Extending my hand down to her, I pull her up from the steps. “Let’s get out of here,” I suggest. Rosie nods her head with a smile. I like the way she’s looking at me. She looks happy, which only makes me happier.
It’s a few blocks to the sushi restaurant; we decide to walk. The night air is cool, but not cold.
At first, we are walking along next to one another, hands at our sides. When I glance over at Rosie, there’s a grin on her face. She’s looking up at the starlit sky. Again, I’m struck by the look of contentment she’s displaying. My heart feels light. I reach over and take her hand in mine. Her eyes dart down to our hands. She doesn’t say anything, only stares, then quickly lifts her gaze back to the street in front of us.
“This is okay, right?” I ask her, gesturing toward our entwined hands. “It’s not breaking our rule, is it?”
Laughing, she shakes her head. “No, Drew. It’s not breaking a rule. Our only rule is we can’t be alone when not in public.” Her lips tip up on one side. We both know the reason we can’t be alone.
Neither of us says a thing the rest of the way to the restaurant.
When we’re outside of Shogun, my favorite Japanese place to eat, I stop her. “Here we are, I hope you like sushi,” I comment.
“Love it. This is my favorite on the Avenue,” she tells me excitedly.
Smiling, I’m glad I chose this place after all. Leading her into the restaurant, I have the waitress sit us in a quiet back corner table. Neither of us needs to look over the menu, and we order several of our favorite rolls each.
“Tell me one thing I don’t know about you,” she says when the waitress walks away.
Laughing, I look at her likes she’s nuts. “Seriously, Rosie? We’re doing this?”
“Yes, we’re doing this. You promised me real dates. I’m asking real date questions,” she insists, a sly grin on her face.
“You’re adorable. Do you know that?” I compliment.
“Oh, hell no. Don’t call me adorable. No girl wants to be called adorable,” she complains. Ironically, she looks super cute doing it, but I get the idea that’s not what she’ll want to hear.
“Fine, although I don’t mean adorable in a negative way at all. I think you’re also incredibly gorgeous, funny, and smart. Is that better?” I watch the way her eyes roam over my face, looking for any sign I might be insincere with my compliments. I can see the moment she realizes I’m serious.
Her face turning a deeper shade of red, Rosie reaches her hand across the table and rests it on top of mine. “Drew, that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Tears hang on the edges of her lids.
A tiny pang in my heart, I lay my other hand on top of hers.
Looking at the emotions on Rosie’s face fills me with more of those emotions that have been flooding me since the day I met her. It’s becoming clearer I don’t stand a chance against this girl.
I make the mistake of walking Rosie all the way up to her door. Neither of us realized the implications of being alone in her hallway. It just isn’t public enough.
Because right now, I’m pressing her against the wood of her door, kissing her senseless. Or maybe I’m kissing her until I lose my senses. Because I’m lost. Lost in Rosie. Lost in this feeling she gives me every time our lips meet. Walking her all the way to her door instead of saying our goodnights outside of the building was a really bad idea.
All reason has left her too because Rosie just hiked her leg up and around my waist. Sliding my hand over her thigh, I press into her harder, and a moan slips between our lips. She deepens the kiss and begins reaching for the door knob, and that’s when I realize this is a test.
Regardless if she realizes it now, if I allow her to lead us into the apartment and to her bed, this will become everything I’m working hard to steer us away from in this relationship. I want this to be about more than the incredible sex. I want to convince her I want this to become even better than our sex life. I want a relationship built on more.
Pulling my lips from her, I groan. “We made a deal.” She blinks at me, her gaze full of desire. “I made you a deal, Rosie. I need to keep it. Not just for you, but I need to keep this bargain because of me. We both have a lot riding on this new arrangement.”
Before she can say anything, I press my lips against hers hard and fast, brushing my tongue across her lips and briefly tangling it with hers. Once more, I pull away and quickly turn, walking away from her.
I don’t need to turn around to know her hair is mussed, her cheeks are flushed pink, and her body displays every sensation that kiss has left her feeling. I don’t need to look because I can feel it. I can feel it when my foot touches the last step outside her apartment. I feel it even after I get home and I close my eyes after I crawl into my bed.
And there’s no doubt I’ll feel it tomorrow when I open my eyes.
“So Tyler tells me he met your friend, Rosie, and that’s she’s something to look at,” my mom informs me casually as she takes a bite of her Caesar salad.
“Tyler is a dou—” I start to say when I feel Parker kick me under the table and give me the eye. Letting go of my previous urge to berate Tyler, I decide to go to the positive route, or as positive as I can when it comes to my brothers. “Yes, Rosie had the unfortunate privilege of meeting all of the family idiots yesterday. It’s so kind of Tyler to share how pretty he feels Rosie is.” If my mom notices the sarcasm in my voice, she never lets on. Years of dealing with me and my siblings.
“What do you think, Parker?” my mom asks. She’s trying to pull information from us for a reason; I just haven’t quite pinpointed why yet. She and I did have the talk the other day about Rosie, but I can see she now has more curiosity in her eyes. What else did Tyler say?
“Mom! I’m sitting right here. Why don’t you ask me about Rosie if you want to know about her?” I assert.
“Fine. Tell me more about her,” my mom replies then adds, “and I still want to hear what Parker has to say about her.” She winks at me. My mother actually winks at me. I drop my head to the table.
Leaning over, I place a kiss to her cheek. “You’re relentless, woman.” She grins and winks again. I roll my eyes. “Okay, what do you want to know?”
Mom doesn’t waste time and jumps right into her questions. “Well, what does she do? Is she from Santa Cruz? How’d did you meet? Because you never said the other day. Is—”
I hold my hand up, and Parker starts laughing. “Mom, let me start with those questions, and you can take a breath,” I joke with her.
“Seriously, Mom, you’re out of control,” Parker says between laughs. This time I kick him under the table. It shuts him up, and he gives me a look like he’s going to kick my ass when we’re alone. My mom remains seated, eating her lunch and smiling. It’s like this whole thing is amusing to her.
“Andrew, I’m waiting,” she says, almost giddily.
“Rosie.” Simply saying her name causes my chest to burn a little with longing. “She is a copy editor. No, she isn’t from Santa Cruz. She’s from Texas. We met at The Roasting Company by chance. Or maybe on purpose. Rosie’s beautiful and funny and awkward.” Rosie is all of these things. What was I doing before her?
“Tyler said you were different around her,” she says, interrupting my thoughts.
When I look up, my mom and Parker are watching me. The look on their faces is a cross between happiness and trepidation. I get they aren’t used to me reacting this was way about a girl, but this thing with Rosie is different. I’m different, and it’s because of her.
Parker speaks up first. “Dude, she seems amazing.”
I wait for the but that seems to be lingering in his statement. “She is,” I tell them.
“I’m sure she is,” my mother adds in. Parker places his elbows on the table. “Drew, man, I just want you to be happy,”
“Don’t you think I can decide for myself? I mean, I haven’t let a girl in my life this way since Laura. I feel like the fact I’m letting
Rosie in means something. I wouldn’t be so blasé about this choice. I know what I want,” I argue.
“In that case, I can’t wait to meet her,” my mother offers. “And, you two owe me dessert.”
This time she leans over to me and kisses my cheek. “Andrew, we just don’t want to see you get hurt again. We love you,” she adds.
“I love you guys, too. Now let’s get that dessert,” I announce.
After we pay the bill and all walk out of the restaurant towards our dessert, I notice Parker’s demeanor is a little off from how lunch began. I’ll have to ask him about it later.
As we walk with our mom to ice cream heaven, as she likes to call Marianne’s, Parker and I discuss our upcoming family get together.
“So are we planning this month’s family party together?” I ask Parker, looking ahead of us and noticing we’re about to pass the coffee shop.
“Yep, that’s the plan,” he answers then adds, “Speaking of, are we going with a game night theme?”
My mom starts clapping like a little girl, “Yes! I love that idea!” she says excitedly. Her enthusiasm causes both Parker and me to laugh.
“I don’t know, Mom, you know Dad is a cheater when it comes to board or card games. He hates losing,” I remind her.
Swatting me on the arm, she scolds me. “Don’t say that about your father, even if it is true.”
Parker and I bark in laughter.
“Seriously, you two, your father may be a sore loser, but I love game night. I’ll talk to him. Plus, it’s all in fun,” she tries negotiating.
I laugh louder as Parker relents, “Fine, but don’t say we didn’t try to warn you.” This time she slaps him on the arm.
“All of you kids think you’re so smart,” she remarks.
I’m about to respond when I hear my name called from across the street, diagonal to us. When I glance over, I see Rosie smiling and Abbey rolling her eyes at her side. As soon as the crosswalk signals, they make their way across the street and wait for us to reach them.
I don’t take my eyes from her until I hear my mom say, “That’s her, isn’t it? She’s more beautiful than Tyler described.’
Looking over at her, I smile. “Yep, that’s her. Don’t embarrass me, Mom.” I wink at her because I know my mom will do anything but. It’s one thing my mom is definitely good about, and that is letting other people carry the conversation and make them feel comfortable.
“Who’s that with her?” Parker asks in a strange tone just before we reach Rosie and Abbey.
Abbey must have heard him and his tone because she’s reaching her hand out to him. I watch as their eyes lock, neither in what I would call an especially friendly way. “I’m Abbey, the best friend. And you are?”
Parker looks down at her hand then back to her face without accepting her greeting. “I’m Parker, the brother,” he replies gruffly.
Looking over at Rosie, I raise my eyebrow in question. She shrugs her shoulders, letting me know she has no clue what just happened between Parker and Abbey. Before swords can be drawn, my mom speaks up. “Parker, don’t be rude. I taught you better than that,” she scolds lightly as she takes Abbey’s hand in hers.
He turns his head and then glances back at Abbey. “My apologies, nice to…meet…you, Abbey.” There’s still a certain tone to his voice I don’t recognize. He quickly directs his attention to Rosie. “Rosie, it’s good to see you again. I think I’ll run up ahead and grab a coffee before we head to Marianne’s. See you all later,” he says, taking one last look at Abbey before he walks away.
When I turn my gaze back to Abbey, she’s staring after Parker. I’m so confused and will have to remember to ask Parker about this thing we just witnessed between him and Abbey. Abbey turns suddenly and says, “Good to see you, Drew. Mrs. Nallen. I’ll see you back at the office, Rosie.” Then Abbey dashes down the sidewalk in the same direction as Parker.
“Uh…uh…okay,” Rosie replies, although Abbey is too far away to hear her. Turning back to me, she asks, “Do you know what that was all about?”
Shaking my head, I respond, “No idea, but I’ll definitely be asking Parks about it later.” Looking back in the direction her friend and my brother disappeared in, she remarks, “But there was something…right?”
My mom suddenly chimes in, “Oh, I definitely think there was something.”
In the confusion of the encounter between Parker and Abbey, I almost forgot my mom was still standing there. I look at the two women in my life other than my sister and realize they’re both watching me expectantly.
“Mom, uh…I…I would like you to meet Rose Fisher. Rosie, this is my mom, Gwen Nallen.” I stutter out nervously, although I’m not sure why I’m nervous.
My mom smiles warmly at her as Rosie extends her hand. They take each other’s hands in greeting, my mom cradling Rosie’s in hers. “Rosie, it’s so nice to meet you finally. I’ve heard so much about you…from all of my boys. You’ve made quite an impression, especially on Andrew.”
Rosie blushes, a pink hue spreading with her grin. “Well, Andrew has made an impression on me, also.” She beams, glancing at me from the corner of her eye. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard her say my full name. It sounds sweet and right coming from her lips.
“Well, the boys and I just had lunch and were heading down to Marianne’s for a little ice cream. Do you care to join us?” my mother asks, being cordial as usual. “Or rather, would you like to join Andrew and me, because Parker seems to have disappeared on us.”
I look expectantly at Rosie. “Do you have time?” I ask, and my mother smacks me on the arm.
“Andrew! That sounded rude.” I swallow hard. Looking back at Rosie, I apologize. “You know I didn’t mean it that way, right? I just meant, do you have the time or do you need to be back at work soon?”
Shaking her head and laughing, Rosie puts her hand on my arm. “No offense taken, Drew. I knew what you meant, and you’re right, I do need to get back to work. Abbey and I were just on our way to grab some coffee before a meeting.”
“I’m glad we ran into you, though,” I tell her sincerely.
“Yes, Rosie, I’m so glad we ran into you. That you stopped us. I’m just so thrilled to have met you,” Mom says. “I’ll go see if I can find your brother and let you say goodbye to Rosie without me standing over your shoulder. Rosie, again, it really is nice meeting you and I hope to see you again soon.”
“You too, Mrs. Nallen, and I hope so, too,” Rosie says sweetly, waving at my mother as she walks away.
“She likes you,” I comment.
Rosie turns her attention back to me. “How do you know?” she asks me. “I know because I know my mother. I also know because I don’t believe there is anyone who could meet you and not like you,” I tell her, taking her hand into mine and rubbing my thumb over her skin absently.
“Are we still on for tomorrow?” I ask her, hoping she hasn’t changed her mind.
“Yes, of course,” she replies. “Although, I’m a little nervous about your secrecy about where we’re going.”
I laugh out loud. When I asked her on this date, I told her it would be fun and a surprise. I also told her to wear a bathing suit. She seemed reluctant when she agreed, but I realized it was more about my lack of information than the actual idea of going out with me.
“Don’t be nervous. It’s going to be fun, I promise,” I insist playfully.
“Fine, I trust you, but it better not be dangerous,” she teases.
Dangerous? Who does she think I am? Cupping her face, I press my lips lightly to hers. “Rosie, I’d never put you in danger. I promise we’re only going to have fun.”
She sighs, and I place my lips against hers once more. “Fine,” she tells me. “ I better get my coffee, find Abbey, and get back to the office.”
“Yeah, I better find my mom and Parker. I still wonder what was up between those two earlier,” I say, remembering the very distinct reaction my brother had to Abbey. “Anyway, I�
�ll see you tomorrow. Have a good second half of the work day.”
“You, too,” she responds, squeezing my hand before dashing down the sidewalk and into The Roasting Company.
I watch her and notice the strange tug I feel at my heart every time she leaves me now. It hurts. It’s scary. It’s also so wonderful that I never want that feeling of wanting her to go away.
Pivotal moment number four, when Rosie tried to say goodbye.
She asked me to meet her by the lighthouse. I’m nervous as hell, and I don’t know why. Except I think I do. I’m just lying to myself. Pretending. I should admit it. Admit that I’m not only nervous, but I’m scared. Scared of what she is going to say out here in this open space. A place I love and now fear may never see the same again.
I know my fear of the risk is what might destroy me. Ironically, I’m trying to keep myself whole because I fear this time I’ll never recover. Maybe, just maybe, I’m holding on to a little more control than things feel at the moment. I’ll just keep telling myself that…
When I get out of the car, I already see her standing across the street on the cliff side next to the lighthouse. The sun is about to set, and there’s a light breeze blowing. Even from this distance, I can tell she’s cold. I watch her a minute. The way the breeze blows lightly at her hair. The way she looks in the light of the setting sun, and it does something to my heart.
As I walk across the street and towards her, I see Rosie place her hands on the railing along the cliff. She is deep in thought, looking a little sad. Her sadness makes me sad. I know why we’re here and I don’t want to accept it.
I’m only a few feet away from her when I announce before she turns around, “It’s not time.” I wait for her to turn around and face me. Even though I can’t see her face, I know I took her off guard.
“Drew.” My name is carried by the wind when she says it.
I feel as if I might throw up and I feel the need to make her understand it isn’t time to end this thing, whatever it is between us. I take her by the shoulders and turn her to face me. “No, Rosie,” I beg and repeat, “No, Rosie,” once she is looking at me.
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