by B. B. Hamel
“I can’t pay you,” I say. “Not in full, at least. But I can make a start.”
Raymond cocks his head. “Go on.”
I reach back into my pocket. The thugs react, but Raymond waves them off. I pull out the wad of cash I got from the watches and hold it out.
One of the thugs takes it, counts it, and passes it to Raymond, speaking softly into his ear. Raymond nods and slips the money into his pocket.
“That’s a start, but a small one.” He watches me for a moment. “What else do you have?”
“I have another few thousand in here, but it’s hidden. I’m sure your boys can find it sooner or later, but if you’ll make a deal with me, I’ll save us all some time.”
Raymond’s face lights up. “A deal?” he asks me. “You want to make a deal?”
His thugs all laugh. I catch Vito’s eye and his grin is particularly malicious.
Raymond stops laughing and sighs. “Truth is, I’ve made many deals with your father. I’m tired of making deals with your family, Elias.” He hesitates a moment. “But I will hear you out, if only because one of my captains holds you in such high regard.”
Inwardly I thank Marko for being such a good friend before speaking. “The money is a down payment. If you agree to leave us in peace at least for a few weeks, I’ll find a way to pay you back.”
“How?” Raymond asks me. “You don’t have this kind of money.”
“I’ll find a way,” I repeat.
Raymond watches me for what feels like an eternity. I can feel Alexa tense beside me, but I don’t back down. I won’t be afraid. I have to stay strong for her and for my baby.
Eventually, he nods. “Okay then. You have a week. Where’s the cash?”
“In a plastic bag inside the toilet tank.”
Raymond sighs. “I hate that trick. The cash always smells like shit, no matter what you do with it.”
I shrug. “Sorry about that.”
He snaps his fingers and two guys leave the room and head into the bathroom. We wait in silence for a minute before they return with all my cash in the world, wrapped in plastic and still damp from the toilet bowl.
The thug opens it up on my bench and flips through it. “Looks like three, maybe four,” he says.
“Three thousand six hundred,” I say. “Just about.”
“Fine,” Raymond says. “That’s a very, very small down payment. We’ll accept it, because you are not your father. But you will be responsible, Elias. Like it or not, you will.” He watches the pair of us for a moment before smiling again. “Take care of her, young man. She seems worth keeping.”
“She is,” I say softly.
That seems to please him. He nods at his guys and heads back through the front of the shop. The thugs filter out after him. Vito and Jimmy linger last.
“We’ll be back in a week,” Jimmy says. “And I think the old man won’t keep us on a leash next time.”
“Good,” I say to him. “Now fuck off.”
Jimmy looks pissed but Vito pushes him away. “Just get some cash, okay, kid?” Vito says to me. “Something substantial. Make the old man happy.”
“I will,” I say. “Now you can fuck off too.”
Vito shakes his head and pushes Jimmy out of there. Finally, I’m alone with Alexa, and I turn toward her. I pull her against me, wrapping my arms tight around her body, hugging her close.
“It’ll be okay,” I say softly. “We’ll figure it out.”
“How much?” she asks.
I hesitate. “Eight hundred thousand.”
She takes a sharp breath. “How?” she asks me.
“I’ll figure it out. I’ll sell the house, the shop, everything if I have to.”
“Elias,” she whispers, and I pull her tighter.
“I’m sorry you’re mixed up in this. I promise, when it’s over, I’ll make it up to you.”
“Do you really think it’ll be over?”
“Yes,” I say, and I realize that I mean it. I can suddenly see in myself the capacity to end this, or at least the willingness to go as far as I need to.
It’s not just for me. It’s for Alexa and the baby. I agree with Raymond, she’s worth protecting, and I’m going to do it. I don’t know how, or what I’ll have to do, but I’ll sacrifice anything. I’ll sacrifice myself for her if I have to.
In the end, it’s for her and the baby, and I don’t matter. I really don’t.
I hold her tight and kiss her, savoring her. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to, so I’m taking every single moment I possibly can.
I pull back and force a smile. “Come on, let’s go home,” I say.
She nods a little and smiles back. “Home. That’s weird.”
“Yeah, guess so.” I kiss her again, take her hand, and we walk out together.
21
Alexa
I keep seeing Raymond Costa’s face for the next few days everywhere I go.
The mayor doesn’t come into work. He just disappears, and nobody seems to know where he is. The office is buzzing about it, but I don’t say anything, since I have a pretty good idea.
I think Buddy’s either drunk somewhere in a ditch or dead or probably both. I think that horrifying old man caught him and finished him off, and I’m afraid that Elias and the baby are next.
On the surface, Raymond looked so normal, like a regular grandfather. But as soon as he started talking I knew something was wrong. It was in his eyes, the way he smiled. It was like nothing mattered and nothing made him happy but he was going to force himself to smile anyway. It was a smile despite the pain, or because of the pain, and that’s all the more terrifying. It was like a grimace as much as a grin, and I couldn’t believe nobody else was freaking out about it.
Elias calmed me down, though, and promised that he’d figure it out. He’s been hunting for Buddy along with Marko and some of Marko’s men. I don’t know what Elias plans on doing when they find the mayor, but I know it won’t be a good thing.
Meanwhile, I keep going to work like my life isn’t hanging in the balance.
Three days pass like this. The office during the day, Elias during the night. At least the night feels good. I haven’t been sleeping in the extra bedroom, really I haven’t been sleeping much at all. Elias is insatiable, and I have to admit that he still leaves me quivering and hungry for more at the end of every night. We only go to sleep because I know I have to, not because I want to.
Things change on day four. I get home from work like I normally do and start cooking both of us dinner. Elias comes back from the shop, since he still has to repair the bikes he had when Jimmy and Vito messed things up. He’s nearly done, which is a huge weight off him, I can tell. He’s proud of what he built and takes it all incredibly seriously.
“How was the office today, dear?” Elias asks with a wink and a grin.
I give him a look. “The usual. Buddy’s still missing.”
“I know. I looked around this morning for a few hours but couldn’t find him. I think I’ve looked in every bar in Providence at this point, but nothing.”
“Do you think…?” I trail off, giving him a look.
He shakes his head. “I doubt it. Buddy won’t die easy, and I think Raymond and his people would let us know if they grabbed him.”
I nod and go back to cooking. I want to ask him what we’re going to do, since our deadline is fast approaching, but I don’t. I know he has some plans and I suspect he’s not telling me for a reason. I’m guessing I don’t really want to know.
I finish up and we sit down to eat. Elias talks to me about his clients, joking about all the mafia guys he’s built bikes for. I know he’s just trying to lighten the mood, but I can’t stop thinking about the deadline and the old man and my baby.
It surprises me how much I’m thinking about the baby. I didn’t know I’d get this attached, but the more I picture the baby with Elias, the more I think we could be a family. It’s so strange, how quickly we’ve bonded, but I feel it
running deep like water. This image of the three of us feels good to me, and the idea of becoming a mother isn’t quite so terrifying as long as I have Elias.
And he seems just as dedicated as he was in the beginning. If anything, I should be the one running away, but I’m not. I don’t think I could anymore, not now that Raymond actually saw me with Elias. I don’t think that would be safe for me, not anymore at least.
Elias gives me a smile across the table. “You okay?” he asks suddenly.
“Sure,” I say. “What?”
“You were drifting off.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
He nods, not pushing it. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. He goes to start talking again, but his phone rings in his jeans. He pulls it out with a frown.
“Marko,” he says. “You mind?”
“No, take it.”
He stands up, bringing the phone to his ear. “Hey, Marko. Yeah, what’s up?” He stands there, listening for a second, his face slowly dropping. “No fucking shit,” he says softly. “So what now?” He listens a little bit more, nodding to himself. “Okay, fine. We can be there soon. See you.” He hangs up and slides it back into his pocket.
The look he gives me next chills me, and I know it’s going to be a turning point.
“They found him,” he says. “Two towns over in some little bumble-fuck place, the middle of nowhere.”
“He’s alive?”
Elias nods. “He’s alive. And he’s… he’s asking for you.”
I blink, surprised. “What do you mean?”
He sighs and walks over to me, kneeling down in front of me. “I’ve asked too much of you already, gotten you way too tangled up in this shit. Listen, if you want to run, now’s your chance. I’ll give you some money, you can run the fuck away, never look back. You’re just a nobody, Raymond won’t bother you.”
I stare at him, and I can see the dream of our future together. But I can feel my intense need to save my baby, to keep it safe. It wars inside of me in this moment, and I know I can’t turn back, no matter what choice I make.
I look into his deep, beautiful eyes. He stares back at me, completely sincere. I know he’d give me money and drive me wherever I want to go right this second. He’d do anything for me.
“I’m staying,” I say. “Where’s Buddy?”
Elias nods, but he doesn’t look happy. If anything, he looks like he’s in pain, but he takes my hand and we stand up together, and I know I’m not turning back.
It’s raining as Elias pulls slowly down the pitch-black back road.
“You sure it’s around here?” I ask him.
He grunts. “GPS says it is.”
I frown and look out the window. We haven’t seen anything for at least a mile, and I have no clue what Buddy would be doing all the way out here in the middle of nowhere.
We slowly round a bend and suddenly up ahead are several cars parked on the side of the road. Elias sighs as we slow down and pull in behind them. “That’s Marko’s truck,” he says.
“What the hell is going on here?” I ask him.
He shakes his head and puts the truck in park. Buddy’s car is at the front of the line, an old Jaguar with a big dent in the side. It’s pretty unmistakable, since not a lot of people drive Jags around here, let alone one with a dent like that. Elias looks at me with a frown.
“You should stay in here,” he says.
“No, he asked for me.”
“I know, but…” He sighs, shaking his head. “I don’t want to put you in any danger. You know?”
“I know,” I say, smiling. I lean across the seats and kiss him softly. “It’s okay. What could Buddy possibly do?”
Elias grunts but doesn’t look happy. We get out of the car and Marko approaches right away, looking somber.
“What’s up?” Elias asks, approaching his friend.
Marko glances at me. “We found him, but he’s in bad shape,” he says.
“How?” Marko hesitates, and Elias looks impatient. “Just spit it out.”
“He was parked on the side of the road, drunk and passed out when we found him. He’s awake now and not fucking happy. Anyway, apparently some local called it in to the cops but we were lucky enough to have a friend in the department.”
“You guys have cops on the pay roll?” I ask him, not sure why I’m so surprised.
Marko just nods. “In most precincts around Providence. Out here, there are only a couple guys we can trust, and the call just so happened to go into one of them. Anyway, he called us, and now here we are.”
“He didn’t call Raymond?” Elias asks.
Marko shakes his head. “Loyal to me, specifically. Like I said, lucky as all fucking hell.” He hesitates again and I can tell there’s more. “Well, not that lucky.”
“Show us,” Elias says.
Marko looks at me again. “Listen, this is a little… hard to see. You might not want to come over here.”
“I can handle it,” I say.
“You ever see a murder victim before?”
I stare at him, shocked. “Buddy… killed someone?”
Marko just nods. “I think so. Anyway, there’s a dead hooker in his fucking trunk, so.”
“Fucking piece of shit,” Elias says, anger flashing. “Are you fucking kidding? What a fucking cliché.”
“Tell me about it,” Marko says. “But you’d be surprised how many hookers end up dead in some asshole’s trunk.”
“She’s… dead?” I ask, stunned. “And Buddy did it? How?”
Marko shakes his head. “We’re not sure. Doesn’t look like it was violent. I’d guess drugs, but who knows.”
Elias curses and I let out a breath. “She overdosed,” I say.
“That’s what Buddy claims,” Marko agrees. “He’s asking for you, you know.”
“Why?” I ask. “He doesn’t even know me.”
“I’m not sure he knows anyone right now.” He sighs. “Well, come on. Let’s get this over with.”
Elias glances at me. “You should stay here.”
“No. It’s okay.”
He just shrugs, and I follow the two men as they walk along the cars, up to Buddy’s Jaguar.
The girl in the trunk is younger than I thought she’d be, maybe around my age, rail thin with ratty blonde hair and too much makeup. Her dress is torn and her bra’s showing, although I don’t know why that stands out to me so much. She’s clearly dead. A few of Marko’s guys are standing around smoking cigarettes and quietly joking with each other like there isn’t some dead girl here.
I stare at her unmoving chest, her blank, slack face, and I wonder about her life, her friends, her family. I feel something start to build in my chest, my heart beating fast, my breath coming shallow.
I take a step back away from her while Elias and Marko discuss what to do. I suddenly feel like I’m going to freak the fuck out and scream. I want to run away, get away from here, get away from these people that act so casual around a dead body. I know rationally that I’m having a panic attack and that I need to get it together, since these guys are only doing what they think is best and none of them hurt this girl, but I can’t help it.
I stumble away from the Jaguar, breathing fast. Elias and Marko don’t notice me as I stagger away like I’m drunk or something.
“You don’t look so good.”
I come to a halt and turn my head toward one of the black SUVs parked to my left. Buddy’s face grins at me out the window.
“Mayor?” I ask, feeling dizzy.
“Come on, you poor girl,” he says, opening the door. “Come in here.”
I don’t know why I listen. Nobody’s paying attention to me, and the SUV’s empty aside from Buddy, but I’m not in my right mind. I’m still freaking out about the girl. Buddy’s the last person I should want to talk to, but apparently that thought doesn’t occur to me until I’m already climbing into the car.
I pull the door shut and lean back in the seat, breathing fast.
“Okay,” he says. “Just take it easy. Deep breaths, real slow, like this.” He breathes in and out, slow and exaggerated. “Go ahead, you do it, in and out. Nice and slow, good.”
I listen to him, breathing deep and slow, getting myself under control. My hands are trembling but my heart’s slowing down and I feel like I’m at least partially in control of myself now.
I look over at Buddy and he’s smiling at me. He’s still wearing the exact same shirt and pants he was wearing the last time I saw him, except now they’re filthy, practically soiled. His eyes are red rimmed and manic but his smile seems genuine enough, almost paternalistic.
“There you go,” he says. “All calmed down. You shouldn’t have gone to see her.”
“What was her name?” I don’t know why I ask.
He shrugs. “Said it was Starlet, but I doubt that.”
“You didn’t even know her name,” I say softly.
“No, I didn’t.” He muses a little bit, pursing his lips. “Strange how we can enter each other’s lives for so short a period, but make such a big impact.”
I stare at him for a second. “Did you kill her?”
“No,” he says. “Not my style. The heroin killed her.”
“Since when did you do heroin?”
“Since today, or maybe yesterday, I can’t really be sure.” He shrugs and laughs a little wickedly. “One hell of a bender I’ve been on.”
I glare at him. “You know the mafia is coming after me and Elias now, right?”
He looks back at me and his smile slowly fades. “Are they?”
“Yes,” I say, feeling angry now. “You’re letting your son take the fall for your own mistakes.”
“I guess you could see it that way,” he says softly. “From my perspective, my son is victim to a broken system, and that’s no more my fault than anything else in this world is.”
“It’s completely your fault, Buddy. You got into debt. Now you’re refusing to pay it.”
“Maybe,” he says, and laughs a little bit. “Or maybe it’s Raymond’s fault for giving me more and more money and power. Or maybe it’s my wife’s fault for convincing me to have children. Or maybe it’s your fault for, I don’t fucking know, something.” He shrugs a little bit. “Life is complicated, my little chickadee. Lots of bad shit happens, but how can I be held responsible for acts that are outside of my control?” He stretches his legs and looks out the window before looking back at me. “I’m the mayor, chickadee. I’m the most powerful man in Providence. Raymond, he’s just a thug, he’ll cave. He can’t hurt me or anyone I care about. None of this is my fault, he’ll see, and I’ll use all my power against him to destroy him.” He nods to himself, grinning madly. “You’ll see. I’ll fix it.”