by C. A. Harms
“I think the real question is…” I ensured she was looking at me when I asked. “Do you feel anything at all for me? Do you ever find yourself wondering what you and I would be like together?”
“We can’t.” Avoiding my questions, she attempted to look away but I didn’t allow her to.
“You keep saying that, Jade, but that’s not what I’m asking you.”
We stared at one another and I didn’t miss the glossy look filling her eyes. “I’ve had a terrible track record of acting before I think. I’ve spend a majority of my adult life making all the wrong choices and I have to accept now that it’s no longer about me and what I want.”
“It is.”
“It’s not, Isaac.” A tear fell from her left eye and slowly ran along her cheek. “One wrong move by us and we could screw up the life of this child.” She placed her hand over her stomach and my chest grew tight. “We make the wrong choice and then we find ourselves barely about to tolerate one another because it all goes wrong. It’s this baby that will be the one we’re playing tug of war over. This baby that will be trapped between a mother and father who hate one another. That’s not fair. I’ve been that kid, and I can assure you that it changes who you are. It takes the way you look at life and love and it makes you wonder if it’s ever real. I don’t want that for him or her.”
So many thing rushed through my mind and I knew that ninety percent would only hurt her. Calling her out on her fears wouldn’t get me any closer to what I wanted than I was now.
“You really don’t realize how amazing you are, do you?” My question seemed to surprise her. “You’ve never had anyone put you and what you deserve first, and that saddens me and pisses me off all at the same time.”
I wanted nothing more than to find every man that had ever hurt her and make them hurt.
“I won’t push.” Assuring her, I slouched just enough to line myself up with her. I needed her to see me and hear what I was saying clearly. “But what I will tell you is this.” Jade closed her eyes and instead of continuing, I make sure to wait until she opened them once more.
She took in a slow, deep breath and then opened her eyes again, making my chest ache with how reddened her eyes were.
“Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could make me hate you. Whether you and I are who we are right now, or we become so much more, there will always be a special place in my heart for you. You’re the mother of my child, Jade, and yes, it may be earlier than either of us had planned, but that changes nothing. It’s happening, this is happening, and I can guarantee you that if you and I tried and we failed, that would never come between us raising our child as a team. Our problems, they will only ever be ours, not theirs.”
When I said theirs, I placed my hand over hers over her belly and again she closed her eyes. Her lower lip trembled and another tear fell over her cheek. Unable to stop myself, I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek, tasting the salty tear.
“We are linked together for life now, Jade.” Keeping my forehead resting against hers, I curled my arms around her a little tighter. “That means I’m always on your side, pretty girl, no matter what. That also means that regardless of what takes place between us, I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Jade
I couldn’t stop myself from watching Isaac whenever I thought no one was looking. After all the things he said, after how he put himself out there and then didn’t force me to respond before leading me back outside left me with a lot of feelings. Feelings that I still was unsure of what to do with.
I noticed the curious stares of those around the party when he and I stepped out of the back door. Mainly I noticed the way Jay watched him, as if he needed just one little hint that he’d done anything wrong.
My brother, my savior, but he didn’t have to be, not with Isaac. I was beginning to realize that.
“Seems like you and Isaac are getting along pretty well.” Ruby sat down in the chair next to me and immediately I looked toward the ground. “Don’t worry, I think most everyone is too occupied with the games to notice you staring.”
“I’m not staring.” Looking at her would give it away, Ruby would see right through me. She had learned all my tricks far too well.
“You are,” she leaned in to whisper, “but it’s okay.”
I didn’t bite back, but instead lifted my water to my lips and took a drink. I half expected her to go on and give me a little more shit, but instead she settled in and together we scanned over the yard.
Chicken in the pool, a bag tournament to the left, and to the right all the girls who were striving for attention. There were so many. Tiny bikinis and too much self-absorption. It was disturbing, really.
“If that girl pushed up her boobs anymore they’re gonna pop right out of that pitiful excuse for a swimsuit.” I covered my mouth to muffle my laughter as I looked toward Ruby. Eyes wide, her nose was wrinkled in the funniest way. “And those bottoms, my goodness, a thong at a fraternity cookout, wow. Just wow!”
“Have I told you lately how much I adore you?” She grinned and offered a little shrug. She could take the most awkward moment and make it fun in an instant.
“He’s watching you too, by the way.” I could feel my cheeks heat and I looked to where I knew Isaac was. Intermixed with the guys staring one another down. Who knew a game of bags could be so intense? “I’ve noticed that he’s spent the last couple hours always searching for you.”
“You’re insane.” Though her words struck excitement in me.
“It’s almost like he has to know where you are before he can settle. If he moves, he locates you and then seems satisfied once again.”
“And like I said, insane.”
“Why do you do that?”
Her question surprised me. “Do what?”
“Act as though you don’t deserve to have anything good. I’ll admit when I first found out that Isaac and you hooked up I thought, of all the guys in the house it had to be him. The one guy who runs away from commitment like his ass is on fire, but that’s not really who he is at all, is it?” I felt my heart begin to race. “Or maybe it’s just that he hasn’t found anyone worth committing to.”
“Not like he has a choice, I kind of have him by the balls now, don’t I?”
“And there you go again.” I noticed her quick moments and I turned to find her repositioned in her chair staring at me. “He does have a choice, Jade. He could continue being a whore and ignore what’s coming. He could choose to be an ass and not someone you can rely on. You know,” she glanced toward the guys once again but I don’t follow her movements. “Not once since that night you two had have I seen him with another girl. That’s gotta mean something because it was weeks before he knew you were pregnant. So you can say it’s because he knocked you up, but what about the time prior to him knowing, how do you explain that the biggest whore in the house hasn’t been with one girl since that night?”
I love her, yes, but sometimes, I really hate her too.
***
“Did you have fun today?”
I didn’t look back over my shoulder as I walked toward the front door of the fraternity house, Isaac’s footsteps behind me against the wood floor echoing with each step he took. I wanted so badly to face him, to tell him that I’d been thinking about every single thing he said, but to be honest, that was a conversation that would take great effort and concentration. At this point I was too exhausted.
I couldn’t jump into this headfirst. I had to be cautious.
All I’d been saying everyday since I found out I was pregnant was that it was time for me to grow up. Time to stop acting before I thought, but a huge part of me wanted to act. I wanted to take a chance and pray like hell that it didn’t backfire.
“Jade?” I felt Isaac place his hand on the small of my back and I paused. Turning me to face him, he was looking at me skeptically. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Nodding, I was reminded that he’d asked me a question I
never responded too. “Just tired.” It wasn’t a lie. I’d noticed my energy level wasn’t what it used to be. I’d grown accustomed to a mid-afternoon nap and today I’d missed it. I felt like a dud.
“Maybe you should stay.” I didn’t mean to, but I laughed as if what he’d said was the most ridiculous suggestion. “I’m serious. I’d drive you home but I’ve had a few beers and I think that’s a bad idea.”
“I’ll be fine.” I attempted to turn away from him but was suddenly pulled in toward him and found myself looking up into his pretty green eyes. Excitement shot through me and I averted my gaze to hide the heat that was flooding my cheeks.
“I can’t let you drive.” His voice was lower and I knew he’d picked up on my reaction to his closeness. It was almost like my body reacted to his and there was no way to stop it. “I can sleep on the couch.”
“I’m not taking your bed from you.”
Glancing back at him, I noticed the smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “I could share it with you.” Again a rush of heat filled my face. “I promise to keep my hands to myself.”
“I’m fine to drive home, Isaac, honestly, it’s not that far.”
I was fully aware that I was staring at his mouth, but the way he was smiling at me, the way his lips moved when he talked, it was all quite distracting.
“You probably could, but I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you.” My heart rate sped up. “And if I’m being honest, I really like the idea of you sleeping in my bed with me.”
“Sleeping?” I challenged with an arch of my brow and he chuckled, which only made me smile at him in return.
“I won’t take anything unless I have the green light from you.” Lifting his hand, he trailed his thumb along my jaw, and unable to control myself, I leaned into his touch. “I know you’re hesitant of this thing between us, and I’ll be patient. I won’t push you, Jade. But you should know that I don’t plan on giving up easily.”
“Isaac,” I whisper, unsure of exactly what I’d planned to say but I felt as though I needed to say something. Only he doesn’t allow me to.
“I’ll wait because there will be a day when you see it too. A day when you realize that you and I could be really good together.” Lowering his hand, he stepped back and held out his hand to me. “Now come on, let’s get you off your feet.”
“I don’t have anything to sleep in.”
Tugging my hand, he began leading me toward his room, peeking back at me over his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’ll find ya something of mine.”
My entire body felt warm, my pulse quickened. It would be so easy to fall for Isaac, I could see that now. He was nothing like I thought it was, he was so much more.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Isaac
The very second I woke enough to become alert to my surroundings I couldn’t control the smile that lifted my lips. Jade was so sure this thing between us couldn’t be more than friends, she was so sure that if we took a step forward it would backfire. But the way she was curled in close to my body, her hand resting on my chest, her breath fanning out over my bare shoulder and neck, you’d never guess that she wasn’t already mine.
I fell asleep last night long after she did. Instead I laid awake, listening to the slow even sounds of her breath. I accepted the way she slid in close to me as if searching for warmth and allowed myself to believe that it was more than that. Allowing myself to believe that she craved simply being near me.
I lay still at her side, waiting for her to move in closer and closer, which she did. Each minute that passed it was almost like a pull that brought her body toward my own.
The very instant I felt her hand glide over my chest I could no longer hold back and I turned on my side and accepted her fully.
Now here we were, even closer than when I’d finally fallen asleep, and all I could think was that I never wanted it to end. That was something I’d never felt before. That longing to have someone near, the need to feel her body pressed to mine.
For years I’d had meaningless sex, hookups that fulfilled the hormonal rush of every college student or young adult. I never looked for more, it was enough.
Until Jade.
That night I may have been drunk, but there were things I remembered, things that replayed in my dreams. Things I wanted nothing more than to experience once again. But it’s more than that, she was so much more.
Her smile was like a rush of adrenaline coursing through me. I wanted to see that smile over and over. Her timidness, it was refreshing because she was so beautiful yet she didn’t flaunt it.
Closing my eyes, I accepted when she curled in tighter, almost like she couldn’t manage to get close enough. I knew the feeling, the desire to keep her there forever was strong.
“You’re warm,” she whispered into the crease of my neck and it’s then I realize she was no longer asleep.
“So are you.” Gripping the comforter, I pull it tighter around us and form a little cocoon. Her giggle when I started to move my body over hers quickened my pulse.
“What are you doing?” Jade pushed on my chest, but I knew by the tone of her voice she didn’t really want me to move away.
Straddling her legs, I buried my head in the pillow near her head and her hair tickled my nose.
“You ogre.” She gripped my sides and tried to tickle her way out, only I didn’t budge. I wasn’t ticklish.
“Stop moving around, the heat is escaping.” Positioning my arms on either side of her, she had no way out. “Now lay still, woman, I’m comfortable and you’re messing that up.”
“This wasn’t part of the deal.” I gave it a few minutes before I pulled back and looked at her, I found her watching me closely. “I never agreed to be your snuggle buddy.”
“But I like snuggling with you.” My desire to kiss her grew stronger but I held back. With Jade I knew that I needed to. She was vulnerable, she didn’t trust easily.
“You don’t strike me as someone who enjoys cuddling.”
“Never did,” I assured her, there was no reason to lie. “Until now.” I watched her features, expecting a complete freak out or even some sassy comment in return. It was her mantra, get defensive, find an escape, anything to distance herself and build those walls higher and stronger.
But Jade only continued to watch me.
Her eyes scanned over me slowly from my lips up to meet my gaze once again.
“Does that line work on all the girls?” The way her throat bobbed from swallowing hard gained my attention. Almost like she wanted to believe that what I’d said could be true but her heart wouldn’t allow it.
“Never used it before, because it’s never been true.”
“Isaac…” The way she said my name was more of a sigh and I knew if I didn’t take the chance I would be back to square one before I could blink.
“Do this with me.” I didn’t allow the weight of my body to rest completely on hers but I did lower my chest, bringing our faces closer together. “I know that you’re worried it will change everything, and yes, it will, but I want that. I want to be able to kiss you and not feel like you’re going to run. I want to be able to spend the night, you and me snuggled on your couch, and it not be weird if someone shows up to find me there. I don’t want you to be afraid to trust me.”
“And when it all backfires and you don’t even want to be in the same room as me, what then? Will we be fighting over a child that isn’t even here yet? Or will we have to find someone to mediate and be the buffer between us when we have to pass them off for visits with the other? Play tug of war with an innocent baby because we ruined any possible chance of their parents being able to be civil?”
“Why do you think automatically that things will fall apart?”
Jade looked away, staring at my chest instead of making eye contact. “Because it always does.”
My chest grew unbelievably tight and more than anything I wanted to hold her in my arms and assure her that no matter what we would never
be enemies. Only I knew already that she wouldn’t believe me. Jade had been tainted in the relationship department. She didn’t believe in the good.
I was just about to give her another reason as to why she should give us a shot when my bedroom door came flying open. “The hallway downstairs is flooded.”
Blake skidded to an abrupt halt and looked between Jade and I, her eyes widening. I knew what it had to look like. Me on top of her, our bodies eighty-five percent covered in blankets. My bare shoulders showing that I very well could be naked beneath, only I wasn’t. But the visual, it was all there.
“Oh my God, I am so sorry.” She backed out of the room with her hand held over her eyes. With the click of the door, I turned back to Jade and found her staring up at me in horror.
“She’s fully convinced we’re doing it.” Shrugging, I did not attempt to move off her. “Isaac, I am serious. It will take less than ten-seconds for everyone in this house to get wind of this and you know what that means.”
“I’m not scared.” I knew exactly what she was referring to but I’d made up my mind. Jay was no longer a worry, for me at least.
Five, four, three—the door flew open so hard it hit the wall opposite it and there in the entryway was Jay. His nostrils flared as he took in our position.
“It’s not what it looks like.” Jade pushed against me and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Babe, do you really want me to move? We aren’t exactly decent.”
Jade’s eyes were the size of saucers and Jay looked like he was about to explode his face was so red.
“Do not poke the bear,” she whispered.
“You really shouldn’t say the word poke when you’re moving your body against me like you are right now.” I said it low, but didn’t really care if her brother heard me. Truth was this was between her and I.