by Penny Jordan
Whilst the others fussed over practicalities Samantha sat in bemused silence.
‘My, oh, my,’ Grant commented jokingly at one stage later in the evening when Samantha hadn’t even responded to the very obvious lure he had been trailing for her. ‘I know they say that love changes a person but...’
To Samantha’s surprise it was Liam who came to her rescue, shaking his head and saying firmly, ‘Samantha’s and my beliefs, our ideals, have never been as far apart as some folk like to think, it’s just that my way of insti-tuting them is a little less assertive than Sam’s...’
Whilst the others were still laughing, he turned to her and picked up her left hand and carried it to his lips, kissing her ring finger in a gesture that was simple and loving and so totally without any kind of self-consciousness that Samantha felt her eyes smart with sharp tears. What would it be like if Liam really did love her? Previously her dreams of loving a man and being loved by him had all revolved around the family they would have. It had never occurred to her that she might feel such an overwhelming sense of bliss and security nor such a profound sense of belonging, of knowing that she could totally relax and allow someone else to carry her just for a little while.
Bemusedly she looked up into Liam’s eyes. He was watching her with a mixture of gravity and an expression she couldn’t define. All she knew was that it set her pulse rate rocketing and made her whole body go hot and sen-PENNY JORDAN
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sitive just as though he had suddenly touched and caressed it.
Whilst the others were ordering their food he leaned towards her, closing the gap between them, and then whispered against her mouth, ‘Keep on looking at me like that Samantha Miller and I might just forget all the reasons why this engagement of ours isn’t for real and I might forget, too, just why those precautions I took last night so as not to get you pregnant were the right thing to do...’
And then he kissed her. Not just an ordinary little old kiss, either, but a long, slow, deeply passionate this is my woman and I love her kind of kiss, right there at the restaurant table with nearly all her family looking on. And, much as she loved them, just for a second Samantha wished very passionately that they weren’t there and that Liam would do exactly what he had just been whispering to her that he wanted to do and that they were alone, upstairs, in his suite and that...
‘You never did tell me what happened to James last night,’ Bobbie announced, breaking the dangerous spell holding Samantha entranced.
‘James...’
For a moment Samantha actually had difficulty in remembering who her sister meant. ‘Oh, yes...well, he had...’ She stopped, not sure how much she should say about just what had happened. After all, Rosemary was engaged to another man and she and James were supposed to thoroughly dislike one another.
‘Er...there was a phone call,’ Samantha fibbed in the end, ‘and he said he had to leave.’
‘It must have been fate,’ Bobbie told her with a broad smile before adding in a semi-audible whisper, ‘By the way, have you told Liam yet about you know what...’
‘‘‘You know what’’?’ Samantha frowned. ‘I don’t 168
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know what you mean,’ she began, but Bobbie stopped her, shaking her head and reminding her wickedly, ‘Remember when you and I had our joint confession fest and I told you about my water fantasy and you...’
‘Oh...yes...that...’ Samantha headed her off quickly.
There was no way she wanted Liam to hear about that idiotic sensual fantasy of hers about making love out of doors, not when they were not really a couple, not when he didn’t, couldn’t, really love her, but it was no use rolling an anguished look in her twin’s direction and whilst Luke and their grandparents were engaged in their own conversation, Bobbie proceeded to inform Liam in a soft undertone just what Samantha’s secret fantasy actually was.
‘Bobbie, that was a teenage thing,’ Samantha hissed, totally unable to bring herself to look at Liam to see how he was reacting to Bobbie’s confidences.
‘So were your feelings for Liam and now look what’s happened,’ Bobbie teased her unrepentantly.
It was late when they finally called the evening to an end, Luke and Bobbie leaving first and then Ruth and Grant following them within minutes.
‘We’ll talk tomorrow,’ Bobbie had promised her sister before she left, adding, ‘I know you’ll want to fly back home with Liam but at least, with the two of you planning to get married it won’t be very long before we’re all together again.’
It was gone midnight when Samantha and Liam walked through the foyer towards the lifts.
‘The hotel’s emptied out a little now,’ Liam informed her quietly as he buzzed for the lift, ‘so I’ve been able to book you your own room.’
Her own room... Samantha tried to look appropriately PENNY JORDAN
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appreciative. Bobbie had thoughtfully returned home before the lunch and she had discreetly handed over to Samantha a large holdall containing some of her clothes and toiletries.
With the old-fashioned courtliness that had so often caused her to rebel against him in the past, Liam insisted on walking Samantha to her hotel room door and unlock-ing it for her. As she stepped past him into the room Sam had a wild longing to stop and turn straight into his arms.
The depth of her own longing unnerved her. What was happening to her? Surely she wasn’t so easily suggestible that, less than twenty-four hours of playing at being Liam’s lover and wife-to-be had made her feel so wrapped up in the role that she couldn’t divorce herself from it and return to reality. She actually had to grit her jaw to stop herself from whispering to him that she wanted to spend the night in his room, in his bed, in his arms, and not just because she wanted his child—no, not just for that at all.
What she wanted, she realised shakily, was Liam himself.
‘We’ll ring home in the morning,’ Liam was saying to her.
It was as much as Samantha could trust herself to do to simply shake her head. If she opened her mouth, if she looked at him, if her body even thought that he might make the smallest move in her direction... Even after he had closed the door behind himself it was still several seconds before Samantha could trust herself to move; her fingers shook as she locked the door. The ring Liam had given her caught the light. Despite its weight she was barely aware of wearing it; it was almost as though it had always been there. Reluctantly she took it off. Her hand felt bare...naked...
It took a long time before she finally managed to drop 170
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off to sleep and even then she didn’t sleep very well. The bed felt uncomfortable and empty without Liam in it...
Liam... Liam... Liam...
She sat upright, drawing up her knees and wrapping her arms around them. What was happening to her? What had happened to her? She had never been any good at pretending to feel or be what she did not. Never...and yet today, pretending to be in love with Liam had come so easily and naturally to her that—
Abruptly her body tensed as the unpalatable truth struck her. Perhaps the pretence had been easy because, in reality, it was no pretence at all.
But how could that be? How could she possibly have been in love with Liam without knowing it?
Perhaps she had, at some deep level of her subconscious, known it. Perhaps that was why she had responded to Liam the way she had. Perhaps that was why she had been so consumed by the desire to conceive his child.
Nature worked in complex and not always totally clear ways.
But she couldn’t love Liam. He didn’t love her. She had had to learn that as a girl...and although she had never admitted it even to Bobbie, accepting that he didn’t return her feelings had been one of the hardest and most painful lessons she had ever had to bear. Her feelings for him might have been those of an adolescent girl rather than a woman, but that hadn’t made them any the less real. But Liam had made it stingingly clear that there was no way h
e was going to allow her to dream hopeless dreams about him and her pride had done the rest. Now she knew she was going to need that same determination, that same pride, again.
‘Remember how very different you feel about all the issues that are important to you,’ Samantha warned her-PENNY JORDAN
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self, but listening to Liam this evening as he discussed his altruistic ambitions and hopes for the State she had been forced to acknowledge that, idealistically, they were not so very far apart, after all.
But what was she thinking? Even if by some miracle, Liam actually came to return her love, she would never in a million years ever make the kind of wife he was going to need. Even her own family were agreed on that although they seemed to think that she would change...compromise...but Samantha knew that she couldn’t, not and still be true to herself.
She unclasped her knees and lay down again, silent tears dampening her pillow as she cried for the man she knew she could never share her life with and the babies they would never make together.
CHAPTER TEN
‘SWEETHEART, isn’t it exciting, the Washington Post is predicting that Liam is definitely going to win. Sam...
what’s wrong?’ her mother asked anxiously as her comment failed to bring the reaction she had expected from her daughter.
‘You’re not still worrying about becoming the Governor’s wife, are you?’ she asked Samantha gently.
‘Oh, but that’s my fault. If I hadn’t disliked it so much...’
She paused and shook her head. ‘But, Samantha, you are so much stronger than I am and even though you won’t admit it, you love the kind of challenges you and Liam are going to be facing. People are already predicting that you’re going to be the most progressive couple to ever hold state governorship, and your father is so very, very proud of you both.’
Samantha couldn’t bring herself to look at her mother.
Ever since her return with Liam some weeks ago it had been the same. Both her parents had been thrilled with their news and, despite the demands on her time with her father’s impending retirement, her mother had still thrown herself into excited preparations for Samantha’s wedding.
‘We want to wait until after...after the inauguration,’
Samantha had protested as she fought down the panicky feeling that was filling her but it seemed that the news of their engagement had started a roller coaster, a tidal wave of reaction, which once set in motion there was no way of stopping.
There had been rallies and meetings, interviews, TV
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chat shows and such, a whole host of calls upon her time that Samantha in the end had had to concede that her father was right when he had advised her that she was going to have to put her career temporarily on hold at least until after the vote.
One unexpected consequence of her engagement had been the fact that Cliff had started to fawn over her in a way that she found totally nauseating, but now she had far, far more important things on her mind to worry about than him.
The stress she was under was beginning to tell. She had lost weight and the sparkle had gone from her eyes. Now the sapphire on her left hand looked a much deeper blue than they did. She and Liam hardly ever managed to get any time together such was the build-up towards the vote and so they had simply not had a chance to discuss how and when they were going to break the news that they had decided, after all, that they did not love one another.
Samantha closed her eyes. And that was another lie she was going to have to learn to live with. Liam might not love her but she certainly loved him. Oh, how she loved him. Her eyes burned with anguished tears.
‘Sam, sweetheart, what is it?’ her mother begged anxiously as she hurried over to wrap her arms around her.
‘It’s nothing,’ Samantha fibbed. ‘I guess everything’s become so pressured and...’
‘...and Liam isn’t here and you miss him. Honey, I do know,’ her mother consoled her. ‘But never mind, he’ll be back this weekend and the two of you should be able to get some time on your own. Oh, and by the way, I thought we might fly into New York the weekend after and check out some wedding gowns.’
Wedding gowns. Samantha’s heart gave a frantic bound. There was nothing she wanted to do more than 174
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walk down the aisle on her father’s arm and to have Liam waiting there at the altar for her. Nothing... But that was just an impossible dream...a totally impossible dream.
When Liam rang her later that day, for once she was on her own and able to tell him quickly, ‘Liam, we’ve got to talk.’
There was a small pause and she guessed he was probably not on his own by the guarded tone in his voice as he responded, ‘Uh-huh...is something wrong?’
‘Mom’s talking about us going to New York the weekend after next to look at wedding gowns,’ she told him, hoping he would be able to decode the message contained in what she was saying. ‘She thinks we ought to be discussing which of the Crighton cousins we will be having as attendants and she wants me to go upstate to visit with Dad’s family there to see what furniture we might want to get out of store. You know when Dad’s folks passed away that Bobbie and I were left some antique furniture and that it’s still in store.’ She was starting to babble, Samantha recognised as she forced herself to take a deep calming breath.
There was a family business in New England, as well, that her father intended returning to.
Liam, although he never really discussed it, having sold his father’s business, was a comfortably wealthy man, probably even more wealthy than her own parents, but money for its own sake had never interested Samantha.
One of the innovative measures Liam wanted to bring in if he was elected was a special form of scholarship for young people who otherwise would not have been able to afford to go to college and he had told Samantha that he intended to underwrite such scholarships himself from his own private means.
The political gap between them was closing with what PENNY JORDAN
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for Samantha was a heart-wrenching speed. Now she could not even cling to her ideals as a reason to stop loving him.
‘I’ll be home at the weekend,’ she heard Liam saying quietly in response to her call. ‘We can talk then.’
The weekend. Wearily Samantha replaced the receiver.
That was two whole days away yet. So, for two more whole days, forty-eight hours, she was still going to be Liam’s wife-to-be. After that... After that she would need to go as far away from him as she could...to go somewhere where she could hide away and learn to live with her loss and her pain.
A forlorn look darkened Samantha’s eyes as she studied the photograph in the article she had just been reading. It depicted her and Liam. They were seated together in the library of the Governor’s house, Liam’s arm resting tenderly around her shoulders whilst she was turning slightly towards him, her lips gently parted as though in anticipation of his kiss. It was a photograph of two lovers, two people who couldn’t wait to be alone together, and it had been taken to accompany the article alongside it in which Liam had been interviewed about his plans for the state should he be elected into office.
And they said the camera didn’t lie. Since her telephone conversation with Liam the previous day Samantha had been mentally rehearsing just what she was going to say to him when he returned. Being Liam, he would be bound to demand to know why it was so urgently imperative that their pseudo engagement was brought to an immediate end and, of course, there was no way that she could tell him, so she would have to invent a reason and so far she had not managed to come up with one which she knew would convince him.
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So why not tell him the truth? Quickly she got up and walked across her room and stood staring unseeingly down into the garden that her mother loved so much.
She had got up early this morning and left before breakfast, having tol
d her mother the previous evening that she needed a little time on her own and promising that, yes, she would go and look over the furniture stored in the depository whilst she was here in her father’s home town, the same New England town that her parents intended to come back to when his term of office had ended.
This house was old by New England standards, although in Crighton terms it would no doubt have been termed relatively new. She and Bobbie had grown up in this quiet traditional town and their family was a part of it. If she were to go into the town now people would stop her and ask her not just about her parents but about her sister and her sister’s child, as well. They would ask after her brother Tom, currently at college and destined to take over the family business from her father when ultimately he stepped down from its overall control—in the time whilst her father had been State Governor he had had to appoint a deputy to take care of the day-to-day running of the business but he had still retained overall responsibility for it.
Tell Liam the truth! How simple it sounded but how totally impossible that would be. Even if she could bear to expose herself to the humiliation of actually telling him that she loved him...him a man who never could and never would return those feelings, how could she be sure that in telling him she wasn’t somehow subconsciously trying to put emotional pressure on him to feel sorry for her, to take pity on her and to... To what? To marry her because she loved him? No! Immediately she shrank from the very thought. No! No. That was the last thing she PENNY JORDAN
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wanted. If only she had a less volatile and more phleg-matic personality she might be able to contain her feelings a little better, to simply stoically wait out things until after the election, but the day-to-day effect of playing a false role was beginning to rasp so painfully on her nerves that she knew she couldn’t trust herself to somehow betray the truth.
No, their engagement would have to be brought to an official end with a proper public announcement that they had both decided that they had made a mistake.