by Sue Watson
I finished with Gemma weeks ago, but no one noticed. I only went out with her in the first place because Hannah was living with Tom and I wanted to make her jealous. I ended up stuck with Gemma for almost a year, the only plus point was that she lived near Hannah, so it wasn’t far for me to go and check on her.
I let Gemma hang on during Hannah’s Tom period, planning to end it and turn to Hannah for a shoulder to cry on. No way was I going steaming in with Hannah, she was too special, so I was going to make it so that Gemma dumped me and Hannah, who’s the kindest person I know, wouldn’t be able to resist my sad, puppy-dog eyes. But while I was planning all this and being mean to Gemma so she’d dump me, Hannah went on some app and met the idiot Alex. I was so pissed off.
I’d really worked on her, let her tell me all her problems with Tom, bought her almond croissants every day, even fed her bloody cat until it died. And no, I didn’t kill it, I don’t do clichés. Besides, it was useful feeding old Tiddles, because it gave me access to her inner sanctum, and the chance to look through her stuff, get really close to her. Sometimes, I’d take something of hers, nothing big or important that she’d notice, just little things, like a hair bobble, a lipstick. Anyway, after all that, she starts shagging some dickhead she picked up online. Unbelievable!
Alex. God, I hated him. Rich and posh and stupid – mind you, I heard he wasn’t that rich after all – like I said, Hannah can be easily manipulated, she’s a bit naïve, but that’s part of her charm for me. I want to protect her, keep her safe, but I felt I’d let her down when she met him. I loathed everything about him, even before I met him. It was ‘Alex says this and Alex thinks that’ and I’ll admit I was jealous. I used to lie in bed at night thinking up ways to torture him. But I kept telling myself I had to play the long game, and if I waited long enough, I could fix it. Patience was the key.
When she first started seeing him, she’d come into the office all flushed and girly, just crushing on him until I had to go to the bathroom and literally vomit. I couldn’t stand by and watch this car crash, I had to get involved, even if it was petty - it was the only way to stay bloody sane! She’d put a romantic meal for two in the fridge at work, and the idea of the two of them eating this and probably having sex afterwards just ate away at me. So I tore off the lid and poured sour milk in the beef whatever-it-was, and then, when no one was about, I stood on the box of cheesecake slices. I ground my boots into the box until they were paste – then put them back in the fridge under a big carton of orange juice. I can’t tell you how much pleasure that gave me.
She always left her car keys on her desk, and one day, I couldn’t resist taking them. I wanted to scare her, so spent a fortune on some fancy unisex perfume from Creed to stink out her car. It was the kind I thought Alex would wear and I wanted her to think it was him checking up on her. Hilarious. I’ll never forget that night when she went out to her car. It was dark, and I watched her from the back door. I hate to admit it, but I got quite excited seeing her all frightened and helpless. And that perfume was worth all the money, because later, when she found out he was married the fact the perfume wasn’t gender specific made her think it might be Helen, his ex stalking her. Yes, being permanently scared made Hannah vulnerable, which I found very attractive – it also stopped her getting too cosy with anyone. She just didn’t know who to trust.
Another time, I blew a hundred pounds on roses, printed out a card, sealed it and asked the florist to deliver it with the flowers. Jas and Sameera had been going on about how controlling Alex was, so I thought I’d just ramp it up a bit to make it look like he sent them. But that didn’t work so well, as Hannah thought it was from bloody Tom, which made her lean more on Alex – major backfire and a hundred pounds down the drain.
Anyway, just after that, she told us his ex was a psycho who wanted to hurt her, which was a gift to me. I made calls from a pay-as-you-go phone, so Hannah would think the ex was stalking her, and be so scared she’d dump him.
Despite always knowing she was the one for me, there were moments when I questioned her feelings, wondered if I was wasting my time. But then she’d smile at me a certain way, or say something nice about me – and I was back there. I’ll never forget Jas telling me that Alex thought Hannah had ‘a secret thing’ for me, I laughed about it but was secretly really chuffed, I mean if her boyfriend thought she had a thing for me, then she must. And when we were all out on our Christmas drinks do, I saw for myself how jealous she got when some girl was giving me the eye. ‘He’s taken,’ she shouted. Yeah, she definitely had the hots for me.
Look, I haven’t been perfect, and there are things I’m not proud of, but I only ever did it for her, like that same night of the Christmas do when I thought she was going back to her flat alone. I was planning to take her home myself, so I admit, I spiked her drink, but it backfired because he turned up and took her home instead. It might seem wrong to do that, but I wouldn’t have harmed Hannah, I just wanted to spend the night with her.
Then another time, when she was going out with Jas, I messed with the alternator in her car so she wouldn’t be able to drive there. I stuck around outside work and turned up out of nowhere to give them a lift. Jas said I was the taxi driver – cheeky bitch. I was hoping to do the same later, when they were leaving – just turn up outside, say I was passing, and take Hannah home. Thought she might invite me in for coffee and I’d tell her how I felt, and she’d fall into my arms, but her sad boyfriend ruined that too. He couldn’t stay away, and this time he turned up and got himself into a right state when he saw some bloke outside The Orange Tree talking to her. He just got out of his car and punched him, then ran off dragging Hannah with him – coward. Anyway, the bloke was okay, just a bit pissed so he fell over when wimpy Alex threw his spineless punch. I saw it all from my car which I’d parked just up the road, hoping to casually be around and offer ‘the girls’ a lift home. I got out of my car and hung around for a bit while some snowflakes called an ambulance, but when it arrived, the bloke wouldn’t get in. He was fine, just drunk and by now he was sobering up so a bit embarrassed about all the fuss. After a few minutes him and his mate disappeared off down the road, and something told me to follow them. After about ten minutes, they split up. There was no-one about, it was very late, very dark, and I took him by surprise and just punched him. I hit him in the head, like Alex had tried to do, so he’d fall the same way he had earlier, and the bruises would match. Only this time I made sure to do some proper damage. Poor bloke hit his head on the pavement – again – and by the time some more snowflakes found him the next morning on their way to work, he was a goner. Even if there were no witnesses to identify Alex from the night before, people saw him leaving the scene, including me. I would say I was passing and have helped the police by providing the registration number of his car. But I didn’t need to, because things started to move quickly when the police assumed the injuries that killed the bloke, were inflicted by the man who’d hit him outside the bar. Shame really, the dead bloke was quite young – but stupid for getting done twice, if you ask me.
Meanwhile, back at work, things weren’t going quite so well. There were problems with a client, which at one point looked like it might derail everything, including me! Thing is, Chloe Thomson always had the hots for me when I was her social worker. I didn’t encourage her – hell she didn’t need any encouragement, believe me. At first it was just flirty, and okay, I might have spent a bit too long on visits when her mother was out. Then we kissed, and one thing led to another. I mean, she wanted it, really wanted it, the little slapper. I knew I shouldn’t, bloody hell, by then she was still only fifteen, so was underage and my client – I’d have had the book thrown at me. But she was gagging for it and I know it’s no defence, but she looked eighteen with make-up on.
Then the worst happened, and Chloe was taken off me and given to Hannah – if she opened her stupid little mouth to her I was ruined, in so many ways. So, in order to stop her blabbing, I kept Chloe dangling, and at fi
rst, I thought I’d got away with it. But then Hannah told me she’d been sent some information from Chloe’s mental-health worker regarding a recent interview and I was really worried. What if Chloe had said something? I asked Hannah if she’d had a chance to read it, which she hadn’t, but I prepared the ground by saying, in a nice way, that the stupid little bitch didn’t tell the truth. I also dropped heavy hints about the mother’s boyfriend to anyone who would listen, so if Chloe had said anything about having sex with an older man they’d look there. I knew I had to get hold of whatever was in the files sent to Hannah, so one night when I thought everyone had gone home, I crept into the office via the back door hoping to take them. But Hannah was there, and I had to stand there in the dark corner of the office just watching her. Normally I’d have enjoyed that, I might have even made a noise to scare her, but this time I was too worried about getting my hands on the files.
I tried not to make a sound, just praying she’d leave, but she must have heard me, because she started saying, ‘Hello? Hello?’ I thought, shit, if she sees me, I won’t ever be able to explain this, so I left. But as I left, I saw him, sitting in his fancy car outside the office, bloody stalker, and I’m sure he saw me running away. I hid across the road, and when they left together, I followed them discreetly to the pub, where to my deep joy they had quite a nasty row. But the icing on the cake was that she walked out on him and left the files on the floor! I couldn’t believe my luck, I was straight in there – took the files into the toilets, removed all the notes where Chloe’s mental-health worker reported that she’d told her she was, ‘having a relationship with someone older in a position of authority, but refused to name them’.
I didn’t stop seeing Chloe, I couldn’t because it kept her happy, and more importantly, kept her quiet. Besides, it wasn’t exactly a chore – she had a good body, well, what teenager doesn’t? But I’m no paedo – I actually prefer older women, like Hannah. Chloe was just a bit of fun, a diversion while I waited for the real thing.
Finally, after a short honeymoon period, it looked to me like things were in danger of going pear-shaped for Hannah and Alex, and I was ready to dump Gemma, so I’d be free for when Hannah dumped Alex. But there was Chloe, and if I didn’t handle her right, she could blow everything wide open, so I sat her down and said I really cared about her but she was too young. I fed her some rubbish like one day we’d be together when she was older, thinking she’d swallow it. But I hadn’t reckoned on her being a right little bitch. ‘But Harry, I am older, I’m sixteen now,’ she’d said. I told her she was still too young and it had to end – and that’s when she really turned. The stupid little cow threatened to tell her mother about us, and her social worker – Hannah. She said she’d tell them how we had sex when she was fifteen, how I’d made her do it – which I didn’t and she’d tell them I’d given her drugs, which I’ll admit on occasion, I had. I had to hold on to my temper, and trust me it wasn’t easy with her being so bloody childish and unreasonable. Next thing I know she’s gone missing and Hannah’s looking everywhere for her, and I know I have to find her first.
So, I asked around the homeless in Worcester, some of them are former clients – and I eventually managed to track her down. She was so pleased to see me, nearly broke my heart the way she clung to me, like a little puppy she was. And she was so grateful when I gave her some stuff, I almost stopped myself, but then I thought of Hannah, and how much I had to lose. She choked a bit as I lay her down on this old coat by the river, I knew it was a matter of time, so told her she was a lovely girl, and I was sorry it had to end this way, but I was in love with Hannah. I explained that I couldn’t let her ruin everything by blabbing about us – I mean, what would Hannah think?
I thought my problems were over, and Chloe Thomson would become another statistic in the homeless-deaths-from-drugs chart, God rest her soul. But the next day, Hannah announces through her tears that Chloe is in hospital, in a coma but still alive. Still alive! I didn’t believe it, when I’d laid her down by the river she was virtually gone. So I phoned the hospital as one of her ‘concerned social workers’ and almost wept with relief when I was told her outlook wasn’t promising. Thank Christ! She’s been in a coma for three weeks now, and as long as she’s asleep, I’ll be fine. Also, the longer she remains in this catatonic state, the less chance there is of her coming round, and the more chance there is that at some point they’ll seek permission to turn the ventilator off. Then I’ll be home and dry, and the pretty nurse I’ve made friends with broke it to me sadly that it’s just a matter of time.
I had visited Chloe a couple of times, but was dragged away from her bedside when Hannah went to Devon with that madman. I went down the same day they did, so I could be there if anything went wrong, okay – when it went wrong. I knew that by Friday afternoon the dead bloke would have been found, everyone in the pub would be questioned, and an anonymous witness (me) would have sent in the car registration number of the murderer. So I casually mentioned to Jas I was staying with friends in Somerset for the weekend, and if she was worried about Hannah, to let me know as I wasn’t far away. Jas assumed Gemma was with me, which of course she wasn’t, I’d dumped her ages ago. So, alone I checked into a Travelodge in Somerset, ordered takeout, put on the TV and waited for the cry for help. I must admit, I hadn’t expected Alex to turn out to be quite the psycho he was. God, I would have stepped in sooner, and certainly wouldn’t have let Hannah go away with him if I’d known.
When I saw Hannah in the headlights, it was a dream come true, and she was so delighted to see me, I couldn’t have asked for more. My car was warm and clean - I’d had it valeted that day, just in case, so it was ready for her. She was so frightened, and when Jas called me saying he was ‘crazed,’ I was a bit scared myself, to be honest. I didn’t know just how ‘crazed’ he’d be when I got to him. But I left her in the car, and ‘bravely’ went off into the night, and there he was shivering on the side of the road. It was dark and windy and he wasn’t quite so big and posh anymore.
The first thing he says to me is, ‘What are you doing here?’ Like I was dirt on his shoe. I didn’t say anything, just stood and stared. We’d locked horns before, I think he’d always known instinctively that I was a threat, that Hannah and I were more than just colleagues. He said he knew he had issues, he could be controlling, possessive, but he loved her blah blah.
I said I didn’t want to hear it. I said, ‘All I know is that you’ve got a knife and she’s scared.’ That, by the way, was another amazing thing he did for me – carrying a knife! Alex really was the gift that kept on giving.
‘You don’t understand, I was slicing peppers, I had it in my hand in the kitchen. For God’s sake I wasn’t chasing her with it,’ he said in his stupid, posh voice. He went on and on about how he’d never use it as a weapon. Ponce. On and on he went. And I just couldn’t take any more of that whining voice, so I whacked him across the face. I wish I could say it was planned, because let’s be honest - it was the perfect murder, but I did it in the moment. And while he flailed around in shock at the smack I’d just given him, I pushed him. With just the tips of my fingers. I didn’t break a sweat. And before I knew it, he’d fallen backwards, and disappeared over the cliff. And that was it. I couldn’t believe how easy it was, and how quickly it happened. But as always, I thought on my feet, calling 999 immediately, and telling the police that I had the bloke they were looking for, who killed ‘that poor man’ outside that pub in Worcester. I said he’d just confessed - told me he couldn’t stand the guilt and was threatening to throw himself off a cliff.
‘Hurry,’ I said down the phone, ‘I can’t keep him here any longer, he just wants to go.’
It was that easy, and a few minutes later, when I climbed back in that car, the hug I got from Hannah was everything.
Epilogue
‘So you don’t want a Labrador then?’ I ask, with a smile.
‘No, I’d much rather have a red setter,’ he says.
Another fi
rst date in another restaurant. And it’s going well, he’s funny and kind and fun. But the real bonus is that this guy obviously hasn’t secretly stalked me before the date, because he’s not matching me at all – he just told me he wants FOUR kids!
I’m laughing a lot and having a lovely time. I just have this feeling that tonight is the first of many, and no I’m not talking too soon, and yes, I have learned my lesson. This isn’t just some random handsome stranger I met online, this is different. How did I miss this? Who knew you could work side by side with someone for years and suddenly realise they’re kind, funny and actually very attractive?
Thing is, I’d always thought of him like a brother, an annoying, teasing little brother, who’s also ten years my junior. But that night, when he turned up in Devon and took charge, I saw Harry in a completely different light. He just stepped in, calmly took control of the situation, and probably saved my life. I think it was during all the drama and fear, that feelings were sparked for me. I remember it felt so inappropriate, to suddenly want to be near him, and my instinct that night in his car was to bury my head in his woolly jumper. I obviously resisted on that occasion, but tonight I want to make up for that, I want to hold him, and kiss him and I can’t wait to sleep with him. It’s like something’s awakened inside me that I can’t ignore – and I don’t want to because this time it feels so right.
Harry told me after Christmas that he’d broken up with Gemma, and I could see he was hurting. But through it all, he’s been so supportive and kind in the aftermath of Alex and I could feel things change between us since that terrible night in Devon. Harry says he felt it too.
Of course, Jas is doing the usual, even today she said, ‘don’t go on this date tonight, you can’t start a thing with a colleague, it’ll be embarrassing when it doesn’t work out.’ She even had the cheek to say he might not be as innocent as he seems, and that I’ll fall too quickly, and regret it – again.