by Linda Bridey
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mike had had the foresight to send a letter home explaining what had happened to Raven so the folks there weren’t so shocked by his lack of memory. Raven had insisted that they not tell him a whole lot about himself or his life because he wanted to see if he remembered on his own and didn’t want a false memory created by something someone told him. This sometimes proved difficult, but the others tried to respect his wishes.
He and Zoe were growing close again and Zoe often thought long and hard about what Mike had said about being married in her heart or whether a piece of paper made you more married. One day she made a decision shortly after they’d passed over the Montana border.
They had stopped so everyone could take care of their personal needs.
She walked up to Rick and asked, “Do you still have that ring for Raven?”
Rick gave her a speculative look. “Yeah.”
She nodded. “Good. If he’s willing, I want to find a preacher or justice of the peace or whatever and get married so that when we get home, I can honestly say that we’re married.”
“You mean today?” Rick asked with a smile.
“If we can find someone, yes. Will you be a witness?” Zoe asked.
Rick hugged her. “Of course, I will. What are you going to tell him?”
“I’d rather just say it to him,” she said.
Rick nodded. “Sure. I can respect that.”
Mike also agreed to be a witness for them.
Zoe motioned to Raven who was adjusting Leo’s bridle. When he came to her, she said, “Take a little walk with me.”
He smiled and joined hands with her. “Ok.”
Once Zoe thought they were far enough away, she stopped and turned towards him.
“This is going to sound strange to you, but please have patience with me,” she said.
“Ok.”
Looking into his dark eyes, Zoe said, “I want to get married today if we can find someone to perform the ceremony.”
Raven raised an eyebrow at her. “We are already married. Why we do it again?”
Zoe tried not to fidget, but it was difficult not to. “Because, we eloped in the way the Lakota elope, but we didn’t get married by a white preacher.”
Raven’s eyebrows rose as understanding dawned on him. He took her wrist and held up her hand. “But you wear a ring.”
“I know. I had to back at the fort so they thought we were legally married. If I didn’t, they weren’t going to let you go. They would have put you on a reservation,” she said.
“So white people say we not married?” Raven said angrily. “They try to keep me?”
“Yes, but Raven, we’re married in here,” she said putting her hand over his heart. “In my heart, you are my husband.” It was true, she realized. There were times when she actually forgot that they hadn’t had a formal wedding ceremony. As she thought about it, Zoe knew that a big church wedding wasn’t all that important to her anymore.
Raven was relieved to hear her say that. He put a hand over hers. “In my heart, you my wife. Why we need white people wedding?”
“There are legal reasons why. It’s a formality,” Zoe said.
“What is ‘formality’?”
“Sort of like a ritual that shows others something,” she explained.
“This ritual let people know we married?” Raven asked.
Zoe smiled. “Yes. Exactly. So, Raven Dwyer, will you marry me?”
He grinned. “That is backward. I supposed to ask you.”
“I know, but will you?” she asked.
Raven pretended to consider it with a twinkle in his black eyes. “Person who propose supposed to pay bride price. What you offering?”
Zoe’s mouth opened but she shut it again. What could she offer him? Then it came to her. She moved even closer to him and gave him a suggestive look. “If you marry me, we’ll work extra hard on making a baby.”
His eyebrow arched again. Then he quickly grabbed her hand and said, “We go find preacher now.”
Raven began pulling her along behind him as his long legs took big strides. Zoe giggled even while she tripped. As he did often, Raven steadied her and then simply picked her up so he could carry her.
Depositing her in front of Rick and Mike, Raven said, “We go get married now. Must find preacher.”
Rick and Mike laughed and the couple was congratulated on their decision.
*****
While simple, the ceremony was very sweet. Zoe had taken off the band she’d been wearing so Raven could put it on her finger. Raven concentrated very hard on saying his vows correctly as he looked into the eyes of the woman he loved. He didn’t remember her from before he’d woken up in that room at the fort, but just in the short amount of time he’d spent with her since then, he’d come to love her. Raven knew that while his mind may have lost the memory of her, his heart and body hadn’t. He meant every word he said to her, and he would do whatever it took to be a good husband to her.
Zoe hadn’t imagined that her wedding day would be like this, but then again, nothing about the way she and Raven had met or how they’d fallen in love had been exactly normal. As she recited her vows and saw Raven’s love for her in his eyes, Zoe thought that nothing else mattered but that. They were joining their lives and becoming one and that could happen without fancy clothes, a big reception, or a honeymoon in a faraway place.
When the preacher gave them permission to kiss, Raven swept her into his embrace and kissed her in a way that left no doubt to anyone that she was now his and he was hers. When they parted, they both laughed along with Rick and Mike. Even the preacher chuckled a little. The marriage certificate was written up and signed by all.
Mr. and Mrs. Raven Dwyer were escorted from the little chapel by Rick and Mike. The preacher had told them where to find a nice restaurant and they went there for a celebratory meal. Rick found out that there was a decent hotel nearby and rented rooms for them. He said he wanted them to spend their wedding night in style and even had champagne sent to their room.
Raven didn’t remember if he’d ever had champagne before, but he liked it well enough and Zoe enjoyed it. They were both a little tipsy when they fell into bed that night. Their lovemaking was as powerful as always and Zoe had a new sense of belonging to Raven. He felt it, too, and told her so in Lakota the way he always did.
The ceremony had simply been a reaffirmation of what they both already knew and Zoe knew that as long as she lived, she wouldn’t ever regret giving herself to Raven over two months ago. What she would always regret was being too proud to talk to Raven after the horrible night her mother had called him an animal and he’d walked away from her.
As they lay snuggled close together after their passion was spent, Zoe ran her fingers through his hair and thought that if she had only gone to him, he wouldn’t have had to come after her. He wouldn’t have gotten hurt and lost his memory. Tears of remorse threatened, but she steeled herself against them, refusing to cry on their wedding night. Tonight was not the time to let guilt mar their happiness, and it wouldn’t change anything. Zoe pushed the unwanted feelings away and concentrated instead on her love for her husband.
*****
The foursome purposely approached the camp from the trail that led to the farthest road from town so that Raven wouldn’t be overwhelmed by people he didn’t remember. Mike was concerned that it would be too frustrating for the brave to have so many people talk to him without him knowing them. He also didn’t want a lot of questions that Raven couldn’t answer aimed at his cousin. It was best to get him home first and then go from there.
Raven followed the other three down the trail, looking around to see if anything was familiar to him. Nothing clicked, however. He did enjoy being in the woods and had a sudden urge to go hunting. He smiled thinking that he would do that in the morning. Suddenly as they passed a certain large log with a twisted trunk, Raven knew they were close to camp and he let out a hoot owl call.
&
nbsp; His companions stopped and turned around to look at him. It had been a reflex action, but it meant that he had just had a true memory. He became excited and laughed. Pointing at the log, he said, “I saw that and remembered.”
Zoe wished she wasn’t on horseback so she could hug him. “That’s great, honey! Maybe you’ll remember more. Let’s go.”
Soon their horses stood in the clearing and Raven looked around at the little camp before him. He tried hard, but though it felt familiar, he didn’t truly remember it. Then he saw several people walking towards them. His eyes settled on the man he knew had to be his father. He’d seen himself in a mirror on the trip back and saw that the man resembled him, only with a different nose and slightly different mouth.
Black Fox slowly approached the group of riders. He’d been very upset by the news Mike’s letter had carried home to them all and hoped that Raven’s memory had at least partially returned. Though he acknowledged the others, his gaze was riveted on his son.
Raven dismounted and said, “Hau, Father. I am sorry I do not remember you, but I am happy to see you.”
Black Fox pulled him into an embrace and said, “That you are alive is enough, Raven. I hope you remember in time, but if not, it does not change that you are my son, and I love you.”
Raven hugged him back, thinking that it felt right to do so. The woman who must be his mother came to him and looked up at him with tears in her dark eyes. As he looked down at her, something came to Raven.
“I do not use avoidance rules with you,” he said.
She put her hands on either side of his face and said, “No. Not anymore.”
“Do not tell me why. I am trying to remember on my own, Mother.” He leaned over to hug her and held onto her for a long time.
When he released her, he turned to a brave who stood smiling at him. The man had mischief in his eyes and his smile was slightly cocky. He tried to grasp at a name, but it eluded him. “I do not know your name, but I feel that we are close.”
“It is ok, cousin. My name is Reckless,” Reckless told him.
Raven smiled. “I somehow know that name suits you.”
Mike said, “Yes, it does.”
By the time Raven greeted everyone and was told their names, his head hurt slightly from the effort of trying to remember. He was frustrated with himself and the situation. He sat down at one of the picnic tables and put his head in his hands. Mike and Rick came over to say goodbye to him.
In English, Mike said, “Have someone come get me if you need me. I’m not far away.”
Raven said, “Ok. Thank you, cousin. You are good man.”
Mike smiled. “So are you,” he said and took his leave.
Rick wasn’t far behind him. “Don’t try to force your memory. It won’t help anything and it’ll just make you mad. Ok?”
Raven nodded. “I’ll try.”
“Good. Goodbye, everyone,” Rick said and followed Mike up the trail.
Zoe’s arms came around him from behind and Raven smiled. He leaned back against her as she kissed the side of his head. “Are you tired?” she asked.
“Very,” he confessed.
“Come lay down,” Zoe said. “I’m tired, too.”
Raven stood up, suddenly feeling playful. He hoisted Zoe over his shoulder and carried her to the tipi he’d been told was theirs. Zoe laughed and so did the rest of their family. His parents looked on with smiles as Raven took her inside and closed the tipi flap.
Black Fox said, “It is good to see that he still has the same sense of humor.”
Wind Spirit nodded. “Yes. I hope he remembers. It is hard knowing that he does not remember us.”
“I know, wife, but we must give him time,” Black Fox said. “We will keep praying for Wakan Tanka to restore his memory.”
Wind Spirit nodded and went back to preparing their evening meal.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Raven’s memory started to return in dribs and drabs. Every time something came to him, he became very excited and sometimes shouted things out at inappropriate times. Such was the case one day when Minx and her husband, Charlie, were visiting the camp with their baby, Star. A group sat at one of the picnic tables eating some roasted venison and turnips that Brook had made.
Raven suddenly sat up straighter and looked at Minx. “You kissed Mike!”
Minx was so astonished that she choked on the bite of turnip in her mouth. She coughed while Charlie patted her on the back. Reckless looked at his sister and asked, “Is that true? When did that happen?”
Minx glared at Raven. “You were not supposed to tell anyone!”
Raven looked contrite. “Sorry. I did not remember that part.”
“So it is true?” Reckless persisted.
Charlie was also waiting for an answer.
Minx rolled her eyes. “Yes. It was when we were kids. I was curious and I asked him to kiss me. It did not mean anything. It was just a kiss, and I did not like it all that much.”
Charlie laughed. “Don’t let Mike hear you say that. You’ll hurt his feelings.”
“I told him at the time and he felt the same way,” Minx said. “Don’t say anything to him, brother. There was no harm in it.”
Reckless said, “All right.”
On another occasion when Raven was at the Samuels’ ranch, he rushed through the barns in search of Seth. Once he found him, he gripped his uncle by the shoulders and said, “The first time you rode into camp you shouted, ‘Does anyone here know English?’”
Seth laughed as he looked into Raven’s eyes. “That’s right! I remember now. I was trying to find Marcus and I was on the run from the sentries.”
“Stone Face. That’s what my Uncle He Who Runs calls you,” Raven said.
Seth’s face fell and his gaze dropped from Raven’s. “Nephew, don’t say that name, ok? Or your aunt’s.” Seth’s eyes came back to Raven’s.
Raven saw the grief in his uncle’s face and his chest suddenly hurt. He had just remembered his aunt and uncle and now he learned they were dead. That was the only reason to not say their names. He staggered a little as memories began assaulting him. Seth held onto him and guided him into the tack room to sit him down. Raven barely noticed where he was now as more came back to him.
The camp he saw in his mind was not the camp where he now lived. He was fighting someone. Soldiers. An image of He Who Runs rose in his mind and he saw his uncle’s fierce expression as he threw his knife and hit the soldier at whom he’d aimed. The soldier had fallen and He Who Runs had leaped on him. Raven saw another soldier aiming a gun at his uncle and he’d run and jumped, trying to knock He Who Runs out of the way. Unfortunately, he had fallen short of his mark.
He’d watched his uncle be gunned down and had known that He Who Runs was going to die. Raven had held his uncle as he died, singing a prayer over He Who Runs to help him move on to the next life. He Who Runs had laid a hand on Raven’s cheek and then passed on.
As Raven sat weeping next to Seth, he almost wished he hadn’t remembered. The pain was almost unbearable. Seth didn’t know what to say to him, so he just sat quietly with his hand on Raven’s shoulder until Raven’s tears subsided.
“I’m sorry, Raven. I came to love him like a brother and your ma like a sister. It’s been hard on all of us. It’s terrible that you had to remember this way,” Seth said.
“It’s ok. It’s not your fault. I’m going home now. My head hurts,” Raven said and rose from his seat. “Thank you, uncle.”
Seth just nodded as Raven left the room.
After that, Raven’s memory started to return rapidly. One night after he and Zoe had gone to bed, he said to her, “Have you gotten stuck in any swings lately?”
She gasped and looked into his eyes. “You remember that?”
Raven laughed. “Yes.”
“Tell me exactly what you remember,” Zoe demanded.
And he did, telling her every detail, including how pretty he’d thought her legs were. “I wondered wh
at made them so strong.”
“And what is it that makes them like that?” she asked.
Raven closed his eyes and an image flashed in his mind of ice and Zoe twirling unbelievably fast. “Ice skating!” he shouted.
Zoe shushed him because it was so late. “Yes. That’s right.”
Raven felt dizzy as his heart hammered in his chest. The day he’d first fallen in love with Zoe came to him vividly then. How cold it had been, how he’d sat on the ground watching her, how she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. More and more started to come to him and it was all too much for him to stay still.
He got up and ran from their tipi and kept on running. Down the trail he flew to the rock ledge to stand in the moonlight as his life came back to him in a rush. His childhood with his sister and cousins, the games they used to play, hearing his aunt Eagle Woman tell them all stories; he smiled at many of those memories. How his Uncle Marcus taught him how to whittle and the way he was always happy to wrestle with him, going to Marcus’ little house by the stream with his father. Running, jumping, and being caught by Seth when he was younger; thinking Maddie was so beautiful with her blonde hair, how kind Tessa was to him, meeting Jack, and Mikey, and everyone. It was all a blur and yet he remembered a lot of things.
And he remembered the first time he met Zoe. He hadn’t thought too much about it since she had come to meet Will. He remembered how she hadn’t looked at him much at first, too shy to do so. He’d surmised that she hadn’t been around any Indians before and he hadn’t let on that he’d noticed her sneaking looks at him.
But then the night it had been pouring, and he’d been running home in the terrible weather. He’d had to work hard to pull his feet up out of the mud. He’d found the sound he was making funny. Then from across the street, he’d seen something move. It was a person. A woman. In the dim light, he’d still been able to pick up a flash of red as he looked over at Auntie’s house. The woman had seemed to be in trouble.
As he’d gotten closer, he’d seen that it was Zoe and she appeared to be caught in the swing somehow. He remembered wondering how someone got caught in a swing as he’d run up onto the porch. Raven started laughing as he remembered how funny she’d been when she’d begged him not to kill her and the remarks she’d made about him running long distances because he was an Indian.