by Ranae Rose
She did her best horse neigh imitation, and Emily cracked up. Crystal was smiling too when her phone rang.
Her heart skipped a beat as she thought of Dylan, but it was James.
“Hey,” she said, her heart slowing and sinking a little.
“Hey. Any plans tonight?”
“Well, I have work until seven. After that I’ll be picking Emily up from daycare and heading home.”
“Everyone from Hot Ink is getting together tonight for drinks at Ruby’s. We’ve all been working our asses off lately and need a break. Figured you might feel the same way.”
“Are you saying I’m invited?”
“Consider this a cordial invitation.”
She snorted. “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ll have to pass. It’s not like I can bring Emily out for drinks.”
“About that – Arianna volunteered to babysit.”
“What? Doesn’t she want to go to Ruby’s?”
“She hasn’t been feeling too well lately. She says she’s not up for a late night and would rather stay in.”
“If she’s sick, the last thing she needs is to be stuck babysitting, for her sake and Emily’s.”
“She’s not sick. She’s pregnant.”
Crystal’s jaw dropped. “Seriously? How long have you guys known?”
“A little over a month. Arianna wanted to wait until she hit the second trimester to share the news. You’re the first to know – I’m planning to tell everyone else tonight. I tried to talk her into coming along, but she insists she’d rather stay home. I think she’s afraid going out will make her sick – sometimes the smell of food makes her nauseous.”
“I can sympathize,” Crystal said, remembering the early months of her own pregnancy in vivid detail. “Anyway, is Arianna okay?”
Crystal and Arianna had become casual friends over the past year. Crystal knew that Arianna had suffered through a teen pregnancy and the heart-wrenching process of placing her baby with an adoptive family. Crystal could only imagine the pain.
“It brings back some memories,” James said after a few seconds of silence. “But overall, she seems happy. The happiest I’ve ever seen her, actually.”
Crystal breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m glad.”
“We didn’t plan it, but I’m glad it happened. And hey, Emily will have a cousin close to her age.”
“I’m glad about that too. God knows she’s not going to be getting a sibling any time soon, but I’d like her to know what it’s like to grow up with another kid. Someone who’ll always have her back, like you did for me.”
“I don’t know if it’ll be quite the same, but hopefully they’ll have the good times we had, and none of the bad.”
She and James hadn’t actually seen many good times together, but that just made the ones they had even more precious.
“So, are you up for Ruby’s tonight?” he asked. “I thought you might want to get out of the house.”
He was so right – her heart skipped a beat at just the thought of hanging out with everyone from Hot Ink. Having her own place was a little lonely.
“Only if Arianna is absolutely sure she’s up for babysitting.”
“She swears she is.”
“Okay. Tell her I appreciate it. And tell her to text me if she has any food cravings this evening – I can pick up something for her and bring it when I bring Emily over.”
“Okay. I can tell you now that if she asks for anything, it’ll be ice cream.”
“That’d be easy to pick up.”
“See you tonight. We can head to Ruby’s together.”
“See you then.”
After ending the call, Crystal sat in stunned silence for a few seconds, until Emily pulled her hair, snapping her out of it. As she untangled her daughter’s chubby little fist from her hair, she attempted to wrap her mind around James’ news. Arianna, pregnant?
She’d make a fantastic mother. She was great at being an aunt to her sister’s kid, and she’d been more than that already to Emily. As for James…
The way he’d taken care of Emily – fiercely protective of her, like she was his own – during Crystal’s time of need proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’d make a great father. The thought of James and Arianna having a baby filled Crystal with excitement, but not just for them.
For herself, too. And for Emily. Their family was growing – growing into something beautiful. It was a revelation that made her tear up. She and James had suffered years of abuse, and then being shuffled through the foster care system – they were each the only family the other had. Or they had been. Things were changing.
“Hey silly,” Crystal said when Emily wrapped herself around Crystal’s leg and shrieked gibberish, clearly fishing for attention. She knew some words, but tended to revert to simple yelling when she got excited. “Let’s get you out of your pajamas and into something to wear for the day.”
She carried Emily to her bedroom. She had her halfway into a cute little short and tank top set when she realized that she hadn’t asked James whether Dylan would be at Ruby’s that night. She’d been so excited over the pregnancy news that the possibility hadn’t even occurred to her.
Now that it had though, her heart was beating a little faster.
* * * * *
16 Months Ago
Crystal woke up during her first night home from the hospital needing to pee. With a sigh, she eased her way off the edge of the bed, moving quietly so she wouldn’t wake Emily, who slept just a couple feet away in her bassinette.
No sooner had her feet hit the floor than one of them got caught in the sheets and she stumbled forward with an involuntary cry.
The sound was cut short by a gut-wrenching wave of pain. She felt a distinct pop between her thighs, and agony rushed over her like a tidal wave.
Her stitches! They’d come out…
She threw up on the floor as Emily began to cry.
She stumbled to the bathroom, her breath coming in shaky gasps. She couldn’t slow down her breathing any more than she could slow down the blood she could feel rushing out of her wound.
Her grey yoga pants turned red as blood flowed down her thigh.
Shit. She’d already been bleeding more than she’d known a woman could. Visions of bleeding out on the bathroom tile filled her head, and she imagined being in one of those gruesome headlines where a lonely person’s body was discovered days or weeks too late, because of the smell.
That filled her with panic, not because she was particularly attached to her life, but for Emily’s sake.
No way could she let that happen. After vomiting again, this time into the sink, she stumbled back to her bed and picked up her phone.
There was no way she could drive herself to the hospital – she’d barely been able to do it when she’d brought Emily home. She’d had to drive while pushing her back against the seat, not letting her ass touch it.
Still, she couldn’t call 911. They might try to take Emily from her – might have social services come and whisk her away when they realized that Crystal didn’t have anyone who could take care of her, not even for a short while so she could have her stitches fixed. They might also realize what an underprepared mother she was, that she didn’t know what she was doing.
The thought made it hard to breathe.
Under no circumstances could she let social services get ahold of Emily. She’d die first.
Unfortunately, if she died, the state would definitely take Emily. Fighting another wave of nausea at the thought of the foster homes she’d been shuffled through as a child, she resolved to get to the hospital without calling 911.
She considered calling her best friend, Justine, but not seriously. She and Justine had been in the same foster home as teenagers and had lived in Pittsburgh together as roommates for a couple years after turning eighteen. Eventually, they’d decided to move to Philly, since Justine had a half-brother there.
They’d lived together for a while in Philly, but Justine ha
d moved out with a boyfriend a year ago, leaving Crystal on her own. She’d been full of enthusiasm and promises to help when Crystal had discovered her pregnancy, but that enthusiasm had waned over the months afterward.
All Justine wanted to do lately was party, and since Crystal couldn’t be a part of that anymore, she’d fallen by the wayside. It’d been almost three weeks since she’d received so much as a text from her best friend.
God knew what she was doing now. There was a good chance she was high.
Crystal called the only other person she could think of – Justine’s half-brother, Rick.
He was the older sibling, and didn’t approve of his sister’s partying lifestyle. He didn’t use drugs, and he was the only hope Crystal had.
He answered on the second ring, and she explained as quickly as she could, begging him to take her to the hospital.
He said yes.
At the hospital, she begged him to stay in the waiting area with Emily. The nurses assumed he was the father, and he didn’t say anything to contradict them.
As she climbed up onto a bed with a nurse’s help, Crystal worried frantically about him sitting with Emily. Would he know how to feed her a bottle? Change her diaper if she needed it? He wouldn’t leave if all this took too long, would he?
Her thoughts and heart raced as her clothing was stripped off and a gown thrown over the upper half of her body. Then a doctor touched the area where her stitches had popped out, and she screamed.
It was worse than giving birth. Worse than anything. She barely felt a nurse pushing an IV needle into her hand, and then a dizzy numbness crept over her.
She fought it, despite the pain. She had to stay alert, had to make sure none of this took too long so she could get back to Emily before Rick decided he’d had enough.
Struggling to keep track of time, she watched the clock on the wall as the doctor worked. The pain had dulled, but she focused on what was left of it, because that kept her awake.
“Tell Rick it’s done,” she begged a nurse when the doctor left.
“You still need to stay in bed so we can watch you.”
“How long?”
“At least an hour.”
Panic swept over her again as the effects of the IV drug began to fade.
Two and a half hours passed before they let her leave. With her heart in her throat, she finally shuffled her way back out into the waiting area. The nurses had tried to put her in a wheelchair, but she’d refused. There was no possible way she could sit in one.
Rick was still there, with Emily.
“How was she?” she asked, tears clouding her vision, a byproduct of stress and pain. “Did everything go okay?”
“She’s asleep now. I gave her one of those bottles I found in the bag. Changed her diaper too – almost put it on backwards.” He looked uncomfortable.
“Thank you.” Tears streamed down her face as she gripped her discharge papers.
They left, Rick carrying Emily in her car seat, and Crystal carrying her diaper bag, a prescription for stronger painkillers tucked inside.
* * * * *
The summer night was muggy, and Ruby’s loomed over the sidewalk, its windows overarched by a brightly-lit red sign that could probably be seen from space. Inside, it was crowded and the lighting was dim, but warm. The bar in the center of the restaurant was illuminated by overhead lighting, but shadows lay between the closely-spaced tables, making them seem more intimate than they really were.
Servers laden down with drink trays wove between the tables, and the entire place was filled with the loud buzz of dozens of different conversations.
Everyone from Hot Ink was already there when Crystal and James arrived. Apparently, Arianna was the only artist’s significant other who’d stayed home. Jed was there with Karen, Eric with Mina and her sister, Tyler with Mallory and Zoe with Noah. Even Abby was there with her husband Sam – they must’ve found a sitter for their twins.
And then there was Dylan. He sat at one of the two long corner tables that’d been pushed together for the group, talking to Noah. When Crystal and James approached, he looked their way and his eyes locked with hers immediately.
He smiled and her heart melted a little. She tried to harden it as he stood and turned to face her. She also tried not to think about the night before, when she’d masturbated to fantasies that revolved around him and then cried out of frustration and longing.
She failed on both counts, and felt herself blushing furiously as he took a step toward her.
Hopefully the dim lighting would hide it.
“Hey,” he said. “Didn’t realize you’d be here.”
“James invited me, and his girlfriend generously offered to babysit. I owe her big time.”
“Well.” Dylan pulled out an empty chair beside his own. “If this is a rarity, then we’d better make sure you make the most of it and have a good time.”
CHAPTER 6
Crystal’s gaze drifted to the muscular, tattooed arm Dylan had rested on the table, and she fought to pull it away. And then she fought to find an appropriate place to let her gaze settle. She was afraid to look him in the eye for too long, afraid that if she did, he’d somehow know she’d been fantasizing about him.
“Hey, Crystal!” Karen called out from across the table.
Relieved to have an excuse to look away and compose herself, she turned to Karen. “Hey.”
“How’s Emily?” Karen asked, her auburn hair styled in waves for the night, her face pink with a flush that told Crystal she was a couple drinks in.
“Doing great. She picked up a new word last week – Wames.”
“Wames?”
“It’s what she calls her uncle – Wames is short for Uncle Wames.”
Karen cracked up and nudged Jed, who sat beside her with a frosty glass of beer. “Did you hear that?”
Jed kept a straight face, and his voice was deadpan when he turned to James, who’d been talking to Tyler. “I heard every word. Wames.”
James just laughed it off. He must’ve been too excited about announcing Arianna’s pregnancy to care, although if he was, it didn’t show on his face.
When would he break the news?
A waitress appeared at the table. “Can I get you anything?”
“A basket of fries would be great, thank you,” Crystal said.
“And to drink?”
“Iced tea, please.”
By the time the waitress disappeared, Karen was lost in conversation with her best friend, Mina. Dylan was talking with Noah again.
“So is this your first time in Pittsburgh?” Noah asked.
“Actually, yeah,” Dylan replied.
Noah nodded. “I’m a transplant. Love it here. Worst part though was figuring out how to get around.”
“I drove straight to Hot Ink – haven’t done much exploring yet.”
“You’ll see what I mean. How long will you be here?”
“A few weeks.”
“Right – Zoe said you’ve been traveling ever since you got off that TV show.”
TV show? Crystal went from casually eavesdropping to listening with interest.
Dylan shrugged. “Yeah and no – I’ve done a good deal of guest work, but I work at my home studio for weeks or months in between trips. Getting kind of burnt out on traveling, to be honest.”
“I hear you – gotta travel for my work, but I’d rather stay home.” Noah stood. “I’m heading up to the bar – you want anything?”
“I’m good.”
For the first time, Crystal noticed that all Dylan had to drink was a glass of water. That piqued her interest almost as much as the ‘TV show’ reference had.
“Do you not drink?” she asked when Dylan turned to her again.
“No, I don’t.”
She couldn’t help grinning. “Neither do I.”
It was true – she didn’t, ever. Alcohol never failed to remind her of her parents, and she couldn’t stomach the idea of drinking it, let alone th
e taste. James enjoyed beer, but she steered clear of anything alcoholic.
Maybe it was hypocritical, considering the other substances she’d abused, but she remained disinterested.
“I just came along to hang out.” Dylan nodded toward his water glass.
“I hardly ever meet anyone else who doesn’t drink. I usually feel like such a loner in situations like this.”
“I know the feeling. We are at a bar though – those tend to draw people who like to drink.”
She smiled. “Right. But it’s nice to have a sidekick for once.”
“Yes it is.” He met her gaze and held it, and she felt her blush flare up all over again.
God, she was off to a bad start when it came to suppressing her feelings for him. It didn’t help that the man was irresistible. The restaurant’s moody lighting softened flaws in most people, but since he didn’t have any, all it did was cast his muscles in dramatic shadows.
She considered asking him why he didn’t drink, but decided it was too personal a question. The reasons one could have for avoiding alcohol ranged the spectrum from being a health nut to being a sober alcoholic. And she definitely didn’t want to explain how her childhood had affected her decision never to drink.
“So, were you on a TV show?” she asked instead, unable to hide her curiosity.
“Yeah. Ultimate Ink Challenge. It’s one of those shows where tattoo artists compete against each other with assignments set by judges.”
“Really? The name is familiar. I haven’t watched it, though.”
He shrugged. “You’re not missing much.”
“It wasn’t fun to be on TV?”
“I didn’t think so.”
He didn’t seem very interested in talking about it, and so she reluctantly let the topic go.
“What did you tattoo today?” she asked instead, playing it safe.
He a leaned little closer to her before answering, and she tried to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat. After all, the bar was loud and unless you were close to someone, you had to raise your voice to be heard.