by Blue Saffire
For four years, I’ve done my fucking job. Now, I have this feeling in my gut that tells me I fucked up. I don’t want to listen to the voices whispering that my best friend is no longer on this earth. It’s just not something I can stomach.
“Promise me this, Parker. If I don’t make it out of this desert, you’ll take your ass to Texas as soon as you can and make sure my sister is alright. I’m so proud of her. She’s doing her thing, but that bitch ass baby father of hers,” he paused to shake his head. “That motherfucker is going to make me put a bullet in his head.
“If I’m not there to do it, I need it to be you. Promise,” Myles demanded while locking those cola colored eyes on me.
“I’ll make the promise, but it’s not one I’ll have to keep,” I grinned at him.
I feel like a hole is blown through my chest as that memory surfaces. My eyes fly open. I have to get to Texas. I need to get to Lakia and Isaac. First thing I notice when I open my eyes, I can see, but I feel like I have tunnel vision. I blink a few times and still, nothing in my peripheral vision is clear.
I close my eyes, knowing that my SOF career is over. If I can’t see, I can’t be a part of the Special Forces. I’m done. Just one more loss, in a sea of more to come.
3
Lakia
It’s been a long day of edits and revisions. I have a new book coming out next month. So much on my plate along with it. I just want to get into my mama’s house for some of her smothered chicken and rice and peas.
That’s the benefits of growing up in the Redding home. My mama’s mix of West Indian roots and her Southern background are so good for the soul and the belly. She kept me eating good while pregnant with Isaac. It’s no wonder that little boy scoffs down anything she places in front of him.
I love my son to pieces and back again. He’s the reason I work so hard. I used to write a book a year and worked at the local college full-time. Once I got pregnant and had to stay off my feet, I started to write more and things just took off.
Funny how life can change in the blink of an eye. Toni has been the worst father in the world to my little guy, not to mention he has been a complete asshole to me. As much as I loathe him, I wouldn’t change having my son for the world. Not even if it means washing away that look of disappointment my big brother gave me when he returned home to my swollen belly.
Myles is a great big brother. He talked me through my bad times. I know he was disappointed, but he has never ever made me feel like he has thought less of me. He has been nothing but supportive.
I smile at the thought of my big brother. He’ll be home for good in just six months. Isaac thinks the world of him and has been counting down the days.
I turn the corner into my mama’s block and my veins run cold. I feel like my body is suddenly covered in dry ice. Mama’s house is at the head of the cul de sac, but even from here, I can see her crumbling in the doorway. I step on the gas, not even thinking. My car hops the small curb as I pull into her driveway.
I leap from the car while it’s still running. I move right past the Chaplain. I don’t need to hear what he’s come to say. I already know.
“My baby,” my mama’s sobs loud enough to shake my soul.
I sink to my knees and wrap Mama in my arms. Myles was her everything, he could do no wrong. She’d been so relieved when he told her he was retiring. I know she was secretly counting down the days herself, while praying for his safe return.
“He promised he’d make it home,” she continues. “This can’t be. It just can’t be. It’s not his time. I know it’s not his time.”
My heart is breaking. It’s breaking for my mama, it’s breaking for my son, and it’s breaking for me. My big brother could hang the moon. He was my protector, my voice of reason. The man I wanted my little boy to grow up looking up to.
4
Parker
A month and a half later…
This has been the longest forty-four days in my life. I spent nine days in the hospital in Germany, before being sent to Brooke Army Medical in Texas. They kept me for another twenty-five days on account of my head being more fucked up than it already was.
Just as I knew, my career is done. I have moments of memory loss and at any given time, I lose my peripheral vision. I feel like a fucking horse with blinders. My left leg was burned pretty badly. Even after the skin grafting, so much nerve damage was done, I probably will never move or run the same.
Fuck, I’d live with all that shit happily if Redding, Cooper, and Graves were still here. We lost damn good men out there. I lost family. My soldiers were a part of me. I still can’t believe Myles is gone.
The only thing that has made it feel real is the nagging feeling inside to get to Texas to his family. Myles words haven’t stopped ringing in my ears. I need to be around for his baby sister and his nephew. Forty-four days has been too fucking long.
I haven’t slept since I got on the plane from the base in North Carolina. I’d been there for ten days, itching to get my ass back here to Texas. It was the hardest thing in my life, knowing I was so close to Lakia and Isaac, but unable to go protect them the way my friend asked me to.
I’m here now. Hell, I couldn’t be prouder of her. I’ve been standing in this line for four damn hours with giggling, babbling men and women, clamoring to get into the bookstore for their signed copies of Lakia’s latest book.
I’m so damn proud. I can’t say that enough. Myles would like to see this shit. I could see him now with his chest puffed out. I swallow hard as I think of him and what this would mean to him.
“You can move up, Honey,” a voice says behind me.
I turn to see an older looking woman waving me forward. I turn back to see the line has moved ahead, leaving about three feet of empty space in front of me. At least I’m out of that hot ass sun. It wouldn’t have bothered me much had it not been for the two complaining in front of me, for the last four hours.
Nodding, I close the gap, bringing the table stacked with books into view. In the center of those stacks sits the most gorgeous creature I’ve ever laid eyes on. Everything about her is stunning, from her dark chocolate skin to her long lashes that fan her cheeks while she looks down at the book she’s signing.
I feel the breath leave my lungs when those lashes lift and her face turns up with the most beautiful smile on earth. She has Myles’ cola colored eyes, hers are slanted just slightly more than his. Her lips are the most lush and full I’ve ever seen, but just right for her perfect heart shaped face.
That smile, it’s lighting up the entire room. I look down to see I’m rubbing at my own chest. Damn! Myles wasn’t a bad looking guy and I’ve seen Lakia on a skype or two in passing, but I never stopped to look and take her in. I mean, I’ve thought of her as a little sister all this time—the way Myles presented her to me.
Now, I wouldn’t be a man if I didn’t take note of the stunning woman sitting before me. Time seems to move without me. Soon I’m standing in front of the table and those eyes are staring right back at me.
I feel like I’m a kid again. I can’t find my damn tongue to save my life. I feel like the geek I was before I went off to the military and bulked up. The teenager too shy to talk to girls at school. Not the confident soldier and known playboy I’ve become.
“Hi,” she says softly, into the awkward silence.
Well, damn, damn, and damn again. Her voice is the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. Soft, with a little rasp, but smooth like a well-loved whiskey. Fuck!
5
Lakia
He’s gorgeous. Something about him is so familiar, but I would remember meeting a man as fine as him. That black hair, those piercing blue eyes. He is tall as fuck. He has to be six-five. His body is lean, but I can see the muscles rippling beneath his t-shirt and his thighs need to have mercy on those jeans.
Hot Damn!
He’s the dirty, filthy, nasty shit my books are made of. The type of guy that dances in my head, as I write scene after scene. Tho
se full pink lips—and Lawrt, help me—he has something slightly nerdy about him. Maybe it’s the black glasses that are totally saying Clark Kent.
Yet, I know in my bones not to sleep on this man. I can feel the danger rolling off of him. It’s the same feeling I used to have around my brother. That simple knowledge by staring at him, yes, this man as killed before.
“Hi,” he says, shaking his head, seeming to try to clear it. “I’ll take two please, if that’s alright.”
When I continue to sit and stare, he nods towards the books. I feel my cheeks burn, I drop my head, pulling my lip into my mouth. His fine ass has me feeling all types of stupid.
It’s been so long since I’ve been a fool for a man. The last time it happened I ended up with a baby and a prick for a baby’s father. Just thinking of Toni gives me the kick in the ass I need.
I reach for two copies of my latest book, not lifting my head to look at him again. My hand hovers over the page, when it dawns on me I didn’t ask to who I’ll be signing the book. He probably has some pretty girlfriend somewhere that he stood in line for.
That’s sweet. Note to self. That needs to go in your next book.
“You can sign the first one to Parker,” his southern drawl rumbles and I promise you I have to squeeze my thighs together.
Parker.
My brows pucker. Hearing that name in that sexy voice triggers something within. I feel a deep sadness, but still can’t place where I may know this man from.
I shake it off and sign the book. My mind travels to my brother. The last month and a half has been one of the hardest times in my life. Losing my brother, then, my son’s father suddenly wanting to come around more—and not at all because he wants to see his son.
This book signing was just the break I needed. I feel like I can’t breathe at home. I have more deadlines coming, but it’s been so hard. I’m so grateful to my girls. Kaye and Dean are my rocks. They’ve been writing as long as I have if not longer and neither are afraid to give me a good kick in the pants.
“Darlin’, you can sign that second one to Redding. I know he’d be proud of you. I plan to take it to him,” that rumbling drawl breaks into my thoughts.
My head pops up, my hand in mid-air. The gasp that leaves my lips takes all my breath with it. I narrow my eyes at the man I was ogling just minutes ago.
Parker.
“Oh, my God,” I whisper. “Lieutenant Jake Parker?”
He gives me a tight smile and nods. Tears well in my eyes, I look beyond him and the line is still crazy. I bring my gaze back to him.
“Please, please don’t go. I would like to talk to you,” I plead.
“If you don’t mind. I’d like to come by your mama’s house tomorrow. I made a promise. I plan to keep it. You take care of these folks waiting to see you. This won’t be the last you see of me. I’ll be around,” he winks and my heart squeezes.
6
Parker
I slept for shit in my hotel last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about Lakia. It nearly killed me to see the sadness in her eyes when she realized who I was. Her fingers trembled as she signed the copy of her book for her brother.
Once she handed the book over, I wished I had waited at the end of the line. I could see finishing out the signing was going to take a toll on her. Still, I knew if I stuck around in plain sight it would only make it worse.
I watched her from a distance for as long as I could take it. Once my head started to pound, even with my glasses on, I knew it was time for me to leave. Last thing I needed was to forget where my hotel was, while in a city I don’t know.
Turning my head to the clock, it lights up 0400hrs. I groan, sitting up with a grunt. I haven’t been sleeping much anyhow.
In the hospital, I would lose entire periods of time. Just gone, forgotten. Other times, my vision would go, which led to the new glasses I’ve been wearing. I lost my shit once, when my vision went to shit and I forgot why I couldn’t see or where the fuck I was.
I wouldn’t say it out loud to the docs, but I feel like a broken man. I’m here to keep a promise, but I’m not entirely sure I can do what Redding asked of me. Although, I’ll die trying—I know that with everything I am.
Blowing out a breath, I rub my eyes. I want to get to Redding’s mama’s house before breakfast. I need to make a stop or two on the way.
Dragging my ass out of bed, I take a shower. I don’t bother to look down at the scarred flesh on my left side. I pushed my body to its limits to get back on my feet. The soldier in me needed to get to my assignment.
My mind turns to the mission ahead of me. I can’t get her eyes and lips out of my head. I lean forward, placing my forehead against the shower wall. I can feel my groin tighten, but I don’t have time to give it attention.
I also haven’t decided how I feel about all of this. I don’t know what Redding would think about me desiring his little sister like this. He’d probably kick my damn ass.
I shake the thoughts from my mind and finish up. I need to hit the twenty-four hour gym I found. I noticed I started to limp last night. At times the damage to the nerves sets in and I lose feeling. Docs said if I continue to work at it, the muscle memory may kick in. The damage could have been a lot worse.
I roll my shoulders, focused on the tasks ahead of me. I have a plan and I’ll stick to that. First, I need to make myself known to Myles’ family. They’ll be seeing a lot of me from now on. I want to make them comfortable with my presence.
I’m dressed and out the door fifteen minutes later. I press my lips at the black frames in my hand. I hate these glasses. Memories of high school flood my brain. I wore glasses from grade school all the way to the twelfth grade. My father didn’t see the point in me getting contacts. When I turned eighteen, I used the money my mama left me to get laser surgery. What a waste that turned out to be.
I stop myself from crushing the glasses in my palm out of anger. I remind myself—I’m alive and I have my vision. Placing the specs on my face and tossing my gym bag in the passenger seat, I climb into the vehicle I rented. I’ll find a place and get a car once I get settled with the family.
My phone rings, bringing me out of my mental planning and musing. I grit my teeth when I see my cousin’s name pop up on the screen. Ryder is a good guy, a retired Master Chief Petty Officer. He actually has been here in Texas with his mama and pop for a bit. If he gets wind that I’m in town, I’ll never get him out of my hair.
I’m not ready to deal with how I feel about all that’s happened. I shift in my seat, not comfortable with ignoring my family, but knowing I’m not ready to answer his call. I sigh when the ringing stops and the phone dings for voicemail.
Begrudgingly, I swipe to listen to the message. I grimace with guilt as my cousin’s familiar voice greets my ears. Thoughts of home and my daddy surface. He’d be pissed that I’m avoiding family.
“Jake, you can’t dodge me forever. Remember who I am. I know you’ve been discharged, you were cleared two days ago. I want to hear from your ass,” Ryder commands. I can hear him mumble under his breath, as he goes to disconnect the phone line. “Stubborn ass.”
A small smile tugs up the side of my lips. I’ll call him back later, before he has the entire Navy looking for me. I wouldn’t put it past him.
Suddenly, I’m not sure where I’m headed to. I try to remember, but my head fights against me the more I push. I refuse to panic. I know I have important things to do. I look around at the street outside.
Nothing provides me with a clue. Stopping at a light, I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. Something catches my eye in the passenger seat. It’s my gym bag.
The gym.
I nod to myself. I’m going to the twenty-four-hour gym to blow off some steam and work on my leg. My brows knit.
Come on, Parker. Strategize. Don’t let this beat you.
A horn blows behind me, bringing my attention to the green light. I pull off and turn into the first lot I find. I park and pick up my phone. Op
ening a free note, I make a list of my tasks for the day. When done, I program the GPS on the car for all of my stops and their locations.
You got this.
7
Lakia
“Girl, why on earth are you up pacing?” Mama breaks through my thoughts as I peek out the curtains. “Shouldn’t you be writing?”
It’s seven in the morning. I usually get up to get some writing done at this hour. I should be working on my next book, but I’ve been distracted. Parker—as my brother always referred to him—didn’t give me a time for when he would arrive. Yet, I’ve been on pins and needles, waiting for him to appear.
I’ve been staying at my mother’s house for a little over a month now. Those first few weeks were so hard on her. I could see she wasn’t taking care of herself. I wanted to be close to her, after Myles’…I still can’t even think the words.
The fact that we didn’t even have a body to bury makes this all so much harder. I wish there was more I could do to help my mother heal. I still don’t know where to begin for myself.
“You’re up early,” I reply, avoiding her observation.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she sighs, running a hand through her salt and pepper pixie cut. “It’s still not real for me. I can’t accept that I’ve lost my son.”
“I know, Mama. I…” my words cutoff in my throat.
“I need to busy myself. I thought I’d make breakfast, while you write,” she says, moving to the refrigerator.
I smile. The kitchen is Mama’s favorite place to be. She hasn’t been in the mood to cook much lately, this is good. I start for my seat at the nook, but the doorbell stops me in my tracks.