by AJ Schippers
“Something like that,” Caroline said.
“You know more than you’re letting on,” Julia said, her tone accusatory.
“Honestly, Julia, I know as much as you do. Okay, that’s a lie. I may know a little more than you do, but I’m afraid if I tell you that, you will think your whole relationship is a farce. You’ll go home thinking all that happened between you two wasn’t real. I do not want to be responsible for that.”
“You sent me there,” Julia barked. “You are responsible. Tell me.”
Caroline sighed. “I skyped her that first day, when you had locked yourself into your room. She may have mentioned that she was attracted to you.”
“What!”
“Julia, calm down. Look at it from her perspective.”
“What’s that?” Julia scoffed. “She saw an opportunity?”
“No,” Caroline shook her head. “She didn’t know you, and she was obviously attracted to you and wanted to explore possibilities between you two. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Trust me, it’s not worth it.”
“It’s weird.”
“True. I mean, she’s a horrible person. She saw an attractive person and completely objectified that person by dragging her into bed, not giving her a choice in anything that happened, and she obviously played that person from the start.”
Julia rolled her eyes. “Fine. Stop. Alexandra never forced me to do anything that I didn’t want and from day one, she was very respectful of any objections I had.”
“Then…why is what she did ‘weird’?”
“Because—”
“I mean…really think about it, Julia. Is one small word truly more meaningful than everything that has happened in the last couple of months?”
Julia sighed as she thought about it. Of course, it wasn’t like that. She just wanted to lash out with all this nervous energy at someone, and it would be easy to take it all out on Alexandra as soon as she got home. Not that it would help her, but still.
“Alexandra went from being attracted to you, to falling head over heels in love with you. She is happy like a puppy being taken for its first walk outside. She is proud to be with you, and no matter what happened that first day, you two obviously have a special connection that should surpass one small comment she made.”
“Ugh, why do you have to be so sensible?”
“Comes with the job, love.”
“Alexandra is rich.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not.”
“No.”
“That doesn’t matter?”
“Why would it?”
“I can’t take her out to fancy restaurants. I can’t provide for her, and I never would want to be in a position where she would have to provide for me.”
“You were stuck with her on an island for months. When did she take you out to a fancy restaurant?”
“You know what I mean,” Julia uttered in frustration. “We come from completely different worlds.”
“True, but despite all that, you two still fell in love.”
“So the differences don’t matter?”
“They shouldn’t, no. There is only one thing that matters,” Caroline said. “You love her, and she loves you.”
“Simple as that?”
“Simple as that.”
“This is a total Kodak moment,” Julia snorted as Alexandra pushed the shopping cart further down the aisle. “I feel like Caroline would really appreciate a picture of you pushing a cart, like, blown up to full-size.”
“Oh hush, you,” Alexandra slapped Julia’s shoulder. She leaned in closer and said, “Perhaps I can put you on a leash and have you crawl behind me on your knees. Now that would be a Kodak moment.” Julia felt herself blush furiously and looked to see if any of the elderly people around her had accidentally overheard their conversation.
“So, what’s for dinner tonight?” Topic changers were a lifesaver, Julia thought as she casually dropped a bag of chips in the cart.
“How about a salad?” She laughed when Julia grimaced. “Fine, how about a salad with a salmon pasta?”
“Better,” Julia said. “But you’re cooking. I have stuff to do.”
“Oh you do, huh? Do tell…”
“Well,” Julia said as she tried to think of an excuse to get out of cooking. Alexandra had been trying to get her to cook, but surprisingly, every time she offered to ‘cook’ pizza, Alexandra had balked. “I’m sure there’s laundry to be done.”
“You are voluntarily offering to do laundry?”
“Yep,” Julia said with full conviction. “I’m the queen of laundry.”
“You’re the queen of coming up with excuses to get out of cooking, all right.”
“Whatever works.” Julia stuck her tongue out. She smiled when Alexandra laced their fingers together for the rest of their shopping trip. Part of her wanted to drag Alexandra through every aisle just so she wouldn’t have to let go of her hand, and part of her couldn’t wait to get home.
These last few days had been so perfect. Sure, she missed Shadow Haven with all her heart, but it also felt nice to be around her own stuff—no matter how little she owned. Introducing Alexandra to her world had gone well so far, and she didn’t want anything to ruin it, like the talk they were going to have after tomorrow’s fundraiser.
Of course, there was also the little remainder of the “royally compensated” statement that she wanted to confront Alexandra with. Not to get angry. But the more she thought about it, the more ridiculous the whole statement seemed, and, honestly, if she was ever going to make Alexandra blush, this would provide her with the perfect opportunity.
Thankfully, Alexandra didn’t argue when Julia whipped out her card to pay for the groceries.
“I’m stuffed,” Alexandra wrapped her arms around Julia and pulled her closer. She pressed a soft kiss on the lips that always seemed so eager for more and smiled as she pulled the blanket over them.
“You shouldn’t have eaten all that pasta,” Julia stifled a yawn. They had had a lovely dinner and were settling in for a movie.
“Look who’s being all brave, thinking her words won’t get her in trouble.”
“Me? Trouble? I don’t know what you could possibly mean. So, what’s this movie about?”
Alexandra rolled her eyes as she pressed the play button on the remote. She had told Julia all about the movie during dinner, but Julia had been distracted for some reason. It was something she was determined to find out the cause of later, but for now, they could both do with a quiet night on the couch. “You’ll see,” she said.
It took exactly seven minutes before Julia was fast asleep, softly purring as she held on tightly to Alexandra. She couldn’t help but think back to the moment Julia had returned from her day at the office with Caroline. The everlasting smile on Julia’s face hadn’t quite reached her eyes, and while she obviously tried to hide her discomfort, it didn’t quite work out. Over the last couple of months, Alexandra had learned every one of Julia’s facial expressions, and it was beyond obvious that something was bothering her.
A quick talk with Caroline made her none the wiser, her friend insisting Alexandra talk to Julia herself. It wasn’t as if she was scared to raise the subject with Julia, but part of her had hoped that Julia would have brought it up herself by now. Because whatever the issue was, Alexandra wanted it out of the way.
She gently played with Julia’s locks and whispered sweet nothings into her ear when the woman frowned at something happening in dreamland. “Whatever it is, my girl…we will work it out.”
A painful ache forced Julia to wake. She groaned and tried to stretch. Something hard was pressing into her back, and she wanted it gone, now.
Alexandra removed her elbow and rubbed soft circles on the spot where it had poked into Julia’s back. “Good morning, my love.”
“Hey,” Julia responded quietly. “It’s morning?”
“Depends on your definition of morning. It’s well past midnight.”
; “Why didn’t you wake me up?” Julia asked, sitting up straight and tucking her feet beneath her legs.
“Because you were asleep and looked like you needed it.” Alexandra laced their fingers together. “Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”
“Nothing, just tired.”
“I don’t quite believe that. Ever since your conversation with Caroline, you’ve been distracted, and I’d like to know why,” Alexandra said a little more sternly.
Julia sighed heavily. “Okay, why did you make me believe that Caroline gave you a lot of money?”
“What do you mean?”
“When I first arrived on Shadow Haven, you said that Caroline had given you money to let me stay with you. You made it sound like it was a lot of money.” Julia avoided looking at Alexandra, almost afraid to hear the response. Even though Caroline had already explained it to her, and Julia thought she’d made her peace with it, the entire subject still bothered her.
“Are you referring to my ‘royally compensated’ comment?”
Julia nodded but didn’t dare to look at her.
“When Caroline and I were in college, I bought her a coffee. She said she’d pay me back later, but I didn’t want it. I was just buying coffee for a friend, but she insisted. The next day, she grinned and gave me a dollar and said she hoped the ‘royal compensation’ made up for it. Ever since, it’s been a running joke with us. We give each other a dollar for stupid reasons because it’s tied to a fond memory and the beginning of a good friendship.”
She cupped Julia’s face with her hand. “Look at me, Julia. Caroline paid me a dollar to let you stay with me. I am not exactly sure why I didn’t tell you. Perhaps I was scared that you’d run off again, and part of me wished for you to stay.”
“Because you were attracted to me?”
Alexandra had the grace to blush. “Caroline told you.”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t mean anything bad by it, Julia. I would never do anything against your wishes. I hope you know that. I would never take advantage of you. But out of nowhere, this gorgeous woman showed up on my island, with a temper hot as hell, and I liked it. It’s not often a stranger drops by that ignites a fire in me, for a reason I didn’t even understand at the time.”
“What if it had been anyone else?”
“It wouldn’t have had the same outcome. I wasn’t looking for a temporary thing. You showed up, and you were feisty. I have no excuse for it. But then I got to know you and saw a completely different side to you as well. You are still feisty, but it comes from a place of confidence now, rather than you using it as a defense mechanism.”
Julia let go of Alexandra’s fingers and fidgeted with her own. “I don’t know why it bothered me so much. At first, when Caroline explained it to me, I got angry, but then she said it was a running joke, and I was okay with it. And then suddenly I wasn’t. I guess it just… I didn’t realize it bothered me all that much again. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m the one that should be apologizing. I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable, and I’m sorry if I did.”
“I guess I’m just frustrated because I have all these things on my mind, and I hate that I have to wait until after the fundraiser to voice them.”
Alexandra wiped away the tear that slowly trickled down Julia’s cheek. “You can talk to me about anything at any given time. If something is bothering you, I’d rather you tell me. Don’t ever feel like you have to hide things from me.”
Looking for comfort, Julia leaned into Alexandra. “I’m scared of what the future will bring,” she confessed. “I’m afraid that I’ll get jealous of your clients. And no, I don’t want you to quit your job. I also don’t want to be the person who comes over once a year for a few weeks for a fling. I just found you… I don’t want to lose you.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Alexandra choked up. “You will never lose me. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling these things while thinking you couldn’t talk to me about them. I have been thinking about my job a lot lately, and I think I’ve come to a decision about it.”
“I don’t want you to quit your job,” Julia said, her voice layered with frustration. Why didn’t Alexandra get that?
“I didn’t say I was going to. Let me explain it to you first, okay?” She placed a soft kiss on the top of Julia’s hair. “First of all. You are not a fling. You are so much more than that. Second, if you think I could survive with seeing you only once a year, you are sorely mistaken. I need you in my life as much as you need me in yours.”
“Thank fuck,” Julia mumbled.
“Language, dear. When I started working as a professional dominatrix, I never wanted it to be the job I did for the rest of my life. Do I like doing it? Absolutely. Do I want to be eighty years old and telling some twenty-year-old to bend over and lick my feet? Absolutely not.”
“There’s an image I could’ve done without.”
“I mean it, though. I’m thirty-four now. At some point, I want to throw in the towel and focus on more important things in life. One of those ‘things’ would be you. I want to travel with you, show you places you’ve never seen before. I want to lie on a beach with you and complain about all the butt-naked people obscuring our view. I want to build a future with you, Julia, and I don’t want there to be other people involved in that, not even with work. Because as much as it is strictly work, that doesn’t mean that I expect you not to have any issues with it.”
“I don’t—”
“I’m not done yet,” Alexandra said. “I turn thirty-five in about six months. I think that would be a good age to quit my job. I don’t need the money that I get from my clients. I am set for life, as awful as that may sound. I’d rather spend that money on enjoying my time with you.”
“What happens to us in those six months?”
“That’s what we have to figure out. My job isn’t a nine-to-five, five-days-a-week job, and I don’t need to be at Shadow Haven to do it. If you want, the island could be our place from now on. I have a house on the mainland. You know that. I can rent a space for my work, and I can stay on the mainland until I’m ready to quit.”
“Sounds like you’re making a lot of sacrifices,” Julia said quietly.
“I don’t see them as sacrifices. And even if they were, they are sacrifices I am more than willing to make. If I’m in the city, it would be incredibly easy to come and see you. Sure, there’s still a small amount of traveling involved, but that’s nothing compared to the traveling it would take to come to the island.”
“What are you going to do after you quit your job?”
“Who knows? Maybe I’ll take up knitting,” Alexandra said with a grin that immediately disappeared when Julia sat up straight.
“I’m serious,” said Julia.
“Nothing I’ve said so far was meant as a joke,” she replied. “Well, aside from the knitting. I would not have the patience for it. I want to make this work between us, Julia, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make it happen. Of course, there’s always another possibility…”
Julia’s heart started pounding in her chest. “We break up?”
“Jesus, Julia, no! I meant…maybe if—I mean…” She took a deep breath. “Perhaps once I quit my job, you might want come live with me at Shadow Haven.”
Chapter 27
“Oh my God.” Julia’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor when Alexandra emerged from the bathroom. “You can’t wear that!”
“Why not?”
“I won’t be able to focus on my job properly if you look like that.” She looked Alexandra up and down.
“Well,” Alexandra said with a smirk, “If I’m not mistaken, you are off-duty today. The only job you have is to look beautiful by my side.” She raised an eyebrow when Julia mumbled something inaudible. “What was that?”
“I said, I’m such a sucker for a woman in a suit.” She truly was. The moment Alexandra had stepped out of the bathroom, Julia had felt this
overwhelming urge to drag her right back in, slowly undress her, and appreciate each bit of uncovered skin anew. Except she couldn’t, because in that same bathroom hung the dress she had worn to the same fundraiser last year, and if Julia didn’t put it on in the next five minutes, they were going to be terribly late. She pointed to the bathroom and coughed. “I’ll be right out.”
She discarded her clothing and looked at herself in the mirror, trying to forget all about the conversation they’d had yesterday. Alexandra had been quick to say that she wanted Julia to think about moving to Shadow Haven, but to not give her an answer until she had weighed all her options. Truth be told, Julia didn’t know what the hell she wanted.
Living on the island meant having to give up her job. Alexandra would have to support her financially, and that wasn’t something Julia was comfortable with. Sure, giving up her apartment meant that she would have nearly no bills to pay, but still… She was twenty-six, for crying out loud, way too young to retire.
She willed the thoughts from her head as she let the dress slide over her body and put her hair up in a slick ponytail. She was as gorgeous as Alexandra, but it was all she could do to make herself somewhat presentable. God, she hated the fundraiser. It was easier when she was there to work, to suck up to the guests. But tonight—tonight—she was the guest, and she would have the prettiest woman by her side. The prettiest woman…who probably had professionally played with half the other guests there.
“Don’t,” she murmured to her reflection. “Not going there.” That was easier said than done, but the last thing she wanted to do was to look at every A-list actor and wonder if they’d been licking those ridiculous boots of Alexandra’s. “Goddamn motherfucker,” Julia spat out as she tried to zip the dress.
“Everything okay in here?” Alexandra peeked around the corner.
“Just great.”
“Somehow,” Alexandra stepped inside and zipped Julia up, “I doubt that. Talk to me.”
“It’s nothing.”
Alexandra sighed and tugged on Julia’s ponytail until her head rested on Alexandra’s shoulder. She repeated herself, more sternly this time. “Talk…to…me.” She sought out Julia’s gaze in the mirror and raised an eyebrow.