by Presley Hall
It’s been a long time.
I know that without him telling me. I don’t know if I’m his first, or how many have come before me, but I can tell from the way he moves that his body craves my touch, that he’s been starved for this for too long. Without a word, I reach for the clasp of his trousers, undoing it and pushing them down his hips, my eyes fixed on his face all the while.
He’s not wearing anything underneath the pants. I realize it the moment I push them over his hips and feel the brush of his cock against my wrist, springing free as I undress him. I look down, my mouth dropping open slightly as I see him fully nude for the first time, his impressive length jutting out toward me as he shudders from my simple touch.
Slowly, I reach out and encircle him with my hand, just barely able to wrap my fingers around him. He groans again as I slide my fist upward, my thumb teasing the tip of his cock as I glance back up to his face, which is now contorted with desire.
“Lucy…” My name spills from his lips in a growl that ends on a deep moan as I slide my hand along his length again, feeling him throb in my grasp. “I…”
I don’t give him a chance to say anything else. I’m overcome with the desire to give him a glimpse of that same pleasure he gave me, regardless of how badly I want to pull him onto the bed with me right this second and have him thrust all of that long, hard cock into me.
With one smooth motion, I slide off the bed. My hand stays wrapped around him as I go down to my knees on the soft carpet, and I look up at him through my lashes.
His face is utterly stunned. His mouth opens slightly, but he doesn’t speak as I lean forward, staying completely silent until the moment my lips slide over his tip. My tongue caresses the smooth skin of his cock as I watch his reaction.
“Oh, krax,” he groans.
His hands clench at his sides as he stares down at me. I reach up with my other hand to touch his thigh, and I can feel the hard muscles ripple and twitch under my touch as I slide down another inch, slowly taking more and more of him into my mouth, my tongue moving along his shaft all the while.
By the time I reach the base, all of him buried in my mouth and throat as I steady myself with my hands on his hips, he’s trembling under my touch. His hands fist my hair, his whole body shaking with pleasure as I come back up inch by inch, my lips fastened tightly around his rigid shaft. I can feel him throbbing in my mouth, his whole body tense with the effort to hold back, and when I slide one hand between his legs to cup him there, feeling how close he is, his whole body jerks.
He grabs my arms, pulling me up to my feet as he tosses me back onto the bed, then following me so that his broad frame stretches over mine.
“I need you now,” he growls as the tip of his cock presses between my legs, sliding against me in the slick heat of my own arousal. “I want you so badly, Lucy.”
I can see him begging for that last shred of permission, holding himself back even as his body trembles with need.
“I want you too,” I murmur softly, tangling my hands in his hair, my fingers caressing the base of his horns. His hips jerk, his body shuddering with pleasure, and I feel the head of his cock notch at my entrance, ready to sink into me at the slightest movement. “God, I want you inside me.”
He groans at that. His forehead presses against mine, his lips brushing over mine so that I can feel the warm puffs of his breath, touching but not quite kissing. His eyes are bright and glazed with need, and he kisses me again, devouring my mouth as I squirm under him.
My body burns with the desire for him to move that last bit, to finally push himself into me. My blood is rushing in my ears, the roar so loud that I almost don’t hear him as he speaks in a dazed voice.
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he murmurs. “I wouldn’t let myself feel it, but I can’t ignore it any longer. You are mine. My Irisa.”
His… what?
My heart stops.
The pulse in my veins goes still.
Shock ricochets through me, and I push at his chest, scrambling backward out from under him until my back is pressed against the pillows and there’s a solid six inches of space between us. I’m vaguely aware of how ridiculous we both look in this moment, both naked, hair tangled and bodies sweaty, but the high of arousal that I’ve been floating on since the moment he pushed me back against the door and kissed me is gone.
I stare at him, trying to make sense of it, and without thinking, I blurt out the first thing that comes into my head.
“What the hell did you just say?”
16
Tycran
It takes a second for me to grasp the words that just came out of my mouth. I was lost in Lucy, swept away on a tide of lust and need that I’ve never felt in my life… that I never even knew was possible. I’ve never felt arousal like that, never been so hard, so full of desire that I wouldn’t have cared if the world was ending right outside our door. Nothing could have compared to my need to be inside of her. It was the most powerful thing I’ve ever felt.
And that’s why I know what I said must be true.
She’s my Irisa.
This woman is my mate.
A part of me can’t believe it took me so long to realize it. So many things make sense now—why I’ve felt compelled to protect her and keep an eye on her as far back as our time on Wauru, why I didn’t just let her walk away in the alley the night of the festival, and why I felt lost and out of place when I went back to my pod, as if I belonged somewhere else. Why, even though I was furious, I didn’t just put her on the first transport back to Kalix on a port along the way.
And why tonight, when I saw her dance, something was unleashed inside of me.
I couldn’t see it before now because of how tightly controlled I’ve kept my emotions all these years. I’ve cultivated an iron self-control that has served me well and kept my bodily desires from bothering me too much.
But something shifted when I saw her on that stage, when her clothes slid from her body and all of her was laid bare to me—not just her perfect, beautiful flesh, but her soul too. The part of her that makes her who she is. The strong, intelligent, graceful, brave woman that I’ve gotten to know on the voyage here.
I felt certainty in that moment, and a kind of desire that I’ve never known. In the moment, I mistook it for physical lust, for years of deprivation boiling over in a single flashpoint that I couldn’t struggle against any longer.
But it was more than that.
Everything that happened after I swept her off that stage, every kiss and touch and caress, the need to give her pleasure before taking my own, even the deep-seated need to make certain this was what she wanted before claiming her—all of it was my soul’s way of telling me what I’ve found, and how very serious the next moments would be for both me and her.
“What the hell did you just say?” Lucy asks, her body pressed back against the pillows so tightly that it hurts me to see it.
She wants to be as far away from me now as she wanted to be close to me a moment ago. And although my body is pulsing with need, every part of me screaming for me to surge forward and claim her, to sink myself into her and take her body until I fill her with my seed, I hold myself back.
I would never take an unwilling woman, no matter the circumstance. I’ve turned down any number of willing ones. But this is more than just respecting the choice of one’s bed partner. This is sacred. And if I take her without her understanding, without her being sure, then the bond itself will never be completed. She’ll never truly be mine.
“My soul has recognized yours,” I murmur, my eyes fixed on hers. More than anything, I want to see the confusion leave them. I want to see desire there again. I want her. I never knew I could want anything as much as I want her. It’s as if everything else has paled in comparison.
But she’s staring at me as if I’ve gone insane.
“What the hell are you talking about?” She presses her lips tightly together.
I know she understands what the ma
te bond is, but I can also see that she never expected me to say those words to her, and that it’s entirely thrown her. She looks more confused than scared, but I can see a flicker of fear behind her eyes, uncertainty over what’s happening right now.
“You’re my mate,” I tell her gently, keeping my voice low and soft. “I didn’t see it before. Lucy…” I try to think of how to explain myself to her, to show her who I am without going too deeply into things I’m not yet ready to share. “I’ve been a warrior since I was young. I’ve devoted my whole life to it, to the exclusion of all else. There has never been room in my life for pleasure, for love, for a mate. But it seems as if fate has decided otherwise. I know what I’m feeling now—it’s clear to me, as certain as the stars themselves. You’re my Irisa. My soul has recognized yours.”
I hesitate, my entire body and mind screaming for me not to speak the words I know I must say next.
“You’re not obligated to accept it, Lucy. And I think you know that. The bond must be accepted by both mates, willingly and without reservation. But…” I breathe in, trying to think past the heady scent of her arousal, the sweet scent of her skin. “I want you so much that it hurts. I thought it was just deprivation, just years of denial, but it’s more than that. I saw you up there tonight and I realized that you’re so much more than I ever knew. You’re strong, and brave, and beautiful…”
She throws out her hands, shaking her head. “Wait! Stop. Please. I can’t think, Tycran. Just… just give me a second.”
I lean back on my heels, giving her space. I’m acutely aware of both my nakedness and hers, of my own arousal, which has softened a bit but is still making itself known. I’m grateful now for my years of self-discipline, because without that carefully honed restraint, it would’ve felt impossible to keep hold of my patience. Impossible to sit here and talk about it, when all I want is to bury myself in her, to touch and kiss every inch of her until there’s not a part of her that my hands and mouth haven’t caressed.
“I just wanted a hookup,” Lucy breathes, looking at me with eyes that are still wide and startled. “I… I know about the bond, obviously. But I’m not looking for that. I didn’t want any of this fated mate stuff. I’m not ready for that. I just wanted to have some fun. You know, blow off some steam for a night or two.”
I lean back a little more as I watch her, fully aware of how entirely she can see me right now, every inch of my muscular frame on display for her. She shifts a little, her eyes flicking over my chest as her own arms cross over her naked breasts, and the sight of them mounding under the pressure of her arms is enough to make my cock leap and stiffen again, my groin tightening with arousal.
Her eyes drift down to it, and her tongue slides over her lower lip, pulling it between her teeth as she looks at me. I can see the desire filling her gaze again, see the subtle language of her body as she shifts, her thighs rubbing together. I know she’s wet there, her skin slick with it, and the memory of her hot flesh under my tongue and the taste of her makes my cock throb painfully.
Slowly, I move toward her, closing some of the space between us, ready to stop at any moment if she tells me.
“I want you, Lucy,” I whisper. “So deshing much. Making you climax like that… gods, all I want to do is taste you again.” My voice is a deep rumble in my chest, my eyes fixed on hers. “I’ve never needed anything the way I need you.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” she whispers, but she doesn’t move away or tell me to stop. “I want you too, Tycran. I have since…”
“I know.” I reach out slowly, touching her face. My fingers brush along her cheek and her jawline, and she leans into the caress, her lips parting slightly. “I wanted you too. But I couldn’t allow myself… I couldn’t think about it. I had to resist it. I tried to fight it—”
“—but you can’t anymore.” Her eyes meet mine, a deeper blue than my own, as beautiful as a cloudless sky.
“No. I can’t. I don’t want to.”
I close the last bit of distance between us and rest my forehead against hers. My leg is between hers now, my arm going around her shoulders, pulling her body to me. My cock is between us, hard and ready, brushing the soft skin of her stomach, and as the sensation pulses through me, I think for a second that I might lose control here and now.
“What if it’s not real?” She draws back a little to look up at me, and there’s something almost hopeful in her eyes. “Maybe it is just deprivation. Maybe I’m not really your Irisa, it’s just been so long for you…”
“It’s been once for me,” I tell her, my voice rough and low. “Once, a long time ago.”
Her eyes widen, her breath catching in a quiet gasp. “Only once? You’ve only had sex one time in your life?”
My mouth is so close to hers that I can feel the warmth of her breath on my lips. I can’t think straight. Every part of my being is burning with the need to claim her, to make her mine in every possible sense of the word.
“Yes,” I rasp. “But this is more than that, Lucy. I know it. More than just the years of denial. It’s you. I never felt desire like this until I met you.”
She moans softly, her body arching toward me as her hands go into my hair again. Relief washes over me, and I pull her tightly against me, pressing her back into the pillows as I kiss her hard, my tongue plunging into her mouth.
Gods, the taste of her…
I could kiss her forever. I will, if only she’ll give in and let me possess her. My cock throbs hard between us, and my hips rock against her, pressing myself tightly against the soft flesh of her belly. She gasps, her own body writhing underneath mine.
And then, just as I’m about to reach down and guide myself into her, just as I think that I’ll explode from need if I go another second without feeling her warm heat envelop me, she breaks away. Breathing hard, she pushes at my chest again, shaking her head.
“Fuck. Wait.” She looks up at me, her blue eyes wide and confused all over again. “I just… I need to get my head on straight. I didn’t expect this. What if… what if we have sex, and I feel bound to you afterward? What if it makes me fall in love with you even if I’m not sure I’m ready for that? I just…” She swallows hard, chewing on her lower lip. “Let’s just get through the mission, okay? Let’s finish what we came here to do, and then we can figure this out.”
I’ve done many difficult things in my life. I’ve faced terrors and hardships that would break lesser men. In this moment though, letting go of Lucy feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
But I do it.
Without a word, I nod, pulling myself away from the softness of her body and sliding off the bed. Not until I’ve safely gotten my trousers on again and Lucy has slid under the covers of the bed do I look at her. And even then, the sight of her flushed cheeks and kiss-reddened lips is enough to remind me that my cock is still rock hard.
I rarely allow myself any sort of self-pleasure. But tonight, I’ll be making an exception. I can’t have Lucy, but I also can’t bear this much longer. The need is too great for even my self-control.
“I’ll make a bed on the floor,” I tell her, my voice hoarse. “Get some rest. We’ll have to try again for the seeds tomorrow.”
I barely see her soundless nod before I turn away.
17
Lucy
Holy shit.
Holy freaking shit.
As Tycran tells me that he’ll make up a bed on the floor, I’m reeling from what’s just happened, so much so that I can’t do more than nod. My whole body feels as if it’s on fire, lust still burning through my veins. A few minutes ago, he was all but inside me. Seconds ago, he was pressed so tightly against me that I now know what every inch of his body feels like against mine.
And now he feels so far away that it’s as if none of that ever happened. All of his walls are up again, closing him off from me.
I don’t know how to feel about that. A part of me is screaming that I’ve made a huge mistake, that I should
’ve kept going, should’ve slept with him no matter what. I’ve wanted him so badly, for so long.
But I don’t know how to feel about his revelation.
About him saying that I’m his Irisa.
Even having seen the mate bond in person, and the other women who have been mated to the Kalixians, there’s still a part of me that finds it incredibly far-fetched. I know it’s real… but it also seems insane.
The idea that there’s someone out there that’s my perfect match, my mate, my other half… and that they’ve been hand-selected for me by some mystical force? Well, it goes against every logical instinct I’ve ever cultivated. And even though I know it’s somehow real because I’ve seen it, I can’t wrap my head around it happening to me.
I’m pretty sure I don’t want it to. But I want Tycran, and I don’t know how to reconcile those two things.
As I sit motionless in the huge bed, watching him get extra bedding out of the closet with his back to me, I try to pull apart all the feelings I have for him. I want to separate my own feelings from the mate bond, take the lust and desire and detach them from every other emotion so I can figure out what’s real.
But I know that’s not how this works. Just like love, the mate bond is complex, impossible to boil down to a single emotion.
If what Tycran’s saying is true, it’s the reason I’ve wanted him above anyone else, why I’ve so single-mindedly pursued him even when he acted disinterested, even when I thought he hated me. It’s why I, a smart woman who’s spent years living and working in a city where the rich and greedy and dangerous mingle, would have done something as insane as sneak onto a spaceship going god-knows-where with a man who I knew definitely would not be thrilled about it.