“Is that why some people wear those weird suit thingies?”
“Atmo-suits? Exactly! A lot of them can’t survive in the same environment as us, and if we went to their planets, we’d have the same trouble. Now, let’s focus here; how’s about that amethyst-platinum collar?” Basil asked. Laila stared at the beautiful metallic purple color in awe. She’d never seen anything so beautiful in her life; it was mesmerizing. Suddenly she knew why people fought such bloody wars over different types of metal. It had a tiny heart-shaped padlock fastened in the center, made from the same metal, and a tiny chain looping around the padlock and one side of the collar, to make sure the padlock couldn’t fall off when the collar was unfastened.
“Isn’t amethyst-platinum the rarest and most expensive metal that anyone ever makes jewelry out of?” Laila asked cautiously.
“The past couple months, we’ve both been saving for a rainy day,” Flin explained. “But we agreed that spending some of our money on a sunny day like this one would be worthwhile. If that’s the collar you want, that’s the collar you’ll get. As long as they have one that fits.”
Laila hoped that they did. Inside, the assistant took the collar from the window and handed it to Basil to examine.
“It’s the only one we have; they’re so rare to find. It’s in a size one, not many folks with a neck that slender.”
“It’s hinged,” Flin nodded approvingly. “Put it on her.”
Laila stood still as she felt Basil fasten the beautiful metallic purple collar around her neck, then wished she could see herself as Flin and Basil simply stared at her, not saying anything.
“Tell me!” Laila demanded.
“It looks… perfect,” Flin said, and Basil simply nodded his head.
They unfastened it again, and handed it to the assistant.
“It’s fifteen thousand in universal currency,” said the assistant. Laila’s eyes widened. Fifteen thousand of anything had to be a lot of money!
Flin and Basil both handed over their chips.
“Can you split it?” Flin asked.
“Of course.” The assistant took the payment, then put the collar in a large cushioned box and placed it on the counter. “You all have a lovely day now, y’hear?”
“You too,” Basil smiled, his beautiful lilac eyes twinkling, and Laila felt like the sun had come out again.
They hailed another flying car and floated through the urban part of Minos Kerala to the council building, where all the different councils met to oversee their various divisions. It was a beautiful, tall building made of a polished, sparkling black stone, with black one-way windows set into it. The doors had a message above them.
“In fairness we sit, in fairness we judge; come ye in honesty and fear no rec-kon-ing,” Laila read aloud. “Daddy, what’s a reckoning?”
“Means ‘consequences.’ Places use old-fashioned words like that to make themselves look important, princess. Well done for reading the whole thing,” Basil replied. He took one of her hands, and Flin took the other, before they went inside.
A list of departments told them they needed the third floor, so they walked to a metal platform on the ground and stood on it. Basil spoke their destination and the platform began to move. Afraid of falling, since there were no doors or roof, Laila squeezed Basil’s and Flin’s hands tightly as the open platform rose through the ceiling, through holes that opened automatically, until it reached its destination. Laila was glad when it stopped and they could step off.
“Those open-plan elevators are really dated. I can’t believe anywhere still has them,” Flin grumbled.
“Caused more accidents than manually driven cars have,” Basil agreed. “Trust the council not to move with the times.”
“If I owned a building like this, I’d have a big spiral staircase in the middle, and around the outside of it, I’d build a curly-wurly slide, so you could get back down again easily,” Laila declared. Flin and Basil both smiled down at her.
“Are we ready to do this?” Flin asked.
“I’m ready,” Basil said.
“I’m… um… they’re not going to ask hard questions, are they?” Laila was suddenly worried about what was about to happen.
“No, they’ll ask you a few questions about yourself, and you’ll answer them, then they’ll ask you a couple of questions to check you’re getting collared voluntarily, and then we all sign a big book where they keep the names of everyone who has been collared in Minos Kerala City. If we ever decide to dissolve our collaring, they’ll tear out the page we signed and destroy it, and it’ll be as if it never happened,” Flin told her.
“Of course, the Registry’ll still have a record, but there’s nothing that the Registry doesn’t know about,” Basil chuckled. “Luckily, the governments only use it for tax collection.”
Laila remembered that the Registry had even had a record of her brief attendance at school. It was scary to think what else a computer could know about a person.
“I’m ready, then,” she nodded. They stood outside the door to the Collaring Council’s chamber until, twenty seconds or so later, they were called into the room.
A round woman, who had bright orange hair with gray roots, and wore a long black gown, stood behind a transparent podium. To her left was a man who was a little older, considerably more rotund, and who sported a long beard that nearly stretched to his belly, over a similar gown. To the right of them both, a short individual with four arms and greenish skin also wore the same attire. They all looked down at Laila, Basil, and Flin.
“Which of you is Basil?” the orange-haired woman asked.
Basil stepped forward and confirmed his name, date of birth, and citizenship when asked.
“To what purpose do you intend to collar this female humanoid? Answer for yourself only,” the greenish individual asked.
“So she knows that she can always depend on me; that I’ll take care of her.” He glanced at Laila and they exchanged a smile.
“What steps have you taken so far to ensure that she knows you are dependable?” the man with the long beard asked.
“I ensure that she has structure, such as a daily bedtime with a routine, and I’ve spent a lot of time teaching her to be literate, which I intend to continue after she’s collared.”
“What would you most like to do with her right now?” the woman had a very stern gaze and seemed to be looking into Basil’s soul. Laila felt uncomfortable, but Basil didn’t hesitate.
“I’d like to give her a cupcake and a snuggle, and I’m starting to wish we’d brought her favorite toy unicorn with us.”
“Which of you is Flinar?” The woman seemed to have found Basil’s answers acceptable. Flin stepped forward and confirmed his own details.
“Why do you think you are worthy to collar this humanoid, half-elf?” The man with the beard leaned forward. Laila wondered why he was referring to them by sub-species, which she thought was quite rude. It wasn’t like he didn’t know their names.
“I’m probably not. My last relationship ended very badly, and I never wanted another one, but I love Laila, and she loves me, and somehow what we are doing is working, so who’s to say that any of us are good enough for the people we fall in love with?”
“To what purpose do you intend to collar this female humanoid?” The greenish individual seemed to only have the same question to ask, Laila thought.
“I seek to protect her, even in the event of my demise, from those that would wish her ill. I seek to protect her from herself, and I seek to ensure that she has a home; a place where she belongs,” Flin explained.
“You three are all listed as having no fixed abode. Explain yourself,” the greenish individual stated.
“Her home is wherever I am. I know I’m supposed to be answering for myself, but her home is also wherever Basil is. We will always be the place where she belongs, regardless of physical surroundings.”
“What do you want to do with her, which you have not already done?” the woman a
sked.
“I don’t think that’s… uh… appropriate.” Flin looked uncomfortable.
“Nevertheless, it is the question I asked you to answer,” she pressed.
“I would like to see how many times I can make her come in one day,” Flin said, staring straight ahead of himself and looking at nobody.
Laila giggled at the fact that Flin had just said that to these really official-looking people, but she didn’t have much time to dwell on it because next it was her turn.
“Laila, please answer these questions,” the woman said. Laila confirmed her personal details, just like Flin and Basil had done, explaining that she didn’t have a last name, because Pombossian women never did. Then the bizarre questions began.
“Why do you permit these men to collar you?” the greenish individual started this time. The question left Laila slightly flabbergasted.
“Well… because… I don’t know. They both make me very happy, and we love each other. Is that enough?” She worried that she’d said the wrong thing, that the council would refuse to make their relationship official because she didn’t know what to say.
“If you could go anywhere else right now, where would you go?” the woman asked.
“Uh…Wherever Basil and Flin—I mean Flinar—were going. Does that count as a place?” Laila couldn’t imagine being anywhere else other than with Basil and Flin. Why were her questions ten times harder than Basil’s or Flin’s?
“What do you fear most about being collared?” the man asked. Laila frowned. What sort of a question was that? She took a moment to think about it.
“I fear that, because they’re both a bit older than me, one day they’re going to die. If we all die of old age, they’ll die first. And I’ll miss them,” Laila said. “I also fear that one day I’ll do something so terrible that they won’t be able to forgive me, and our relationship will have to end. I fear that one day they’ll get sick of taking care of me, and looking after me, and giving me a place to work out all my worries and uncertainties, and they’ll want to find someone who’s clever, and pretty, and who isn’t damaged like I am. I fear that they’ll go on a cargo mission and never return.” As she spoke, she realized that none of this actually answered the question. “But these are things I’d fear whether I was collared or not. These are things I’ve been scared of all along. I don’t fear anything about being collared by Flin and Basil, and now I think about it, I think it’s a bit of a stupid question, because it’s easy for people to confuse your question with general relationship fears,” Laila finished, and the part of her brain that always watched her actions was thinking, Oh, shit, oh, shit, did I really just say that to these official people?
“Very well. Based on the way the three of you have answered the questions, and based on your reactions to one another’s answers, which is to say, none of you seemed particularly surprised at anything the others said, we have established that this is a voluntary undertaking involving three people of open intent, so we formally accept registration of your collaring. Basil and Flinar, you may place the collar around Laila’s neck.” The woman wrote something on a piece of paper.
Basil opened the box with Laila’s new amethyst-platinum collar inside, and Flin took it out. Together, the two men unfastened the purple collar and placed it around her neck. The metal felt cool against the heat of her neck, and Laila was so excited she could scarcely breathe, as they fastened the little padlock and both pocketed one of the keys each. She wanted to jump for joy and bounce and run around, but in this stuffy place she just beamed at Basil and Flin.
“Please sign the Collaring Council’s register, and the collaring is official. Should anything happen to any of you, a new collaring registration would need to be signed by the surviving parties. Barring an official decollaring agreed to by all parties, or an act of dissolution if one party brings a grievance before this court, your collaring is for life.” The woman banged a gavel and Basil, Flin, and Laila all signed their names on the piece of paper.
“Congratulations,” the greenish individual said. The individual held out both their right hands to shake Basil’s and Flin’s hands at the same time, then shook Laila’s hand separately.
They left the Collaring Council, and Laila felt slightly dizzy as they waited for the platform lift. The feeling wasn’t improved by standing on the open platform as it descended, and by the time they were out on the street, she needed to sit down on the shiny pavement.
“You all right?” Basil asked. Laila nodded.
“Sorry, I just need a minute,” she said. “This might be in a day’s work for swashbuckling space cargo delivery adventurers like you two, but it’s sort of a big deal to me.”
Flin crouched down in front of her and took one of her little hands in both of his big ones.
“It’s a big deal for us, too. You’re collared, now, you have the safety and protection of the law on your side, and nobody can ever separate you from us.”
Laila smiled.
“I know, and I’m so happy, but it’s still a lot to take in.”
“I think you oughta come back to the hotel, and see what we got set up for you to celebrate our collaring.” Basil raised an eyebrow suggestively.
“Why, what did you do?” Laila asked.
“You’ll see,” Flin said. “I think you could do with a spot of tea.”
Chapter Twenty
In the Innovation Suite, Laila stood just inside the entrance, staring in amazement. The walls had been decorated with a pattern of little blue teapots and teacups; the floor was a highly polished wood that was nearly reflective. In the center of the room, a long rectangular table stood, surrounded by high-backed chairs with curly feet and soft cushions on them.
The best part was on the table. Laila could count at least four plates of cakes, in addition to the teapots and teacups on the table. She gazed up at Basil and Flin, and threw her arms around them both, dragging them into a big hug.
“It looks wonderful! Thank you!”
“I’m pretty sure the pleasure’s all ours,” Basil said.
“I can’t think of a better day to have a civilized tea party,” Flin added.
“Take a seat.” Basil indicated the wooden chairs with their curly feet.
“Anywhere?” The options laid out before her were vast. She went to look at the table, and decided to sit down between two big plates of cakes, where she could reach them both. Flin and Basil sat either side of her.
“Who’d like some tea?” Basil picked up a teapot and poured a drink for Laila and Flin, then for himself, seeming to do everything in a peculiar order. He added some milk to each drink in turn afterwards.
“It’s his traditional Earth tea ritual, passed down to him from his parents,” Flin whispered conspiratorially to Laila. She watched Basil in fascination.
“In some traditions, tea’s poured into the saucer to drink, but it really depends who you ask. Some astro-archaeologists studying Earth’s culture disagree, since the teacup resembles a bowl—a traditional Chinese drinking vessel from Earth—anyway. There’s also a debate over whether the milk goes into the cup first or last, but it ain’t worth worrying about these days, as the liquid that we call milk’s made from plants and has virtually no resemblance to the milk used on Earth, which came from great beasts called ‘cows,’” Basil explained. “My mother told me to always put the milk in last, to prove the cup’s good quality, but the quality of crockery is measured differently out here, with most things like cups being made locally on each planet.”
Laila sipped at the drink.
“I don’t like it. It’s bitter.” She pulled a face.
“You need to add sugar if it doesn’t taste right. Here.” Basil took out a little lump of sugar using delicate silver tongs and dropped it into her cup. “You stir it with this spoon until the lump has dissolved. Try it now.”
Laila tasted it again. It was much better now. There was a delicate, strange flavor to it, which seemed to have great depth and be incredibly fra
gile at the same time.
“What do you think of your tea, now it’s sweetened?” Basil asked.
“It’s okay. I don’t dislike it. I think I like hot chocolate better though. Can I have a cupcake, please?” The tea seemed a bit too grown up for how she felt right now, and the cupcakes looked far more interesting.
“Here, take your pick.” Flin moved the plate closer to her and they all ate some cupcakes and drank tea, but after her third cupcake, Laila realized she could never eat all of these today.
“What will we do with the leftover cupcakes?” she asked.
“They’ll keep. I’ll put them in the cupcake tin,” Basil reassured her.
“I think you’ll need a bigger tin,” Laila replied; there were dozens of cupcakes.
“It’s time to clear a space on the table,” Flin exchanged a significant-looking glance with Basil, and Laila looked at them both to try to work out what they were planning.
Basil went to the console beside the door and pressed a few buttons. Half of the tea things on the table vanished, leaving only the empty tablecloth covering the table on that side. Beside her, Flin took Laila’s hand and led her out of her seat, then he gently unbuttoned her yellow dress, until it just tumbled down to the shining polished floor. Her socks and shoes followed shortly afterwards, and Flin lifted Laila onto the table so she was perched on the edge, feet dangling, feeling exposed and wondering what was about to happen.
“Lay back, princess,” Basil said, joining them now. He was holding a bag of something mysterious, with a plastic tube on one end.
“That’s not going in my ass, is it?” Laila covered herself with her hands, remembering the enema.
“No, sweetheart. It’s icing for cupcakes, and we’re going to cover our lovely cupcake in icing,” Basil explained.
Laila relaxed and laid back. They were going to cover her in icing like she was a giant cupcake? That sounded like fun.
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