by Gina Watson
Her eyes traveled down his torso and stopped at his growing erection. “How ’bout we take things much slower?”
He knew that playing around would be safe. Plus the ability to move around much was inhibited by the small space they occupied. To cool himself down he focused on her face and rubbed his nose against hers, taking in her scent and the feel of her silky skin.
“Your skin is beautiful, like satin.” He nipped at her shoulder. “Your eyes change colors with your emotions, and I’m fascinated by them.”
“Can I touch you?”
There was that blush again, but she held her gaze steady, and it devoured him.
“Yeah, baby, touch me.”
She slid her hand down his torso to his cock and timidly palmed him, rubbing back and forth. Her cautious exploration lit a slow burn within him.
“I want you,” she said. Her eyes were hooded and her blush had dipped down to her chest.
“I want you too. Roll over and put your back to me.”
When she complied, he snaked his hands around her small waist, sliding over her hips. He popped the button on her jeans and slid the zipper down. That was enough. He was thankful they were both fully clothed; otherwise, his willpower wouldn’t last. His fingers found their way between her legs and then between her folds. She was wet but he didn’t tell her that because he thought she’d be embarrassed. But wet was good. He liked wet. He found her clit, hard and exposed. He imagined what it would look like and he wished he could see it.
She responded to his touch, arching her back into his chest and moaning his name on a whisper. His finger slid into her and she was hot and so tight …Her muscles squeezed around him, and he pulsed in time with the contractions.
His other hand came up and cupped her breast, and his fingers pinched her nipple. She moved in an erotic rocking motion that had her ass riding his cock.
“Let me make you come,” he said.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He massaged her clit until she was panting and writhing, but she wouldn’t let it happen. His lips nibbled at her ear.
“You have to let go.”
“How … How do I do that?” Her voice was breathy.
“You’ve never come before?”
“I don’t know how,” she whispered.
He spoke low into her ear. “Clear your mind. Imagine you’re jumping off of a cliff and free falling for miles into a crystal-blue sea.”
He didn’t know where the poetic came from, but he guessed it was her influence. She was his muse. His touch became more intense as he lathered her toward the place she longed to be.
“Jump off now.”
Her body bowed and her head pressed back, into his shoulder. His lips found the pulsing vein in her neck, and he traced the line with his teeth as she came apart in his arms.
His massage continued.
“Keep falling, let it come.”
When she shuddered a final time and went still, her heart was racing and she was short of breath. The marks on her neck where she had been choked were still visible, and he bent his head to gently kiss the skin there.
“Does it hurt?”
“Not any more.”
He liked touching her, so he didn’t move his hand from between her legs. He wrapped around her like a boa constrictor, not wanting to let go. He hoped she wouldn’t make him.
Chapter 6
He was asleep. His breathing had changed from light to heavy, and he exhaled against Mia’s neck. His hand was still between her legs, and she winced as she thought of the intimacy it represented. He was draped around her so tight she felt every muscle twitch, heard every sigh, smelled his earthiness—a combination of grass and leather. She could still recall his taste, a combination of mint and citrus and a faint taste of tobacco, a habit she wished he’d forgo for the sake of his health.
She felt more connected to Augie than to anyone she’d ever known. He seemed to sense it too, given the way he held her. He’d said she guided him away from his demons as a Sherpa guides mountaineers from danger. Maybe they had both been lost at sea, but together could survive the storm.
Yeah, and wasn’t that a fanciful thought? How many years had she longed for a companion? At least since she turned sixteen. She closed her eyes and basked in the hold he had on her. Aware of the ridiculous smile on her face, she focused on the sway of the train and the rhythm of his body.
A shrill, high-pitched scream came from behind her, from Augie. She tried to twist in his arms, but couldn’t move because of his tight hold. The back of her shirt was wet from his perspiration. “Augie.” She slid her fingers over his arm and rubbed.
“No. Please, no.” Another scream. “I can’t do it.”
“Augie.” She pulled at the hair on his arm and immediately felt the change in his respiration as his body tensed. He moved, disengaging from her. First his hand slid from her pants. Then his arm pulled from beneath her. With his warmth no longer pressed against her, she felt cold. She turned to rest on her other side and to watch him. He had his knee bent, and his right hand rested under his head as his left scrubbed at his face.
He was different now, not the way he’d been a few hours ago when he’d talked her through her climax with his soft and sultry breath in her ear.
“You were having another nightmare. Was it about the children? Were you at the rescue?”
He scrubbed his face again, but this time his hand moved to his hair and rubbed vigorously. “I was.”
She started to trace the length of his arm with her fingers, but stopped when he flinched. His demeanor had turned a complete one eighty, and she hoped she could help him get back to that carefree, happy place.
“Something bad happened with the rescue.”
His head turned; his eyes were slits. “It was the fucking Afghan war. So yeah, bad shit happened.”
Lots of people she’d helped at the crisis center screamed and yelled and shouted expletives when they were coming to terms with their past. Not surprised, she pressed on. “What happened to the children?”
“It’s been nine years. I haven’t spoken to anyone about what happened, and I’m not going to start now, so spare me your psychoanalysis.”
“I’m not psychoanalyzing you, Augie. I’m offering an ear, if you need to talk, as a friend.”
“Just because you were isolated and alone with no friends doesn’t mean I was. If I’d needed to talk to someone, I would have found someone nine years ago. I don’t need you to save me.”
He sat up, hitting his head against the ceiling. “Fuck!” He rubbed at the spot with his hand. “What are you playing at anyway? You’re coming on very strong, wanting to be best friends and trying to get me to take your virginity. It’s like you want to trap me.” He turned to look at her. “And besides, I’ve got enough friends back home. People I’ve known much longer than I’ve known you … and women too for that matter, older than you and more experienced. I don’t need anyone else in my life, especially not a girl from the Canadian countryside.”
He climbed down and started pacing.
Mia rolled to the wall. Tears rolled down across her nose and onto the sheets. She willed herself not to make a sound. They were stuck on this train until they reached their destination and while she might be crying right now, she’d never let him see her.
It was stupid of her to ask him to be her friend, but she was so desperate for a lasting connection with someone other than her mother. She was introverted and had a hard time making friends. If he didn’t want to be friends, he could have just said so. But they’d gotten along well and fairly quickly. She felt she could trust him already.
So he thought she was trying to ensnare him. How exactly? Hadn’t she told him she didn’t expect anything from him in exchange for sex? The things he did to her body were from another world. She’d never experienced so much pleasure, but she would never use their intimacy against him.
She wished she wasn’t attracted to him, but she was, and not just in a sexual way. She was impr
essed with all of him: the soldier, protector, lover, and friend. She loved his playful side, when he was sparring with her.
Part of her knew he was reacting to his deep-seated pain, but his words still hurt. Her nose was now stopped up and she opened her mouth, taking a deep breath. She unwittingly sighed, the kind of sigh that was broken due to a hard cry. Damn it. She hadn’t wanted to make a sound. Why couldn’t she just act natural, normal? Normal—what did that look like?
She bet he dated a big-haired blonde with huge breasts—she’d seen the reality shows. The women in the South all had blond hair and huge boobs, hips, and lips. She wondered if that were the definition of a normal twenty-something woman.
She was miserable, but at least the tears had stopped. She closed her eyes, but the only thing she could focus on was how her body had responded to his touch.
*
What he’d done was wrong. He knew immediately after he’d said the words that he’d hurt her. She was getting too close, and he needed to push her away. No, it wasn’t really that, because he liked being next to her. He simply didn’t want to talk to her about his time in Afghanistan, tarnish her with his past. He wanted her kept free from those demons because if he told her, he’d no longer want to be around her. Just like he felt about his fellow soldiers. Seeing them brought back memories he’d buried and wanted kept buried. And now she’d heard the intimate, desperate things he screamed in his sleep. During his nightmares he knew he screamed like a small child, not like a marine. He didn’t want her to know him like that, vulnerable and helpless.
Would she forgive him for the hurtful words he’d spoken, especially after what she’d told him about making friends? He’d told her they could be besties, and she’d beamed that glorious smile that told him she’d been truly happy.
But at his words, the fire left her eyes and was replaced by something else. Sadness. Dejection. Her shoulders slumped and she seemed to deflate altogether on her last exhale. Her throat worked as she swallowed thickly and turned from him. Then he’d barely heard her sigh. It was so soft, but he’d heard it, and he knew she was crying because of him.
“Mia,” he whispered. She sniffled and his gut seized. “Mia.” His hand gently rested on her back.
“Just leave me be, please.” Her voice was low and lacked inflection.
“I’m sorry I said those things. You can come to me for anything, and I’ll always try to help.”
She turned to him. Her face was red and her eyes puffy, but she was no longer crying. He grasped her shoulders, but she wouldn’t look him in the eye, just down at the bed.
“Did you hear me? I’m sorry. You can come to me whenever you have a problem.”
She nodded. Her fire was definitely gone. He squeezed her shoulder tight as he looked at her in the bunk.
“Look, I’ve never had anyone constantly pressing me for information. The only girlfriend I’ve ever had was from my company in the marines, so I don’t know how to be around you.”
“I’m sorry too. I didn’t intend to pressure you. It’s just you have night terrors, and I wanted to help you. I won’t do it again.”
“Don’t give up on me.” He shook her shoulder. Her entire body moved, and her large bright eyes grew even more rounded. He let go and turned from her, taking a seat on the opposite side of the compartment. He was so fucked in the head. He rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Escape, he needed it right now. This was the beginning of a panic attack. That doctor had given him those pills, but he refused to take them. Shit. The walls were closing in; he was unable to get away. He couldn’t get out. The moving train swished around him, back and forth, side to side. “Ah.” He couldn’t keep his head from spinning. Sickness was hitting him strong—he’d throw up soon. He shut his eyes tight as he tried to hold on.
“Augie.”
Opening his eyes, he saw her squatting between his knees, her eyes bright. Her hands went to his cheeks.
“Augie, I’m here.”
When he sat up she straddled him on the bench, and he reached his arms around her, squeezing tight. “Mia.” He gasped, almost sobbed into her neck. “Why are you here? I’ve hurt you again and again.”
“People say things they don’t mean when they’re in pain. You’re guarded, you raise walls when people get too close.”
“But you were crying. I hurt you.”
“I know. Letting go and letting people in—it’s painful for everyone involved. But the ones who love you will always be there. No matter how great the pain.”
Her sincerity cut him to the bone. She was squeezing his upper arms, and that motion tethered him to the present. Just her spirit could save him. She didn’t even have to say a word. He needed her. She should know that, but he was afraid to tell her. Afraid to have anyone know. Afraid that something he needed might be used against him.
“I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
“Augie, I’m okay. But I could have really used our friendship, don’t use my weaknesses against me.
He grimaced. That was exactly what he’d done. He rested his forehead on her shoulder. “I’m sorry Mia.”
*
She understood he was only protecting his heart and his secrets, but his words were some of the meanest she’d endured, and she’d endured a lot from her clients at the crisis center.
He was remorseful and that meant a lot, but she wanted an open-ended friendship and sensed he wasn’t offering that sort of companionship. She translated what he’d said about coming to him for anything. He’d said she could come to him, whenever she had a problem. But what about other times, times she didn’t have a problem but just wanted and needed a friend? When she wanted someone to share the passing of time with, to share her dreams with, to laugh with? What about those times and that unconditional bond that allowed her to just exist with another person? Would she ever find that? Was she too eager in seeking that?
She’d never been overeager before, and she felt her face heat. He must think her a nut.
He had calmed, and his head rested on her shoulder, the shoulder that was about to go numb. Then he shifted and inhaled deeply.
“Scott was trying to save the children, but we’d been sent in to rescue twenty-one civilian women. They worked at the elementary school, only the school wasn’t empty. It was supposed to be empty, but it was full of kids locked in the gym. A radio message told us to avoid the gymnasium and the children and for a split second we wondered why, and then the bomb went off… in the gym.”
His eyes glazed over and his mind was no longer there with her. A few minutes passed while he said nothing. Then he shuddered.
“It was unimaginable. Indescribable. There are no words to sum up the magnitude of the evil I experienced.”
She wanted to reach out to him and hold him and tell him what a wonderful soldier he was, but she was afraid he’d shut down and not finish what he needed to say.
“At that moment I became a liability. I just couldn’t do the waste, the death, and the destruction any longer. Suddenly I couldn’t recall what we were fighting for. Families had been destroyed in the blink of an eye.”
He squinted his eyes, his pain palpable. “We got the teachers out, but all the children in that gym died. Insurgents had planted bombs around the gym.” He gasped. “At an elementary school.” His forearms tensed as he clenched his fists.
When she could no longer stand it, Mia laced her fingers around his neck, pulling Augie into her. She held him tightly for several minutes before she pulled back and searched his face and eyes. He was as lost as a ship at sea. Her hand under his chin lifted his eyes to meet hers.
“Break out of there and come with me. That place will always be part of who you are, but it doesn’t have to consume you any longer. You need to let them rest in peace.”
His eyes simmered with unshed tears and when he closed them, the tears fell heavily down his cheeks.
The train whistled and then rolled slower and slower until it stopped, but he still did
n’t stir. The man was an expert at sitting still. His forehead rested against Mia’s chest, and she felt the moisture that had collected there.
When he finally looked up, his eyes were red and he offered her a shy smile. “I guess we should think about hittin’ it, huh?”
She nodded and slid her right leg off his and dropped her foot to the floor, but steely arms held her in place. Soft, warm lips collided with hers. His kiss was urgent without being frantic.
And Mia felt it to her core.
“Thank you for being you,” Augie said when he freed her mouth.
Her head lifted, and she smiled. That was the nicest thing anybody had ever said to her.
They exited the train, and he grabbed a map from a stand by the exit door. “Hungry?”
“Not really.”
“You need to eat. We’ll dash into that diner.” He pointed across the street.
Maybe he was hungry. She’d just take a soda.
Outside the station, they walked toward the diner. They were seated at a corner booth next to a window. There was plenty of room, but Augie sat so close, their legs touched, and his hand remained laced with hers. The waitress, Corrine, was about Mia’s age and when her gaze landed on Augie, she smiled and dialed up the charm.
“What can I get for ya?”
“We’ll take two hamburger steak plates,” Augie said.
“Great choice. Hamburger steak here is excellent.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“Fries, mashed potatoes, or baked potato?”
“Fries.”
“Side salad or broccoli?”
“Er, how about corn?”
“Okay and what to drink?”
“Two Cokes.”
“Pepsi okay?”
“Is it okay if I pay you in Mexican pesos?”
“What?”
“Pepsi is fine.”
She took the menus and then winked at him. Winked at him. He seemed oblivious as he pulled out the map and routed their journey.
He pointed out the route and then doodled on the edges of the map while she drank her Pepsi.
Eventually he said, “It’s roughly eight miles; I think we should walk. Think you can make it?”