by Wanda Boyd
I could not answer all the questions. It was as if I needed to know who was Ignatius and what I really felt for him, finally my life into place.
It did my head to leave Antony and go away?
I really loved him enough to drop everything to be with him?
He hated not have to know about my past, it was as if my future was waiting for the mystery of my life be solved so that he finally began.
After hours walking and the day has dawned, I go home and go to my room. I take a long bath and throw myself on the bed. I feel that my pillow is wet and I realize that I am I'm crying. I let the tears fall without shame. Alone in my room, I let the tears take the pain I'm feeling.
He had made love with my husband, had felt pleasure, my body had aroused the inertia in which he lived, but had thought in my then lover in, and it was killing me.
*
I hear my cell phone ringing and the will is to throw it away. I open my eyes and see that it's already ten in the morning and I probably fell asleep crying.
- Who is it? - I ask, answering the phone.
- Hi, Ceci, is Edgar, fumble?
- No, think, it is that I did not look the same display.
- Sorry connect so at the last minute, but it will have a hospital staff barbecue and wanted to know if you do not want to go with me.
I seriously deny the request, even after what happened tonight, but my heart starts thumping and a shiver runs down my spine.
- I accept.
- Great, then step at a time.
I put a pair of jeans with a riding boot and a shirt. Tie your hair into a ponytail and I'm ready to leave.
- Where Miss you?
- Have lunch with Edgar - answer and Mari stares at me.
- You spent the night with Antonio and will now have lunch with Edgar? - Asks incredulously.
- Edgar's just my friend. And you know, Mari, I felt I have to go to this lunch.
- It's probably guilt for sleeping with her ex-husband.
- Do not know. But either way I go, it is here in a little while to get me.
- Take care, friend, do not want to get hurt in all this.
- Leave it to me. - I give a kiss on her cheek and down to hear the horn.
*
The barbecue was being held on a farm, it was nothing compared to Blue Heaven, but it was very beautiful. Edgar guides me to a table where some friends are sitting and making presentations.
- Cecilia, this is the Rubens, my boss. - Edgar shows me a man who, on seeing me, eyes widen, and I feel tense.
- Cecilia? - he asks.
- Do you know me?
- I was the doctor who attended you after the accident - responds dull. - How are you?
- I not recovered memory yet.
- I'm sorry, but as soon as it resolves, you'll see.
- Daddy, I want to ride a horse. - A beautiful girl comes up and talks to Rubens.
I look at the girl and I can not help but smile, she was simply beautiful, with clear eyes and an angel's face.
- I will not be able to take you princess. The father has said he can not ride a horse.
- But I want. - She asks and I see a few tears accumulate in the eye.
- If you want, I can walk with her.
- You will not slow you down? - You ask a lady approaching. - I dress and Rubens operated knee recently, it can not be abused.
- Imagine, of course will not mess up.
- Okay, so behave Victoria.
- Okay, Mom. - She rolls her eyes and runs to catch my hand. - What's your name?
- Cecilia.
- How beautiful. You are also very beautiful.
- Thanks, you're a doll. - I give a smile to her.
We stopped at the stables and ask a horse to one of the employees, he seals a beautiful brown mare and me delivery. Help Victoria to ride and climb behind her.
I walk a few meters slowly, and she turns to look at me.
- Faster.
- So if safe.
Pull the horse to a semi gallop and she starts laughing with joy. Increase a little more speed and laugh with her. I feel a pressure on the chest and I want to cry. I can not help thinking that could be my daughter there with me, if my baby had the opportunity to be born, I probably would teach her to ride a horse, she would ride with the farm, with Antonio on our side.
I wipe a tear quietly and I will concentrate on the beautiful girl in my arms.
- Let's take a little walk? - She asks when I return to the stables.
- After you eat something. I'm starving.
- You will not forget, Ceci?
- No, I will not forget.
We went back to the table holding hands and realize that the Rubens and his wife look forward to me. So we approach the mother of Victory the handle on her lap and gives a humorless smile.
- Thank you for walking with her.
- No need to thank. Victory is a lovely girl.
- Honey, we have to leave.
- But, Mom, Ceci promised horseback riding with me again.
- Daddy has to go.
- Is not fair. - She complains.
- Victoria, does not respond to his mother - Rubens fight, and my will is to take the girl to the two that it is not so treated.
- Sorry, Mom. - She lowers her head, and my heart breaks at the sight.
She had loved horse riding and I confess that I, too, if not for the hunger pressing, would have continued the tour.
- Thanks again.
I see the three departing and let out a heavy sigh.
- It's all right?
- Everything, yes, is that when I see a girl, I can not help thinking about my daughter.
- Daughter? - I'll go with Edgar get our food and meanwhile, take the opportunity to tell my whole story, or at least the part I remember her. - I'm sorry about your daughter.
- Thanks. - I thank you and I get teary.
- If the doctor Rubens met you, you were in the hospital I work.
- On the difference a few years, you were not my doctor - I comment and he smiles.
- That's good, then, if I were your doctor, I could not do it.
Edgar leans over and gives me a quick peck, look at it and give away a smile.
It was wrong to kiss the Edgar, the same way you make love with Antony was wrong, everything Ignatius of guilt, even without wanting to go back to my life, hindered all when it came to another man.
Chapter 24 - Ignatius
I had a beautiful dream. I dreamed I made love to the woman of my life. I dreamed that I could kiss every inch of her body, and she moaned with pleasure and passion. I dreamed that we come together to ecstasy and entrelaçamos our legs to fall asleep.
But that was only part of the dream, because when I woke up, I realized I was in a nightmare.
She was gone again.
The search every room, go out looking for it for the whole farm, but after a while, I have to admit that I was dumb enough to think that there was still love between us.
We! Hahaha! There is no "we". There's me and there it. "We" does not exist for a long time.
Panic begins to set in on me and I'm looking for an ax to discharge the voltage. Detonating will log the log, one by one. This really helps me to re-think clearly.
The fault is all mine, not hers. I said that to her sleep at home. And I confessed my love, making a fool of himself. I that created expectations for our night of love.
She did not promise me anything. She could not, she did not have my memories. For her, we met when she returned to the city. Nothing of his life before the accident exists.
I can not blame her. I should not have made love to her. I forced the situation, let her get involved at the time and took advantage of his kisses, his body. But not his heart. There is no place for me in it.
Set the ax aside and I forbid you to think about it for the rest of the day.
I go to the big house and eat breakfast with my parents and my sister. Only then did I realize how much is still
early, and the plug falls.
She did not sleep with me.
She must have hoped I fall asleep to leave. As did several times with some women I fucked.
- Toti, are you okay? - Alana question, distracting me from my thoughts.
- Yup. - That's all I say, and she looks at me awkwardly, as if trying to read my thoughts.
At that point the Luzi passes us, I pull on my lap and fill with kisses. I always did this to her, and she was all embarrassed.
- Beautiful! - I say, still kissing.
She laughs, but then makes a face of pain.
- Luzi, you do not seem well. You did not improve? You want to go to the hospital?
- No, my boy. No need. I'm better, yes - she says, but I have the impression that you are lying.
- Well, I said that if you feel bad, just call me. I'll start my day, my people - say, when lifting. Before retiring, I ask for Luzi ask one of the maids change the sheets of my house. I say goodbye and give all bye. I go to the stable, ascertain the horse arrematei yesterday at auction. Lock my mind wander about the memories of the fair and the company that had me and focus only on the horse.
He's lying, then approach him and me down to caress his nuzzles, and he leaves, without even moving. I stroke his mane and his coat and feel compassion for your situation. I am going behind the Caetano and ask him to call a veterinarian for the pet.
- Should I call Cecilia, boss?
'I told a thousand times not to call me boss, man! And no, rather than her. No need to be an animal husbandry in this case may be a veterinarian, okay?
- The boss's boss! - he says.
- Why, I said not to call me boss. For this formality?
I know I said. But it's so nice to see more his brave face, worth annoy him - he kids and leaves.
I fulfill all my chores on the farm and at the end of the day I go home. Eye to bed in my room and meeting clean and sheets changed. Satisfied, I get in the shower and get several minutes letting the water run down my body. It relaxes me, then finish washing me like the plate of food that Luzi had left already done in my kitchen, I go to the room and turn on the television. A program of people who do not know and go to a house to guess who your perfect match is going, and I leave that channel connected to try a laugh.
The program is not so bad, but instead of giving laughter, I just fell asleep. According a long time later with Alana me shaking.
- Toti, wake up, please! The Luzi is going wrong. She fainted, Toti! Neither the father nor the mother are, and we need to take her to the hospital.
Immediately get up and seen me in ten seconds. I grab my phone, car key and run up to the big house.
Luzia is already awake, but is paler than on white paper.
- His stubbornness did not serve for anything, see? Let's take a ride to the hospital anyway, whether you like it or not. - She just nods, but says nothing. I picked up in my arms and take her to the car.
- Toti, it documents the are with me - says Alana, entered the car and sat next to Lucia.
- Wow, I'm glad you thought of it. I head off to nothing.
- I realized early on. You and Cecilia had a fight again?
- No, little sister. We do not fight. And let's focus on Luzi, and not in my personal life.
She does not answer, just remains silent, as I asked, stroking the hand of Luzi.
We arrived at the hospital in record time. Luzi caught again in his arms and enter running with it. Alana gets the service ticket, and not have time to sit before you call our number. Alana makes a record of Luzi, but the sign itself Luzi, since Alana is minor.
We passed the screening, and the nurse gives a new password, this time to attend the cardiologist.
Ten minutes later, we entered the doctor Paul Gatti room. He says Luzi need to be hospitalized and she needs specific tests, but he believes she has had a stroke principle.
They take Luzi to take the exams, and I and Alana were awaiting the results, praying that it was not anything serious.
Chapter 25 - Cecilia
I tried to ignore everything that could not remember before the accident, the small pieces of memories that appeared sometimes, and tried to concentrate on Edgar.
He was a good guy, made me laugh, was educated, intelligent, and if it was my crazy situation of married and unmarried, would be the perfect person to date.
I know it's probably wrong to get involved and bring Edgar to the madness of my life, but he seemed not to understand or do not want to accept my excuses.
- Ceci, you can not live tied in that past that do not know - talk as we walk on the farm after eating the barbecue.
- I know, Edgar, but I can not move on, you know. It's as if I needed to unravel the mystery of my life, to be able to finally live.
- Let's make a deal, then. - Him to walk and hold my hand. - I will investigate the hospital, search for your records and all records have to try to help you to unravel this whole mystery. But you will promise to go out with me and will let me kiss you at ease.
- I do not know, Edgar ...
- Ceci, you said that Antonio is playing his life. Why can not you do the same? - Asks, caressing my face.
I look at the Edgar and see the love and desire with looking at me. He was right, the Antonio was playing his life, and even after we made love last night, I knew that he probably would go after another woman.
We had so many problems, he was a complete stranger to me when I talked about my perfume, my desire to put your feet on the dashboard, my musical tastes, even when delivered my pajamas, I was scared.
What further hindered to accept Edgar agreement was the fact that I did not know who was Ignatius. He could not remember his face and stay with Edgar seemed to be betraying Ignatius, which scared me even more, because it would be treason to Antonio that is my husband.
- Let's try, Ceci. I'll take you out sometimes, if a kiss roll, rolled. Let's just enjoy and get a little more serious, we turn to talk.
- I do not want to hurt you, Edgar.
- Will not. I know that your life is a mess. But right now, I want to be here for you.
- Ok, then I agree.
After the barbecue, where I ended up enjoying myself a lot with Edgar, he decided to take me to the bar of the city, as on Sunday nights rolled karaoke.
- Do you sing? - He asks, as we sat at a table in the corner of the bar.
- I have no idea. - I laugh and he smiles.
- Well, tonight you'll sing.
- No way.
- We need to find out if you have talent for music or not.
I look at the nearly full bar and see the Mari entering Diogo, nod to her, coming to our table and sit with us.
- Good thing you were already here, I think I would not find a place to sit - Mari tells sit.
- I was about to run out of the bar, that's what - I speak, and Edgar puts his arm on my chair holding my shoulder.
- No way. Miss will not run away. You will have to sing at least one song.
He gets up and will get the folder with the music and delivery options me so I choose one, look at the list and one in particular catches my eye, Carrie Underwood, it was one of my favorite singers of American country.
I choose the music and take courage, going to the karaoke machine and select the number that will sing. Music fills the bar and start singing.
Last night I got served
(Last night, I poured myself) A little be too much of que poison baby
(A little too much of that drink, baby) And last night I did things
(Last night, I did some things) I'm not proud of and I got a little crazy
(That I'm not proud and I was a little crazy) Last night I met a guy on the dance floor
(Last night, I met a guy on the dance floor) And I let him call me baby
(And let him call me "honey") And I do not even know his last name
(And I do not even know his last name)
When the song ends, I hear the applause and back to the table with sh
ame.
- Ceci, I had no idea you sang so well. - Mari hold me.
- Me neither. - I laugh and take a sip of my beer.
- You're welcome. - Edgar laughed and give him a peck, lively.
- Thanks.
The rest of the evening was fun, Mari sang some songs, even without very good at it, and I ended up in a song just did not want to take the risk of embarrassment, having sung so well. The only time the fun seemed to diminish was when I thought I saw the Antonio on the bar, talking to a very beautiful girl.
Time to return home, Edgar gave me a ride, since Mari would still be a little more at the bar with Diogo.
- Thank you for the day was wonderful.
- I thank you for the company. - He hugs me around the waist and look at my face. - Tomorrow I will do duty at the hospital and I'll try to have access to their medical records.
- Let's hope it does not harm you in the hospital.
- Do not worry, beautiful, everything will be OK. - It gives me a peck and give back in the car to leave.
I go up to the apartment and my phone starts ringing insistently, I see the name of my mother and let out a sigh. She had been trying to talk to me several times. I tried to ignore it since the day it comes out of.
- Hello. - I like the connection.
- Finally I decided to give me attention? - she screams.
- If to be thick will turn off - notice.
- Where are you Cecilia? Your father and I are concerned.
- Worried about what? I can find that you two are two liars? - I ask.
- What are you talking about, girl?
- I'm talking about the fact that I'm married - cry. - That I was pregnant on the day of the accident and no one told me anything.
- Wha-what? - She stutters.
- Guess the only surprise I had when I moved to Bonita and gave front with a man who said he was my husband and I ran away with his daughter.
- You are in Bonita? - She asks softly.
- I am. What happened to my daughter?
- This is not subject to talk by phone.
- You did not even talk personally. They hid from me for five years the fact that I was pregnant.