“Careful with the zipper, babe. I’m a bit worked up.” He spoke the warning through clenched teeth, convinced the enamel on his molars was fast eroding, as he fought the urge to thrust towards her mouth. Just the thought of her lips wrapped around the head of his cock, stretched around him, her lips glistening with his pre-cum as she knelt before him in a generous and submissive posture had him about to blow his load. And that, to his mind, would be a terrible waste. He wanted to feel what was about to happen, not just think it. He shuddered, trying to control his body, as she carefully, slowly, lowered his zipper over his erection. As soon as his pants were undone his cock thrust fully upward, reaching a little above the elastic of his jocks.
“Mmmm! You are a big boy, Trevor, aren’t you? I knew you were above average last night—I just didn’t really appreciate how big, though.”
Laura’s voice was husky to his ears, or maybe his own lust clouded his hearing. Trevor did not care which as Laura wrapped her small hand around him, stroked him as her open mouth zeroed in on his cock. Her eyes never left his as she bent forward and took him between her lips, his cock disappearing into her open, wet, warm mouth. The sensation was incredible, indescribable, heavenly—there were not enough words to accurately describe the phenomenon.
Trevor locked his knees so as not to crumple to the floor, felt his eyes roll back into his head, and even though he wanted to watch Laura, wanted to watch her mouth ride him, her cheeks hollow as she sucked on him, he couldn’t manage to focus his eyes. His balls tightened—he could feel the impending release about to spurt from him. God, he was about to come quicker than a virgin on prom night and there was nothing that could save him. He could not prolong the inevitable even though he wanted to feel the thrill of Laura’s mouth on him for longer. Let’s see, eternity might be a good start, he thought.
“I’m not going to last—this feels so fucking good, Laura, so fucking fantastic,” he managed to moan. The words were hardly romantic and not nearly deserving of this amazing woman who knelt before him, but they were all he could manage. He would make it up to her later, when he could manage to think with something other than his cock.
The cock that was plunging in and out of her mouth—he felt the head of his shaft bump the back of her throat, felt her fight the gag reflex. She actually swallowed, the sensation mind-blowing. She was blowing his mind and body. Her teeth grazed his cock as she continued her actions, rolling her tongue over the slit in the end of his cock before sucking him back in greedily, all the way until he felt his balls slap her chin.
He tried to remain gentle but could not stop himself from reaching out to her. As his hands found either side of her head, he fisted her hair in his fingers, felt the softness of the strands as her head bobbed up and down over him. Encouraging Laura to find the rhythm he needed, Trevor forced his eyes to open, needed to take in the sight of Laura and what she was doing to him. And it was that view that caused the eruption. He tried to pull himself from her mouth in time but her hands clasped his hips and drew him closer. He spilled, spurted inside her and watched as she took all of his seed into her, watched as she swallowed every last drop. She was still lapping at his flaccid cock until he thrust her head away—it was too much.
Overwhelming.
He dragged her roughly by the shoulders to her feet—too roughly, probably, but the need to kiss her robbed Trevor of rational thought.
Laura’s swollen, wet lips opened under his and their tongues duelled, competing in a dance of passion. They stood embracing, kissing, looking dishevelled. Trevor’s pants were around his ankles and his cock drooped, sated, from his body. Laura’s discarded underwear was strewn beside them and her dress was creased and rumpled. Trevor drew his lips from hers, leaned his forehead against hers.
“Wow, that was unbelievable. You are unbelievable. We are unbelievable together.”
His words came in a whisper, his emotions spinning out of control. Trevor did not want to scare her, did not want to come across too strong, but he could not stop himself. Laura filled a hole in his soul, made him feel complete. Touching her filled him with such a sense of contentment, a sensation that was so foreign to Trevor. In a moment of clarity so strong he could not ignore it, Trevor understood that Laura was the missing piece of the puzzle he had searched for his entire life.
And that thought scared the shit out of him. His life was not a life to share. It was a life that was not always easy to live. A life that had been filled with dark thoughts and, a short while ago, even darker days. It was not the sort of life he would wish upon anyone, least of all Laura.
Those dark days still haunted Trevor. He hadn’t realised at the time that depression was an illness, had thought that this latest bout of black moods then decline into utter despair was due to the knee injury that had subsequently forced him into retirement. Just thinking back on those times made Trevor mentally shudder. It was still hard to put into words the depths of his struggle to regain some kind of perspective—sanity.
After months of counselling and with the help of prescription medication, Trevor now understood that he had been battling depression for a good chunk of his life. All those times when the world had seemed against him, it had felt as though he was being singled out, that people just didn’t understand him. Those times, when he’d just locked himself away, struggled to get out of bed because facing the world and all that was expected of him had been too daunting a task, had been as a result of his ongoing battle with the misunderstood disease.
It had many names, his demon. Clinically, it was called depression but some called it ‘black dog’ or ‘feeling blue’.
He remembered the times he had tried speaking to his mother about how unhappy he was, trying to get her to understand him, but she had put it all down to teenage angst. Told him to cheer up, stop worrying, be happy that he was good-looking, popular and such a great sportsman. She had told him to stop feeling sorry for himself, that there were many people out there so much worse off than him, with real problems. She’d spoken of how he had such a great future ahead of him, playing rugby league, and how proud his father would be if he signed with a first-grade team.
And Trevor had tried to just cheer up, but it had never seemed to work.
It hadn’t been the thought of going through all the pain of another knee reconstruction, or the long rehabilitation again so soon after the first injury that had pushed him over the edge. It hadn’t even been the knowledge that he would probably never play football again—in fact, that was almost a relief to Trevor, knowing that he wouldn’t have to take the field each week, worrying about failure. No, what had really been the last straw, so to speak, was the unmistakeable look of disappointment on his father’s face as the man had voiced his regret that because Trevor had injured himself again—as if it had been some intentional plan—his father would miss out on going to the games and sitting in the good seats.
The weeks that followed had been an endless nightmare, with Trevor not leaving his house—in fact, hardly leaving his bed unless it was completely necessary. The darkness that had filled his mind and soul was a living thing. It was as if the sun, although obviously in the sky, had not been able to brighten up the world. Everything, anything had seemed an unimaginable task, an insurmountable mountain to climb. Even the slightest of mundane acts like eating or bathing had been just too tiring to carry out.
But it was his own thoughts that scared Trevor to this day—it terrified him that one day they would return to him and he wouldn’t have the strength or clarity of mind to fight them. For weeks back then, he had imagined ways to end his suffering, end his despair permanently. His consciousness was so persuasive in its belief that no one would care if he was not in this world. That perhaps everyone would be better off without him around to disappoint them. That the pain he was constantly in and the grief that ate at him and the darkness that consumed him would go. All he had to do was end his life.
To that Trevor, that depressed, broken Trevor, it had seemed the only
alternative. Living was not an option, death the only solution. Then Brodie had barged into his blackness and forced a glimmer of light to appear.
How Brodie had known something was wrong, Trevor would never understand. How Brodie had known it was depression was something Trevor had never asked, but thankfully, Brodie had known what to do to help.
It had taken a long time, his recovery from his injured limb and depressed mind both painstakingly slow, but Trevor had recovered. He’d put his mind back on the right path, aligned it so that thoughts of sadness were just that—sadness that promptly disappeared, didn’t fester, grow and swell into pools of blackness. Trevor, through counselling, had learnt ways of dealing with his anxiety, his fear of failure around every corner, and it worked to a point.
He found life a lot more enjoyable, found his new career as a sports commentator rewarding, and his being on television dimmed his father’s disappointment.
But every now and again those niggling uncertainties popped up and Trevor had to fight them away. It was one of the reasons he had never entered into any serious long-term relationships—he had never really wanted anyone to know the demons he fought, the weakness inside him, or the shame of his past suicidal thoughts.
Laura was different somehow. He couldn’t explain it, was not able to pinpoint when or how she’d got through his defensive emotional wall, but she had. Trevor had never felt so at ease with another living soul. Not even his saviour, Brodie James, could completely erase his own inner conflict. But Laura had.
Trevor felt nothing but peace as he pressed his forehead against Laura’s. Felt her breath against his face. There was this easy way about her, so fresh, so happy and caring. Her honesty and openness. Her love for her son. They attracted him to her like a magnet to metal. Life had not been a breeze for Laura Harris, but she had not let it get to her. She was infectious with her joy and enthusiasm, and she was just what he needed.
Unfortunately, they were the same reasons Trevor feared he should walk away. How could he bring his darkness to her light? What if he sucked that light from her life? He would never forgive himself—but what if her light was strong enough to overcome his darkness?
Could that be possible? Could Trevor dare to dream? He was feeling selfish enough to try as he held Laura in his arms. And what sort of a man did that make him?
Chapter Nine
Laura couldn’t remember the last time she had been in bed so late in the morning. Not that she had been sleeping—no, after their smoking hot session in her kitchen she and Trevor had moved to her bedroom, giggling and laughing all the way like lovestruck teenagers. There they’d made love. It was definitely making love and not sex, Laura mused as she lay staring at Trevor’s handsome face, resting on the pillow beside her. Their most recent coupling had been slow, sensual, more of a worshipping of bodies than the heated sex they had previously shared. Trevor had left no inch of Laura undiscovered, had kissed and stroked every part of her body with intent, intimately, and she had done the same to his in return.
They had gazed deeply into each other’s eyes as they’d joined their bodies as one. The rhythm they’d found had been more like a waltz, a gentle swaying of two bodies dancing together, back and forth, rocking and swaying in a calmer mating than the usual frantic pace one expected of sex.
Laura’s orgasm had been slow and drawn-out, sweet—no crashing of waves or molten lava heat this time. This time her crescendo had slipped upon her, brushing over her like silk over skin, a tantalising, lingering pleasure that lasted for what had seemed an eternity. To Laura, it had felt as if their souls had merged—Trevor and Laura, one persona. It was a fanciful notion for a grown woman, but nonetheless her heart had opened. But Trevor had some hidden pain—she could see it buried deep behind his eyes. She remembered the way he’d spoken of his parents, his confession that they were disappointed in him, and wondered what had happened to make him feel that way. Trevor’s life, in Laura’s opinion, was filled with success. He was a renowned sportsman and journalist, highly regarded by his peers. And he was smoking hot and unbelievably giving in the bedroom. Laura could attest to that. He made her happy, filled her with hope of being loved. He had already convinced her she was desirable…more than once. She smiled at her own humour.
“This is the best Saturday I’ve had in way too long to remember. My muscles feel like jelly, I’m so relaxed right now.” She stroked his stubbled cheek and cradled it in her hand, enjoying the warmth and texture of Trevor’s skin. The maleness he exuded made her feel so feminine. Laura had not felt that particular way for an age. She had been mother and provider for so long that being a woman had come way after that. And feminine? Maybe never. Even though she knew she should keep her thoughts to herself, Laura couldn’t.
“You make me feel things I thought were lost to me, Trevor. You have awakened a part of me that was missing, and I thank you for that. But I have to admit in all honesty, I’m a little terrified of what will happen next. I feel this connection to you, and it scares me. Should it be this quick, this intense? Is this real? Should I be feeling so much for you, so soon? Or are my hormones and emotions just confused because of the sex? But I do look forward to this new stage in my life and what happiness it will bring. Having someone to talk to and connect with. Sharing thoughts and dreams. Hopefully more of this—the sex is amazing. It’s been so long for me I’d almost forgotten, and I want more, much, much more.”
Laura saw the hesitation in Trevor’s eyes as soon as she’d blurted out her hopes. She could have kicked herself for her stupidity.
“Laura, there has never been anyone that has connected to me as you have. I’m not sure if this is too fast. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt so strongly for a woman, so complete. Just having you next to me fills my heart with joy. But I don’t think you should count on me. I’m not what I appear to be on the outside. I have what some would say is ‘too much baggage’. You deserve someone that will fill your life with joy and happiness, and I’m worried that I won’t be that person. As much as I want to just stay here with you, forever, I also know that my personal demons will ruin us—ruin you—and just as I have everyone else that was of any importance to me, I will disappoint you in the end. You deserve someone better than me.”
His words just confirmed what she had begun to suspect. She was making more of this than it deserved.
The pain that lanced through Laura’s chest was sudden, excruciating. What was Trevor saying? She’d had to open her big mouth and scare him off. She knew she had said too much, so now he was backtracking away from her—and fast. Yes, his words were remorseful. He was pretending that it was for her own good, not to expect much from him, she was the best and so on, but it was the ‘him not her’ analogy that angered her the most. The bottom line was she had blown it, but the least he could do was be honest with her and just admit that it had never been meant to be anything but a quick fling, and stop all the guilty rhetoric.
She was a fool.
Of course he wouldn’t want her long-term—she was old. He was still in his prime, probably wanted kids, a family, and she had already done that.
When had she forgotten about their age differences, social differences? She had known them last night, had reminded herself not to get attached. Why had she not heeded her own words? Why had she let herself get carried away by the moment? This wasn’t some romantic novel where the hero fell for the heroine at first glance. This was real life. Laura shut her eyes, broke the connection that she had mistakenly felt was between them.
She needed to pull herself together. Her pride would not let her show him how much he had hurt her. How much she had let herself be hurt was probably fairer. She had made it through life without a man and one night was not going to change that. She was strong. She would survive, learn from this experience and maybe one day trust a man again. If she could be bothered!
She turned from him and rolled from the bed. As she stood, she snatched up the robe that lay over the chair, then quickly donned it, hopi
ng that the fabric would help shield her from her pain. The idea of being nude when her heart was breaking was just too much for Laura to bear.
“That’s okay, Trevor. I don’t know what got into me. Of course I wouldn’t expect anything from you. We had a lovely date and you have been very gallant, accompanying me home to face Mitchell. But you’re right—we all have too much baggage in our lives to get into any messy kind of relationship.” Laura could feel her heart tearing. The pressure on her chest was unbearable, the moisture behind her eyes had started to build. She had to get Trevor out of her house, and fast, before she broke down. Her humiliation was already a heavy burden and she wasn’t about to add to the load.
“Well, I’m sure you have things to do. I know I have—paperwork, rosters and things like that. Maybe we should both get on with our days. Thanks for dinner and breakfast and everything. I’ll see you around. I’m just going to grab a shower. Do you think you can let yourself out?”
She spared a quick glance towards her bed, could not stop herself from having one last look at the man lying there. He might have blindsided her with his words, but he was still a sight to behold, naked and sex-rumpled in her sheets.
She was surprised to see what appeared to be a look of uncertainty on his face. Trevor’s mouth gaped open, as if he was trying to find the right words, but she didn’t want to hear any more patronising excuses from him. Didn’t think she could keep from weeping if he tried. So before he had a chance to speak, Laura fled from the room.
Once safely inside her bathroom, the door firmly closed behind her, Laura slid down to sit on the cold tiles of the floor, the chill nothing compared to the ice in her heart. She finally let go, let the misery and humiliation free, using a towel to muffle any sound of her distress.
She didn’t hear any noise that indicated Trevor’s departure from her home and heart, but considering her face had been stuffed against a towel that was not surprising. Finally, after the tears began to slow, then dry on her cheeks, Laura dragged her spent body from the floor. Turning on the shower, she stepped under the stream of warm water and tried to wash away some of the pain. Mitchell would be home soon, and the last thing she wanted was for her son to see her in such distress. Especially since her distress was of her own making. She had let romantic fantasies cloud reality. She didn’t want Mitchell blaming Trevor or doing anything that might impact on his rugby league, and feuding with a reporter would probably not be a great career move.
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