Waving me off, she dismisses her mistake, “Oh, well, whatever. Game boy…playboy, it doesn’t matter. That isn’t you.”
Shaking my head, a small laugh slips out again. “Okay.”
“Okay? You let Laura take away ten years from you. Why?” she asks me bluntly.
How do I answer this? Is that what I did? Did I let my past and Laura dictate the way I’ve lived my life for the last ten years? Yes, I guess I have let it take over. An ache forms in the middle of my chest.
Laura and I have gone out quite a bit over the last six months. She’s nice and funny. Of course, easy on the eyes. But I feel like a dick because we slept together on the first date. And the second. And third. I stopped feeling so bad because as much as I was trying to avoid distractions from school, Laura is a distraction. I think I’ve fallen for her. Laura seems to think we were meant to meet that night. I think she might be right.
When I pull up to her dorm, she comes running out. I’ve been busy with exams the last few weeks, so I haven’t seen very much of her. I have one last test tomorrow before winter break begins, but Laura begged me to meet her. I wanted to see her too because I think I want to tell her how I feel. She said she has something she needs to tell me.
I get out and open the car door for her. When she reaches me, I place a kiss on her soft lips; it feels nice.
“Hey,” I greet her.
“Hey, I’ve missed you so much,” she tells me, throwing her arms around my neck. I return her embrace. It’s definitely time to tell her.
We pull apart, and I smile down at her before she gets in the car. I close the door and quickly walk around to my side of the car. When I get in, she immediately grabs my hand. Looking over at her, I feel conflicted and worried, but I’m not sure about what exactly.
“Uh, are you hungry?” I ask her, not sure what else to say.
“Yes, starving…can we go somewhere quiet? I need to talk to you. It’s important,” she practically begs, her tone strange.
“Sure…okay, I need to talk to you about something, too,” I reply, pulling away from the curb and heading for one of the local cafés close to the school.
Once we get to the café and we’re seated at a corner table, Laura begins acting stranger.
“Laura, are you okay?” I ask her, a little concerned.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” she says.
Reaching my hand across the table, I lay mine over hers.
“I wanted to tell you something. I’m just not sure how to say it,” I begin, watching her. Her eyes go wide. She looks nervous. Like she’s about to come out of her skin. I feel like I might come out of mine. I’ve never felt this way about a girl. What if she doesn’t feel the same? As Parker said, what if she does? “Laura, I think we—” I try to continue.
“Drew, I’m pregnant,” she blurts out.
Did I hear her right? “You’re…you’re what?” I stutter.
“I’m pregnant. It’s yours, of course.” She’s so matter-of-fact about it. How can she be so calm? I feel like I’m going to throw up.
“I’m nineteen. We just met. I’m not even close to finishing school yet. I don’t have a job. We just met. I only just realized I might like you more than a little.” I don’t even know what I’m saying while I look at her, just talking. I know words are coming out of my mouth, but I don’t know what.
“I know…but, maybe,” she starts to say.
My eyes go wide. “How did this happen? We used protection,” I say.
“I don’t know, but…are you going to leave me?” she asks me, one lone tear slipping down her cheek.
Am I going to leave her? Oh, shit. No. I wouldn’t. My parents wouldn’t…my parents. Fuck.
“Drew?” she says in barely a whisper.
This time, when I look up, I realize my life just changed. I made choices that have consequences. I like her; maybe I love her. A baby. Shit, I was thinking I wanted to introduce Laura to my family. I wanted to see how this progressed between us. See if I can focus on her and school and life.
Reaching across the table again, I take Laura’s hand into mine this time and give her a reassuring squeeze. “No, it’s going to be okay. I’ll take care of you. Of the baby. I’m all in. We’ll do this together. I’m committed to you and the baby,” I try to convince her. Maybe I’m trying to convince myself, scared out of my mind, but knowing this is the right thing.
“Drew?” my mom says, breaking me from my thoughts.
“Mom, I think I’ve screwed up this time,” I admit to her. For the first time, I realize I’ve been building a wall for a long time, pretending to be content with how I was living my life.
“Why this time, Drew?” she asks me, understanding in her voice, but questioning me as I knew she would.
“Because I was an untrusting bastard. Because I pushed away a girl I actually have a connection with because I was scared. I’ve been a coward,” I tell her. When I look over at her, I don’t see sympathy, but I do see understanding.
“Andrew, you’re not a coward. You were just careful. Maybe too careful, but definitely not a coward. No one blames you for what happened. You were so trusting and young at the time.”
“Mom, I haven’t really lived life for ten years because of one person’s actions. It hasn’t really mattered until now. Until Rosie. I hurt her because I let someone hurt me years before I ever met her,” I say, feeling disgusted with myself. “I hurt myself.”
“You have, and I’ve watched you because your father and I always vowed never to interfere in our children’s lives.” I hear the heartbreak in her voice and realize I’ve also been hurting my parents.
It has been two months since I hurt my parents when I told them I was going to be a dad. That I got Laura, a girl I barely know, pregnant. At first, they yelled, then they said they would stand behind me. And Laura.
They have honored their commitment. I’ve honored my commitment.
Pulling up to Laura’s dorm, I park the car, full of excitement. I’ve missed every doctor appointment she has had so far. I was supposed to miss today because of my design class, but I’m skipping because this is important. I grab the stuffed bunny I bought for the baby, grinning at the ridiculous green overalls it’s wearing.
Laura is going to be so excited because I know she was disappointed when I told her the appointment was at the same time as my class. I know things will feel even more real, especially because she hasn’t started showing yet.
When I reach her door, I hear arguing, and before I knock, I hear my name.
“Laura, you’re insane. Drew is going to get suspicious. How are you going to pull this off?” a female voice I don’t recognize says on the other side of the door.
“I don’t know, but I will. I have to figure something out. I can’t lose him,” I hear Laura say.
“You’re running out of time. How are you going to explain the timing?” the voice says.
What in the hell is going on? What will I be suspicious of? I hate eavesdropping, but I can’t seem to make my presence known.
“I know…I just fell so hard for him and I…I just said it. I told him I was pregnant thinking I could get pregnant once I convinced him. I knew he was a good guy from the beginning and would do the right thing. I knew he would commit to me and this baby,” Laura explained.
“Laura!” the girl exclaimed. “You aren’t pregnant! Do you realize how crazy this is?”
“He was going to end things between us. I didn’t know what else to do, so I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head,” Laura tries reasoning further.
I feel the bile move up my throat. I’m going to be sick. Did I just hear her right? There’s no baby?
There.
Is.
No.
Baby.
Shaking, I turn the knob and throw the door open, letting it bang against the wall.
Laura and her friend turn, facing me with shocked looks on their faces. Immediately, she tries to school her features of the worr
y she is surely feeling.
“Drew! What are you doing here?” her shaky voice says.
“Laura. Why?” I ask, the sick feeling only intensifying. “Laura. Why would you fucking do this?” I stalk toward her. “I committed to you. I made promises to you and let you flip my life and family upside down because of a lie. The saddest part is you lied because you thought I was going to break things off with you, but I wasn’t. I was going to tell you I was falling for you. Now, I have fallen for you and it’s been based on a lie.”
She reaches a hand toward me, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“A fucking lie!” I yell as I dodge her grasp. “Don’t fucking touch me or come near me!”
“I love you!” she shouts, reaching for me again.
“This isn’t love. You don’t know love and neither do I. This is a lie!”
I turn to walk out the door, and I never look back.
That one moment changed me. The loss of trust. The loss of innocence. The loss of a baby. A life. A commitment that I already loved. It wasn’t real. I only thought I loved it.
I blink back the tears that want to fall. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry I closed myself off to everyone. I’m sorry for hurting you. Dad. Myself. And I’m so damn sorry I hurt Rosie. I need to fix this. This is too important. This isn’t a lie. This thing with Rosie is real,” I acknowledge.
“Oh, Andrew, don’t apologize. We love you no matter what, even if you are a game boy,” she says, one corner of her mouth tipped up.
I laugh so hard because this time, she thinks she’s funny. It’s just like my family to use humor to tame a serious conversation.
“Do you love this girl?” she asks me, suddenly serious.
I look at her and say, “I think I might, but I do know I’m definitely falling.”
“Then show her. Respect her. Do the opposite of whatever you’ve been doing and prove it. You need to be the one,” my mother tells me. Little does she know, her words are perfect. And I know just what to do.
Let go of the past. Move forward. Prove to Rosie I want only her by listening to my mother and doing exactly what she just advised me to do.
Determined, I knock three times hard on the door of Rosie’s apartment and wait.
Shuffling from foot to foot, I try to replay in my head what I will say to her. The way I feel and the things I hope she will listen to before she pushes me away again. I feel like she wants the same things I want, but she’s been hurt too by not only me but her ex-boyfriend. So she’s weary of promises. Rosie will need action, and that’s what I plan to give to her.
When the door opens, I start to say her name but stop short when I realize it isn’t Rosie.
It’s Abbey. She looks wary.
“Drew, Rosie isn’t here right now,” she tells me, a guarded tone hugging her words.
“Abbey, I know you don’t trust me, but if Rosie is here, I need to talk to her, please,” I beg.
I can see a look cross her face that tells me she hears the desperation in my voice.
“Drew, convince me. Tell me why you’re here, because Rosie called me over for Ben and Jerry’s and a ‘90s cult classic movie binge. She only does that when she needs to forget, or she’s feeling conflicted. This is the second time we’ve done this in two months. The first time was because of you, and I suspect this time is because of you, too. Although I don’t know because she isn’t back from the store with our Chunky Monkey, so spill it. Tell me why I should let you in here.” Abbey’s little speech is full of warning. She knows I’ve hurt Rosie and she isn’t going to let it happen again.
“I didn’t mean to hurt her. I know I did, but I hurt myself too,” I tell her. Abbey places her hand on her hip. She needs more convincing. “Please, Abbey. I need to fix this between us. I walk away from her, and I can’t let her walk away from me. I’m falling in love with her, and I need to prove I want more than just a no-strings relationship with her. I just need the chance to do it,” I continue to pour my heart out and beg. Maybe if I convince Abbey, there’s a chance I can convince Rosie, too.
Abbey doesn’t say a word; she just opens the door wider to allow me through.
I pause for only second, then walk past her without a word. When she closes the door, Abbey walks over to the table and picks up her purse, slinging it over her shoulder.
“You’re leaving?” I ask her, genuinely confused. I was willing to tell Rosie how I feel regardless of Abbey’s presence.
“Yes, you convinced me. It wasn’t necessarily your words, you kind of need to work on that part, but it was the look in your eyes. I’m trusting you to do right by my girl,” she answers me honestly.
“Thank you,” I express.
“No need to thank me, just don’t hurt her or I’ll hurt you,” she threatens.
I nod, watching her turn and walk toward the door without another word. I feel confident this might work. For some reason, Abbey’s approval gives me hope.
She pauses in the doorway, and without turning around, she says, “Oh, and enjoy my Chunky Monkey. Just a tip, let Rosie have all of your bites with banana in it. It might help the cause.” Then she closes the door without another word.
I smile because again, I think I just might have a chance after all.
I’m standing in the middle of her living room when she walks through the door. She isn’t looking up but instead digging through the bag, searching for something.
“Don’t be mad, Abbey, but I think the bag boy forgot to put the Junior Mints in the bag,” she apologizes.
“Abbey didn’t tell me there would be Junior Mints, too,” I proclaim before Rosie even has a chance to see me.
A loud yelp slips between her lips and she stumbles forward, dropping the bag in the process.
I rush forward, bending down to pick up the bag she just dropped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” I apologize, looking up her at shocked expression.
“Drew, you’re here!” she says, sounding surprised.
Standing, I walk over and place the bag of groceries on the kitchen counter. Turning, I see Rosie still in the same spot, watching me with trepidation.
“I am. I came to see you, and Abbey let me in. I hope you aren’t mad at her; she resisted at first,” I explain.
“Uh, no. I mean, why?” she stutters.
“Because you left,” I tell her. A look of guilt passes over her face before it turns into a sort of resolve…a sadness.
“You don’t do mornings after, Drew. I was at your place, so I had to be the one to leave,” she reminds me, as if I need reminding.
“You didn’t have to leave. In fact, I didn’t want you to leave. I—”
I’m still talking when she interrupts me. “We shouldn’t have slept together!”
I step toward her; we’re close, and I can smell her soft, floral perfume. “Don’t say that. Don’t even think it,” I demand in a low voice. Reaching out, I cup her soft cheek gently. “Please don’t say that again. We both know that isn’t true.
I can see her bottom lip trembling; tears glisten at the edges of her eyelids.
“Rosie, I know you’re scared. I know it’s my fault, but please just hear me out. Then, if you still want me to leave…” I swallow then continue, “I’ll leave.”
She turns until her back is to me. My hand falls to my side; I don’t even try to stop her. Rosie walks to the couch and sits down, her eyes focused on her hands in her lap.
“Talk,” she states quietly. “I’ll listen to what you have to say.”
I walk over to the couch, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands in mine.
“I know I tried telling you before what I was beginning to feel, or rather what I felt. Every word was true. I just expressed myself wrong. I was a fool to say I thought when I knew. I knew that night what I felt. I tried telling you but was too stupid and too afraid to feel. I want to try with you, strings and all.” I pour my heart out and lay it out there in between us. I never take my eyes off her face, althoug
h she’s been looking down the whole time. When the last word leaves my mouth, her attention is fully on me.
“What are you saying?” she questions.
“I’m saying I’ve been an idiot. I’m saying I want to see if what I think we have between us is real.” I smile. “And I believe it is. I’m saying I want to date you.”
Standing, I pull her with me by her hands, and she comes willingly.
“Date me…I…” she stutters out.
“Yes, but I have one stipulation. Or shall we say rule?” I propose.
A tiny smile forms on her lips and a flicker of amusement lights her eyes. “Oh, really?
“Yep. We’re only allowed to date one another, no one else,” I insist then continue. “No one else at all. Only dates. No sex. I need you to teach me…because you know things. You know things like how to be in a monogamous relationship.”
She throws her head back in a loud, boisterous laugh. “Oh, really, and you want me to teach you?” she teases back.
“Can you just say yes or no, Rosie? If it’s no, I have no one waiting in the wings, and I’ll be forced to stalk you for eternity, so please say yes,” I tease her.
Her face falls. “Drew, why are you doing this?”
“I told you, I care about you. I think we have something, and I realized I couldn’t just tell you how I feel, I needed to show you. I want you to believe me when I tell you that I want only you.” I’m practically begging now.
This time, it’s Rosie who places her hand along my jawline and looks me directly in the eyes.
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Are you sure?” I ask her, suddenly worried.
“Yes,” she reaffirms then rises slowly on her tiptoes and places her lips against mine.
My arms instantly wrap around her, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Kissing Rosie. It’s something I never want to stop doing, but as we both begin to run our hands over the other’s body, I recognize I need to stop. I just promised her a dating-only arrangement, and I’m not letting either one of us break it. I’m going to make sure this works, so I push away from her.
Free Falling (Falling Novella Series Book 2) Page 4