“What do you think?” He held up a holiday ornament of Mr. and Mrs. Claus kissing, imagining a Christmas tree in his house for the first time ever. The prospect of decorating it with Tawny and having her by his side when his family got together for Christmas dinner excited him. He knew he was getting miles ahead of himself, but he didn’t care.
“Aw, that’s cute. Do you put up a Christmas tree?” She picked up another candle and sniffed it. “Remember how we used to put up a tree weeks before Christmas and decorate it together?”
He laughed. “Yeah. That was fun, except when you made me drink eggnog, which is disgusting.”
“It is not, but it was fun to watch you gag it down.” She held up a candle. “I’m going to buy this.”
He took it from her hands and read the label. “Cashmere?”
“It reminds me of you, and you didn’t answer my question about a Christmas tree.”
He loaded up his arms with all of the cashmere-scented candles and headed for the cashier.
“Carson…? What are you doing?”
“They remind you of me. I’m filling the house with them. I might stick one in your purse, in your coat pocket…” And if you run back to Paris, I’m going to ship you a truckload. The thought of her leaving festered in his gut like an open wound. He paid for the candles and the ornament, and they headed back out into the brisk air.
“I can’t believe you bought them all.”
He chuckled as they went into an eclectic shop filled with handmade gloves, hats, scarves, and all sorts of small antiques. Tawny picked up a red child-sized scarf with reindeers on it, and a pair of matching mittens.
“Are those for someone you tutor?” he asked.
“No, although I am still tutoring at an orphanage. These are for a little girl named Adeline, who lives at the orphanage, but I don’t tutor her. Not formally, anyway. I’ve been teaching her English, but that just sort of happened. I wasn’t brought in to tutor her. She’s five, and she’s the sweetest, most precious child. We met when I first moved to Paris. She was three, and she’d lost her family in a fire. I’d just lost my dad, and it was helpful to have her to focus on. I read to her, played games. She was so shy, she reminded me of myself when I was younger, so it was easy to connect. We’ve been spending time together ever since.”
There was something maternal in her eyes that reminded him of his mother when she spoke of him and his siblings. “I’m sure she’ll love them. You should get a hat to go with it.” He reached up on a shelf and found a white hat with reindeers and a red pom-pom. “Nobody likes cold ears.”
“Thanks. That’ll look beautiful on her. She’s got long brown hair and big blue eyes.”
She could have been describing Lorelei. “She sounds adorable.”
“As all five-year-olds are,” she said casually, but he could see by the way she gripped the goodies for Adeline that this little girl was special. She picked up a pair of thick, adult-sized mittens and lifted them to her nose, breathing them in.
“What are your plans, Tabs? You came a very long distance to have your way with me. Then what?”
“I guess that depends. I haven’t had my way with you yet. You’ve only had your way with me.” She rubbed the mittens over her cheek with a sultry look in her eyes.
“Is that so? Feeling lucky enough to play dice?”
Her cheeks pinked up, and damn, he loved that she still blushed over the word dice.
He stepped closer and took the mittens from her hands, feeling the luxurious material. “Someone still has a thing for cashmere.” It just so happened he did, too.
She lifted her shoulder in a sweet and sexy shrug.
“I look forward to exploring that and to finding out what else you have a penchant for.”
She pressed her hand to his chest and whispered, “I’ve never tried anything other than what we’ve done together.”
“Then you have a thing for me, which is perfect, because my appetite is only for you.”
They walked down the narrow aisle holding hands. He never imagined this would be enough, but he could spend all day talking and simply being with Tawny. Sleeping together had deepened their relationship, but in the two years prior, she’d been the bright light to his days. Whether they were studying or had headed into town for an afternoon didn’t matter. She’d never been caught up in drama other women seemed to thrive on. Just being with her had calmed and centered him, filling all the lonely places inside him in a way his guy friends, or hookups, never had. But even with her acceptance of his public displays of affection, he wondered if those feelings she’d had about what they did behind closed doors would return.
“Do you still collect antique perfume bottles?” He reached for a bottle at the back of a shelf, and her eyes lit up.
“Yes, but it’s more than a collection at this point.” She took the bottle from him, cradling it as if it were liquid gold. “This is gorgeous, a René Lalique.” She ran her fingers over the intricately carved figure of a woman, which formed the stopper. “Lalique started as a jeweler, and he used a casting process called cire perdue, which means lost wax. He’d hand-carve designs into wax, press them into clay to create a mold, and then melted—or lost—the wax so that molten glass could be poured in. It was genius. He used demi-crystal because it was inexpensive and easy to work with. The milky opalescence that you see in this bottle became his trademark.”
He was entranced by the passion in her voice and the way she caressed the bottle like it was a treasure. He’d missed that, too. Most of the people he knew got caught up in how much they earned, their popularity in their field, and how soon they could retire. But whether it was schoolwork or tutoring, Tawny had always followed her passions rather than chasing a status.
“Oh gosh,” she said with a nervous laugh. “I’m rambling. I’m sorry. It’s the perfumer geek in me.”
“I adore the perfumer geek in you. And now this bottle is yours,” he said.
“Carson, this has got to cost more than four hundred dollars. You don’t need to buy me things. That’s not why I came to see you.” She straightened her spine and said, “I am a sought-after perfumer. I have plenty of money.”
The pride in her eyes told him he was crossing a fine line, but he was going with his heart and not his head this time. “Honestly, babe, I don’t think you need me for much of anything. I want to take you out to do fun things, enjoy nice dinners, buy you gifts, and cherish you in every sense of the word. You came all this way to try to understand what was between us so you could move forward, and I’m going to do everything within my power to show you that what you need to move forward is the man standing right in front of you.”
She smirked and tucked her hair behind her ear. “So…you’re buying my affection?”
“Pretty much,” he teased. “You got a problem with that?”
She looped her arm in his as they walked through the shop. “Nope. You sure you’re rich enough to handle me?”
“This, coming from the girl who wouldn’t allow me to buy her a sweatshirt that day we got stuck in the library when it was snowing out.”
She picked up a scarf and wrapped it around his neck, tugging him down toward her. “For a smart guy, you’re really dense.”
“That’s not going to get you many presents.” He kissed the tip of her nose.
“Do you remember what you did when I told you not to buy me a sweatshirt?”
He thought back to that blistery day. The snow had come on fast and had dumped several inches while they’d been studying. “I gave you mine.”
She grinned and set the scarf back on the table, and he folded his arms around her, drawing her closer. “Looks like you weren’t the only one who missed a few cues back then.” He pressed his lips to hers. As they left the shop he said, “How about this time we don’t chance miscommunication and try to use very clear sentences?”
“Okay.” She bit her lower lip. “Carson, I need something.”
Now we’re talking. “Want
to head back to my place?”
“No,” Tawny said seductively. “I want to do it here.” She raised her brows flirtatiously. “And I need it bad.”
CARSON’S EYES DARKENED. “You’ve got my full attention.”
Tawny motioned with her finger for him to come closer, then whispered in his ear, “I need hot chocolate with whipped cream.”
His hearty laughter made her laugh, too.
He took her hand and led her toward another café. “Fair warning, whipped cream won’t soothe the burn of hot chocolate licked off your body.”
“I’m not worried,” she said playfully. “The ice will help.”
“Ice? That sounds interesting.”
“You’re taking me ice-skating.”
“I am, am I? I don’t know how to ice-skate,” he said, holding the door to the café open for her.
She poked him in the stomach as she walked through. “Even better. The teacher becomes the student.”
“Christ, what’d you do? Roll virtual dice I wasn’t aware of?”
“Something like that.”
After enjoying chocolate kisses and passing on sexy innuendos about whipped cream and all things warm and sweet, they made their way to the outdoor ice rink. They stowed their bags in a locker, and Carson scowled as he laced up his skates.
“Nervous?” Tawny asked.
He gazed up at her with an amused look in his eyes. “Do you remember the first time your hands and legs were bound to my bed?”
Her gaze darted around them, hoping nobody else had heard him. “Yes,” she said quietly.
“What did it feel like?” he asked too matter-of-factly for such an intimate question.
She squirmed on the bench, adrenaline heating her cheeks as she gathered the courage to tell him the truth. She leaned closer and whispered, “I was excited and curious, but really nervous. I had never felt as exposed and defenseless in all my life. The only reason I didn’t beg you to cut me loose was because I trusted you one hundred percent.”
“Then you know exactly how I’m feeling right now.” He whispered, “I’m in your hands, babe. I trust you.”
She pushed to her feet, balancing perfectly on her skates. “My father taught me to skate when I was five. He said my mother had loved it, and that made me want to excel at it, too.” She reached for him. “This time, I’ve got you.”
He rose on wobbly ankles. Their eyes connected, and through the heat she saw that he’d picked up on her reassuring him with his own words.
As she led her hulking, brilliant man onto the ice, a new and unfamiliar sensation spread through her. She’d never felt as though Carson controlled or dominated her in any way she didn’t enjoy or want, but leading him onto the ice, showing him something new and different, the way he had shown her in the bedroom, was invigorating. Maybe this, too, had been missing from their relationship in college. He’d always been the teacher in the bedroom. Even though he allowed her to lead once she felt comfortable doing so, she’d never had anything new to show him. There were still many pieces of their past, and her own feelings, that she didn’t understand, but she was beginning to put the puzzle pieces together.
She skated beside him, holding his hand as he got used to the awkward feeling of standing on blades. “Try not to let your ankles wobble.”
“Try not to struggle too much against the bindings,” he retorted, playing off the first time she’d been bound to his bed.
“Exactly.” She remembered almost every word he’d said to her that night, and she used them now. “‘Relax. Let your body take over. Be in the moment with me.’”
The wickedness in his smile made her insides heat up. His long legs moved fluidly, though his ankles tilted inward.
“You’re going to have sore ankles. Someone might have to rub them for you.”
He raised his brows. “I think I’m going to like this skating thing.”
He stumbled, and Tawny shifted swiftly, catching him before he fell, both of them laughing. She recited what he’d said when they’d first begun studying together—changing a few words to fit their new situation. “You’ve got a good grasp on this, but I think we could help each other get an even better understanding if we practiced together. I have the next few afternoons open if you’re interested.”
He pressed his lips to hers and hauled her against him, wobbling unsteadily and clinging to her. “I’d like that very much. Think you can teach me like this?”
Only if you want to skate with a hard-on. “I’m willing to try anything once.”
By their second time around the rink Carson was skating without any trouble. He was athletic and competitive, so she’d known he’d catch on quickly. The afternoon flew by in a whirlwind of laughter and kisses. Tawny couldn’t remember ever being this happy or this at ease. As they walked the mile and a half to his house hand in hand, it began snowing. She tipped her face up toward the sky and opened her mouth, catching snowflakes on her tongue and feeling freer than she ever had. She’d noticed other women checking Carson out at the skating rink, and jealousy had prickled the back of her neck. She’d welcomed the sensation, because a much bigger revelation had hit her. And as snow melted on her tongue like secrets, she wanted to share the revelation with him.
“There are about a million dirty thoughts running through my mind right now,” Carson said as he tugged her closer. “But you look so cute, I almost feel guilty thinking them.”
“You think I’m cute?” She met his smiling eyes.
“I’ve always thought you were cute, Tabs. Cute, sexy, hot. Want me to keep going?”
“Yes,” she teased. “You’re all those things, too. There were lots of women checking you out today—”
He opened his mouth to speak, and she silenced him with a kiss.
“Don’t say anything yet. It’s not a complaint,” she said. “At first I was jealous, but then this feeling came over me, like I’d spent my entire life half asleep and suddenly I was fully awake. It was definitely an epic moment, and it wiped out that jealousy so fast.”
“You felt fully awake from being jealous? I could have made that happen ten years ago if you really like the feeling.”
“Stop,” she said, blinking snowflakes from her eyelashes. “I’m being serious. It happened when I was skating backward, when we were holding hands. You were looking at me like you used to look at me when we were in bed together. But we weren’t in bed, and my entire being, my mind, all of me, just came together in this magical awakening.”
She touched his cheek the way she knew he loved and gazed into his gorgeous dark eyes, her heart beating so hard she was sweating beneath her coat despite the cold air. Snowflakes wetted his cheeks and the tip of his aquiline nose and speckled his hair. The snow was falling harder now, as if the covers she’d been living under for the past decade were breaking into a million little pieces.
“I think this is what was missing back in school,” she admitted. “I never realized how much I needed the freedom to be a real couple with you. I was too busy worrying about people seeing us together and connecting the dots to what we were doing behind closed doors, and I think that made me feel even more ashamed. This feels right, holding hands, kissing in public, and not worrying about the stupid what-ifs in my head that choked out any possibilities of us having more than our secret nights together. I know now that you hadn’t wanted to hide our relationship, but back then, between trying to keep my head on straight for school and being consumed by enough sexual energy to light up the state…”
A warm smile curved his lips. “To light up the state, huh?”
“You know it’s true. This has been the absolute best day of my entire life, Carson. And this thing between us feels so real and possible, it’s scary.”
“Scary is going through our lives trying to fill a void with people who don’t fit. It’s trying not to think about you year after year, knowing I’ll never shake you for good,” he said earnestly, causing her heart to tumble. “You’ve given us four days and f
ive nights to sink or swim. It’s the second chance I never thought we’d have, and I’m a hell of a swimmer, Tabs. I’ll carry you from one end of the ocean to the other and back if that’s what it takes. I was scared at first, and I’m still nervous on some level, because you might run away again. But for me, the possibility far outweighs the fear.”
Chapter Six
LATER THAT EVENING, as Tawny dressed for dinner, Carson stood in the living room gazing out the balcony doors at Gramercy Park, one of the only private parks in Manhattan. He’d purchased the luxurious home because the view of the park had reminded him of Tawny. When they weren’t studying in the library, their dorms, or eventually, their apartments, they’d spend hours on the grassy quad. Tawny had always loved the smell of the outdoors. She used to say that wind had a smell, and that it wasn’t just the scents of the world it carried, that it had a unique fragrance all its own. He felt himself smiling with the memories of all the times he’d tried to decipher the scents she spoke of, but it was like she existed on a different plane and had access to things he didn’t. He’d strived to bring her passion for scents into the bedroom, with scented oils and lotions. Watching her facial expressions change from intense concentration to that of pleasure as she took in the aromas, especially when she was blindfolded, had been a high in and of itself.
He watched the snow coming down in sheets, clinging to tree branches and settling heavily over the pavement and plantings. As much as he wanted to wine and dine her, he wasn’t about to risk taking her out in this weather. He glanced down at his cashmere tie, dress shirt, and favorite pair of alligator loafers.
Wining and dining doesn’t have to take place at a restaurant.
He phoned the restaurant, and then he called Barton and made arrangements for dinner to be delivered.
He’d heard Tawny’s phone ring, and the sound of her muffled voice filtered into his ears. He wondered who she was talking to. He wasn’t used to the jealous feeling trying to claim him. Unwilling to entertain thoughts of her and any other man, he pushed aside the jealousy as quickly as it had come on. Many things about Tawny were still a mystery, but he knew he didn’t have to worry about her seeing anyone else. He was moving carefully, easing into their sensuality, and it was killing him. But this time had to be different. Her love for him had to surpass her worries. He wanted to address her every fear and settle them. Even though each new discovery so far had deepened his love for her, he wasn’t fooling himself. He knew that navigating their new relationship, and the last decade, would be like finding their way through a labyrinth, full of as much happiness as unexpected trouble and dead ends. But Carson had never believed there was only one means to an end, and he was determined to find their way together, even if it meant blazing a trail through uncomfortable territory.
Bad Boys After Dark: Carson (Bad Billionaires After Dark Book 3) Page 7