by R. W. Holmes
“If it's worth anything, he was literally born today” replied Kennedy. “I mean, sort of?”
“No no, it's accurate” said Cypress. “Hell is not a place where you live.”
Within the bathroom, Zinerva had helped herself to climbing into the bathtub alongside Shay.
“So, what's our existential crisis about today?” she asked with a smile.
“You wouldn't understand” Shay sulked. “I'm just this tiny disgusting thing that everyone looks down on and assumes the worst of.”
“Okay...” Zinerva murmured awkwardly. “You just described an imp, so you might want to reconsider what I do and do not understand.”
“No! You don't understand!” snapped Shay. “Everyone hates me so much. I'm just-,”
“Has your family disowned you?” asked Zinerva.
Shay paused. “What?”
“Has your family disowned you?” Zinerva asked again. “You have parents, right? Have either of them ever told you they don't love you? Has Emily abandoned you? Also, what's it like to have parents?”
“Well...” Shay started, before realizing the argument was beginning to turn against her. “That's not the point!”
“Then what is?” asked Zinerva. “Seriously, get to it already. I don't actually like you, I just want to leave the college and we need you to do that.”
“That's the problem!” snapped Shay. “No one cares! If I wasn't a princess, no one would want anything to do with me!”
“Does it actually matter to anyone out there that you're a princess, though?” asked Zinerva. “I mean... Emily is stuck with you either way, and the rest of us have no idea what that even means.”
“But the moment we leave, it'll be the only reason anyone still wants me around” said Shay.
“Uh, yeah” agreed Zinerva. “No one wants to be around a whiny little bitch who kicks and screams about how much everyone hates them. It's way more satisfying to abandon you and prove you right at that point anyway.”
“You're so mean!” Shay shrieked.
A loud, ear-splitting smack echoed throughout the bathroom, and even reached the rest of Kennedy's dorm. A knocking followed at the door, and Emily's voice pierced the air.
“Shay, Shay are you okay?” she called fearfully. “Is everything alright?”
“She's fine” Zinerva called back. “I slipped on a towel.”
Shay, meanwhile, stared back at Zinerva fearfully from over the hand clapped to her mouth to keep her quiet with only the sting on her cheek for company.
“Now...” Zinerva said as she turned her gaze back to Shay. “If you want to see me be mean, I can be mean. I am mean.”
Shay winced as Zinerva socked her in the gut next.
“I know a dozen ways to make you scream in agony without ever leaving so much as a mark” continued Zinerva, before grabbing a few strands of hair from the center of Shay's skull and ripping them out.
Shay squealed fearfully, but her no sound escaped her hiding place turned prison.
“You know what I just discovered I can't stand, though?” asked Zinerva. “Someone telling me I'm mean when I'm trying to be nice. Do you know how hard it is for me to be nice? To care about your insignificant little problems? You're garbage. And no one, myself included, is going to treat you like anything but that because you've gone ahead and built a castle out of your garbage can.”
The door to the bathroom crashed open, and Zinerva flung Shay bodily through the air and smiled as she collapsed at Emily's feet.
“Pep talk is over” she said happily. “I've decided that we're all going to put on a great big smile and work together to get out of this place. Partly because being cooped up is making us crazy, but mostly because I want to see a planet.”
Kennedy and Cypress looked to Gael, who shrugged and said, “Sure. Assuming Emily and Shay still want anything to do with us.”
“That depends” Emily replied as she helped Shay back to her feet. “Shay, what did she do to you?”
Shay lifted her gaze tepidly, her eyes watery and her cheek red from where she had been slapped. “She beat me.”
Zinerva scoffed. “That's not fair” she said indignantly. “A lot happened before I started hitting her, and it wasn't a 'beating'.”
Emily clapped a hand to her head and stood up.
“This is insane” she said in horror. “What was I thinking? Of course the Fae are justified. They can't be wrong all of the time, and there's nothing redeemable about-,”
“Hey!” Gael snapped quickly.
Emily paused, and all eyes turned to Gael as he realized that he didn't actually have anything to say. He knew he couldn't let Emily's opinion of them turn now though, not when he was finally certain she wasn't with the Fae.
“Let's, uh, let's hear Zinerva's side of the story first” he said feebly.
Zinerva grinned widely and hopped forward excitedly.
“Well first, I was super nice” she said quickly. “I repeated all of the things she wanted Emily to hear, because she was having an existential crisis and demons know a lot about existential crises. And then Shay started complaining, which was really boring because it felt kind of rehearsed, and she was all 'no one likes me for who I am, they only like that I'm a princess', and I was like, 'no, I like you because I want to leave the college', and-,”
Gael grimaced as Emily's expression grew sour. Panicking, he quickly interrupted Zinerva by saying, “Get to your point!”
“Right, so anyway, she called me mean” replied Zinerva.
Emily cocked her brow confusedly. “She called you mean?”
“Before I did any of the actually mean stuff” Zinerva clarified. “And then I got mad, more mad than I've ever been in my entire life. And I've screamed like a lunatic and bit someone's ear off before, but this was worse than that. It was... quiet.”
“That doesn't make any sense” Cypress said confusedly. “Shay, why would you accuse her of something like that when she was doing the opposite?”
“Wait, that's what's you're taking from this!?” exclaimed Emily.
“I just don't understand why someone would do it” Cypress replied with a shrug. “It's so stupid, and insulting... I think I'm getting upset just from thinking about it.”
“I mean... that's something, right?” said Gael. “Growing pains.”
Emily looked to the frightful, uncertain college student that was Gael incredulously. “Growing pains” she said placidly.
“Yeah” replied Gael. “None of us know much about demons yet; even the demons themselves are unaware of who they really are. Clearly, when a demon is being nice because they choose to, it's not a good idea to insult their kindness.”
“Why is that a demon only thing!?” snapped Zinerva. “Why are people insulting other peoples' kindness if they're not looking to fight?”
“Why do you care about kindness at all!?” asked Emily. “You're a demon! You do horrible things for fun!”
“Yeah, okay” Zinerva said as she rolled her eyes. “But insulting someone's kindness? That's business. Dirty business. Doing it for stupid reasons like she did is... unprofessional. Disrespectful.”
“Damnable” Cypress added pointedly.
“That doesn't-,” Emily started.
“If I threw a salt shaker to the ground and it spilled all over the place, and Shay or some other fairy slapped me for doing it, would you think it was necessary to consider them all violent monsters?” Gael said quickly. “Or would you understand that them being different isn't necessarily them being inherently evil? Because I'm pretty sure Zinerva and Cypress aren't inherently evil.”
“We're extremely predisposed” Zinerva said proudly. “And, you know, just pretty nasty in general.”
Emily glared at Gael, her eyes burning a hole through him and every one of his motives. But for every ounce of fear and trepidation she felt pouring off of him, there was more of something she could trust and understand.
'He's terrified' Emily thought to herself. 'They both
are. I think the demons are, too. This place reeks of fear and stress, and I'm getting hung up on an imp slapping a fairy for insulting her.'
“I need you” Emily acquiesced. “All of you, if getting out of here is going to be any sort of safe.”
“It's true, actually” Zinerva said brightly. “I think I figured out how to get everyone out a moment ago.”
“Oh yeah?” Kennedy said with a smile, eager to change the subject. “How's that?”
“I'm going to slap the guards like I slapped Shay” said Zinerva. “And then I'm going to make them chase me. Then, once you've all slipped out the exit, I just kill myself and let Gael summon me again.”
“Oh my God! You have no downtime!?” Emily exclaimed in awe. “How did we ever drive demonologists to extinction!?”
Before anyone could respond, a sudden, ominous knocking sounded at the door.
“Friend of yours?” Kennedy said hopefully to Emily.
“Cypress should answer the door” Shay said immediately, her voice hushed so as to keep quiet. “Kennedy can just bring him back if it's something bad, right?”
“Jacky doesn't know about Cypress yet, though” explained Gael. “Zinerva, go ahead.”
Zinerva nodded cheerily and hopped over to the door, before opening it and looking up at the person waiting for her on the other side.
“It's Jacky” she said plainly. “She's holding her gun up. Not like, at me. Up and away.”
A series of distrusting, bewildered looks were exchanged by everyone within the dorm, before the Jacky's forty-four magnum was tossed into the room and erupted into a cacophonous clattering.
“I'm not here to fight!” Jacky called from outside. “I'm serious. This is serious.”
Emily stood up and gestured to Shay, who revealed her translucent, gossamer, butterfly-esque, fairy wings and fluttered up to her shoulder. She stepped up to the door, and was greeted by an immediate and fairly unsurprised “Oh!” from Jacky.
“Was it you who killed Deacon and Bernard?” she asked, her voice more curious than accusing.
“We are killing each other on sight, aren't we?” replied Emily. “How did you get on campus?”
Jacky snorted derisively and said, “I've been on campus waiting for these assholes to leave the entire time.”
“These assholes expected that” Gael called out triumphantly.
“Whatever, I don't care about demons or Fae or outcasts or any of that anymore” said Jacky. “I'm calling for a truce.”
“Why would we agree to a truce now that we have the upper hand?” Shay asked suspiciously.
Ginger manifested within Jacky's arms then and replied, “Because the fucking R'lyehans are here, trash princess.”
Shay narrowed her eyes at Ginger angrily, but held her tongue.
“What do you mean the R'lyehans are here?” asked Emily. “The R'lyehans never leave Earth.”
“Yeah, well, they make an exception for mister world's best school project in there” said Jacky. “And there's a bunch of them. It's already all over the news that the security officer and air traffic controllers who saw them arrive are dead. All of these deaths and accidents are lighting the place up, too. Security is going crazy.”
“Someone needs to elaborate on all of that” Gael called from within the room. “Everyone is killing everyone lately. What makes these guys so bad?”
Jacky sighed and pushed her way into the room, before slamming the door shut behind her.
“Why are they so bad?” she said incredulously. “Because the R'lyehans didn't actually kill a single one of them. They were driven insane. The air traffic controllers clawed their own faces off, and the security guard bashed his head against the wall until his brain hemorrhaged!”
Kennedy's face screwed up in confusion. “Uh... how?” he asked.
“Yes, do tell” said Cypress.
Jacky sneered at Kennedy, but then looked to Cypress confusedly. “Who the hell is he?”
“You assholes were going to kill me for knowing something about demons anyway” replied Kennedy. “Why wouldn't I summon one my own for protection?”
“Okay, can we stop cursing?” Shay said sheepishly. “M-My ears, they-,”
“Oh geeze...” Ginger said in disgust. “Burning ears? You're greener than the field you were born in.”
“She wrecked Deacon and Bernard's fae, though” Jacky hissed at Ginger. “Let's not forget the most important fact of all here: the three most competent summoners on Enterprise Island are in this room right now, and-,”
“Hey, four most competent” said Kennedy. “We already knew you had a gun, and we have one of our own, because of Cypress and me.”
“Don't sweat it, man” added Gael. “They didn't get to see you with the goat, and you got knocked out in the last fight before we even really knew we were fighting.”
“Alright alright, everyone quiet down!” exclaimed Zinerva. “No more talking. Are we getting off of Enterprise Island together, yes or no?”
Emily scowled at Jacky, before turning to Gael, Kennedy, and their demons and saying “She gave up her gun. We can check to make sure all of this is really happening before we give it back, so I don't think she's-,”
“Hold on” Zinerva said as she scooped up the large, plastic rectangle that was Kennedy's computer. She tapped the screen a few times then, and quickly read the local news headlines. “It's true. 'Freak suicides on Enterprise Island'. We've gone national.”
“Ginger can not do that” said Jacky.
“I wouldn't if I could” Ginger added in disgust.
Kennedy looked to Gael and asked, “What do you think?”
Gael smirked and replied, “I think it's about time something good came of me letting Jacky live.”
Chapter 9
Shadow Over Enterprise Island
High over the the scorched plains of Limbo, a swirling storm of roaring hellfire raged on. To most, it was a horrific, ever-looming terror that never left your mind at ease. But to humans who had just arrived in Hell, it was their first destination.
When Angelica Jackson died, this was where she arrived. For as she quickly learned, no matter how good you are in life, consorting with demons has consequences. The lesson was almost lost in the face of a constant, eternal burning upon her very soul, but somehow her mind found the few scraps of focus necessary to explain why she might have ended up a writhing, naked, ghostly form among an entire, burning sea of writhing, naked, ghostly human forms.
In a way, the fact that they were all eternally burning seemed like overkill.
But then, for the millionth time, just as Angelica was convinced the strain from the heat would finally shatter her very soul, she felt something else: cold. Not just any cold, but an otherworldly, overwhelming, piercing cold of such severity that she was instantly wishing for the comparatively lukewarm heat of the raging sky fire once more.
And then it was gone. The heat, relatively, was gone. Angelica could tell she was still nude, but the feeling of flat, polished stone on her knees gave her pause, as well as the courage to open her eyes in the hopes of something better.
What she saw was a hooded figure garbed entirely in black, his hands mere bones as they clutched the reigns of a great, pale horse.
“Angelica Jackson” said Death, before gesturing to a very familiar looking goat demon chained up off to the side. “We have much to discuss.”
Back in reality, Gael, with Zinerva perched eagerly on his shoulders, was leading a procession more eclectic than any he'd imagined. It included: a fashionista, flower-expert, playboy jock; an incubus, a fairy princess, a woman he was still partly convinced he should have killed earlier, her Keebler-esque elf, and Emily.
'Is Emily weird?' Gael wondered to himself as he led the group through the college's halls. 'I don't know. She kills people with a knife, but soldiers aren't weird and they've had to do that too.'
“Gael, bro, where are you at right now?”
Gael looked back to Kennedy and smiled. “I
'm getting away from reality for a bit. Don't worry about me, Zinerva has it under control.”
“Yes!” Zinerva agreed emphatically.
“Alright Z, let's go over the plan again then” said Kennedy. “You know, for everyone's benefit.”
“Step one: Shay makes everyone but me invisible” replied Zinerva. “Step two: I harass the guards and lead them away. Step three: I kill myself, and then Gael summons me again.”
“Zero downtime” Jacky whispered back to Emily. “That's how he got the better of us when we jumped him earlier.”
Emily scowled back at Jacky and hissed, “Stop being friendly! We can't be friends or enemies right now. We and our fae are the only ones who know what a R'lyehan looks like.”
“Ugh, calm down” Jacky said dismissively. “You know there would be a commotion at the college entrance if they were here. Can I have my gun back?”
“Oh, sure!” said Emily, her voice suddenly bright and cheery. “Just as soon as you need it.”
“We should all step aside and cloak up now” Shay called out. “There isn't anyone around right now.”
Everyone agreed, and Zinerva hopped away so she could see it happen from afar.
The effect of Shay's spell was a muted one, little more than a burst of sparkly powder centered on her position. As it fell, everyone around Shay vanished with her, and Zinerva was seemingly left alone in the hallway.
“Someone say something” Zinerva said quickly. “Or I'm gonna freak out.”
“You're a stupid little cretin and I hate you” said Jacky.
Zinerva laughed aloud and said, “See, that's funny because I'm not actually stupid, but if I say you're a terrible summoner who was almost killed by a newbie, it's suddenly not-,”
The sound of a harsh thunking noise on Zinerva's skull preceded her reeling from an invisible force.
“Ow!” she shouted.
“You earned that” said Gael, his voice growing further away as he spoke. “Come on, we need you to distract the guards.”
“I'm about to die for everyone!” Zinerva exclaimed as she hurried after Gael and the others. “I deserve a snarky comment or two.”