by Blue Saffire
“Hmm,” Victor puckered his face and looked straight at Melia.
“Okay, I know it doesn’t sound like me, but I did. I tried to be happy with taking care of her. Something about the feeling of sisterhood I had with Susan kept me tied to Luka. And Victor, I love him like I have never loved anyone in my life. But I knew it wasn’t right. So, I left. I didn’t want him to become a bad guy because of me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, before I left he came to me trying to tell me that maybe we could find a way to make it work.”
“Newsflash, honey — that doesn’t sound like something a nice guy, would say. Like ‘hello, my wife is dying of cancer in the next room, but we can still bang until she croaks.’ Where in the world do you find these guys, Melia? You deserve so much better.”
“Yeah? Well what does it say about me that I was tempted to take it, that I was tempted to betray a woman who’s kind of my friend now?”
“It was that good, huh?” A devilish smile crept across Victor’s face.
“Oh god, you’re incorrigible, seriously.” Melia looked at the wine glass between her hands and she grinned sheepishly. “But yeah, it was pretty good.”
“Oooo, sucia, I knew it. Give me details.”
“Well, he’s into some pretty crazy stuff. Susan told me he’s into that tying-people-up-and-whipping-them shit.”
“I had a boyfriend like that. Girl, you have no idea what you’re in for. But I mean, do you even like that?”
“I could have been down for trying it. It seemed really interesting…you know…if he hadn’t been married to my patient or what not.”
Victor rolled his eyes in mock exasperation. “Whatever. So?”
Melia felt heat flush up her neck. “Let’s just say he’s good with his hands.”
“That’s it? That’s all? What are you like in the fifth grade?”
Melia laughed. “Excuse me for having a moral compass.”
Victor pouted at Melia and looked at her from the corner of his eye. “Says the woman who was thinking about having an affair with a dying woman’s husband.”
“Well, when you put it like that,” they laughed and clinked their glasses together.
Luka was feeling overwhelmed and lonely. Melia’s quick departure had cast a gloom over the Rossiter household that had been impossible to dispel. Susan had become too ill to get out of bed and was constantly on her pain medication. Whenever she drifted to sleep, he escaped to what had been Melia’s room to lie down for a while. Luka was losing the two women he loved—one to illness, and another who didn’t want anything to do with him. He sighed and sat up. He had kept the room exactly as it had been since Melia left, and it wasn’t healthy. He began to straighten up and when he got to the desk, he picked up the book Melia had been reading. He was about to read the title when he saw envelopes. In Melia’s clear, curly handwriting, he saw his and Susan’s names. He opened the one that had been addressed to him:
* * *
Dear Luka,
It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. I know my leaving with such short notice will burden your family, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for having come to your home, which you and Susan so graciously opened to me, and upsetting the loving balance that existed there. I want you to know that everything that I felt was real. I loved you and I loved Susan, and there was nothing for me to do here except wait for the day that I’d have to say goodbye to you both. That would have broken my heart, and I didn’t think I could handle it. You are a good man, a good husband, and I can see that you and Susan share a love that I could only hope to experience one day for myself. Don’t stray from that path because of me. Be there for her, love her, care for her — and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for the end. This is for the best.
I love you (I just wanted to say it one more time)
Melia
* * *
Luka’s eyes filled with tears. He mourned for her, for the pain she must be going through, at how difficult it was for her to stay away from Susan — and from him. He had tried calling, texting, and emailing but she had blocked his number, and all of his messages bounced back unread. She had answered the phone at the number of the apartment where she had been living with a handsome man she had shared a home before but the second she had heard Luka’s voice, she had hung up and no one picked up the phone calls afterwards.
He took Melia’s letter to Susan. Her eyes blinked open slowly and she struggled to understand what Luka was saying to her through the dense fog of her pain medication. She sat up slowly, a pale, miniature doll among her pillows.
“Read it to me, Luka. I can’t read that right now. My eyes hurt.”
* * *
My dearest Susan,
I’m so sorry for not being able to be there with you in your darkest moments. You have become more than a patient for me; you were a friend, a sister, a mother. I have enjoyed every last second of our time together. I hope that I was able to bring some comfort and joy to you in the time that I worked for you and your family. Enclosed is a check for the wages you and Luka paid me during the last few months. I don’t want the money. Consider the care I gave you a parting gift of friendship and not an agreement between an employer and their employee. I am so, so, so sorry that I couldn’t be there, but if I’m being honest (and you deserve that from me). I fell in love with your husband. Don’t be angry with him. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t do anything, he tried to push me away and I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. My love and respect for you kept me from doing what I have done so often in my life. I will not betray the love that exists between you and Luka nor the love that I hope still exists between you and me. Again, please don’t blame him, and I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me, although I would understand if you didn’t. I hope that God, the universe, whatever it is you’re praying to today, blesses you.
Love,
Melia.
* * *
A tear slid down Susan’s cheek. “Luka, she didn’t know?”
“I tried to tell her but I think she misunderstood — and then she left. She didn’t answer my messages or my phone calls.”
“That poor girl. I thought she hated me for meddling but she thinks I hate her for getting in between us. This can’t end like this. Grab me a notepad and a pen.”
“Susan, you’re tired. We can do this some other time.”
Susan looked at Luka with flashing eyes and spoke to him through gritted teeth. “When? When I’m dead? I said give me a piece of paper and a pen, Luka. Don’t make me ask you again. Melia is suffering because of us. I want her here. I don’t feel like I’m going to be here for a very long time, and I need her to come back.”
Luka rushed to the spare bedroom and grabbed a notepad and a pen. He got the pop up table he had been using to serve Susan her meals in bed and put it on Susan’s lap. Laboriously, painfully, Susan put her pen to paper and began to write a letter to Melia. Together, they paused, poured over the letter and made sure that it captured what they wanted to say concisely.
“Go,” said Susan. “Take the letter to Melia.”
Luka shook his head. “I can pay a messenger to deliver the letter.”
Susan coughed violently and shook her head. “I want you to take the letter. She should see that you brought it yourself.”
“She might not even be there.”
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take.”
“What about you?”
“I’m going to be fine, Luka. Just go. The longer you sit there talking about it, the more likely you’ll get stuck in traffic — and then you’ll really be away for a long time.”
Luka shook his head slowly. “You’re a master manipulator you know that?”
Susan coughed and smiled impishly, “And you thought you were the one with all the control.” She winked at him and gestured for him to go.
A darker and handsome man opened the door of the apartment. Luka recognized him fro
m the photos that had been on the walls when he went to pick Melia up. There was a hint of recognition in the man’s face as well, although Luka couldn’t tell if they had ever met before.
“Is…is Melia here?”
Victor shook his head. “No, she stepped out.”
Luka sighed. He handed an envelope with Melia’s name on it to Victor. “Can you give this to her? It’s very important. My wife is dying and she wants to see Melia one last time before she goes.”
“My condolences. I’ll give her the letter as soon as she gets back.” The man looked Luka up and down with appreciation. “And for what it’s worth, honey, you’re much hotter than Melia said you were.” He winked and closed the door, leaving Luka in a state of confusion. The man had just hit on him…hadn’t he? That would explain the lack of photos of Melia on the walls as well. Maybe they weren’t together, after all? Perhaps they were just friends. The idea of Melia shacking up with a gay man made him feel better for some reason. He sauntered back to the car in better spirits. Once Melia read the letter, there was no way she wasn’t going to come to them — and then everything would be cleared up and work itself out. It had to.
10
Melia found Victor reading a letter when she got back from the grocery store. She placed her bags on the counter.
Victor handed her the letter and left the room. Melia looked down and saw Susan’s shaky handwriting on the paper. From the erratic letters she could tell that Susan was not doing so well and it pained her to know that. She unfolded the paper in trembling hands and took a deep breath as she read:
* * *
My sweetest Melia,
I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to respond to your letter. I hope you didn’t think that it was done from some callous unfeeling place. I am writing this moments after having found yours hidden beneath a book. Had I known everything that was in your heart I would have told you sooner what I’m going to tell you now. I, too, love you and have felt the warm shine of life that you have cast on this house. Without you, my last days would have been dull and lonely. You have been a constant companion, a nurse, a friend, and yes, like you I also felt a sisterly affection towards you. That is why I want you to know that I chose you. I wanted you to be my home attendant because I thought that I could leave this world in peace knowing that such a beautiful, intelligent and wonderful woman would be taking care of my loving husband—who we can both agree is not that great with words, or perhaps we’d be having this conversation face to face instead of through these letters. I hope you don’t think it strange or forward of me, but my love for Luka stopped me from being able to leave him alone in this world to mourn me without a companion at his side to help guide him through these dark days. I don’t feel betrayed by your confession; I rejoice at it! I am glad that you and Luka love each other so much. It makes me feel like I have made the right choice and can go to rest now. The only thing missing… is you. I am not feeling well. I feel that at any moment my time on this earth will pass and it will be time for me to go join whatever is out there after death. I need you here. Please come back, Melia. Don’t make me embark on that journey without you by my side. Hurry, please.
* * *
With love,
Susan.
* * *
Melia’s eyes swelled with tears and she let her arms fall limply at her sides. Victor came in behind her and hugged her tightly.
“Melia, you have to go.”
“I don’t know, Victor. You read the letter. You don’t think this is weird?”
“Fuck yeah, it’s some weird and kinky shit, but enserio, we can’t control how love comes into our lives, niña.” He turned her around and put his hands on her shoulders. “This is what you wanted. Susan isn’t angry with you. She loves you. Luka loves you.”
“I’m afraid.”
Victor tapped his foot. “Of what, girl? I thought you were never scared of anything.
“What if this fails? What if I go over there and Susan is just saying crazy shit because she’s doped up? What if she’s serious, and we get there and the reality is that what’s between me and Luka is all physical? What if he only loves me for my body and doesn’t really love me?”
Victor shook his head. “Honey, I’m gay and I’m telling you that any man worth his shit who likes girls would be crazy not to want to be with you. And how can you know any of this if you don’t go out on a limb and try.”
“I don’t know…” Melia frowned and tried to make sense of the swirling thoughts and emotions that were clouding her mind.
“Bueno, I’m going to make it easier for you.” Victor put his hands on his hips. “Get out.”
“What?” Melia sniffled.
“I said, get out. I’m kicking you out. I cannot have you all up in my house crowding up my apartment and messing with my game.”
“Are you—?”
“Yes, I’m kicking you out.” Victor handed Melia her car keys and sweater and started to push her towards the door. “Go. Go get your man, Melia, before I try to steal him from you.” He blew her a kiss and slammed the door in her face. She turned and ran to her car, her blood pounding through her veins.
Susan had called for her, it was time to home and be there next to her dying friend.
Melia drove like she had never driven before in her life. She used the spare key under the rug to let herself into the Rossiter’s house and sprinted up the stairs. She arrived at the bedroom, out of breath.
“I’m here,” she cried.
Susan slowly turned her face to Melia. Her chest heaved and her breath was loud, rattling in her chest. Her face lit up with recognition. She said something inaudible to Luka, who nodded and stood up. As he passed her in the door, he hugged her.
“Thanks for coming back. It means so much to us.”
Melia struggled to keep her composure. She walked into the room and signaled to Susan that she didn’t have to sit up. She pulled a chair to Susan’s bedside and clasped her cold tiny hands in both her warm ones. She shook her head, and opened and closed her mouth a few times. She cleared her throat.
“Susan, I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.
Susan’s eyes filled with tears. “Then just listen, Melia.” She adjusted her breathing tube so it wouldn’t be in her way. “I have loved that man for many years, but my time is up now. You must think me strange or unkind for attempting to manipulate you two into being together.”
Melia shook her head and squeezed Susan’s hands. “No, no. That’s not it at all, Susan. I just didn’t know.”
Susan coughed. When the fit was over, she gasped and declined the water Melia offered her. “He’s not the best with words. He’s a quiet guy, really likes to think things through before acting. I pushed him to talk to you before he had the words ready and I think that’s why when he tried to talk to you he wasn’t articulating it the way he wanted to. But I’ll let him explain to you how he feels in a moment. Right now, I need you to make me a promise.”
Melia nodded. “Anything for you.”
“Love him. Cherish him. Take care of him for me.” Her voice broke. “I’m scared for him. I want to go knowing that I’ve left him in good hands. Promise me that you’ll be there for him.”
Melia nodded. “Of course. If he’ll have me, I would do that gladly.”
Susan smiled weakly. “I know you would. And I know you’d do it well.” She closed her eyes for a moment and sat in silence. When she opened them again, the light in them had dimmed slightly and she spoke to Melia as if speaking from a great distance. Melia had to lean in to hear the rest of her words.
“I’ll give him to you, but don’t let him forget me.” Susan began to cry openly. “Don’t forget me. I don’t want to go and be forgotten. I didn’t have any children, and I feel like once I die my memory will be wiped off the face of this earth. Don’t let him forget me.”
Melia wept. “Of course not, Susan. Neither of us, not me or Luka, could ever forget you. I won’t replace you, that’s not wha
t’s going to happen. We will love and cherish and honor your memory forever. You have brought so much happiness into our lives. How could you ever think anyone could forget you? You are light. You are the light in this darkness. You took this lost girl and you shone a beacon for her to find her way home. I love you, Susan. I will never, ever, forget you.”
Susan closed her eyes again and nodded. “I think Luka wants to talk to you. Once you do that, can you come back here and sit with me, the two of you?”
Melia smoothed Susan’s knit cap and kissed her forehead. “Of course. I’ll make it quick.”
Melia found Luka pacing the hallway outside of the master bedroom. When he saw her come out of the bedroom, he lit up. “I tried to tell you,” he said as he strode towards her.
“I know,” she said as she clung to him. He kissed her, the warm pressure of lips against hers brought her back to life and she felt all of her fear melt away. She was ready to give herself up entirely to this man. “I love you.” She looked up at him, her eyes filled with child-like wonder. “I love you, Luka. I just need to know…”
Luka smiled at her and pulled her closer. “I love you, too. I have loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you, and I’m only sorry that I fucked things up so badly and that we met under these circumstances.”
Melia kissed him over and over, kissed the tip of his nose, his cheeks, his eyes, and along his jaw line. “Let’s go. Susan’s asking for us.”
Susan smiled when Melia and Luka walked into the bedroom holding hands. She painfully moved over in the bed and indicated to them that she wanted them close to her. Melia and Luka climbed into bed on either side of Susan and hugged her. Luka and Melia each grabbed one of Susan’s hands and stretched their arms across her frail body to hold each other’s hands. There was a sad but jubilant peacefulness in the air. Susan sighed.