Big Noise

by Jen Wright

  "It was so frustrating to see her try and force things with Dar. I mean, she had to bend way too far to be with her. I never got that, did you?"

  Ree shook her head no. "Not unless you're attracted to the f'd up artist type," she said with a small smile. She then traced a line down Sandy's jawline with her index finger.

  "Yeah," Sandy continued, "the tension between them became unbearable. I can't imagine Jo coming home to that, given how stressful her job is. Zoey seems centered, like she knows who she is. I'm actually kind of shocked at how good they seem together."

  Ree nodded in agreement, yawned, and pulled Sandy closer to her, placing Sandy's head under her chin, and then said, "Much like we are, my dear."

  Sandy gave her a little elbow before turning and snuggling back into the comfortable spoon they had grown so accustomed to over the years. "It's going to be fun having them hang around for a couple of weeks."

  Ree didn't respond, and Sandy knew that her lover had fallen back to sleep. She soon joined her.

  Morning for Jo and Zoey brought coffee from a stovetop percolator and teeth brushing with cold well water poured from a five-gallon jug. Zoey didn't complain and settled into the loft with some work while Jo planned to head off to the big house to see if anyone wanted to join her for a morning ski or snowshoe. Zoey chose to stay behind this time, but said. "Hey, when you get back, there's something I want to talk to you about."

  Jo nodded, "Sure, hon," before heading out the door. Jo didn't have any kind of gauge here and found herself wondering what this conversation would be about. Maybe she hates cabin life. Or maybe she's going to suggest that she move in with me. That would be just like her, to beat me to the punch. We are so in sync with each other.

  Sandy was building a shelf unit in her shop, but Ree jumped at the chance for a ski. "Heck, yeah. Thanks for tracking the river. Let's grab our skis and see how far you got."

  Jo took both dogs. Once they saw her grab her skis, stowed in the cabin's porch, she knew she couldn't possibly leave them with Zoey or they would whine and cry the entire time she was gone. Besides, they were used to their habitual morning trail time with Jo, so it would have been cruel to deny them. Even when Jo was involved in a case that was at a critical stage, she tried to stick to her routines. It kept her centered and sometimes led to her best problem solving.

  On the river, Jo was awestruck by the silence. The day was sunny, and the sky a light blue.

  She and Ree could see their breath, but the sun felt warm on their faces. They quickly traversed the one mile of tracked river and proceeded onward, taking turns tracking the deep snow for another mile on skis. The going was slow, and Jo quickly worked up a sweat. By the end of the second mile, Jo was skiing in only a fleece shirt, with her jacket tied around her waist.

  Ree had also stripped off her outer layer about ten minutes before, and Jo noticed Ree's athletic physique beneath her wool sweater and long-underwear shirt. She was amused by the fact that she had been naked in the sauna with her the night before and hadn't even looked at her at all. Ree caught her looking and turned her head to one side. "What? Never seen a blue-eyed Inuit before?"

  Cocoa had built up snowballs on his underside and was stopping frequently to try to chew them off, so Jo used the opportunity to stop and lean down to work on some of the snowballs, thereby skillfully avoiding looking at Ree. Java immediately moved over to sit by Ree because he was used to the ritual of snow removal on his brother. His short hair never iced up on his belly or in between his toes.

  "Inuit?"

  "I have quite a bit of Alaskan Inuit blood in me. Native Alaskan. If you went there, you'd be amazed. Blue eyes are rare, though, and actually, curly hair is unheard of. I'm also quite a bit taller than any Inuit I've ever met."

  Jo chuckled and said, "No, I never have seen a blue-eyed Inuit until now. Are they all as striking as you?" As soon as she said it, she felt herself blush. If she was lucky, the sun and heat from skiing would hide the redness.

  "The Inuit are a very distinct people, and thank you. I don't think I've ever been called striking before."

  "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

  "No, not at all." She smiled a big smile that said, Don't worry, I like being cute.

  Jo found herself wondering what this interchange was about. She found Ree attractive, but it was a surface crush. She knew she had even experienced this appreciation with some men. It never went beyond that. She knew this to be true and found herself relaxing a bit. Jo suspected that Ree had dealt with this before. She looked back at Jo in her quiet way and continued petting Java.

  "Feel like turning back?" Jo offered.

  "Let's do it."

  The ski back was fast and wordless; the quiet sound of their skis slicing through the snow hypnotic and relaxing. By the end of the ski, Jo was in one of those rare athletic zones that you hear about, high on exercise and endorphins. After depositing Ree back at the big house, Jo quickly made her way back to the guest cabin.

  CHAPTER 13

  After Jo and Ree left for their ski, Zoey had begun preparing her syllabus for one of her next classes. She loved the work, but she was also glad she didn't have to do much preparation during this vacation She was looking forward to spending time with Jo, Sandy, and Ree.

  She pondered her move to Duluth. While the career change was just what she needed, she hadn't expected to be lucky enough to move right into a tight-knit community of lesbians. She had left behind many friends, and from time to time, that did tug on her heart.

  The driving force in her career change had been that even in a city the size of Albuquerque, she was constantly running into patients. She didn't feel that she had a life outside of work. Going to a play, the mall, or even a basketball game meant running into people with whom she was ethically unable to socialize, and she often had to deal with uncomfortable situations. On top of that, although she felt that she was a successful therapist and that she had done some good work, she was beginning to feel worn down by patients who really didn't want to change. Many of them would come into therapy and expect the problems to go away because they were talking about them.

  The challenge of leaving behind everything she knew and starting fresh had turned out to be a cleansing experience. It wasn't that she had run from her past; she had consciously decided to begin building a new life.

  Zoey realized that she hadn't been focusing on the syllabus and gave herself permission to set it aside. She got up from the table, poured herself a cup of coffee, and sat down in front of the fire. Although she was head over heels in love with Jo, some of Jo's bad habits were definitely wearing off on her. Coffee caused her the most concern. She had become accustomed to having coffee ready for Jo whenever they were together, and over time, her own consumption rate had gradually increased. During this two-week vacation, it could become problematic, as the only bathroom was an unheated outhouse. She would have to make a conscious effort to cut back on coffee. Right after this cup.

  Zoey found that she was missing Cocoa and Java. They knew just how to get her to give them an extra treat when Jo wasn't around. Cocoa had taken to sleeping at her feet when she was reading or working. Often she would reach down and scratch the dog's ears as she worked through a question or problem in her mind. When she was at home alone, she often found herself missing all of them, Jo included.

  She mused that one of the things she loved most about Jo was her loyalty to her friends and coworkers. Zoey also enjoyed the fun they had in the out of doors. Jo's passion for nature, combined with her love of skiing, hiking, and snowshoeing made the two of them a perfect fit. Zoey had played sports in high school and college, but she'd never had a partner who could show her how great outdoor recreation could be until she'd met Jo.

  One thing bothered her, though. She was concerned about Jo's intense job and how dangerous it could be. She knew that Jo would risk her life for something or someone she cared about. It was a quality that she respected and feared in Jo. She didn't quite know wh
at to do with the possibility of losing her. She imagined the future as many nights sitting home waiting and wondering if Jo was in danger.

  This might be even more stressful if they lived together. She wondered if the plans she was making would sit well with Jo. Although Zoey craved every second she could spend with her lover, she knew that Jo needed a home life that was orderly, uncomplicated, and a refuge from her work. Zoey didn't want to intrude on that. She felt that she could easily wait to make sure they were both ready before they moved in together.

  Jo was so incredibly good and so brave. Too brave. She seemed to think that saving the world was in her job description. But she had a fragile side to her as well. She beat herself up too much when anything went wrong in her relationships. Like most sensitive people do, Zoey reflected.

  She sometimes worried about Jo's process for dealing with decisions surrounding intimacy. She knew Jo had a tendency to be overly self-critical. She hoped she would work through the change she was about to suggest without torturing herself too much. Jo wasn't nearly as screwed up about relationships as she thought she was.

  Zoey smiled at the thought of Jo and found that the ever-so-light, musky smell of her lover lingered in the cabin. She picked up one of Jo's shirts that was hanging on a hook, breathed in her scent, smiled again. Damn, this was going to be hard.

  CHAPTER 14

  When Jo got back from her ski, she found Zoey puttering around in the cabin kitchen making soup. Jo knew without asking that it was potato garlic with bacon, and the aroma was almost too much for her to take. She was starving.

  She walked up behind Zoey and nibbled on her ear. "Mmm. I'm not sure who smells better, or is enticing me more, you or this soup. It smells fantastic."

  Zoey turned around, pulling Jo into her. "Oh, I smell as good as garlic now, do I? Well, from now on, I'll put a little behind my ears since you seem so fond of it."

  Zoey closed her eyes and placed her cheek against Jo's, taking in a more potent version of her lover's scent. She felt so at home with the intensity and comfort of their embrace. She marveled at how they fit together so perfectly. Being in Jo's arms felt like being at home.

  "Let's talk over lunch, OK?" She felt Jo stiffen slightly and found herself laughing. "It's nothing bad, hon; I'd just like to share some news."

  "I see you're buttering me up with soup." Jo continued to hold Zoey, savoring the feel of her soft cheek. She couldn't help but want to expose more skin to enjoy.

  Zoey had made a loaf of Irish soda bread to go along with the soup. Once they were settled at the table, Zoey knew she had to get the conversation going. Jo was so tense she was hardly eating. And oh, how Zoey loved to watch Jo devour food she had cooked for her.

  "OK, here's what I wanted to tell you." She looked at her to make sure Jo was paying attention. Jo nodded weakly.

  "You know how close my rental house is to the university?" Jo nodded. "Well, the university wants to build a dorm right there. They're buying the whole block. My landlord is terminating my lease early. It's not so bad, really. He's giving me a tidy sum for the inconvenience."

  Jo relaxed a bit. This would be the perfect time.

  "I found a condo in the west hillside area that I really like. I want you to come and take a look at it, see what you think." She looked at Jo expectantly, but said, "It will be a little further away from work, but it will be better than renting. I can do what I want with the place. The best part is that all the exterior maintenance will be taken care of. I'll have more time to spend with you at your place, mowing or whatever."

  A wave of simultaneous thoughts overcame Jo: She's not even considering the idea of moving in with me. She must not think it would work out. So much for my vast powers of intuition.

  She sat there, her mind a buzzing whirr, and finally managed to say, "Yes, I can see how that might work well." For once, Jo wasn't thrilled with the attention Zoey was paying to her every expression. She's a therapist. What does she think is wrong with me? Maybe all my talk about my ex, Dar, has convinced her that living with me would be a disaster. I have totally screwed this up.

  Zoey reached across the table and took Jo's hand.

  "What's wrong? I can see you're upset." Jo wouldn't look at her. "Were you thinking that you wanted me to move in with you?"

  "Sometime, yes. But I can see you're obviously not sure about it."

  "Oh, no, Jo. I just think we should take things slow. I still have two months before I have to be out. We have time before making a decision."

  "But, why? I'm feeling ready to share my life with you, but you're pulling back."

  "That's not true. You may think you're ready, but I don't want anything to destroy what we're building. I've seen too many couples make quick decisions that end up dooming their relationship. It's important not to rush things."

  "You still haven't told me why you think we need to wait."

  "I guess I've assumed you need your own space. You are kind of compulsive." She noticed Jo's shoulders start to slump, and hurriedly added, "I can handle that. But the thing that I'm not sure about is your inclination to put yourself in danger — trying to make everything right in the world, almost all by yourself."

  "But that's who I am. If you want me to change, tell me what you need me to do."

  "It's not that I want you to change, just be more careful. And I want us to take things a little slower."

  "But buying a condo? That's pretty permanent." Jo's heart felt like it was straining through her chest wall. She rubbed her upper chest, trying to calm herself down.

  "I want to wait until you're sure you're ready."

  "You're the one who's not ready." Jo pushed back her chair and got abruptly to her feet.

  "Jo, wait!"

  But Jo had already left the cabin.

  CHAPTER 15

  Zoey quickly followed her outside with Jo's coat in her hand, saying, "You're going to need this," further embarrassing Jo.

  Sandy came trotting over to them before they could say anything more, greeting them with her usual enthusiasm.

  "Hurry up, girls! Get some coffee into you, 'cuz Amanda needs us. I hope you've eaten something, too. It's gonna be hard work."

  Jo stammered, "What?"

  "Amanda just left. A tree fell on her house last night. She has a hole the size of a car in her roof. We gotta help!" She gave Jo a curious look. "You do want to help, don't you?"

  Jo finally looked at Zoey and shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, sure."

  Zoey said, "I guess this is all part of the Big Noise experience, isn't it?" Jo just shook her head.

  It took five minutes for them to get to Amanda's driveway and another ten to snowshoe in to her cabin. Jo found herself wondering how Amanda could quickly respond as a volunteer firefighter under those conditions. She also wondered how Amanda kept up with bringing in groceries throughout the winter. She had been to Amanda's in summer and knew that she pulled right up to her cabin once it was dry enough to drive in. Maybe she used a sled.

  The entire group alternately traded off carrying two backpacks filled with tools. Thankfully, Amanda had enough wood on hand for the repairs because Jo couldn't contemplate having to drive into Duluth or Two Harbors to get supplies and then bring them into Amanda's property by sled. It was really starting to hit home with her how difficult living out in the boonies could be. She was also amazed at how tight-knit the community was in terms of helping each other out.

  In her late fifties, Amanda worked part time as a surveyor for Lake County. She also moonlighted by cleaning chimneys throughout the winter and spring. Because she had built her cabin, she owned it and the land outright and was living a life she enjoyed.

  Even though Jo had been to Amanda's cabin numerous times, she stood outside looking at it, transfixed by the beauty and simplicity of its design. Prior to building the cabin, Amanda had a load of white pines cut into squared timbers and delivered to her land. She then used dovetail joints to fit the logs together. She created a lofted bedroom upstairs wit
h a dormer-style window jutting out from each side of the cabin. The downstairs had two large circular windows that she painted to look like carriage wheels. She placed a couple of antique carriage wheels decoratively on exterior walls to tie the design together in an artful way. Her cordwood outhouse was constructed out of six-inch logs laid atop each other and joined by mortar. The circular logs were placed whole, or cut and placed in a way that brought out their rustic beauty. Amanda's cabin was the smallest of any of the Big Noise cabins Jo had been in, but that didn't stop Amanda from having it stocked full of furniture and local artwork.

  Amanda had crafted a kitchen table out of hand-peeled logs and lumber cut and milled on her property. Jo knew from previous stories that Amanda had traded similar pieces of furniture for much of the artwork visible throughout the cabin. Over the kitchen table hung a wagon wheel that had been fashioned to hold a dozen candles. They provided just enough light for a group of six to play poker on a cold winter's night.