by Debra Dixon
“She’ll lose the card before she gets home. Trust me.”
“Right,” Victoria said sarcastically.
“Well, what was I supposed to do? Go home and worry that she’d get left out, when a few bucks could make the difference?”
“Most people would.”
“I’m not most people,” he told her, using her favorite comeback.
“I’ve noticed, and I’m not complaining,” Victoria told him happily as she took in the homespun atmosphere and heard the laughter coming from all over the room. “You know, I’m used to dressy affairs in posh hotels with unappetizing appetizers. Even when I was a teenager the dances were kind of stuffy and formal. This is better. Much better. I’ll bet your prom was a little like this.”
“Wouldn’t know. I didn’t go.”
She turned to gape at him. Joshua didn’t strike her as the kind of man who had blossomed late in life. He had the kind of good looks that began with boyish charm and only got better. “Do not expect me to believe that you couldn’t get a date.”
“I probably could have gotten a date,” he admitted.
“Then why didn’t you go?”
“I didn’t go to dances.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t like crowds,” Joshua said. He avoided them whenever he could. Tonight’s foray into the throng was forced on him by Victoria’s refusal to take their relationship to the next logical step.
“But you’re here tonight. So how can you say you don’t like crowds?” she asked as he led her onto the floor.
“Because it’s true, I’m not crazy about crowds.”
“Why not?” she asked, intrigued.
Joshua didn’t answer right away. He was more concerned with the effortless way she flowed into his arms and followed his lead. His fingers curled around her hand and drew it to his chest. His thigh rode between hers as he caught the rhythm of the music. All of his senses were engaged in the reality of holding Victoria.
For a moment he didn’t even notice that he wasn’t catching the emotional echoes of the people around him. When the silence hit him, he realized that he’d centered all his awareness on Victoria, so much so that he had been able to tune out the rest of the world for once. He was trying to read her as he held her close, trying to finally get some sense of who she was inside. Nothing else had been important.
Still not answering her question about his dislike of crowds, Joshua rested his cheek against the top of her head and filled his lungs with the light, springtime scent she wore tonight. Unhappily, he accepted the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t feel Victoria the way he could other people. It was as though she’d erected a privacy fence around her deepest emotions so that none of them spilled onto him.
Until a few weeks ago, if he’d been asked to describe the kind of woman he thought he could make a life with, the number-one requirement would have been an emotional privacy fence. Victoria should have been exactly the kind of woman he wanted. Now he wasn’t sure. Not being able to grasp her feelings, yet holding her physically, disturbed him.
“Okay, so you’re tight-lipped about your phobias,” she said, breaking his train of thought.
Joshua chuckled. “Isn’t everyone?”
“I suppose.”
He pulled back to look down at her. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
She grinned and clutched him tight as he abruptly dipped her. When she caught her breath, she said, “My phobia is getting stuck with a dance partner who dips.”
“How unfortunate,” Joshua commiserated, but his expression was full of mischief as he righted her and danced a few more steps. “I don’t like crowds because it’s too damn hard to dip when you’re dancing.”
“That’s a lie.”
“Of course it is. You don’t think I’m going to tell you all my deep, dark secrets on our first date, do you?”
“I was hoping,” Victoria said.
He dipped her again. “I never tell my secrets.”
The moment of gentle teasing subsided as Victoria realized, that despite his flippant attitude, he did have secrets. She could see it in his eyes. She’d seen it that first day in the cabin, that subtle hint of mystery hiding behind a crooked grin.
“Want something to drink?” Joshua asked to forestall the questions he saw creeping into her expression. He lifted her up without breaking eye contact. “I think the strongest thing they’ll have at the concession stand is root beer.”
Shaken by her conclusions, Victoria quietly answered, “Root beer’s fine with me.”
Joshua wove them through the other dancers and gestured to an empty spot of bleacher. “You rest your bones, and I’ll go get the drinks.”
“Rest my bones!” she exclaimed. “You make me sound like an insipid debutante who needs a Long Island tea and a fan after a trip to the mailbox!”
“You did say you were from Connecticut,” he tossed over his shoulder.
“Were,” Victoria called after him as he disappeared in the crowd. “Were is the operative word in that sentence!” She was still brooding about his remark when he returned with drinks in hand. For some reason, he had touched a nerve she hadn’t even known was raw. Before she could stop herself, she told him point blank, “I am not a snob or a … a dilettante playing at being a midwife. This is what I do. Who I am now.”
“Hey, take it easy.” Surprised at the passion in her voice, Joshua frowned as he handed her the soft drink. “You say that like you have trouble convincing people.”
“Maybe I do,” she admitted, and self-consciously stirred her root beer with the straw. “Sorry. I guess that was simply a knee-jerk reaction on my part. You didn’t deserve a lecture. I know you were teasing, but I am so tired of everyone expecting me to be a certain way because of my background.”
“What do they expect you to be?”
“More like them and less like me, I guess. Richard expected me to continue to vegetate on the country-club circuit because my mother and his mother always had. My parents remind me at every opportunity that I’m not cut out for this. Although they’d probably change their minds if money or recognition were involved. Daddy loves the rich, and Mother loves the famous. They were hoping I’d be both. Richard had political aspirations.”
Very casually, Joshua asked, “How do you feel about that? Money and fame?”
“It’s probably a nice gig if you can get it.” Then she shrugged. “But neither of them is usually associated with my chosen profession.”
Her answer didn’t satisfy Joshua. He’d known too many women who were interested only in a page for their scrapbook. For some reason, he wanted a definite answer from her. He wanted some idea of how she’d react to who he was when she found out. He wanted Victoria not to care. He wanted to believe she would be surprised but not particularly impressed. “Then you can live without fame and fortune?”
She looked at him oddly. “I’ll have to. I’m not giving up catching babies for money and marriage. And unless you can come up with a way to turn me into a celebrity midwife, it looks like I’ll have to be happy just the way I am.”
While he was glad to know she wasn’t chasing notoriety, Joshua found himself questioning an unexpected comment. “You’ve ruled out marriage? One strike and you’re out? Is that it?”
“No.” Victoria sipped her drink. “I’ve just found that most men feel midwives are too intense. We are too prone to actually expect communication and support.” She grinned at the floor and wiggled her pink-tipped toes. “Most men run like rabbits from midwives. You guys don’t like sharing. You get cranky when we have to crawl out of bed in the middle of the night.”
“If you want to talk about sharing, let’s talk about you and that truck of yours!”
“It’s my truck,” she told him. The fight was an old and comfortable one by now.
Joshua didn’t bother to argue. He took the cup out of her hand and put both drinks on the bleachers. “They’re playing our song.”
“Friends don’t have songs.”
“We’re not friends,” he told her seriously as he stood up. “At least friends is not all we are if you’re honest with yourself.”
His tone of voice sent a shiver up Victoria’s spine. He was challenging her. They both knew what he said was true, but he wanted to hear her admit it. Somehow it was important to him. Victoria stumbled over saying the words. Once she confessed her feelings for him, they’d eventually end up in bed. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not next week. But eventually.
The only protection she had was the façade of friendship between them. Brush that aside and she would be emotionally naked.
“I’m not sure I want to be more than friends,” she said, picking her words carefully. “I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“Who the hell ever is?” he asked gently, and pulled her up. “Dance with me and let what we are to each other take care of itself.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she whispered.
“No,” Joshua corrected her, and led her onto the floor. He cupped her face with his hands and dropped a kiss on her parted lips. “You’re afraid of letting anyone inside. Just like the rest of us.”
He might not be able to read her mind, but he listened. He had a fair idea of Victoria’s problems, and they included being afraid of disappointment. That was a fear they shared. Both of them had been burned.
The kiss made him hungry for more, but the dance floor wasn’t the place to indulge himself. He let the motion of the dance do what he couldn’t right now. He came as close as he dared to making love to a woman in a public place without raising eyebrows.
He made sure that her breasts were lightly touching his chest. He liked the anticipation as they brushed against him unexpectedly, rubbing him. Victoria liked it too. Her face was flushed, and she sucked in a tiny breath each time contact was made.
Halfway through the song, Victoria knew they weren’t doing much more than wearing a hole in the floor and swaying, but she didn’t care. For once in her life she was attracted to a man who made her feel as though they had all the time in the world to explore each other. His hand trailed down her back and pressed her hips against his. She closed her eyes as her belly met the full extent of his arousal.
When Victoria wiggled against him, Joshua gritted his teeth. Once he’d worked his way to the edge of the dance floor, he said quietly, “We’re leaving. Now.”
Letting her eyes drift open, Victoria saw the passion in his. She liked that feeling of power, as though she had as much control over his reactions as he had over hers. Leaving was just fine by her. He wasn’t going to kiss her the way she wanted to be kissed as long as they were in public. “My shoes.”
“I’ll get them. It may take a while to find them.”
“I’ll wait right here.”
Inane conversation, but Victoria knew it said, in code, everything they wanted to say—“I don’t want you to change your mind.” “I won’t.”
Her mind was already skipping ahead to the motorcycle ride and the intimacy it created, when a woman’s voice broke her train of thought.
“Ms. Bennett?”
Forcing her irritation to go away, Victoria told herself that no one else could possibly know they were interrupting a fantasy. She turned and was pleasantly surprised. “Naomi! How many times do I have to tell you to call me Victoria?”
The woman shrugged. “I’ll try. It’s hard though.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, the other granny was older. I ain’t much used to someone close to my age.”
Victoria’s eyebrows shot up, and she felt the adrenaline surge through her body. “The other midwife?”
“Yeah, the one Ma used.”
Victoria closed her eyes for a second and crossed her fingers. “You don’t happen to remember her name, do you? I’d like to find her and talk to her.”
The pregnant woman’s brow furrowed. “I was only eight when she came the last time.” She worried her lip with her teeth. Suddenly Naomi’s face cleared, and she nodded. “It was Granny Logan, I think. Don’t recollect the first name, but the last name was Logan.”
SIX
“Logan?” All the excitement rushed out of Victoria. If the midwife’s last name had been Logan, wouldn’t Joshua have known her? He was a Logan who grew up in the mountains. He seemed to know a great deal about the different families in the mountains, almost as if someone had taught him local history and folklore. He ought to have known a midwife named Logan, but Victoria couldn’t think of any reason Joshua would lie.
Knowing that the memories of eight-year-olds weren’t always reliable, Victoria asked, “Are you absolutely sure?”
“I think … so.” Naomi frowned as if afraid to guarantee her recollection now that she thought about it seriously. “I’m almost positive anyway. But I could ask Ma if you want. She’d remember for sure. She might even remember where the woman lived.”
Excited again, Victoria touched the other woman’s elbow. “Would you mind?”
Naomi shook her head. “No. I’ll call Ma tomorrow when we get back from Sunday meetin’. I’d be proud to help. I appreciate what you done for me.”
“I haven’t done anything yet,” Victoria disagreed.
“You’re helpin’ us get that insurance.”
“All I did was mention that your husband qualified for the COBRA insurance continuation when his company laid him off. His company should have told him about it to start with.”
“Don’t much matter how it happened, Victoria. All I know is that I can sleep at night ’cause I’m not fretted about my baby no more. Or how I’m going to get a doctor without having the money to pay for the birthin’ till the insurance gets straightened out.”
“You pay what you can. Everything else will work itself out.” Victoria smiled, thinking about the dance with Joshua a few minutes earlier. “It usually does whether you want it to or not.”
Naomi smiled back and said her good-byes with a promise to call as soon as she had more information about the granny-midwife. When Naomi turned away, Joshua appeared at her side, looking at the pregnant woman with a glimmer of recognition in his eyes.
“Wasn’t she your first house call?”
“Yeah. That was Naomi. She’s going to research that midwife I’m trying to find. Her mother knows—” Victoria broke off as he gave her a mock bow and held out her shoes.
“My prince,” Victoria teased, and took the pumps as he steered her toward the lobby.
“Let’s hope you still feel that way when you really get to know me.” Or when you find out that your midwife is my grandmother, and that I won’t allow anyone to put her under a microscope the way I was.
She patted his arm and followed him off the dance floor. “I learned a long time ago that real princes exist only in fairy tales.” Standing in the foyer, Victoria braced a hand against his shoulder and lifted each foot to slip on her shoes. “The last time I looked, my life was not a fairy tale, so I promise not to be disappointed when you turn back into a frog.”
“And I promise not to turn into a frog too quickly.” Joshua pulled her out into the night, which had cooled enough for Victoria to rub her arms. As if he’d been doing it for years, Joshua slipped his arm around her and settled her next to his body. “I’ve got a light jacket in the seat of the bike. But until we get there, I guess you’ll have to rely on me.”
“What a concept,” she quipped. “Having someone to rely on. Do you suppose it’s possible?”
“You’ll never know unless you try,” he warned her.
Victoria’s hand slid around his waist of its own volition, and they walked entwined to the motorcycle. Verbal conversation ceased, but their bodies began to talk. Their hips bumped and rubbed lightly against each other as they made their way down the steps.
Victoria couldn’t recall feeling so safe and warm. His presence enveloped her, made her aware of the height and breadth of the man. Of the heat of his body. Of the possibility that the night would
end in intimacy.
She couldn’t pinpoint the moment when she had finally given up thinking of Joshua as just a friend. The hours they’d spent together would have taken up two months of dating in the real world, but she still wasn’t sure she knew him well enough. Oh, she knew him—that he hated salads and liked his hamburgers with everything; that he preferred prewashed faded jeans; that all the clothes she’d seen him in were natural fabrics; that he was a sucker for shirts in rich brown or gold or burgundy; that he loved the mountains; and a million other details—but she didn’t know about his past. All she knew was that he didn’t have much family left in the area, that he didn’t appear to need money, and that he was retired from some vague enterprise that required travel around the world.
Dr. Grenwald had called him a man she could trust with a secret. At the time it seemed an odd comment, since she didn’t have any secrets. Now she understood what he meant. Joshua Logan was an honorable man. He kept his word. He had earned respect.
All these details were more important than a biography, but she couldn’t shake years of hearing her mother say, “You can never know too much about a man, Victoria. People make bad choices because they don’t have the right information.” Hadn’t she made a mistake with Richard because she hadn’t asked what he wanted out of marriage?
Tonight she should have asked Joshua more questions, made him talk more about himself, what he wanted, and his past. But he always seemed to steer the conversation in the opposite direction. Common sense told her that she should call a halt to the rush of excitement that ripped through her as his fingers stroked her bare arm while they walked. But knowing and doing didn’t always go together.
For once it was nice to do what she wanted and not what she should. She wanted to believe in possibilities and not worry about getting too close and the risk of trusting another man with her emotions. She wanted to get on that motorcycle of his and let the wind blow all the bad memories out of her head and—Victoria almost stumbled as she realized why Joshua had the bike. You couldn’t think on a bike. Not when it was going that fast. Not about anything but the road.