by Blue Saffire
“Fuck.”
That single word fans my confidence, and I open my mouth wider as he fills me. Looking up, I meet his eyes as he fucks my mouth. I gag a little when he hits the back of my throat, but that doesn’t stop me. I want more.
Xavier’s entire body shivers as I alternate between licks along his shaft and swallowing as much as possible, keeping my hands on the parts that I can’t take into my mouth.
“Fuck,” he swears again, wrapping my hair around his fist, forcing me to take him a little deeper. “Relax your throat, baby.”
I do. Try to at least, and he completely cuts off my oxygen supply. Tears stream down my face as he looks down on me, his face raw with desire. When my hands fist, he pulls out and my breath comes out in a whoosh. He gives me a few seconds to breathe before he does it again.
He’s pushing, I realize. And I want to be pushed, want to know my own limits. Want to know everything.
“Stop.”
I don’t want to, so I ignore him while I play. He curses and yanks me backward, his cock leaving my mouth with a soft pop. He yanks me to my feet, his hands biting into my upper arms.
“You’re driving me crazy, and I want this to last.”
The knowledge makes me smile. I might be in the submissive role right now, but he’s right. I’ve got the power. The knowledge builds my confidence.
* * *
His fingers dig into my ass, and he lifts me as if I weigh nothing. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I hold on while he carries me to the bed. The anticipation of what is about to come makes me light-headed.
Reaching into a drawer beside the bed, he pulls out a string of condoms, tossing the entire thing onto the mattress. “You planning on needing more than one?” I ask, half kidding and half hoping.
A growl is his only response.
Fascinated, I watch him rip open the condom, then roll it on. It’s sexy, watching him touch himself like this, and my desire begins to burn even hotter knowing how close we are to him being inside me.
My breathing grows heavier as he crawls onto the bed, his knees forcing my thighs apart as he climbs up my body. He nudges at my entrance, and I take his weight as he lowers down on me. His lips capture mine as he thrusts his hips, and in one smooth motion, our bodies connect. He’s inside me, thick and hard and deep, and I groan at the exquisite fullness. So good.
It’s heaven as he begins to move, sliding out and moving back inside. I curl around him, holding on, lifting my hips to meet his thrust. As he moves inside me, I surrender to all I’m feeling, wanting to remember every moment — for more than just the interview. I might not be a sexual warrior, but my body knows what to do.
“Tell me you want this, Caroline.”
I look up into his face, wipe away the sweat glistening on his forehead. “I want this.”
In that moment, I realize there is no more master and slave. No more dominance and submission. Right now, it’s just us. A man and a woman who want each other. Desperately.
Only for this night, I remind myself as his lips come down on mine again.
I give myself over to him, let myself be lost in his body. Lost in our pleasure. Forgetting everything outside this room. Right now, only the two of us exist in this world.
He rocks forward, then withdraws, and I cry in protest, clutching at him, trying to pull him back to me.
But he’s already thrusting forward again, even deeper this time, and I shudder. He withdraws again, and I pull him back. I can feel how deep he is inside me, the coarse hair at the base of his cock serving as sweet friction against my clit every time he thrusts.
His mouth slides down my neck, his teeth closing over the sensitive place where the curve meets the shoulder. Shoving an arm under me, he lifts my hips higher, and I moan as the new angle lights a new flame along my nerves.
Pleasure I’ve never known burns through me.
I gasp as he bites my skin, then begins to suck on the area beneath my ear, each pull in time with the rhythm of his hips, the head scraping over that spot deep inside me.
Oh... oh... oh!
I cling to him, a guttural scream coming out of me as yet another orgasm takes me into the ocean of bliss. Xavier growls, driving into me harder, faster, his mouth slamming down on mine again.
He tilts my hips higher and the friction becomes even more intense, almost too much as the climax goes on and on, like a wave that keeps building in strength.
“One more, Caroline. I want you to feel it again.”
For some stupid reason, I’m crying now, tears running down my temples. It’s the overwhelm, I decide. The pure surprise of my night ending like this.
It’s also him.
The way he’s looking down at me. The desire and pure passion in his eyes. For me.
He kisses me again, pulling my tongue into his mouth, sucking on its length. I’m begging for more in one breath, then in the next, I plead with him to stop, too overwhelmed for more.
But he doesn’t stop. He keeps moving, rocking in and out of me, his lips claiming mine.
As the sweet torture of another climax builds inside me, I throw back my head and cry out his name. “Xavier.”
He roars mine.
We come together, bodies shuddering as we move against and with each other, drawing out every last drop of pleasure until we can’t hold anymore.
When he slumps down on me, I take his weight and circle my arms and legs around him, needing our bodies to stay connected. I shudder as his cock pulses inside me, sending ripples of sensations ripping through every cell.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says and rolls on his side, removing his heavy weight from me.
I give a breathless little laugh. “I thought pain was the purpose.”
He chuckles deep in his throat and brings his hand down on my hip, the smack loud in the room. “This is the purpose, Caroline. This moment of perfect bliss.” He pulls back and looks at me. “If you agree about the bliss, of course.”
I nuzzle my nose in his chest hair, not wanting this moment to end. “Eh, I’ve had better.”
For a moment, I expect another smack but he chuckles and I relax against him.
What do I do now? Should I thank him, get up and leave? Wait until he tells me to go? I’m not sure of the sex club rules.
“In your article, be sure to write about the importance of aftercare.”
I sit up until I’m resting on my elbow. “You mentioned cuddling, so what we’re doing here is all part of the process? The purpose of making the sub feel special?”
“It’s certainly for the sub, but it’s also for the Dom. It brings humanity back into his or her consciousness.”
“It sounds important.”
“It is, for both parties.”
His abs contract, and he sits up, taking me with him until I’m straddling his hips. I sigh as he slips out of me, and I mourn the loss, then look down, wrinkling my nose at the gooey condom resting on his belly.
“Sex is messy.”
I nod, agreeing as he ties it off and tosses it into a trashcan beside his bed. A flare of jealousy hits me as I wonder how many other condoms from other women have landed there.
“You’re the first.” It’s like he’s able to read my mind. “I’ve never been with a woman here before. In fact, not in all of New York.”
Running my hands up his arms, I don’t stop until they’re on the sides of his face, stroking the stubble. “Thank you for sharing your opening night with me. You’ve given me much research to write about.”
“Are you sore?”
“Deliciously sore. Nothing I can’t handle.”
Wrapping his arms around me, he moves to the side of the bed, then stands up, taking me with him. I like how strong he is. It isn’t oppressive or scary, being handled any which way he wishes.
“I’ll run us a bath.”
“There’s a tub?”
He grins at me. “Yes. A tub and shower in each room. For play and aftercare. Meticulously cleaned bet
ween clients. You’re also the first here.”
I watch his ass as he walks away, and soon, hear the water running. He’s back moments later, a water bottle in hand. “Drink. There’s also strawberries and chocolate. You need to hydrate and nourish after an intense scene.”
After taking a long sip, I ask, “Would you consider that intense?”
He brings a plate of berries and chocolate to the bed. His gaze is intense. “Don’t you?”
“Yes. Very much. I just don’t have anything to compare it too.” I smile. “In hospitals, they ask you to rate your pain level based on one to ten. It’s impossible to know what a ten is until you’ve experienced it.”
“True. Would you like to experience a ten?”
My eyes widen. “No.”
He chuckles. “Then let’s get you cleaned up. After the bath, I’ll have my driver take you home.”
My happiness fades. This is it. He gave me what I wanted, and it’s now time to go. Something in my chest squeezes at the idea of not seeing him again.
Which is foolish. Stupid even.
And just like that, everything changes. The electric current that has been running between us all evening loses its charge. Or maybe burns itself out, I’m not sure.
Either way, I feel vulnerable and self-conscious… and sad. I don’t want to leave, but if I don’t go soon, I’ll cry. I’ll never forgive myself if I cry.
“Actually, no need for the bath.” I stand from the bed, pulling the sheet around me. “I understand the concept so no need for you to demonstrate.”
Xavier’s face turns neutral, and he backs up a step. “If you insist.”
I swallow hard. “I do.” Finding my panties, I slip them on, and haul ass over to my dress. In seconds, I’m tying it around my neck and slipping my feet in my shoes.
When I turn, I find Xavier tapping on his phone. I’m already forgotten.
He gives me a distracted smile. “Thomas will meet you at the private room entrance.”
And that is that.
Inhaling deeply again, I say simply, “Thank you. And thank you for the interview. It’s been very enlightening.”
He walks me to the door and reaches for the knob. But instead of opening it, he pulls me into his arms, kissing the top of my head.
I look up at him, wondering if he will say something more. If any words are spoken, he’ll have to be the one speaking them. I can’t — words all seem to be stuck in my throat. Xavier opens his mouth, then shakes his head and simply kisses me. It’s the softest, sweetest kiss I’ve ever known.
“Goodbye, Xavier,” I say and open the door, stepping into the hallway.
He reaches out for me then drops the hand, the muscle popping in his jaw. “Goodbye, Caroline Murphy.”
As the door clicks shut behind me, I realize I’ll never be the same.
9
Xavier
What just happened?
It takes all my willpower not to rush from this room, grab Caroline by the arm and haul her back inside. In the seconds that she’s out of my sight, I miss her acutely. It’s like some vital part of my body has been sliced away.
Which is crazy. Ridiculous.
But dammit, it’s also fucking true.
Running my hands through my hair, I scrub them down the couple days of growth on my face. Dammit. I feel exposed this way. I liked the beard, but growing it back out is pure hell.
Just like life post-Caroline Murphy will be.
Why?
I can’t figure it out. She’s beautiful, but no more so than any other woman I’ve fucked. She’s sexy. Smart. Dryly funny. There is no one thing that makes her different from the rest.
But I’m different with her.
I damn laughed during sex. I was damn tender with her. And god, I miss her, even though she walked away without a second glance.
Turning away from the door that I’m staring at, hoping it will open again, I head into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I’ll go back into the club, I’ll mingle with my guests before going to my office to work for a few hours.
Stepping under the icy water, I wash off, rinsing her scent away. That will help too. Our time is over. I only see a woman once for a reason. I have rules.
But they’re my rules to keep or break.
Hell, I already broken rules with her. Kissing, for one. And I’d removed her ties. I never have sex with the woman unbound. What the total fuck had that been about?
Shivering from the cold, I step out of the shower and towel off briskly, like I’m trying to remove her touch from my skin. Getting dressed, I leave the room where her presence taunts me.
Maybe she’s still in the club. She wants to interview the subs, after all.
And if she is?
If she is… I don’t know what I’ll do.
“You okay, man?”
Looking up, I realize I’m standing in the middle of the hallway, Logan giving me a curious look.
I rake my hand through my hair. Damn, it’s still wet.
“Yeah. Just thinking.”
He steps closer, curiosity transforming to worry. “Yeah, that girl must have been thinking too.”
My gaze snaps to his. “Caroline? Why do you say that?”
“Because I found her running down this same hallway, tears streaming down her face.”
My heart slams against my ribs. “Where is she?”
I start to move past Logan, and he steps in my way. “She’s gone, man. Thomas was waiting, and I put her in a car. X… what happened?”
How can I explain what happened when I don’t even know myself?
I attempt to move around him again. Again, Logan steps in my way. Irritation burns under my skin. “Get out of my way.”
“No. What happened?”
Grinding my teeth together, I have an image of my fist slamming into Logan’s face and force myself to take a deep breath. “I don’t know. It was good, then she seemed in a hurry to go.”
“Master X lost his touch?” Logan chuckles, then stops as he realizes he’s the only one laughing. “She’s under your skin. Holy fuck, the full body armor has been penetrated.”
Not just penetrated. Shattered.
“Don’t you have a job to do?” I ask him coldly, but my glare doesn’t faze him.
“Yeah. I think I’m doing it. Keeping the CEO from doing something stupid.”
I narrow my eyes. “Like what?”
Logan gives me a look of total sympathy. “Like making the worst mistake of your life.”
Frustrated, I push past him, shoulder checking him into the wall. “I don’t think that’s in your job description.”
He doesn’t follow, and I don’t look back. And I don’t stop walking until I’m back in the VIP section, the music vibrating through my chest.
But this time, as I look down from the balcony and into the beautiful building I renovated and turned into something I’m proud of, I feel…
Lonely.
Fuck.
How had she known?
How had she known I’m dreading Christmas this year? How had she known I avoid going home to my penthouse because the silence is too thick? That I’ve avoided a Dom/sub relationship because the submissives are afraid to challenge me?
She doesn’t know, but Caroline Murphy is a journalist and she must have sensed it about me, just as she senses a story.
Is that all?
Is that all I am to her? A story? A couple hours with a source?
Shit.
I’ve got to stop thinking about her.
To distract myself, I shake hands. Smile my thanks to the guests who compliment the club, thank them for coming. I feel like a robot programmed to follow the motions.
After some time has passed, Logan steps beside me. “Thomas is back.”
He says it so casually, I don’t understand at first. “And?”
He turns to face me. “He knows where the girl lives.”
Even though it wouldn’t have been difficult for me to locate her
again — her address is on file, after all — my pulse picks up speed because I know what Logan is doing.
I’m afraid.
I’ve not been afraid since I was a boy. Not since I was pulled from the back of my parents’ car by the emergency crew after watching my mother and father bleed to death. I went numb then, as I sat in the cold, my legs pinned by my mother’s seat, holding her hand while she died.
I’ve been numb ever since, I think, and I’ve never allowed anyone close enough to make me feel, to hurt.
My chest aches, and for a moment, I wonder if I’m having a heart attack. Or maybe that’s how it feels when the ice begins to crack.
“Go.”
I’m pulled from the past by Logan’s hand on my shoulder. “She doesn’t want me. Just the story.” Logan looks confused. “She’s the journalist who called you sixteen times.”
“Shit. Is that why you’re so fucked up? Is she going to bash us in her story?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
His hand tightens on my shoulder. “Then what?”
“She’s… different.”
“Then go after her.”
“And do what?”
Logan laughs. “I don’t know. Ask her out. Coffee. There’s this thing called dating that you might want to research.”
Dating.
I’ve not been on a date in nearly twenty years, not since before graduating college. The women were too filled with drama, wanting me to jump through too many hoops. During the rest of my twenties, one-night stands were easier. In my thirties, I began exploring the BDSM lifestyle and have never gone back, finding the rules comforting to a large degree.
“What if she says no?”
God, I’m pathetic.
The sympathetic look is back. “Man, I saw her, remember. She won’t say no.”
Glancing down at my watch, I’m surprised to see that it’s twenty minutes till midnight.
An idea crosses my mind.
“What?” Logan asks, sensing my mood change.
I look down at the dance floor below me, the stage where two men are having sex, then turn to the filled-to-capacity VIP lounge. Fuck it all. I’ve already missed most of opening night. I have something more important to do.