Shattered and Shaken

by J Bailes

  Making my way to his front, I take my hand and glide it along his stubble. “Hey, look at me." His eyes merge with mine. “It’s okay, B, chill. I'm a big girl and I know the difference between right and wrong; I'm just as guilty. I didn't want to stop,” I assure him. I wouldn't have stopped. I would've regretted it, but I sure as hell wouldn't have prevented it.

  Grabbing his hand, I drag him back to our blanket so that we can load up and head home. We climb into the truck and I keep my eyes attached to him the entire way home. The way the street lights come and go, glowing off of his face, it's hypnotizing. I can’t tear my eyes off him.

  An hour and a half later, he pulls into my drive. “Home by yourself?” he asks, eyeing the drive. Mom's car still isn't here.

  Pulling out my phone, I check for missed calls or texts from her, but there aren't any. “Huh, seems that way. Wanna come in?” I ask.

  “Na, I don't think that's such a great idea. Unless you’re taking some sort of birth control or have a secret stash of rubbers, I’m not going anywhere near that fucking front door. In case you haven't noticed, I'm kinda worked up,” he indicates, pointing at his erect amigo. My face falls at his rejection. He reaches up and glides his knuckles down the side of my face “And if I enter your house, I will have my way with you,” he adds.

  Would that be a bad thing? Fuck no! “Yeah, you're probably right,” I respond disappointed. He leans over and places his lips on top of mine “Not probably, babe-I will,” he whispers.

  He helps me out of the truck but I refrain from kissing him. Both of us are aroused, and if we start up again, there will be no holding back; we'll finish this time - condoms or not. I should be sent straight to hell for leaving our business unfinished, but I’m not on birth control nor do I have any protective wear hiding out in my home. I will not make that mistake again. Fishing my keys from my purse, I walk to the door, alone. Blake keeps his eyes glued to me, making sure I get inside before he leaves.

  When I enter the house, I lock the door and run upstairs to hop into a cold shower. I must ease my sexual frustration. My lady down south is aching and chanting BOB, BOB, BOB! She needs release.

  Chapter Four

  MOM’S BEEN MIA MOST of the week, which is somewhat surprising; she shouldn't have much to do besides work. Maybe she's joined a book club or something. I could lie and tell you I don't miss her, but I do. She's the only family I have left, and dammit, I miss her.

  When the doorbell sounds, I forget all about missing my absent mother. Skipping steps, I rush down hoping to see Blake, but my excitement vanishes as I come face-to-face with a UPS delivery man. “Sign here,” he orders, shoving his electronic pad at me. Rude. Whatever happened to people asking you to do something?

  I sign the pad and he hands me a brown packing box. Eyeing the box, I see that it's unmarked, and I have no clue who it could be from. I carry it into the living room, place it on the table, grab the box cutter, and begin slicing though the packing tape. I open the flaps and remove the paper. Looking down into the box, I see multiple plastic cases containing DVD's.

  As I pick up the first set, my breath catches as I see Kyle's writing across the discs, making me feel like I've been hit in the gut by a baseball bat. The case has my name written across it and there's a note taped to the top. I tear the note off and begin reading;

  “Hey, baby girl, inside you'll find a disc I recorded a little while back. They're labeled so be sure to watch them in order; otherwise, you'll be confused and I did this shit for nothing. Love you, always have, always will. Love Kyle.”

  There are three discs labeled first, second, and third. Removing the first disc, I insert it into the DVD player. All oxygen escapes me and my knees instantly buckle. I fall to the floor as I come face-to-face with Kyle. He's smiling as he sets up his recorder. He walks over to sit in his chair and flashes me his pearly whites; my insides churn painfully. Wiping away the tears I didn't know were falling, I focus on the recording.

  “Hey sis,” he smiles, waving uncomfortably. “Um, this is a little awkward. Some of the men told me I should make a recording for you and Mom, you know, in case something happens to me while I'm away.” He stares at the ceiling as his eyes fill with tears, ripping me to pieces. I wipe away more tears so that I'm able to see him clearly. “I guess…I…uh…I love you, Al. You know that, right? I want you to know that I chose this career for a reason. I love what I do. I know you think I became a Marine because Dad died and Mom was stressed, but I love fighting for what I believe in.

  “I believe in the freedom of our country and I enjoy fighting for our beliefs. Man, if you could see the things I see in Iraq, you'd understand. Kids are raised to kill, Al. They're raised to dominate their women, and they're forced to serve a God that doesn't exist.” He takes a break from speaking and rubs his hands up and down his thighs.

  I have to pause the recording; it's too much. Drying my face with my shirt, I make my way to the kitchen to fetch a bottle of water. Going out onto the deck, I suck in the humid air, attempting to calm my nerves. Taking a seat in my normal spot, I close my eyes and let the heat from the sun sooth me.

  It takes about fifteen minutes for me to gather the courage to go back inside and restart the video. Taking the remote in my hand, I hesitantly press play. I watch as Kyle throws his head back while a tear escapes his eye; he swipes it away quickly. He lets out a laugh along with his dorky snort, a sound I miss entirely too much. “Bet I don't look so tough now, huh? Allie, if you're watching this, you already know I've gone home to meet my maker. Please, don't be sad or mad, be happy. I'm with Dad now, and we're both looking down on you. I'm going to miss you like crazy, but I don't want to see you cry. I've seen you cry one too many times; I can't bear you shedding tears for me.”

  He bends down his head and places his elbows on his knees, staring at me directly through the camera. My hands are placed on the television screen, touching his arms as tears flow freely down my face. Even though I'm gasping for air, I can't turn him off. I look down to my lap, trying to soak in his voice. “Al, look at me!” Damn, he knows me well. Raising my head, I lock eyes with him. “I know when Dad died we thought we wouldn't make it, but look how far we've come; look how far you've come. You're strong, Al, and although it doesn't feel like it now, the pain will subside; just push through it, sis.

  “And I also know that when Wyatt left, it broke you. I know you never got over the heartbreak; the sadness has never left your eyes. I went along with you hating him, but now that I'm gone, there's something you should know; Wyatt did as I asked of him. He left you because of me. I thought if he left you without an explanation, you'd forget about him and move on, but you didn't. I'm sorry, Allie. I really am, but at the time, I thought it was best. Now, I'm not going to give you the details because it isn't my place, but I want you to know that he never stopped loving you. If you want to hate me because of it, please do, maybe it'll make my being gone easier on you, but do me a favor - forgive Wyatt.”

  What the fuck? What does he mean he asked Wyatt to leave me? Why would he do that to me? What does he mean it's not his place to tell? He can't tell me he asked the man I deeply loved to leave me and then not explain why! I turn the television off and throw the remote across the room. The back busts open and batteries roll across the floor as it collides with the wall.

  Sprinting up the steps I grab my phone and text Mom;

  Me: Got a package from Kyle today.

  Mom: Package? From Kyle?

  Me: Yes, Kyle! He prerecorded shit and had it shipped to us...

  Mom: Language missy! Recorded, like DVDs?

  Me: Um, yeah...

  Mom: And?

  Me: And what?

  Mom: Did you watch 'em?

  Me: Yes, I watched them! I feel like I've lost him all over again!

  Mom: I'm sorry, love :( Are you by yourself?

  Really? Sad face, are you by yourself?

  Me: Yes. Where the hell are you?

  Mom: Again, language! Out with a
friend. I'll be home Tuesday; we can talk about it then, okay?

  Out with a friend? I'm sorry, but the last time I checked she was a little too old for slumber parties. I don't respond to her; she doesn't deserve a response. I need her to talk to me, listen to me, and help me through this, but she blows me off as if I'm annoying her! Fuck this! I need a distraction. Scrolling through my contacts, I press on Blake's name. If anyone can erase my pain and help clear my mind, it's him. He always lightens my mood;

  Me: Hey, Stud ;) Wanna come over?

  He replies instantly,

  Blake: Sure, babe, gimme about 30mins and I'll be there :) We just hanging at the house or you wanna get out?

  Me: In. Pizza and movies ok?

  Blake: As long as I'm with you, anything’s ok...

  See, I'm already smiling and he isn't even here yet.

  I set my phone down and go freshen up before he arrives. Searching through my clothes, I decide to throw on something simple yet sexy: silky black boy shorts and a black lace see-through cami, no bra - he'll appreciate it. I let my locks flow freely down my back and put on some sweet-pea scented lotion; it’s Blake’s favorite. Just as I finish rubbing my legs with lotion, the doorbell rings.

  Rushing down to open the door, the delicious smell of Canadian bacon and pineapple punch me in the face. Aw hell, I'm greeting him half naked. The delivery guy’s eyes remain attached to my chest as I hand him the money, and he better not expect a tip - he ogled. As the pizza guy turns to leave, Blake makes his way up the front steps. He walks to me and takes the pizza box from my arms. “Hey! I'm capable of carrying that,” I yell as he continues into the living room.

  “Believe me, babe, I know there are many things you're capable of,” he replies, scoffing down a slice of pizza.

  “Wow. Hungry much?” I ask, taking a slice of pizza for myself.

  “You have no idea how hungry I am, but I'll tell you now - I ain't hungry for food.” Oh. My. Damn. My barriers are breaking as the flood within my sex rises.

  Before the movie begins, I bake us some double chocolate chip cookies. “What are we watchin'?” I ask, setting the cookies down onto the table.

  Blake's bent down in front of the television holding Kyle's DVD in his hand. “Rough day?” he asks.

  “You could say that,” I take the disc from his hand.

  “Mama,” he announces.

  “I'm sorry, what? Did you just say we're watchin' Mama? You know I despise horror films,” I pout. He gets up and walks over to stand in front of me.

  “Well, in all honesty, I didn't plan on watching half of this damn movie. I've got other things on my mind." Reaching out, he pulls me into him, my body conforming to his. Oh yes! My inner woman begins to turn somersaults.

  “Oh yeah, what did you think I invited you over here for, huh? If you think you're getting any of this,” I motion at my body, "you're sadly mistaken, buddy," I add, wrapping my arms around his middle. I'm attempting to play hard to get, but we both know I'm an easy catch.

  He pulls my body into him. “Invite me upstairs and I'll show you." Leaning down, he captures my mouth.

  “O- kay,” I whisper between kisses.

  Lifting me from the floor, he carries me up into my room without separating our kiss. He walks me over and lays me onto my bed. He then walks over to close and lock the door. Making his way back to my bed, he stops at the edge of the mattress. “Baby, you've got on too many layers, remove them,” he orders. This domineering side of him is a side I’ve never experienced from him, all commanding and shit; it’s fucking hot!

  I obey his command and begin to rid myself of my clothes. Reaching down, I begin to slowly remove my shorts. “Stop,” he says, grabbing my hands to still me. “Let me.” He urges me up the bed, spreading my legs wide as he makes his way between them. He hovers above me, leaning down to capture my mouth once again, but he doesn't linger long. His mouth makes a trail - licking, sucking, and kissing its way down my neck - stopping between my breasts. He gives each nipple equal playtime, licking, sucking, and biting them. He continues to make his way south, stopping just below my navel. He brings his mouth to the top of my shorts, taking them between his teeth as he pulls them down to my thighs. I lift my hips so that he may remove them completely.

  “Fuck, Allie. The things you do to me. The thoughts that cross my mind when we're together; they’re dirty, baby. I can't control myself around you.” He kisses the apex of my thigh with each word, his tongue tickling my skin. He trails his tongue to my sex and begins licking up and down my labia multiple times, blowing lightly on my clit.

  “Blake,” I moan. “I need you inside me, now,” I plead, pulling his shirt over his head.

  “Oh no, Al, not tonight.”

  What? Oh hell no. "Wait, what? Not tonight? Why?”

  He brings his body on top of mine, pressing his hardness against my sex; teasing me with playful thrusts. He bring his face to me, resting his lips on top of mine. “Our little incident at the beach is nothing compared to what I’m going to do to you, when you’re ready. I’m in no rush, Allie. I want to savor your body, babe. I want to explore you, learn your wants, and satisfy your needs. I want your pussy so wet that I can feel your heat from across the room. I want you on the verge of combustion - begging me,” he whispers seductively against my mouth.

  Oh my! Well, when he puts it that way. “Okay, but I want to explore you now.” I use my feet to push his shorts down his legs, yearning to feel his hard flesh against me.

  Capturing my wrist, he pins my arms above my head. “Oh, I'll let you explore me, but right now, I'm going to take you to places you never knew existed,” he informs me with a delicate whisper while nibbling my earlobe.

  Places I've never been?

  That sounds- Ohhhhhmygod! There he goes... holymotherfudginpurplebutterfly! He's gloriously attacking my lady; she's screaming in excitement! I hope he doesn't drown down there!

  “Aghhh Ohmy....Blake,” I moan, grabbing a fistful of his hair and bucking my pelvis into his face. He's sucks and flicks my clit with his tongue, only taking breaks to massage it with slow torturing circles. Holy fuck! Is he humming? I don't give a shit - it feels divine. Using one hand, he inserts one, no two...he inserts two fingers inside of me, moving them in and out while twirling them in circular motions. I'm paralyzed, mentally. Physically, I'm out of control. My body's dancing around the bed involuntarily, and my legs shake uncontrollably. My back’s arched. I'm pulling his hair with one hand, and fisting my sheets with the other.

  “Come on, Allie, give it to me,” he commands. Bringing his hand up to cup my left breast, he rolls my nipple between his thumb and index finger. “Now,” he instructs, giving my nipple a painful yet pleasurable pinch.

  That's all I need.

  The barrier breaks, the flood intrudes, and I gloriously come around his fingers. He waits until my climax-induced seizure ends before gently removing his fingers from my sex. He places his fingers into his mouth and gives them a long tight suck, “You're so fuckin' sweet,” he groans, trailing kisses along the inside of my thigh again.

  I lean up, grab his shoulders and urge him up to me. “My turn. Lie down,” I instruct, pushing him to the mattress. He's lying on his back with his hands clasped behind his head and his legs flat. Placing one leg on each side of his hips, I straddle him. Bending down, I kiss his glorious chest, thrusting my hips to tease him.

  “Do that again, and I'll take you for a ride you'll never forget,” he warns.

  “Please, do,” I beg, breathless.

  I use the tip of my tongue to outline each and every muscle laid before me, all eight of them. Making my way lower, I trace up and down either side of his V muscle, stroking his cock the entire time. Bringing my lips to the middle of his abs, I place feather-like kisses down the trail that leads to the happiest of places.

  “Holy fuck, babe. I'm going to bust before you make it to your destination.” As much as I enjoy torturing him, I give him a break and head for his package; yes pa
ckage - balls and all. Gently juggling his boys between my hand, I twirl my tongue around his tip, and then I nibble it, resulting in a pleasurable growl from him. It's a growl that comes from deep within his core.

  I slide my tongue along his length, up and down his vein several times before engulfing him into my mouth. I give his boys a squeeze while my other hand assists my mouth with stroking him tightly, giving a slight turning motion. I suck him, lick him - taste him.

  “Allie! Open this fucking door!” Sophie yells, pounding on my bedroom door. Releasing Blake, I come up so fast, I'm sure I've given myself whiplash.

  “You've got to be fucking kidding,” Blake groans. He pulls the pillow over his face while I jump off the bed to scramble together our clothes. I find his pants first.

  “Don't just lie there! Get up and put those on,” I scream quietly, tossing his shorts at him. I throw on my cami and grab some pajama pants from my closet. I have no clue where my underwear disappeared to. She continues to pound her fist against my door, fueling Blake's anger; she better hope she's dying. Throwing on the pants, I hop over to the door and let Soph in.

  “You slut bag,” she accuses, pushing me out of the way, entering into my room. Her voice sounds evil but her face is lit up in joy. “Blake, you bastard. Are you taking advantage of our sweet and innocent Allie bug?” She brings her hand up and places it over her heart as if she's surprised.

  Blake glares daggers into her; he's absolutely pissed. “God, Soph, you're such a fucking cock blocker.” He pulls on his shirt and stomps towards the door. Stopping in front of me, he reaches behind my head. “Call me when she leaves, I've gotta go take care of some things,” he says, his eyes drifting down and back up again. Oh yeah, he's definitely gotta take care of that big boy. He kisses my head and leaves.