holy shit…” Covering her face with her hands, Blondie blushes and stares at me for an explanation.
“You see, Alice, when you love someone,” Chris says just like we rehearsed it. Better than we rehearsed it. Because, the man is fucking brilliant at what he does. The man is the ninth and FUCKING BEST DOCTOR WHO who ever lived. “When you love them with all your heart…” He takes her hand and kisses the top of it. “You give them everything you possibly can.”
“And this man…” I take her other trembling hand.
“Meaning him, not me,” Chris interjects.
“Thanks for clearing that up, Eccleston.”
“My pleasure, sir.”
“This man here—me—loves you, Blondie. I do.”
“Roman loves you, Alice,” Chris adds, patting her on the back and stepping out of the way to leave it between us two. “I’ve never seen a man go to such lengths to bring his girl home. Please go home with him. I’m telling ya’, ya’ won’t regret it.”
“I can’t believe what I’m seeing. I can’t believe this is happening.” Alice shakes her head over and over, ignoring her father’s calls.
“I’m sorry I put you through hell. I’m sorry you doubted me, but I’m here now, and I’m asking you what would make you most happy—Tesla or coming home with me to LA? We can start brand new. Just like you said. We can have it all. ”
Alice gapes at me, mouth open, gasping for breath, switching to look at Christopher Eccleston then at her parents, then back at me again. “How can I argue with the Ninth Doctor? I mean, really. I can’t.”
“That’s right, you can’t.” Chris taps his head. “You were right, Roman. She is a smart one. You two, discuss.” He steps away and heads toward Alice’s family to introduce himself. I would love to hear what they have to say, but my full attention is on my Blondie.
I take her hands in mine and sweep her beautiful hair away from her face with the other. “Well? What’s it going to be? I have a truck sitting outside my house I have to return in LA in the morning.”
Biting her lip, she bounces nervously and finally lets out her energy in one burst of giant exhale. “If you can promise me that you’ll talk to me, that you won’t shut down when I ask questions, that you’ll share your thoughts with me instead of leaving them at work…oh, and that you’ll invite Christopher Eccleston to dinner one night, so I get to pick his brain, then yes.”
My chest lightens, and my heart fills to the brim with hope. She’s coming home with me. My woman is coming home. “Ah, so you love Eccleston more than you love me, do you?”
“Is there a problem with that?” Her arched eyebrow warns playfully, and she closes in for a light kiss on the cheek. My arms break into goosebumps. It’s too bad I can’t kiss her right here in front of everybody, making it official to the world.
“Not one bit.” Ah, fuck it. As her mother, father, brother, and favorite Time Lord look on from a safe distance, I scoop her face into my hands and come home to the sweetest kiss in the world.
EPILOGUE
Los Angeles winters are almost as dramatic as LA’s movies. Boots and scarves come out to play even though it’s only 70 degrees outside, party after party remind you how important socialization is to this city, and award season is in the air. I would know because I work in the film industry.
Let me say that again, I work in the film industry.
I fly out of the studio on a 69-degree evening in January and head straight for Roman’s office. He’s closing up shop across the street where many of the studio’s employees seek his services. In many ways, nothing has changed from our Tucson days over a year ago. I make robots during the day then regroup with my other half in the evening, and we hook up for a romp in bed or a night out in the most European American city ever.
City of Dreams, yes, but also City of New Beginnings.
Roman was right—I had to break away from my father and everything expected of me, and it’s paid off. My internship in the Articulated Sets Departme
nt, where we design and build rooms that look like anything from airplane to spaceship interiors, except they move and toss actors left and right, turned into a job interview last week for a new position. Once I learned my most coveted of all careers opened up, I was all over that.
And today, eleven minutes ago, to be exact, I got the news—the position is mine. At twenty-two, you’re looking at the youngest ever robotics engineer to work at this studio. I’ll be working alongside some of the most famous names in the business. I feel bad for one guy who was vying for the same position. I hate that now he’ll have to keep looking for a job when he has a whole family to support.
But you know what? I have to stop feeling guilty for men whose coveted positions I swipe. It’s not about gender—it’s about qualifications. And starting Monday, for the first time ever, I, Alice Verano, will be MAKING MONEY, BABY!
I sprint up to Roman and throw my arms around him. “I got it! I got it! I got it!”
“The Monster Shop?” His hands slide around to my back, his eyes glinting in the twilight’s neon palette of colors.
“YES!” I scream into his face, as he cringes. “Sorry!”
“It’s fine. It’s not like my job depends on hearing or anything. But hey, that’s my girl! I knew you’d get it.” He gives me a lingering, long kiss, filled with the promise for more. Across the street, someone whistles and shouts at us to get a room.
The Monster Shop is where all the creatures for all the WB movies and shows are created, and yes, they need engineers for that. I might not be part of the exterior artistic team, but I’ll be working with other talented individuals to create dinosaurs, human-eating plants, space aliens, and just about anything fake that has to move and look as though it were real.
Talk about a COOL JOB.
“Because of you, baby. Because you insisted,” I hug him so close. He smells so good, I might not be able to wait until we get home to ravage him. “Thanks for being my favorite pain in the ass.” I kiss his cheek and lace my fingers into his.